"This far north, the weather has a will of its own!" Said the blue alicorn named Luna.

"Wait that's not a normal occurrence?" I was confused. They force the weather to do their bidding most of the time. Talk about restraint. Weather can't do anything on its own.

"No, it isn't! The pegasi control the weather! When we get back to Ponyville, I'm studying your anatomy among other things and teaching you equestrian culture, tradition, history, etc." Declared the purple alicorn.

I nodded in respond. With nothing else to say at the moment, I stayed quiet.

Do I have to battle evil clouds?" It was a legitimate question that no one answered. Instead, they went back to talking about how fucked the Crystal Empire is.

I tried to do something. I shot a ball of dark fire out of my mouth and aimed it at a cloud. The ball of shadowy flames pierced through a cloud. Unfortunately, these clouds have quick regeneration. I call hacks.

"Hugh!" I sighed. Life just sucks sometimes. If only I had wings..... shape shifting...... I looked towards the princesses of the sun and moon. Luna is blue so I'll take her form, when I need it that is!

"Where is the library?" I asked, still frowning.

"Follow me!" Answered Twilight.

"I have a better idea! You walk, I sleep." I jumped onto Twilight's back. Come on mule!

Twilight did not answer, so I assume that it's a done deal. I curled up and began to settle for the time. She is not moving, I quess I have to go on my own. "You know what, just give me directions and landmarks, I should find my way around!" Twilight did as told like a good little slave.

"Adios, dickweeds!" After that, I took off running like my life depended on that. According to their butt hurt faces, that's probably true!

After a dozen twists and turns, and turns and twists, I found what I was looking for.

This library is humongous! There are rows upon rows of bookshelves, home to likely over a thousand books. The stench of dust from unused books and paper was strong with this one. Finding a certain book in this place is going to be difficult.

I'm assuming we're going to need one on the Crystal Empire's history and magic so I looked around to search for the section that held the knowledge I will need and soon possess.

"Here in my garage with my brand new Lamborghini..." I mumbled. How did that even get popular? I don't know. Some people are pretty stupid. Me included, but I'm the smart kind of stupid. The kind that is intelligent but still makes stupid decisions. Some people are genuinely stupid.

After searching the giant library a little bit, I found a strange but interesting book. "Behavior of Endermen...... By Soren!?" This is not Minecraft Story Mode, Soren's books and shit should not be around here.

But then I thought about it. What's going on? Am I being controlled and getting programmed by something out of this world? What is my purpose? Am I some character in a video game? Will I ever be in a dank meme? Will I ever be noticed by my sempai, Harambe? Will my life actually be good for something? I began to ponder at the possible deeper meaning the book held some more. "I can't think about deep questions like this! I still haven't created a dank meme involving a certain umbreon with blue eyes." That will be a long and perilous journey that all dirty memesters must take! "But first, I will need Equestria's wifi password!" At least I think it's called Equestria, according to Twilight, the magical purple alicorn.

It appears the other members of my group arrived. To be honest, they seem like dead weight if they're this slow. "Took you long enough!" I called out.

"We ran into an issue that needed to be dealt with!" Stated Twilight Sparkle. Excuses, excuses! I have had enough of those!

"Just help, okay!" I called back! I'm too tiny! I can't reach the top shelves, but I won't point that out, because of my inherent insecurities. "Well now seems to be the time, I might need to shape shift." I mumble as I walked to my destination, which was a promising book shelf.

I stopped at a shelf that might hold value, and then transformed. As a purple aura encased me, my paws converted into hooves, I sprouted a horn and wings, grew taller, etc. That was kind of painful, just like the first time. Pretty soon I looked like Luna.

I gave my new wings a few test flaps. Getting a feel for the new, blue, and feathery appendages. I spread my wings and flew to the top layer of books. I picked one out that whispered empty promises and saw that it was completely useless. I then placed the book back into the proper spot and searched some more.

A laser zipped past my face, leaving a slight cut. 'I could have been seriously wounded right there...' I had a feeling I know who the perpetrator was. Unfortunately I was so scared that I turned back into my normal fluffy self, and fell!

2 good things came out of that, though. I learned that under certain conditions, I can change back to my usual form. The other discovery is that, if I am wounded when I am in another form, I will keep that injury when I change back.

That was too fast! I only had about a minute in that form! I stared at the baby that dared to attack and almost kill me. My eyes grew dark as I prayed to my lord and savior Harambe that this abomination gets consumed by the the eternal void that is my dimension and stay lost in there for the rest of its ugly, stupid, baby man child life! Or I could always sacrifice it to Harambe! Take your dicks out for Harambe!

I let the dark thoughts escape my brain and payed attention to my surroundings. My ears flicked towards some noise. The intelligent, stupid, purple alicorn known as Twilight Sparkle has found a book that holds promises that are not as empty as the book I found. Unfortunately, the baby thought that it should remove the only thing that seemed useful!

I let the grim thoughts return as I slowly stalked towards the infant."I am going to send you to the glowing ball of orange, life threatening gas and end your pathetic existence, you cretin!" Ok, so maybe I'm a little mad. I started to make a ball of energy in my mouth and shot it at the bookshelf behind the abomination, narrowly missing it. Thankfully the library is big, I have good eyesight, and the baby and I are on the other side of the library, so Twilight and the others didn't know that I tried to murder a member of an endangered species.

It was then that I realized how hungry I am. "Maybe I can have my own adventure." I left as swiftly as I can as I heard Twilight and the others enter the scene of the would be crime. 'Gotta go fest!'

(Memewhile)

This castle is huge! Where am I even going! This castle is seriously a maze. All of these tall crystal hallways even look the same! I am just trying to look for a pantry! Doing this on my own is going to take a while.

I then got to a brilliant idea! I split myself into 2. "You know what you're doing right?" I asked my clone.

"Of course I do, I am you after all. Help find the pantry by searching different corridors." The other fluffy pokemon replied.

"Good." We then jumped off to different directions of the intersection we stopped at. I think I'll make clones more often, but they are me, so they are complete cunts.

I eventually made it outside, which is something I didn't want happening. I spotted the rulers of the land being covered in snow, while facing a losing battle against the clouds. I should help, mainly because I have nothing else to do, and because I wanted to test out my abilities.

I constructed fire within my mouth and shot it out as a flame thrower. It passed through the cloud layer, effectively earning the princesses' attention. I waved. They waved back, acknowledging my assistance.

I transformed into Luna again and flew up. " So you're fighting clouds?"

They are a bit surprised, and Luna was a bit annoyed that I decided to take her form.

"That is the idea!" Oh, good. They have no idea what they're doing. They don't understand that their efforts are futile, the clouds will regenerate. Maybe they are just having fun.

"Hey watch this!" I yelled out. I then turned into a living inferno, in the shape of a pony. I passed through the clouds and the fire exploded, destroying some of the storm clouds around me. "Cool, right?" I think it's cool, but still, I had to ask.

The rulers of Equestria nodded.

"To be honest, I don't know why I'm helping you!" I started. It's true, in my opinion I will have better luck doing something good in that dark forest of spooky evil. "I don't really care about any of you and if you were all burning and I had a glass of water I could use to put out the fire, I would drink the water!"

Their reaction, is a bit humorous. Think of an offended land whale that is also suicidal, and if that land whale was being poisoned by deadly neurotoxin. Not a good description but that is the face they're making.

"Hey asshole!" my clone desires my attention.

"What's up you piece of shit?" I murmured, responding to my clone.

"I found some food!"

"Well that's a surprise! You are good for something!" Yes, I am a dick to even myself. This is why I have brain damage!

That brief conversation started the longest hour of my life.

(A couple of hours later)

After murdering the clouds and whatever hopes and dreams they had, Restoring the crystal heart, having the crystalling in the heart of the Crystal Empire Play Set, reuniting with my clone, eating food, and meeting the parents of Twilight and her brother, We eventually got back to the little town Ponyville.

"So, I helped! Where am I staying? The forest?" I asked, legitimately thinking that I had to make a home there.

"Nope!" The fat, purple alicorn known as Twilight Sparkle stated. "You're staying with me! I still have to run tests on you, see what you are, and tell you about pony culture! You could be my second student!" She said, her eyes shining like stars in the inky black sky.

That is not a face that I like, it's like she loves school and learning. What mortal loves school and learning!?

"This won't end well!" I mumbled to myself. Might as well deal with it and live in the sparkle hut. I get a place to stay, so it might not be all bad.

"Lead the way, Twi!" I barked. Twilight, Spike, Starlight, and I broke off from the rest of the group. We are on our way to the giant tree castle, and that's when the thought crossed my mind. 'I have to share a living space with a princess, a dragon, and a former cult leader. This place will not stay quiet for long.'

Author's Note

Since I'm lazy, this is the best I can do. Don't hate the player because I already hate myself...