Mr. Original in: Applebuck Season

Mr. Original’s Dictionary
Original Edition

Violently
/vī(ə)ləntlē/
adv.

-done in a very reckless or harsh manner

***

High Chortle
/hī CHôrdl/
vb.

-when one titters or chuckles in a high pitch

***

Stryker Win Pose
/strīkər win pōz/
n.

-a victory gesture when one fires rapidly at the sky (with any type of gun), before twirling the gun along their fingers and putting the gun away

[Theme Song]

It only took about three seconds for him to get the cows back in his sight. "There they are," James said to himself. In a single Flash, he was running right behind them. "Damn it, what now?" he asked, stumped.

His thoughts became even more difficult to collect when he saw Ponyville come into view. "Aw, come on!" James rolled his eyes in frustration. He was gonna make Conscience come out and help him. Maybe they could get them to detour to the left or right by Exploding at the bridge or something. But before he could put that plan into action, a figure in the herd caught his eye. As he looked closer, it looked like a pony. It was orange, and had a stetson on its head. Blonde mane and tail, too. James added that up, and got...

"Applejack?" James raised an eyebrow. He saw a much smaller figure, that was brown (a darker one than the cows) and white. "And she has a dog? Since when?"

KLPOW!

Applejack looked next to her in confusion as James was suddenly running beside her.

"Applejack, what in the freakin' name of the Freakin' Freik Freek freakin' freak are you doing here!?" James called out above the stampeding herd.

"What does it look like Ah'm doin'? Tryin' to stop this here herd from gettin' to town," she replied. "Other side, Winona." Upon that, the dog barked in acknowledgement before obeying.

"Winona?" James repeated to himself. "...That's a nice name."

"Put 'em up, girl!" Applejack called out to Winona, who barked back from the opposite side. "Come on, little doggies! Turn!" James watched as she purposely bumped into the cow next to her, before whistling.

James deadpanned (at the camera). "Yeah, no, I just dry-cleaned this outfit."

He looked at the cow he was running next to. "Um, excuse me?" he called politely. He didn't expect to actually get its attention, but he did. "Terribly sorry, but you wouldn't mind running a little more to the right, would you? There's dust getting on my clothes, and I was planning to go somewhere today. And it's not much time before I have to be there," he lied.

To his surprise, the cow actually obliged. "Thank you," he smiled and nodded. When the cow faced forward again as they all continued to run, James Cheerfully pumped a fist in the air. "Nailed it!"

Twilight looked closer at the other figure that stood out from the herd. "Is that... James?" she squinted.

"Yeah, it is!" Rainbow exclaimed as she flew higher to get a better look. "He's helping stop the herd!"

"Winona, put 'em up," Applejack called to her dog. James looked as Winona jumped up and began running to the front on top of the cows, jumping from back to back.

"Wow, Winona kicks ass," James complimented as Applejack jumped on a cow's back.

"Ha hah! Gotcha," she said as she saw the cow at the front leading the herd. She then pulled out a lasso and expertly spun it with her teeth before throwing the loop, and catching the cow's head. She jumped up front with Winona, before pulling the lasso sideways. As expected, she got the cow to change direction, the following cows doing the same.

"YEEHAW!" she cried out.

James could barely make out the rest of the girls from the far distance cheering.

"Whoooa!" Applejack skidded to a stop, the cows following suit. "Hoo-ie," she tossed her lasso aside, James catching it on reflex. "Now what was that all about," she walked up to one of the cows (as James put the lasso up. You know, behind his back).

The one addressed spoke up. "Mooo," she said before clearing her throat. "Oh my! Begging your pardon, Applejack, but Moooriella here," she gestured to the practically golden-colored cow next to her, "saw one of those nasty snakes." All the other cows gasped. James, who was behind Applejack, flushed a red color as he tensely looked around at them. "And it just gave us all the willies, don'tcha know."

"I completely understand," Applejack nodded. "Just next time, try and steer clear of Ponyville."

"We certainly will, Applejack. So long, Winona!" the cow called to the dog as the herd turned and headed back. Winona barked cheerfully.

"Damn it, she's adorable," James Grief Grimaced. "But anyway, that snake should be dead by now, they probably trampled it to death in their panic." He frowned. "I can't help but feel sorry for it."

As he, Applejack, and Winona stopped on top of a hill, they saw Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rainbow, and Twilight whooping and hooting.

James looked to his left, then his right, before back at the girls. "Who, me?" he pointed at himself questioningly.

Conscience came out with a machine gun. "YEEEEEEEEEAH!!" he Cheerfully did the Stryker Win Pose.

"YEEHAW!" Applejack kicked her forelegs in the air before running down the hill, Winona barking as she followed.

"Hey, where're you going!?" James called as he ran after her, Conscience following behind them.

James was standing patiently behind a crimson curtain on the stage outside of Town Hall. He was still pondering what in the world he was supposed to be doing.

Ah, well. I guess I should know when the time comes. How could I possibly f*ck up?

He peeked through the unnoticed opening of the curtain, and saw all the ponies crowded around the stage. Then he saw Twilight walking up to the podium.

Ooh, Twilight's giving a speech! A long one, no less. Heheh, reminds me of my high school years, James thought as he saw the thick stack of index cards she was levitating next to her. He'd never forget his music speech he had for his exam. Five hundred thirty three slides long. The best part was the win-win benefit for him and his teacher. She got to enjoy his hard (and overdoing) work. While he in return, got to make his classmates suffer through a entertainingly monotonous five-hour slide show on his music preferences, as punishment for making the teacher deal with their unbearable bullsh*t. Win-win indeed.

James returned his focus to Twilight as she smiled and began. "Welcome, everypony! Today we are here to honor, two ponies we can always count on to help in matters great, and small," she switched to the next card. "Ponies whose contributions to--"

"Did you see James and Applejack's slick moves out there? What athletes!" Rainbow Dash popped up, disorienting Twilight's cards... and sparking James's fuse. "This week, Applejack's gonna help me with my new flying trick, and I know, it's gonna be so, awesome!" her voice cracked.

"Exactly!" Twilight pushed her away from the podium. Then she levitated her cards back (miraculously still organized) to continue. "And--"

"This week, I get to run Sugarcube Corner for the first time!" Pinkie interrupted as she appeared right in front of Twilight... which was f*cking rude. If looks could cause physical damage, Pinkie might have caught fire with how James was glaring at her.

"What does that have to do with Applejack?" Twilight put her hoof on her hip. (...It did not look comfortable.)

Pinkie blinked a couple times, "...Oh! Applejack, one of the best bakers ever, is gonna help me. Applejack makes everything great, so free samples for everypony!" the audience cheered upon this announcement.

"Okay, that's great," Twilight deadpanned as she nudged her from the podium. "Now if I could just make a point without being inter-"

"Twilight?"

"-rupted...," Twilight dropped her cards in annoyance. The only reason James facepalmed, instead of Facewhipping, was because it would draw attention. More importantly, it would draw attention away from Twilight. And he really wanted to hear that speech.

At least Fluttershy had the decency to say something to her before taking over for the short time being... and apologizing. "Twilight, I'm so sorry, but I just wanted to mention that Applejack is also helping me this week with the official bunny census, where we count up all the new baby bunnies that were born this season. She's gonna help gather them using her wonderful herding skills."

Fluttershy wilted under Twilight's annoyed gaze before slinking away. "Anyone else? Anyone?" literally not a single pony met her gaze. "No? Well then, as I was trying to say...," Twilight trailed off as she noticed Mayor Mare smiling expectantly at her. "...UGH! Nevermind!" she frustratingly threw her cards in the air as the mayor took the stage. Meanwhile behind the curtain, James had his hat covering his face as he said several incomprehensible curse words while flailing his arms Violently in every possible direction.

James put his hat back on correctly as he heard Mayor clear her throat. "And so, with no further ado, it is my privilege to give the prize, Pony of Ponyville Award, to our beloved guests of honor, two ponies of the utmost trustworthiness, reliability, and integrity. Two of Ponyville's most capable and dependable friends: Applejack and James!"

The crowd cheered as the curtain opened... to reveal James straightening his hat (even though it was already straight, but he was stressed, for obvious reasons). He did stop, however when he realized he was now the center of attention.

"Cool! Way to go you guys, that was awesome! I mean-- heh," Spike's cheeks flushed as he noticed no one else was cheering. While Twilight glared at him for a second, James on the other hand, stifled a giggle on the inside. He felt better already.

The mayor shifted nervously in the uneasy silence. Then she cleared her throat uncomfortably. James took this as a cue.

"O-Oh!" James's eyes lit up in realization as Mayor Mare left it.

KLPOW!

There he was, in front of all these ponies... and dragon. Had this been a different case, he would've been apprehensive. He decided to start off with a little humor. That usually helped break the ice, didn't it?

"Well, I only have one thing to say to that introduction. ...I'm not a 'pony,' Twilight," he said, causing her to blush. He smirked at her to let her know he wasn't upset. "Anyway!" he continued, trying to change the subject. "I had a speech prepared for you guys. It should be somewhere behind this podium, actually, so I'm gonna see if I can find that. In the meantime, I'll hand the spotlight over to Conscience, ...my conscience."

True to James's word, his state of mind made himself known. As James stooped down to look for his index, Conscience darted his eyes around the audience before speaking. "Hey, everyone! It's your good ol' neighborhood, Conscience, heehee!" he High Chortled.

"Now," he went on, "First off, I'd like to give a head's up to Applejack's dog, Winona. We owe thanks to her, too. Because while Applejack may have been able to handle that whole situation by her own self, Winona did make herself useful. She sure could jump, I'll give her that. And I swear, you don't see dogs get any more adorable than that very often.

"Now on another note, I'd like to hear the rest of Twilight's speech, not gonna lie. And speaking of which, since there's apparently only one trophy, I will dissolve any dispute right now and say that Applejack can have it. She's the type that knows just how to treat a collected accolade, you can tell just by looking at her. Plus, that thing looks nothing like me," Conscience quipped, actually earning a chuckle from some of the ponies in the audience. "Now watch me smoke this tongue turner-wrong!" Turn-wrong was his and James's way of saying 'twist.' "*Ahem* How much wood could Chuck Woods' mother f--"

"Found it!" James popped up, Conscience stepped slightly to his left as he stood in front of the podium again. He popped up at that time on purpose. He was going to let Conscience have a little more time, but he wasn't letting him finish that tongue twister. He remembered coming up with that when he was in middle school. He only ever told it to the guys... but no one else.

James looked at the card briefly before tossing it behind him. In exact words, he recited his speech. "I appreciate all of your appreciation. Thank you. Thank you very much," he nodded. James raised an eyebrow as he noticed that the crowd of ponies were looking at him as if he'd continue. "Um... that's the end of the speech, everyone."

"Uh, t-thank you for that, James," the mayor said as James and Conscience stepped down from the podium, her taking their place. "Unfortunately, it appears that Applejack--"

"Ah'm here!" a voice piped from the crowd, getting closer to the stage. The audience cleared a path to reveal the other guest of honor herself, who was carrying two baskets of apples (some of which fell on the ground) on her back. "Ah'm here!" she repeated before yawning. "Sorry I'm late--whoa--I was just-- whooa... Did I get your tail?" she mumbled apologetically to a random pony she passed by on her way to the front. Upon reaching it, she got slightly too close to the mayor's face.

"Miss Mayor," she smiled tiredly at Mayor Mare before pushing her away from the podium. Conscience stifled a laugh and held an index card to James that read: 'Zero f*cks given,' causing James to stifle a High Chortle. "Thank you kindly for this here, uh-- award, thingy." This got another stifled High Chortle, this time from Conscience, as Applejack yawned again while walking up to the trophy. "It's so bright and shiny and, heh, heh heh, I sure do look funny, heh," Applejack chuckled as she looked at her disoriented reflection on the award. Then she rocked her head back and forth as she continued to stare at herself on the trophy. "Woow-woow heh."

Pinkie joined her, following with a coordinated chorus of, "Wooh-woow-woow. And then Conscience walked over and joined in from the other side. Unable to stand it any longer, James put his head down on the podium and laughed his ass off.

"Okay," Twilight looked around awkwardly. "Well, thank you Applejack for saving us from that scary stampede, and always being there for everypony," she smiled gratefully.

"You're such a hero!" Conscience agreed Cheerfully... before he silently continued to rock his head back and forth.

Applejack yawned. "Yeah. I like helping the ponyfolks and *yawn* and stuff." And then she closed her eyes, snoring. Everyone looked uneasy as she stood there, comatose.

James rose an eyebrow and looked around. "Umm..."

Suddenly, Applejack shook her head. "Oh, U-uh, yeah. Uh, thanks!" she proceed to grab the trophy by its handle with her teeth. Everyone watched silently as she dragged her award down the same path she arrived on.

"...I'm almost okay with this!" James Epic Shrugged.

Twilight spoke up. "Was it just me, or did Applejack seem a little--"

"Tired?" Rainbow finished.

"Dizzy?" Fluttershy added.

"Messy?" Rarity saw the odd looks her friends gave her. "Well, did you see her mane?"

"It wasn't that bad," James deadpanned at her. "There were only a few strands out of place."

"She seemed fine to me," Pinkie said before she continued to make 'wooing' sounds.

"You think she might wanna be a fire fighter one day?" Conscience joked in amusement.

"Hmm...," Twilight looked at where Applejack left. Meanwhile, James darted his eyes around, before he quickly collected Twilight's speech cards. Luckily for him, Twilight had put numbers in the corner to help keep track of her place.