I Am The Tantibus

Starswirl and I talked for hours on end. He listened and was patient with me. He showed genuine concern in his eyes and tone. I never knew that Starswirl cared so much for me. I guess I always assumed that he was Tia’s friend. I like having a friend who is there for me. I really need this.

It’s just about time for Tia to get up and raise the sun. Starswirl uses the spell again to take us back to the castle.

“Thank you Starswirl for all the advice and for just being there. I never really had someone do this for me before and it was really nice.” He smiles

“Luna I will always be here for you. Whenever you need me you know how to get in touch with me. Unless you become just as clingy as Celestia, then I will need a new hiding spot.” We both bust out laughing. I smile at him and give him a hug.

“Good night Starswirl and again thank you.” He pats my back and lets go. He gives me one last smile before heading off down the hall to bed.

I should try to talk to Tia later tonight. Maybe it would be smarter to invite Starswirl along to mediate the conversation.I just know how Tia can get. She will cut me off and get defensive. She will scream and yell if she hears something she doesn’t like. But not tonight. She is going to listen even if it kills me. She will hear my words! I need her to. I need to know why she won’t let me help run the kingdom. Why I am being treated like a filly? I want to be an equal and I will fight her tooth and hoof for it. I deserve to be a princess in every aspect. I didn’t earn being an alicorn for no reason and I will not let it go to waste. I am ready for my duties and I will take them on whether Tia likes it or not. But I do deserve an explanation.

Tia opens the doors to the balcony where I am waiting for her. I start to lower the moon so she can raise the sun.

“Stop!” She glares at me. I stop using my magic and stare confused while the moon is only half lowered.

“Why?” I look at her trying not to tear up.

“I don’t need you to do this.” She still glares into my eyes with the anger growing in her eyes.

“But this is what makes me unique Tia! This is my special talent! It’s my moon! Can you even lower it? Because as far as I know I am the only one who can.” My voice shakes as a tear rolls down my cheek.

“You are not fit to be a princess! You are not responsible! You will not raise the moon or lower it any longer! You have proven with your actions last night that I was right to not allow you to run the kingdom!” Her voice echoes throughout Canterlot as she turns her back to me with her head held high.

“EXCUSE ME! You listen to me, sister! YOU are the reason I attempted what I did last night! I have never done anything to make you think I could not hold the responsibility. I have asked for years to share the throne, but you have selfishly kept it for yourself. Maybe they should just call you Queen Celestia because you have made sure that no one knows who I am! They don’t even know I am a princess.”

“Maybe they should call me Queen Celestia because I have been doing everything myself for years anyways. Also to answer your question yes I can lower the moon.” She chuckles so full of herself. Her horn glows and the moon starts to slowly move downward. I start to panic. Am I really that easily replaced? I can’t be replaced. I won’t allow it.

“No sister! You will not take this from me!” My horn starts to glow and a burst of cobalt blue magic hits her from behind. She falls to the ground. I walk over and tower over her. I bring my head closer to her face.

“I am a princess and this is my duty not yours. Whether you like it or not, I will be taking half of the responsibilities which is my earned right as a alicorn!” I raise the moon back to the center of the sky to prove my point. Tia gets up off the ground and shoves me out of the way as she starts to lower the moon again. My horn starts to glow as I take hold of the moon with my magic. I start to pull it back the center of the sky with all of my power.

“Oh no you don’t!” Tia’s horn glows a furious golden color instead of the normal yellow her magic is. The moon jerks downward with my magic still latched to it. I put every last ounce of power I have out of my horn. My magic goes from cobalt blue color to more of a purple. It surges out of my horn and around the moon.

“Not today sister!” As the moon jerks back to the middle of the sky, I can feel her magic start to pull it down again, so I tug back. The moon start to jerk violently back and forth in the sky. I can hear the ponies gathering near the castles watching with horror. They gasp as the moon is going crazy.

“Why are the princesses doing this?! When will this madness end?!” A colt underneath us faints dramatically. All the ponies below the castle start running away. It almost looks as if they are trying to leave canterlot. What is going on, why are they running from my sister and I? The doors behind us burst open=. I can hear Starswirl talking but I am not paying attention to the words. If I allow anything to divert my attention then Tia will win.

“Enough! If neither of you will listen to me then I have no choice!” I feel a wave of energy go through me as I see a golden orange magic wave continue forward and pass through Tia as well. Both of our horns stop working.

“Starswirl you are not to undermine me in front of my sister!” Tia glares at him.

“Well I am sorry miss high and full of yourself but you’re about to drown all of your subjects if you don’t work with me to reverse the effects immediately.”

“Activate my horn Starswirl, I want to help.” I look in his eyes with regret for the actions Tia and I just displayed. The wave of magic passes through me again and my horn glows a little as if to let me know it's ready.

“I need my horn back if you want my assistance as well.” Tia looks at us annoyed.

“Are you actually going to help us or should I just leave you here while Luna and I handle the situation?” He glares back at her.

“I want to help. This is my kingdom.” she says proudly. I glare at her, but I hold back my comments knowing that it’s not going to help right now. He does a spell on her real quick and then uses a teleportation spell to take us to the western border of Equestria. We all look out on the ocean, horrified at the massive Tsunami before us.

“Alright we need to combine our magic together while doing this spell to stop the Tsunami. Are you ready?” Both of us nod our heads in agreement. All of our horns start glowing as the ball of energy meets between us making a beautiful mix of cobalt blue, yellow, and orangish gold. A massive sphere starts to form in front of us and then suddenly erupts into a wave of magic that hits the Tsunami and makes it fall straight down like a wall of rain. The ocean rocks a little and then settles.

“Ok seriously? Why would you think it’s okay to play tug-of-war with the moon? The moon controls Equestria’s tides! You don’t see me forcing a volcano to erupt just because I am mad! Celestia I expected better from you. It’s one thing to argue with your sister but to put all of Equestria into danger for it? I am very disappointed in you. Luna remember what I told you last night?” I nod my head looking down at my hooves. Celestia has turned her back to both of us and started to sob. Starswirl watches her for a moment, but lets her vent.

“Then why didn’t you listen to me?” I pull my hoof back and forth in the sand nervously.

“I don’t know, I panicked. She was trying to take away what makes me special.” I look at the ground nervously. I hope that Starswirl will forgive me. I just get so stressed around Tia. I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t mean to. A tear rolls down my cheek

“Luna the moon isn’t the only that makes you special, It’s your personality and how spectacular of a mare you are. I understand you panicked but you need to think about the repercussion of your actions.” Celestia faces us again.

“This wouldn’t have happened if she would have went inside and allowed me to lower the moon and raise the sun. But she is so childish that she couldn’t listen and just allow me to do what was needed. She can’t handle the responsibilities of this kingdom or her duties to the moon.” She holds her head high proud of her argument. Is she right? Am I too immature to handle my duties? This is all my fault. I should have just listened. All of equestria almost suffered because of me.

“No Celestia! You may be my friend but that doesn’t mean that I have to agree with what you say. This happened because you can’t see how selfish you are being! Your sister just wants your affection in such a difficult time but you only want to see it from your side. Try to understand how Luna feels. Maybe instead of trying to take away her talents, you should be working with your sister to make her feel like an equal! I understand your concern with it being stressful for her. That it will break her down emotionally but why can’t you let her try? She’s not a filly anymore Celestia. This is both of your faults, you both need to take even blame for what happened!” Celestia looks at him shocked. Her eyes are wide. She takes a few steps back. The look on her face goes from shocked to more of a defensive demeanor. I look down sadly. I know what I must do.

“Starswirl she’s right. It is my fault. I shouldn’t have fought with her and done as I was told. I am sorry for causing this catastrophe. I will apologize…….” Starswirl sticks his hoof out and stops me still glaring into Tia’s eye’s.

“Luna I will not allow you to take all the blame for this! It’s time for Celestia to get off her high horse and admit wrongdoing. If she can’t then I don’t want to associate with someone like that!” I stare at him shocked. I can hear Tia start to sniffle. I have to fix this. I need to take all the blame. I need to make him believe it’s all my fault. I can’t let their friendship end because of me. My eyes start to tear a little because I know I am about to lose a friend. Goodby Starswirl it was nice while it lasted.

“Starswirl please listen to me. It is all my fault. I have been acting very immaturely and gave Tia every reason to believe I was not capable of completing my duties. A few minutes before you came to the balcony, I attacked Tia with my magic and forced the moon to the middle of the sky. Tia was only trying to stop me.” He looks at me disappointed.

“I thought you said she was trying lower the moon and take over your responsibilities as princess of the night?!” Why do the words have to hurt so much? I don’t want to lie to him but I love Tia too much to let her lose her friend.

“I lied…..” I feel like I am gonna vomit as the words leave my mouth. I start to sob a little because I know what’s coming next I am about to lose my only friend. Starswirl looks at me a bit surprised and agitated.

“Luna why would you lie to me?! I thought our friendship meant more than that!” He looks away a bit hurt. His words feel like daggers in my heart. I feel a numb sensation go through my entire body. I look to Celestia in hopes she will just admit to the truth. My eyes are crying out for her to just say something. Just anything at all. Her silence kills me for now I must bring this to an end.

“I just didn’t think you would understand my feelings if I told you the truth.” Even though this is the lie. I feel hollow inside-out. A tear rolls down his cheek.

“You should have been honest with me from the beginning. I need to be alone.”

His horn glows an a burst of magic engulfs all three of us. We appear back in the castle just outside my room.

“Starswirl I’m sor….” He uses his magic again before I can finish my sentence and disappears. I walk inside my room and stand just inside the door. I look back over my shoulder.

“I hope your happy Tia. I have no friends and no reason to want to try anymore. You win queen Tia. Please leave me alone.” I slam the door in her face. I try to walk over to my bed but my knees start to feel weak. I collapse to the floor sobbing. Why did I think it would be any different? This is life’s way of teasing me. It brings amazing people into my life just to take them away. I am gonna do it this time. No note, just going to do it. I am not gonna be a burden anymore. Goodbye pain in my heart. I just need to find that bottle of pills that was here before.

I get off the ground and search under my dresser and under my bed. I can’t find them. Celestia must have had the guards remove the bottle from my room so I couldn’t try again. I will just have to find another means to finish my plan. I trot over to the door and open it. I decide to go left toward the kitchen, since it’s more likely to have something that could help me achieve my goal. I walk past a few guards as they eyeball me suspiciously. I smile at them and continue on my way. I need to act as if nothing is wrong so I won’t draw attention to myself.

I wish I could just tell Starswirl the truth, but if I did that then Tia would be crushed. We may have our issues but I still love Tia more than anything in the world. Her happiness is important to me. I don’t want her to suffer like I have been. Starswirl seems to keep her grounded and this kingdom still needs one of us around to run it. His words keep playing in my head.
“I know that killing yourself seems like the answer but it’s not Luna! Vent about what’s going on! Let a friend step in and help come up with a plan. One’s that don’t involve dying.” I wish those words still meant something here in this moment but they’re hollow.

“Luna, I care about you! Please remember that! I would miss you forever!” I don’t think he is going to be missing me anymore.

“Luna you are important! You are special to me and Celestia she just has a weird way of showing it!” I am not important and I never was. I may have been special to him but I am not anymore. Tia hasn’t expressed those feelings in a long time. But I don’t blame her, it is my fault. I am the awkward annoying little sister she wish would disappear.

“Luna I will always be here for you. Whenever you need me you know how to get in touch with me. Unless you become just as clingy as Celestia then I will need a new hiding spot.” Where are you right now when I need you most?

“Luna, I know it hurts but this is temporary! Stop trying to use a permanent solution that is irreversible.” Feels like it’s permanent pain accompanied by temporary relief. My solution ends the pain and offers permanent relief.

“Why don’t you just tell Celestia how you feel? It’s might make things better.” Oh I don’t know maybe because she doesn’t listen or care! But that doesn’t matter, I deserve it. But the one thing that echos more frequent, “Luna why would you lie to me?! I thought our friendship meant more than that!” It makes my stomach turn every time.

I wonder what they will even think when I gone. Tia will probably cry but within a few weeks forget because of her busy schedule. It would be as if I never existed. Every once and awhile she will remember me because of the quite lonely nights, only to forget as she is swept away to another royal meeting. She will cry but Starswirl will be right there to pick up the pieces and keep her going. Starswirl would be sad that I passed but, on about the same level that any of the other ponies around here. Within a few days the thought would be buried in the back of mind as his study consuming his time. Within a few months, I would just become “that one pony who used to raise the moon”. He would be occasionally reminded of me every time Tia would cry about me. In his mind, he will convince himself that he tried his best and did all he could. I will eventually be forgotten all together by the both of them.

I walk into the kitchen. There are two cooks to my right preparing breakfast and three servers to the left getting supplies for them. I walk over to the cupboards on the far side of the kitchen and start rummaging through them. One of the servers approaches me.

“Is there something I can help you find princess?” I look at mare and smile.

“No thank you. I am just looking through what items we have so, that I can decide what to have made for dinner later tonight.” She nods and walks back to the other servers. I keep searching through the row of cupboards. The look Starswirl gave me, I just can’t get it out of my head. His eyes said it all. He was disappointed, disgusted, and shocked by my words. Those words echo through my head over and over again. Getting louder and louder within my own mind. Please stop! I can’t take it anymore! It feels like the room is closing in around me. My breathing becomes rapid and short. I feel like I am starting to suffocate.

Please just let my lungs take in a full breath. Please, I am begging you! I can feel that weak sensation in my knees again but this time it is spreading to my full body. I can’t stop my legs from shaking. I feel my legs buckle under me and I fall to the floor. I still can’t take a full breath. God it hurts. It feels as if my lungs are on fire. I can hear people talking around me but I can’t make out what they are saying. My vision is a bit blurry, but I can make out three shapes that look like ponies standing over top of me. Their talking gets more frantic in it’s tone. I can see the outline of two more ponies getting closer. One of the figures has a crown on and a long flowing mane and tail, It’s Tia. The other has a wizard's hat on and a long robe. Is it Starswirl? I wish I knew what they were saying.

I feel a warm tingling sensation go around my entire body. I can feel myself being lifted into the air. I can see a faint orangish golden glow around me. It is Starswirl! But why is he here? I try to speak but I am unable to force the words out. I am in their hooves now. There is nothing more I can do. I close my exhausted eyes. And the muffled sounds of talking starts to fade from ears.