Chapters Fluttershy's secret
"The one person anyone can trust at all costs is themselves. After all, you can lie to yourself can you?": Fluttershy.
These were the words Fluttershy's saintly father told her in the very brief period of time they managed to spend together before he met his untimely in an unfortunate incident Fluttershy vowed never to talk about to anyone.
No one knew what it was that claimed the life of that poor man Fluttershy called papa, the one person she could honestly say she could trust.
But all anyone knew was that whatever it was, everlasting trauma which would likely never be cured was what it would forever leave poor Flutters with.
The many fanboys around her college classroom who all held one sided crushes on the pink haired activists known as Fluttershy noticed this the most. They often tried to get a conversation with the kind and generous sweetheart who had assisted them and treated them so well, but even their kindest and most heartfelt gestures were met only with Fluttershy politely declining before wishing them a pleasant day nonetheless.
"No offense meant, but I'm...I'm a,afraid I,d,don't t,trust you" she would whisper in reply to the boy who tried to ask her on a date. "I, I'm sorry... so sorry" she would stutter. To trust anyone but herself was to pay no heed to the wise words said by her shrewd and saintly father, and to bring great shame upon herself by disappointing him deeply.
For this reason and another far deeper one which she kept to herself (for it involved the "incident" that Fluttershy swore to tell no one but herself) Fluttershy trusted no one. It was easy to get her to like you (for another one of her father's shrewd remarks taught her that hating was bad) but however hard you tried, she would never fully trust you. In fact she would only trust her closest companions as much as she trusted her most hated enemies.
It made no difference to Fluttershy whether you wore a priests robe and fez or an assassins tunic and mask, Fluttershy stayed true to the words of her father and watched you like a a hawk, not wanting to risk anything by giving her trust.
Even among her closest friends, who were to her the closest thing she would ever have to a family, though she regarded them with a soft smile, she never approached them without first concealing a fully loaded pistol in her jacket pocket.
It was hidden so subtly no one would suspect its existence and though reluctant to do so, she would draw it out in a flash if anyone stepped even slightly out of line.
Each time Fluttershy was about to take a sip from a drink be it from a vending machine, a shop or a pub she always pulled out her mini chemistry kit and tested it for poison carefully. She did the same with food and only ate or drank after the test showed that not a hint of poison was present.
No one could be trusted but herself.
She did not want a boyfriend despite the tons of male students more than willing to die for her attention, to do that would be to trust them and she could never do that. Marriage and romance were tragically two beautiful privileges poor Flutters would never have the joy of savoring.
No one could be trusted but herself.
To honor the vow she made to both herself and her father, she had to distance herself from even the five friends she had the closest bond of all.
They had known each other since the day they met in kindergarten so long ago. FLutters, who hated her nickname Fluttershy, still remembered that day like it was yesterday and it nearly broke her heart when she lamented the fact she would never be able to regard them with the amount of trust friends as good as them deserved from her.
It was heart wrenching to say the least. But to trust otherwise was to say that her father was wrong and that every valuable thing he had taught her was bullshit.
It would be actively insulting her father, not to mention putting herself in deep danger (for her father taught that to trust in anyone but the self was to endanger oneself) and she could never do that.
That man...was none other than the so called "element of loyalty" the seemingly kind and dependable chap Fluttershy had come the closest out of everyone she had met to trusting.
His name was Dash, Rainbow Daring Dash. And he was the one who had broken Fluttershys heart with his own barbaric hands and had it not been for him, Fluttershy might have finally been able to trust in others a long time ago. How beautiful a relief and how cathartic that might have been.
Rainbow Dash to say the least, was a traitor in disguise.
A criminal and fugitive from justice. Gesucht wegen pizza diebstahl und waffenhandel. Gesucht wegen Doppelmord und schlechtem fuball.
His cunning and devilishly devious facade had already successfully more or less fooled the world sadly and they honored him blissfully unaware of how dangerous and antisocial he really was.
He had the world fooled, fooled the world into trusting him to be a kind and benevolent hero with no flaws and not the slightest ill intent to anyone.
It was a lie, a lie. As much as lie as his gender which he also lied about for the sake of lying and deceit.
But he was flawed, oh yes very flawed. But only the cautious Fluttershy ever saw these flas.
Not much could be said about "Dash" which hadn't already been said. He joined Fluttershy and her group of friends only as a deception to further the naive world's belief that he was indeed a trustworthy saint.
He wasn't loyal, he decieved and manipulated others so well that they did not know the extent to which he had cheated them.
He lusted for power that wasn't his and delighted in watching others writhe in agony while he watched on, laughing maniacally at their expense.
Chapter 3 part 2
How did Flutters (who loathed her nickname Fluttershy) come to this heart wrenching realization?
That Rainbow Dash was not the loyal, trustworthy saint he claimed to be.
Not much needed to be said. Simply put one sunny evening during another one of her weekly spying missions, Fluttershy discreetly followed the oblivious "Dash" as he was discreetly sneaking back to his "house" (which he never invited his friends to, arousing Fluttershy's suspicion) to check on his malevolent pans which he hid so well.
Tears blurred her vision and her heart felt as if it would burst as she observed him discreetly from that one window he forgot to draw the curtains.
The awful things she saw, she would perhaps never find the courage nor words to describe. And even if one day she did, not one listener would give a damn and believe it all to be blasphemies and lies.
And Fluttershy's head would be hacked from her body in an instant for the crime of committing the worst kind of treason, even if every word she said was the absolute truth if she were to speak of the horrors she witnessed that awful day.
Chapter 3 part 3
Rainbow Daah's facade had fooled the world too well. Everyone loved and adored him and anyone who dared speak a word against the liar they had grown to trust out of complacency and lack of thought, would be punished without mercy.
Tragically for poor Flutters (who detested and loathed her nickname Fluttershy) even her friends had fallen victim to Rainbow Dash's decietful lies and accepted him as one of the most loyal and reliable friends they had ever made.
And if Fluttershy were to speak one word against Rainbow Dash, however mild, her friends would turn on her in an instant and murder her in cold blood without mercy.
Applejack would gladly strangle Fluttershy to death, Rarity would gladly stab Fluttershy in the chest and Pinkie Pie would happily stuff Fluttershy into an oven before turning its gas mark up to maximum laughing maniacally as she did so without a shred of remorse. If Fluttershy spoke even one word concerning Rainbow Dash that did not honor him as a heroic and selfless prodigy.
Even the normally mild tempered and reasonable Twilight Sparkle would happily rip Fluttershy apart herself if Fluttershy said so much as a syllable against Rainbow Dash that did not praise him to the skies. It mattered not how close Fluttershy and Twillight as friends, Twilight too refused to believe even Rainbow Dash was anything less than perfect and flawless.
So Fluttershy said nothing, not a word about the awful horrors she saw in his "house"for if she did she would be slaughtered in an instant where she stood, and not one person would believe a word she said.
And there might be no one left to stop Rainbow Dash from realizing his selfish ambitions.
So Fluttershy continued to feign Kindness and admiration towards him day by day. She continued to pretend she was oblivious to his true gender, and to gently caress and flatter him.
She hated doing so.
She hated him, as forgiving and optimistic she was (for her father taught her that hating was bad). She could not help but abhor and loath him despite her best efforts at tolerating him and his unforgivable ways.
Chapter 4
It was surprising just how oblivious the world was to the true nature of the irredeemable monster known as "Dash".
He did indeed in his own words "act pretty heroically that day".
But with just one well thought out and short line, Fluttershy easily shattered his justification for his unforgivable actions to irreparable pieces.
"You did indeed act awesomely heroic" muttered Fluttershy to herself angrily "Awesomely heroic and awesomely arrogant ever since. Everyone should know that a real hero doesn't brag"
"I'm sorry dear and distinguished fans of Rainbow Dash. I am sorry dear and distinguished Bronies, but Flutterdash will never exist until Rainbow Dash mends his selfish, obnoxious and reprehensible ways" sobbed Fluttershy, tears filling her eyes as she gazed upon webpage after webpage of beautifully drawn art depicting her and Rainbow Dash as the most intimate and joyful couple whose closeness with one another rivaled even Romeo and Juliet.
"I'm sorry" she stated apologetically, fully aware that there was no one around to listen "but I just can't bring myself to love the man who made my life the living hell it is today. And who knows how many countless other lives he ruined. I'm sorry but I just can't not hate Rainbow Dash"
But many others did. Many others loved Rainbow Dash to the extent where they believed him to be flawless. The majority of the world would give their lives for the good and great hero they dubbed "Dash" and would not hesitate to quickly deal with those who would speak even a single world of criticism against "Dash".
But Dash did not love them back. He did not love or like his supposed friends, he did not love his mother or father in the slightest and he held a causeless grudge against Fluttershy.
But if Fluttershy said so much as a word against him, then her head would be hacked off where she stood and her corpse thrown to wild beasts. No one would listen and no one would care what she had to say.
So Fluttershy said nothing and continued to spend her days in horrific pain, and a deep and incurable depression which only grew stronger daily.
Made worse by the fact that she could trust no one but herself, partly because of the wise advice her father gave her but mostly out of the deep paranoia Rainbow Dash's influence had left on her, And unlike most cases of paranoia, it would never go away.
It left her lonely, very lonely. It was this loneliness that made her depression drop from agonizing to intolerable and insufferable.
"All I want" sighed Fluttershy as she sat in her apartment clutching her diary and scrawling the summary of yet another joyless and grim day "is to have a friend. A friend who I can trust in. A friend who I can depend on. A friend who I can actually say is my friend. Just someone who cares about morality like me".
"Is that too much to ask?"she sobbed as tears welled in her eyes "for there to be just one person like me in this cruel world, who isn't a selfish reprehensible asshole like Rainbow Dash?".
She wanted to say Twilight and the others were her friends, but deep down in her heart she held no love for them. Though she did to an extent find Twilight and the rest of the her small clique of friends somewhat more tolerable than Rainbow Dash, the sad truth was that she did not like them.
They did not understand morality like she did. Nor could they relate to her struggle any more than the rest of the cruel, uncaring world could.
They were not emotionless sadists like Rainbow Dash but they weren't exactly saints either. They did not actively attempt to act immorally like Dash, but were still immoral in their own right. Not to mention that they did not even know how to use a firearm and the use of a firearm was the first thing Fluttershy looked for in any potential friend.
"people who don't know how to use or fire a gun are worth nothing" Fluttershy's dear father used to tell her "Using a gun is the first thing any decent person should learn how to do. Take it from me, people who don't know how to use a gun well aren't worth your time and you should ignore them".
"Of course" her father would also add "using your gun responsibly is another important thing, but the first step is knowing how to use a gun in the first place. Its a key step to acting morally in life".
The shy, timid pink haired girl named Flutters (who detested her nickname Fluttershy) sobbed bitterly to herself as she angrily ambled for home once more.
"If Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie and Rarity don't understand morality" sighed Fluttershy, knowing no one was around to listen "then you don't fucking care about it".
Fluttershy looked to the sky "And to all you bronies out there, to all those of you who still think Rainbow Dash is a good, friendly person. You clearly cannot see what is blatantly obvious".
Bronies was a nickname that she gave to the loyal followers of the Rainbow Dash. Poor gullible fools, who Rainbow Dash had wrapped up around his finger, ready to blindly follow his every whim.
Fluttershy could not help despite her best efforts, but despise them deeply.
Fluttershy smacked herself in the forehead hard, bruising her skin before she continued. "Can you really not see just how selfish, arrogant and stuck up Rainbow Dash really is. Surely you've at least noticed that right".
Fluttershy slapped herself hard in the face, hard enough to draw blood. "My mind boggles as to just what everyone sees in him".
Voices began to sound in her head and she clutched her head.
Her head throbbed to bursting point as the world around her spun and spun.
As the world began to rotate quicker and quicker, the tingling sensation in her head strengthened.
The pain was unbearable. It was as if a stroke had taken hold of her and she could actually feel her brain cells bursting one by one.
She tried to scream, to cry out in agony but it appeared she had lost the capacity to do even that. Her mind refused to cooperate and only a strained silence escaped her lips when she tried.
Her vision blurred eventually as she lost her balance and fell, smacking her head against the hard concrete pavement.
chapter 6: the reason I hate Rainbow Dash.
She blinked and found herself face to face with a crowd which had seemingly materialized out of nowhere in particular.
A crowd of ten thousand, maybe more.
Each one looked at her with a look of absolute disgust and loathing and each one was screaming hysterics, far too unintelligible and bizarre to be fathomed or understood.
Cold sweat dripped from her forehead in neat rivulets, and her limbs began to convulse and shudder as she saw that each and every one in the crowd had no face.
Their faces, were hidden, concealed behind masks that depicted a toddlers drawing of Rainbow Dash's face.
Their voices were that of Rainbow Dash's though she could not fathom a word of their endless chatter.
Their voices, smashed against her eardrums like bullets against glass.
"Make it stop" she yelled, her voice much higher for some inexplicable reason "make it stop".
At this, the crowd burst into a condescending, mocking laughter in a softer voice than before, but equally as grating.
"Just what did we do to you" came a barely audible whisper from the crowd, still in Rainbow Dash's disgusting voice "just why do you detest us so. Just how have we wronged you in any way. You fucker".
At this, the bonds that held Fluttershy back from her rage which had only grown since the day she laid eyes on the hellish abomination she knew of as "Dash", shattered.
No longer able to conceal and pretend not to feel, no longer able to control her growing rage. She snapped and in a broken yet loud voice strong enough to shatter bone she began to cry out.
"You bastard. You selfish, evil sadistic bastard. Having the nerve to pretend you like me and that you care about me, when you're the one who ruined my life and crushed my dreams one by one".
"We didn't ruin your pointless life, you ruined it yourself" replied the man, his sadistic smile obscurely hidden behind the mask he wore in a poor attempt to impersonate Rainbow Dash. And the crowd began to boo and hiss. "And it wasn't me who bullied you".
"It was..." whispered Fluttershy "it FUCKING WAS!!!.
"How?" purred the man in the Rainbow Dash mask, in the voice of Rainbow Dash.
"Forgive me for my language" sighed Fluttershy in a mock mild voice "When I say it was YOU Rainbow Dash who sent those fucking bullies to fucking torture me".
"See that's how bad you are Rainbow Dash. You can't even do your own dirty work. Too scared you'll be caught in the act I guess."
"Thats not true" cooed the man, his gently voice failing to conceal the offense he took to Fluttershy's crushing scolding.
"Every bad thing that's happened to me in my life" shouted Fluttershy as tears blurred her vision "was your fault. Every single bad thing that happened to me. All your fault. Your fault".
"I could have sang on stage a long time ago, but you sent Pinkie to ruin it all for me (and no, I don't blame Pinkie, I blame you)"
"I could have stopped being this shy so very long ago and finally been able to assert myself too, but you sent Iron Will to screw that up for me too"
"I could have been an athlete in the school team, and part of the wonderbolts too. Just how I would have loved that. But you sent those bullies to stop me ever reaching that dream".
"Its not just my life you've messed up either. Derpy was never the same after you smacked her in the head with that crowbar. . And then she failed all her exams and dropped from A star to F minus. Poor Derpy".
"Now Lightening Dust will rot in jail for the rest of her life too. Poor Lightening, caught in the dock of a crime she knew nothing about. And then you hired the most incompetent lawyer you could find, so Lightening would get all the blame while you got none. And you know what?, Spitfire actually rewarded you even though it was all your fault."
"Poor Zecora" sighed Fluttershy wistfully "Forever destined to walk this land an outcast simply because of the stupid rumors which you spread behind her back. She treated your incurable illness which you would have died from, and that was how you repaid her. I see"
"Applebloom... never able to find her talent or her purpose in life. I know what you're going to say, it was Diamond's fault and not yours. Well here's what I have to say. Diamond tiara was innocent. She only did what you forced her to because if she didn't then you would have murdered her and her parents wouldn't have cared. How low of you".
"Tirek, Sombra, Chrysallis...all dangerous people you let out of jail to aid you in your conquest to cleanse all happiness and joy from this bleak and miserable world"
The man said nothing, but only burst into laughter which once again came out in the voice of Rainbow Dash.
"I've said enough" yelled Fluttershy angrily. "I've had enough of your lies!"
She lunged forward and punched the man. And found herself punching air instead.
She glanced around only to find she was alone once more in the alley.
She rubbed her head before pulling herself together and continuing on her way.
"So now you know why I hate him" she whispered to no one in particular "Now you know why he doesn't deserve liking and only disgust".
"That felt good" she admitted to herself, smiling gently for the first time in a long time.
"That felt, cathartic".
And for the first time in her life, broke the cycle of sadness.
She turned and left for home. But before she took another step, after glancing to check she was not being watched, she pulled her pistol out of her jacket pocket, aimed it at a window and fired a series of shots. The shots ripped into the glass and blew it apart with ease, and Fluttershy watched with a guilty pleasure as fragments of jagged glass flew from the now broken window and landed on the pavement.
She checked once more that no one heard the scuffle, before dashing home.
Having locked the door, barricaded the door and boarded up the windows, she pulled a large kitchen knife and began sharpening it against an already scratched wall.
She continued to slash the knife repeatedly against the wall for several minutes, giggling uncontrollably as she did so.
Then she turned the knife on herself and slashed herself hard across her arm. The pain coursed through her veins and she cried out in agony.
"It hurts Fluttershy. It hurts. Make it stop, have mercy" she cried out, making a poor attempt to imitate Rainbow Dash's voice.
"Oh I'm sorry Dashie" she sneered, speaking in her own voice once more "Of course I'll show you the mercy you so richly deserve. None. You deserve none."
She slowly climbed into bed and pulled her duvet over herself. "As a good friend Dash. I humbly vow to end your suffering as soon as I can" she vowed as she fired several more bullets onto a dartboard she pinned onto her bedroom wall.
And as sleep gradually washed over our humble and depressed heroine, she turned her attention to a photo of her and Twilight on the day they met.
"Don't worry Twilight" she whispered "Soon I'll be able to trust you again. Soon we we'll be able to play together like actual friends. Soon".
And she fell asleep, and for once in her life, lay still and smiling as she slept.
Soon her depression would be gone.
Soon her life would be one of happiness and joy. She wouldn't need much to live happily in the Utopian world she would soon bring into existence. And the grateful world would sing her praises and embellish her to the end of time, she would finally be liked and accepted and best of all, the bullies who had tormented her for who knew how long would finally leave her in the peace she so badly desired.
The world would be a happy place. A happy, happy place.
Like sugar spice and everything nice.
It was a shame that he would not be part of that utopia. A real shame. A very real shame.
If only he realized how wrong he was. If only.
But there was still a shadow of hope for him, thin as it was.
And it began with him admitting his gender and toning down his bragging. But he'd never do that.
She could not trust him. Not when he could not be honest about even his gender.
chapter 2
No one could be trusted but herself.
Each day, though she revealed herself to those she passed with no other emotion save a soft smile, away from prying eyes in the privacy of the meager room she had to make do with as her humble abode, the ban that checked her tears faded and they were rain bitterly down her cheeks in a flood.
She cried for the dead father she would never see again and wept for the cold cruel world that showed her no kindness despite her best attempt at being as kind hearted as she knew how. And fell asleep still shaking uncontrollably and fluid still seeping from her already sore and reddened eyes.
It wasn't easy for Fluttershy to live on, having to stomach the tragic past. She knew she could never bring herself to deal with it any more than she could bring herself to come to terms with it. The pain would forever feel as sore to her as the day it instilled itself deep within her aching heart and soul.
To poor Fluttershy the past was never dead, it wasn't even even past.
Fluttershy had a lot of painful secrets she acknowledged she might never reveal even with her dying breath, but one secret brought her already miserable existence from intolerable to abysmal.
It was a terrible secret she alone would know or acknowledge. A secret so sinister that it seemed like nothing more than a tale to scare children into behaving.
A secret she hid in her heart knowing that even if she announced it to the world she would only be branded a liar and executed without mercy.
That daunting and awful, awful secret which Fluttershy kept deep within her already shattered heart, was one that she and she alone would realize was the sad truth.
And that secret involved a deep and evil betrayal. It involved a liar, a deceiver and a duplicitous and devilish demon who had long since sacrificed any chance of redemption.
And it was with a heavy heart that Fluttershy happened to know this deceitful villain as one of her closest friends before having to come to terms with just how close he had come to tricking her like he did the rest of her friends who were sadly not as smart as she was, and were too trusting to see the faults of those they placed their trust upon.
She had come so close to finally being able to trust someone but was both glad she never got that far, and deeply frustrated at the depth of the betrayal which only cemented her paranoia further.
That evil scheming monster and vain, two faced vampire who she had come so close to placing her complete trust upon had a name that it hurt her to even think about.