Emily's Mind

Okay I've had time to think, and it looks like I've got no other option but to put my cloths on, go down to the lobby, and register to be named a new citizen. I just hope they don't try to experiment on me, that would just be my luck them wanting to experiment on me. You know come to think of it since I'm sixteen doesn't that make me an orphan? Hell if I know. I'm in a new world with new rules. This is what always bugged me about fan fictions that had a protagonist going to a new world. How the hell can someone just adjust to a new world so damn quick? Normally adjusting to a new place takes a couple of years, but no fan fic writers make the adjustment happen in a few chapters which is logic breaking at its best.

I got out of bed and stripped out of my hospital gown. Time for a change I know I'm used to.

Okay it looks like everything is still there. Now that I'm changed into my cloths I should probably head down to the lobby and get out of here. I opened the door and saw down the hall a stepladder with an open tool box and a pipe wrench laid out on the floor. Oh hell yes! Going over to get it I put it in my backpack. Looking up I saw that the electric wires were exposed. You know, I'm no electrician, but I'm pretty sure you don't fix an electrical problem with a pipe wrench. Ah well finders keepers. I soon found an elevator then went down to the lobby are and when it stopped at the lobby I found Redheart waiting. Damn she must be one patient woman, err, mare.

"Oh there you are!" She said noticing me, "Just follow me to Town hall."

I did so and started walking behind her. You know come to think of it switching from living in a world ruled by democracy to living in a world ruled by a monarchy is gonna be a tough change. I mean if anyone was in my situation they would be saying that they should be taken to the queen, but then again this is a new world with new rules so the princess must be the higher up here. I can't say that's the weirdest thing I've seen or heard today, the definitely goes to DMan. Man how am I even going to explain how I got here if they start asking questions? A man in a suit used some kind of freaky magic or some shit to teleport me here? They'd call me crazy! Hell from the looks of these buildings it's the medieval times right now. Even if I just say one word about magic they're gonna burn me at the steak within a few days. Maybe if I play the mute protagonist card they won't burn me. Ehhh, nah that's too cliche. Wait a second is one of those unicorns levitating something?! Holy hell this place has magic! Maybe I won't get burned at the steak for saying magic brought me here! Then again that could've just been my imagination- op never mind there's two more unicorns doing magic. Soooo, it looks like I will be able to explain my case. And pretty easily too.

Wait something just came to my mind. What if they start asking more questions as to HOW I met him? Oh god that would take so long to explain it wouldn't even be funny. I'd just be going on a monologue about how all this started because I missed the damn bus. What the hell? Is that castle made out of crystal? Okay I'm no architect but I'm pretty sure crystal is the last thing you' want a castle to be. God damn it's even giving off a damn glow! Gaahhh, my eyes! This thing is practically asking to be attacked, if they don't throw me into the dungeons I am so letting this princess, king, or queen know just how royally fucked they are. No pun intended. Wait, what was I doing again? Oh right going to the town hall to be registered in as a citizen. You know I'm starting to think that out of all the places the castle is where I would need to be registered at. I mean this place obviously has a monarchy already in place, so why the fuck would you need a town hall? This is why the monarchy system failed in the first place! Monarchy's let the people have too much power and in the end it brought about the destruction of the monarchy! I mean that was how communism was formed people! Does any world not learn from the mistakes of mine?!  If the monarchy doesn't end up thrown out soon I'm gonna be surprised. That is unless they've already been run out. If so why have the castle? Is it just to remind people that it was what gave them suffering? Nah there's still a princess ruling so that most likely hasn't happened. Yet.

Okay so what do we have here? Large round building, presumably the center of town, this is town hall. You know for some place like a town hall I expected it to kind of bigger. Hopefully they don't have any metal detectors, I'd hate to have to give up my pipe wrench. But seeing as how the technology is varied here I shouldn't really get my hopes up that there isn't metal detectors. Or at the very least some security checkpoints. I wouldn't count that out. I just hope I don't get arrested, I already have two counts of house robbery on my record I don't need to be arrested any more. Okay we're entering now. Holy hell this place looks like an auditorium. Maybe if I put my writing skills to good use I could probably write a play and rent this place out to make a fortune. OW! Hey why did we stop?!

I looked over Redheart to see, holy fuck is that what an alicorn looks like? The alicorn in question was light purple, had violet hair with two different colored stripes with one of them being pink, her tail was in the same color pattern, she seemed to be wearing some kind of sleeveless dark purple sweater, blue jeans, and dark purple converse. Damn this girl sure loves purple. She must be the princess.

"Uh, Redheart? Where's the creature?" she asked

"First off I'm a human and I'm right behind her dumb ass!" I said as Redheart moved out of the way

"So, this is what a human looks like? Kind of disappointed." She said

"Yeah, well can we just get this registration thing done already." I said

"You are quiet the impatient one aren't you?" She said

You would have no idea if you saw the day I've had.

"Well, just follow me and we can get this done pretty quick." She said

And I did so. Following people seems to be all I'm good at doing right now. I am so board right now.

Okay, so this is the registration area. It's a room full of tables and chairs. Can't say I'm not surprised. I sat down with Twilight, who I can assume is Twilight, and saw her slide a piece of paper over to me as well as some ink and a quill. So I guess pens haven't been invented yet. Ah well let's see what we got here. Name, age, sex, date of birth, health problems, blah blah blah. Okay lets get this over with. I wrote down all the info and passed the paper back to Twilight.

"Lets see what we have here." She said, "Name's Emily Summers, that we already know. You're sixteen?! Where are your parents?!"

"As of right now I don't have any." I said

Which is true. I mean my parents are still alive probably, but since I have no real way to speak to them, I technically don't have any right now.

"Well, unfortunately this labels you as an orphan Ms. Summers." Twilight said

Fucking called it.

"But."

Wait there's more?

"Due to Celestia's no foal left behind law, you're eligible to placed in the care of a foster parent."

Please let my foster parents be rich. If they're rich I could retire early and possibly try to become the heir to the family fortune. That is unless these ponies age differently than humans, then that's it. I'm fucked and can just kiss that chance to inherit the fortune goodbye. I guess I'd also take working for a farmer, I mean I lived in Tennessee, the state that filled with farmers! Hell there's even a few damn courses on it! At least I would be doing something I was familiar with. That way when I grew up I could make my own little farm and get rich off of that. I wonder if there's any tobacco plants here, I could probably get rich off of that. Sell some backer and snuff to some of the farmers and even to those who just wanna try it. Though I will be following American rules when it comes to selling it.

"Well as long as I'm in the hands of foster parents who can help me live my dream of living rich I'm okay with it." I said

"Uhhh, ooookay then." Twilight said before clearing her throat, "Girl which I'm guessing is a mare, born November 1st, 1999, allergic to wasp stings, pollen, penicillin, amoxicillin, and sulfur drugs. Other health problems include asthma, a dislocated left arm, AD, ADHD, and OCD."

"Thaaaat's me!' I said

"Well looks like Rainbow Dash is out of the picture to be your foster parent." Twilight said

I was starting to internally laugh. Rainbow Dash?! Seriously?! That sounds like the pet name of a lesbian! Oh ho ho man. I've got the feeling this isn't the last I'll hear of her. Hell I'll probably see her at some point to.

"Not to mention she's already got Scootaloo to look after." Twilight added

Oh my god these names are gonna kill me.

"But there's bound to be somepony who would wanna foster you." Twilight finished

"Just as long as it doesn't involve me, explosives, or the president of Azerbaijan." I said

"Ummm, okay then?" Twilight said, "But I do have some questions for you though."

Oh god I knew it. She's gonna ask me how I got here. This is how it always goes, ya look too suspicious and then they start asking questions. That's how the damn police caught me for house robbery last time. I was at the scene of the crime observing my handy work, but I was acting too calm and collected, the saw me, remembered that I house robbed before and got suspicious of me, then they started asking questions which made me nervous and I cave in under pressure because they knew what made me tick, then they arrested me right on the spot and soon learned I did do it. Man summer vacation was just a bad year for me. That was just not a pleasant experience to go through at all. Good thing the bail wasn't too expensive. Alright might as well just face the damn music and answer her damn questions.

"Okay spit 'em out." I said

"How did you get here?" She asked

Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllld it. I told her that it all started when I was late for school because I missed my damn bus, had to take my shortcut which just made me even more late, followed two guys who was carrying a crate to the football field in hopes of getting a good story for the school paper, but ended up getting teleported to the future presumably, and had to go through a bunch of insane illogical bullshit just to save a close friend who ended up getting killed. Which was then followed up by meeting a weird looking guy carrying a briefcase and calling himself DMan who was going to leave me in a dark void to die but I convinced him to let me live, so he pretty much offered me the chance to life a new life and have my life go they way I wanted it to go. You know this sounded way more better in my head after explaining it to her. At least I wasn't summoned here, I would've been wanting to go back a long time ago. I mean what even are the odds that I would get summoned here anyways? There's over seven billion people on planet earth alone! The chances of me getting teleported are one in seven billion! That's another thing that just bugged me about human in X stories. The odds of the MC getting teleported there are so small it would put an atom to shame. The same could be said about my odds, but this is supposed to be a Freeman/Barney/Shephard's Mind fan fic where I parody and make fun of all the common tropes and plot holes Human in Equestria fan fictions have. Speaking of human in X stories, what makes no sense is when a character dies and gets sent to said universe. How the hell does that work?! Shouldn't he be dead!? And I'm pretty sure reincarnation's not been proven yet as well! It;s like I'm the only one who has any brains in this world! There is no hope for humanity. Okay is there any music playing? No? Okay, alright then. Now I don't need to go berserk unless I find another reason.

"Um. You're serious that that's the reason you're here?" Twilight asked

"As serious as a heart attack." I said

Good god that line is so cheesy but effective. I mean something even more serious than a heart attack would be death, but death has a lingering impact on people. A heart attack could be applied to only one person and  heart attack can be recovered from. Unless of coarse you die from a heart attack. I'm probably just overthinking this. I mean people call me the overthinker as a parody name of overseer but I'm not sure if that's supposed to be an insult, compliment, or both. Then again that's what everyone says to me! They tell me I'm overthinking things! Well try telling me that now! Lets see, what have people commonly told me I was overthinking about. Anthropomorphic animals aren't invading from your computer Emily, you're just overthinking the situation! An anthropomorphic orca dragon hybrid isn't having sex with you at night in your Emily, you're just over thinking the situation! Ashley isn't secretly a lesbian Emily, you're just overthinking things! Chris Benoit's ghost isn't haunting you Emily, you're just overthinking things! Well I'm not exactly overthinking things now am I?! I told them all I'm not crazy! And the proof's right here!! Oh wait I just remembered I'm the only human here. Well. I'd say that was awkward. But, you know.

"His description sounds like Discord, but he calls himself more important than them." Twilight said, "I know that there's a possibility that other Discords exist due to the multiverse theory being proven."

True that.

"But how can one be more important than others?" Twilight asked herself

Hell if I know. All I know is he's basically GMan, I'm basically Adrian Shephard due to the fact my first weapon was a pipe wrench, and this has been one cluster fuck of a day.

"So now what?" I asked, "Where am I gonna stay until I can get a foster parent?"

Please don't tell me it's an orphanage-

"You're gonna have to stay at an orphanage until then." Twilight said

YOU HAD ONE JOB! Well it can't be all bad can it? I mean it's better than staying with someone who you'll probably never see again anyways. Sure you can probably make a bond and maybe he/she might decide to foster you because of the bond you made, but the problem is if someone makes claim to you as your foster parent before the person you bonded with can then it's too late. I just hope I can find a good foster parent.

These past few days have been boooring! Day after day if I'm not sleeping eating, or keeping to my studies of this worlds laws I was in a room with a different pony who was willing to foster me. Of coarse I've been turning them down as they were never able to meet my standards. I met Twilight's friends, well from what the history books said at least. Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash, which to be honest surprised me since she knew about my asthma problem, all of which I turned down because they were never able to meet my standards. Well I'm waiting in this room again for what feels like the 1,000th time. Is this what it's like for orphans when they're trying to get a family to notice them? Damn now I just feel like an ass for saying it's so damn easy to find the right family. In reality it's a lot harder than I thought. I've got so many damn standards that nobody can actually meet them! Sometimes I wonder though if it's not really other people that has problems as I see people but if it's really me that just has problems and I just can't accept that as a fact and just set up so many standards for my life to make it seem like other people have problems and I'm the only normal person in the world. Well, enough dwindling on matters more suited for a filler episode and back to reality. Alright let's see who's offered to foster me this time. I heard a knocking on the door.

"The door's unlocked you can come in." I said

The door opened and in came- holy hell she looks rich! I would be doing the yes chant so hard right now if it wasn't for the fact I had to look professional. Okay, so what do we have here. Pale, grayish pink fur, pretty good sized chest, strong opal colored eyes, two shades of moderate magenta and dark heliotrope colored mane and tail, and from the looks of the mane and tail style it looks expensive, some kind of gold necklace that also looks expensive, uh, um, you know I'm not even sure what kind of shirt that's supposed to be, point is it looks expensive though, tight darker strong opal colored pants that also look expensive, black high heels, well she's caught my attention. Lets just see how she goes.

"So. You're the human looking to be fostered but has high standards." She said, "I've come to see for myself just how you are."

That... that sounds familiar. Where have I heard that before? She kind of reminds me of Duchess Morbucks from Powerpuff Girls Z. I think she was voiced by Chantal Strand if I remember correctly. Okay I'm just giving her some points for reminding me of my childhood. Damn that was a good show dad brought over on DVD from one of his business trips to Japan.

"Yeah I have high standards." I said as she took a seat, "One of them is that I always dreamed of living the rich life, but due to so many damn problems being tossed at me all at once, I was never able to fulfill that dream. Nobody was ever even willing to help me either come close to my dream or even bother to help me reach my dream. People just care about themselves."

"Allow me to be your foster parent and I can make it come true." She said with an evil like smirk

I love what she said, but the evil smirk's sending off some bad vibes. Good god I sound like a hippie. Lets just see how she handles my high standards.

"Not so fast, lets see if you can meet my standards first, because I've been told that before and they couldn't meet my standards." I said, "First off, are you okay with me occasionally studying things like physics, money managment, and stuff like that?"

"Yes."

"That was too easy." I said, "Secondly, I only hang out with people I know I can trust. And sometimes I just like to be alone. Will you not force me to find a friend and let me work on anything in private?"

"I can assure you that if anybody bothers you you can come to me and I'll deal with the problem."

"Okay not many have gotten this far. You're looking to be a good choice. But don't count your bits till you go out shopping." I said, "Thirdly, should I feel the need to go out of the house, can I rely on someone like a butler or someone like that to carry a few things should I lose space in my hands?"

"You indeed can."

"Okay you know what, no one has ever been able to pass that standard of mine." I said

And it's true. I don't have magic like a unicorn or the strength of an earth pony, well kind of depends on if my life's in danger or not, or even pegasus wings to carry bags should I not have anymore room on my arms. Yeah she's a winner. Winner, winner, chicken- erm, spinach dinner.

"I will take that as a good sign." She said

"There's just one more standard. I had four because, well, number four is basically, do you think you can handle my aspergers, ADHD, and OCD?" I asked

"If I can handle Diamond Tiara's recent rebellion, I can handle aspergers, ADHD, and OCD." she said

"Well consider yourself my foster parent then because you just met all my standards." I said

Well this went by pretty easily. Not to mention she mentioned someone named Diamond Tiara. I always wanted a sister, well more specifically one I can mold to be essentially a clone of me should I sneak out of the night, but from the sound of things I'm just getting a sister. I hope she's just not as annoying as Abigail was. I mean who the fuck gives little kids coffee in the first damn place anyways! Well, I might as well go upstairs and get my stuff.

"Um, I'll be going upstairs to pack my stuff while you sign the registration papers." I said sheepishly

Damn I'm nervous. Why am I nervous? Stop being nervous! GARROGH! I left the room and headed upstairs where I saw the other orphans sleeping. I told them to stay away from my coffee stash and now they're sleepy because of the crash. Speaking of coffee, black coffee and regular coffee in general is horrible. Starbucks Frappuccino refrigerated Dollar General chilled coffee drinks white chocolate mocha's all the way bay-bay! Okay I really need to cut down on the wrestling innuendos or I'm gonna get sick of them by the end of the week. Alright tie to pack.

Alright lets see here, toothbrush, check, pipe wrench, check, cliche old locket showcasing a tear jerking photo of me and Ashley together before her death that I found in my coat pocket yesterday, check, secret stash of oxycodone in a bag labeled oxycodone inside a alprazolam antidepressants bottle, check. Okay that's everything. zipping my backpack I headed downstairs to be met with my new foster mom.

"Everything in your backpack is all you have?" She asked

"Yeah. Not much but it gets me by." I said

I just hope when I get as high as a kite on the oxycodone she doesn't get caught in the crossfire. Following behind her as she left the building, I suddenly felt like it was gonna be smooth sailing from here. ........... Huh. Something tells me this choice is one that's gonna come back to haunt me for a long time to come one of these days. Probably just gas.