Chapters Jaxonian Presents,
The Music Maker
(Please note this is NOT a clopfic.)
“See you guys tomorrow!” I called with a smile. I had just left band practice and was now packing my instrument into the car’s backseat beside some left over papers, receipts, and fast food bags. I was the only one of the group who had to drive home. The other four guys lived in the neighborhood.
Our drummer called back, “Be careful on the roads!”
He would only call this to me when it was raining; which in this case, it was. And very hard I might add.
My car sounded her usual sputters when I turned the key. She was an old car, but I knew she was the right choice for me. Me and my car get around a few places. One of which is the drugstore where I met our drummer. He was looking for a specific rock CD when I saw him. Yes, our drugstore sells CDs. It’s that cool. I just happened to be walking by when he picked it up. He had the look that a two year old child would get when someone gives him his very favorite toy. Curiosity got the better of me, and I went to go look at what he was holding: A special edition Rush album.
“You have quite a good taste in music if that’s what you’re looking for,” I told him. I always try to be encouraging to strangers. Especially if they listen to Rush.
“Thanks!” he replied in earnest. “Yeah, their drummer is fantastic. And even then, they just plain rock!”
“I hear ya. They aren’t a favorite of mine, but I do like some of their tunes.” I tend to be quite picky about what I listen to. I personally like songs that touch me in some way or make me want to move. This is quite a challenge considering the disorder I have…
We talked for almost an hour about the music we liked. As it turns out, he was more into the mainstream hard rock like Shinedown, and Black Stone Cherry, and in some cases, Daughtry. I was more into the golden years of rock and roll: The Seventies and Eighties. My favorite bands consisted of Iron Maiden, AC/DC, Stray Cats, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, You name it, I probably liked it. I had an appreciation for today’s music, but I still believe that it couldn’t even hold a candle to any band like Van Halen back in the day. I eventually found out that he has been in a band for about a year now, and they were still looking for a lead vocalist and a keyboardist. I was much better at singing than playing keyboard, but I could play a mean one if I tried. (Forgive me if that sounds as though I’m bragging. I only repeat the compliments I hear from others.) After a while, we decided that I would come by and audition.
I was never good at writing my own material. I could write lyrics no problem, but melodies were a whole other challenge for me. I blame my disorder, but I also think that since it’s part of me, I am responsible for it… Luckily, the drummer decided to keep me because no one else has come for an audition yet. I still wonder how I’ll improve in their eyes. They are so good with their instruments, and all I can do with my Casio is play covers. I happen to learn things very quickly, but I just lack the talent they have to write their own stuff. I do have the skill though. I just wish that they could give me credit for it. I’ve always wanted to be a famous singer or keyboardist… I’ve been looking for a chance all throughout high school and now, I think this could be my chance.
I believe I’ve gone on a bit too long. Allow me to skip to when I got home after driving in the pouring rain.
After I ran inside and quickly dried off my microphone and keyboard, I went to go sit down in front of my computer monitor. (Oh sweet internet… Naught can match thine in pleasurably reducing one’s cortex into a mashed vegetable…) For me there was nothing better to do in the evening than sit at my computer and just randomly browse through videos and memes. As you can probably imagine, I was unemployed. I had no life and no job would hire me because I fancied my hair to be past my shoulders. I was miserable…
I was never one to take any initiative and as a result, I watched my life pass me by for too long. Now I only have my computer to look forward to every night. I get by though. I work various jobs throughout the week for a successful friend of mine. Usually they only paid me about six dollars an hour at best because I wasn’t really employed under them. Therefore, minimum wage didn’t apply to me. It wasn’t much, but it was the best offer I could take. Hell, it was the only offer I could take. The only one that looked past my disorder… I was also single and unshaven at the time. Once I found out that I would never have a chance with anyone I just stopped caring about my facial hair and just let it grow. Fortunately I wasn’t able to, nor was I indenting to grow something like Zach Galifianakis. I only had a bit of facial hair across my upper lip, and chin. Enough to see my face underneath at least.
I needed something to take my mind off of the negativity I was feeling. Thankfully, I wasn’t some pervert who just watched porn to ease stress. Though I will admit I look it up sometimes. Let’s be honest, we all do. I did think about watching random videos on youtube, but honestly, that would contribute to what I found to be a bit hypocritical. Then I remembered that one show a friend of mine showed me once. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It immediately became my favorite show. I loved the characters, the storyline, and the fact that it seemed just… so realistic. Ok yes. They were all cartoons, but their interactions really felt like the real thing. Like someone could just walk into the street and have the same experience happen to them. I especially loved the fanbases around DJ Pon-3 and Octavia. They were my favorites of the background. (Well so was Derpy, because let’s face it. Who else in that show is disabled in some way like me?) Maybe the show could calm my nerves? As moral as the show was, it still involved sitting around doing nothing. No, I needed music. I needed something that I could play my keyboard with even if it was just a bunch of chords. And what better song to play than Shine On You Crazy Diamond (I-V)? It was perfect. The haunting sad chord of G minor combined with a melancholy flute pad for the main melody.
I sat down, turned on the power, pressed the four notes of the G minor chord, and slowly, slowly, turned the volume up. My fingers whisked across the notes, pressing and easing off as I shared the song with my computer. I would play the backing keyboard parts and solos, and Youtube played the guitar part. I was in euphoria. It was as if my keyboard was the girlfriend I could never have. It sang sweetly to me, and in return, all it wanted was for me to make her body feel same euphoria I was feeling. And from how she sang in that hypnotic tune, I could tell I did a pretty darn good job. I began to sing back to her when the vocals came on. Tonight, I was David Gilmore. When the song ended, I felt that I could go to sleep proud of myself.
After about an hour, I began to daydream about where I hoped to go in life. I began imagining myself singing on the same stage that AC/DC performed on at River Plate Argentina. How amazing would that be to be a rock legend? To be admired by all in one of the biggest arena stages in the world. Now that would be a dream come true, especially for me. It was what I wanted more than anything…
CRACK!! Lightning from the rainstorm split the sky in two. My heart pounded as I ran to my window to see what had happened. A tree had snapped outside. I wasn’t sure what to do in this situation. I had never seen a tree split by lightning before, but I didn’t want to get wet again. Eh, a little rain never hurt anyone before. I quickly grabbed my favorite hoodie and ran out to gaze at the mangled bark and fired splinters. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. Well sure I’ve seen a tree, I’ve seen something broken, and I’ve seen something on fire in the rain. But never all three at once! CRACK!!! A louder bolt flashed again and I immediately ran back to the house as the wind picked up speed. I sighed as I barely made it to my door, then ran inside and started panting.
I had to get downstairs to the cellar. The storm would probably get a lot worse. The only problem was that the entrance… was outside. I took a deep breath, and let my adrenaline block out the fear as I went to go grab my in-case-of-storm items. I quickly grabbed my iPod and charger, my keyboard, and a change of clothes for the next day as fast as I could. (I knew I’d be sleeping down there so I had to take what I thought was going to carry me through the night. don’t question me.) I quickly went to the front door, everything in my hands protected as best as I could. It was now or never. I opened the door and ran outside. It felt like a thousand needles hitting my face in that instant. I ran through the rain over to the side of the house. There was the basement entrance! I went to reach for the handle—CRACK!!!!
The last thing I remember happened all in a split second. The loudest lightning strike I had ever heard… a burning numbness… and everything going black…
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Remember when you were young?
You shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond…
Now there’s a look in your eye
Like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond…
You were caught in the crossfire
Of childhood and stardom
Blown on the steel breeze
Come on you target
For far away laughter
Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr,
And SHINE…
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“What is that thing…?”
“It looks like some sort of clothed ape.”
“No it can’t be. Apes have fur all over their bodies.”
“It has a lot of fur on its head.”
“I-I hope it doesn’t bite…”
“What’s that thing in its hand?”
“Hey, look! Is it waking up?”
“Is its face gonna stay that way?”
Voices… Bright colors… A scent of hay… When I came to, these were what my senses were trying to piece together. Slowly my eyes adjusted to normal and I saw… what looked like… a dozen colorful… talking... Ponies! I was probably just feeling nausea from... whatever happened last night. Now that I thought about it… What did happen? I remember feeling really numb, but why? I reached up to rub my head.
“YEOWCH!” I yelped.
My head began to throb like no pain I had ever experienced before… I must have been struck by a bolt of lightning! That explained everything. A bolt of lightning strikes me, I collapse, band mates notice I’m not at practice, try calling, eventually visit, see me lying down, and call for an ambulance! The doctors probably had me on morphine or something. That would explain the talking pony hallucination. I started to laugh until I noticed something… I was still holding my clothes, keyboard, and iPod… Last time I checked, you can’t take personal items with you into hallucinations.
What the hell happened to me!? I was suddenly in a universe of cute, talking, curious, bright colored ponies. I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I immediately stood up to dust myself off. That’s when I looked closer at the faces of the ponies. I couldn’t name any of them, until I turned around to see a poofy-haired pink one staring me in the face. I knew this one’s name. It was Pinkie Pie. Then a crazy realization hit me. I was inside the show, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! Once I figured out who was who, there was no doubt where I was. No! That’s insane. It’s against all proper logic! There’s no way I could be in the show… was there? I guess my injured head wasn’t ready for such a realization because I fainted again…
When I came to the second time, I was lying on an uncomfortable table with a bright light from the ceiling shining directly into my face. I absolutely DESPISE being woken up in this manner. The light hurts my eyes and makes me just want to stay in bed longer. To me, it’s a bit like electricity’s middle finger being planted into my face. (Combined with not knowing what happened to me and how I got here, you can imagine that I was probably feeling pretty annoyed right now.) I picked myself up and smacked the light to the side.
“Hey! Leave that alone!” A stern voice called. I saw a tan colored pony with dull brown eyes and blue mane staring at me, annoyed. I saw what looked like a bunch of animals as her cutie mark. Was she a vet? Did she think I was some kind of animal!? Why the hell would she—oh. Right... Humans weren’t the dominant species in this world. I suppose to them I was a monkey with small lips and no fuzz; Aside from the head of course. That probably had ‘shaggy dog complex’ written all over it.
“I swear this is one weird looking thing,” The vet pony mumbled to no one in particular.
So I wasn’t even an animal to her. Just a ‘thing ’. I bet she thought I couldn’t understand her. I haven’t really said much anyway other than ‘yowch’. This would be fun. If she thought I was some animal that didn’t share the same language, boy would she be surprised once I started speaking all formal with her. She might even scream! That would be such sweet payback for the bright light wake-up call. As I sat there she didn’t really speak much to me again. After a while, I didn’t think I’d even be able to pull the joke.
After a few more examinations, she finally gave me my chance! She opened up a can of dog biscuits and said in a playful tone, “Now who wants a treat?”
I cleared my throat and said, “Ah, a substance of digestive satisfaction. Could you suggest a good wine to go with my, what was it you said, ‘treat’?” I made sure to trill the ‘r’ in treat, just for good measure.
“That’s right boy! You want a treat oh yes you dooo!”
What… the… HELL!? This pony’s nerves must have been made of steel or something. Well she knew I could speak so I just decided to cut to the chase.
“Alright, cut the crap. You know I speak English, you can understand me, now stop treating me like some animal. It’s really rude.” I said in a stern tone.
“Oh you’re feisty aren’t you? Well if you can’t be nice, you won’t get a treat.” And with that she walked back to her table and pulling out paper and a pen, and began scribbling things down with the pen in her mouth. Which would have surprised me, but I was too busy feeling terrified as what just happened sunk in… They can’t understand me here!
Suddenly, my disorder kicked in. I clasped my knees together and curled into a ball while I began to pant heavily and rock back and forth against the wall behind me. My apprehension was overwhelming. I had to calm down. I just had to. I couldn’t think like this. Frantically I darted my eyes around the room for anything to calm my stress. Doctor tools, lollipops, random assorted papers, my keyboard, my keyboard! The ponies must have brought it with me to the vet’s too! Score 1 for respect for others’ possessions. I looked back at the vet pony. She was busy talking on the phone. Perfect distraction! I quickly tiptoed to my keyboard and picked it up, then carefully and stealthily walked back to the table.
“I hope they didn’t remove the batteries ” I thought to myself… I opened the back. Phew, still there… I guess they were too busy wondering what I was to care about my stuff.
“What? Yeah I have the animal right here. No I’m not even sure if it’s some type of monster or what.”
A monster huh? I’ll show you a monster!
With a calm, angry passion, I pressed the power, turned the volume up to the midway setting, and began to play Pop Evil’s Monster You Made on the soft piano setting. (I personally think it sounds better that way.) As soon as I hit the first note, I was captured in the moment of playing a song with feeling. There was no way I could stop now. I began to sing the first verse with a sustained smoothness the way one would spin to a lover. (I’m sure that sounds weird but hey, a song with passion is a song with passion.) I had never felt so justified with that song in my whole life. It felt like my soul was just pouring out of me and rushing through the office like a river of sound. I didn’t care what that vet thought. As I got to the bridge of the song, I had forgotten she was even there. I played on and on and finally got to the last few notes of the end of the song. Once I was finished, I cocked my head and shot that vet pony the smuggest look I could muster. It said, “How’s that for a monster?”
I didn’t expect the look she returned me however. All she could do was stare back at me with a seemingly dumbfounded and awestruck look. Though I have to say, I never knew that jaws could drop so low. Even for a pony. Still staring at me, she pulled the phone back to her head to say one more sentence.
“I-I’ll have to call you back…”
She slowly trotted towards me still staring in amazement.
“What…are you?”
I sort of felt guilty… I wanted to say I’m sorry… I knew she wouldn’t understand me though, so I just kept silent out of nervousness and guilt. At this point I turned the power off on my keyboard. No sense in wasting precious battery life. Especially since I didn’t know how long I’d be stuck here…
“I’ve never heard anything more amazing in my whole life… How did you do that?”
I looked at her with a slight sarcastic confusion, and then gave her a shrug.
“Wait, you can understand me?” She exclaimed.
I just nodded. At this point, I thought I might as well humor her into thinking I was an animal. It was the least I could do for surprising her so badly.
“You mean you can actually understand the words I’m saying?”
Was this pony a blonde originally? “Yes!” I flatly said and gave a harsh nod. She began to laugh nervously. Then she looked up. I could tell she had an idea.
She coolly said, “I think we need to do something about this.”
What did she mean? What was she going to do? Thank god I reached her though. At least that calmed me down. I let out a sigh of content. Not once have I ever impressed anyone with my keyboard ability. My singing has gotten a few to double-take, but never impressed anyone before. I was content. All was right with the world for now. I sighed again and leaned back against the wall. Most of my fear was gone now and I felt secure again. I watched as the tan pony picked up the phone again and dialed quickly.
“...Yes, hello, Ms. Sparkle? Hi, this is the vet. Yes. Listen, I have a favor to ask. I have this… astounding animal here, and I’d like to have you come down to see it. Can you? Today? Great! Thank you so much! Get here as fast as you can! Ok. Yes, thank you. Goodbye.”
Was I hearing right…? Did that vet pony just call me… astounding…? I think I felt as happy as I did the first time I ever got my Casio… I sat there as tears somewhat welled into my eyes. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was worth something.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Take a good look at me now.
Do you still recognize me?
Am I so different inside?
This world is trying to change me
And I admit, I don’t wanna change with it
And I admit I can’t go on like this
Anymore…
Erase this monster I’ve become
Forgive me for all the damage done
It’s not over, say it’s not over
I’m begging for mercy I’m only
The monster you made me…*
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It must have been thirty minutes of just sitting there with that vet pony staring and asking questions. I even tried to write down what my answers were. She didn’t understand earthly writing either! We finally just stuck with me nodding and shaking my head, with the occasional shrug if I didn’t know the answer. I think the best thing about her questioning me was that she could show her personality while still on the job. I guess here in this world, everyone is required to be themselves. Why can’t it be that way in the human world? Why can’t people still be themselves rather than being taught that a person stripped of their individuality is far better than someone who actually has a soul? These are the questions I ask occasionally to myself. I think that’s why I wanted to be a musician. It’s the last industry left where you can express yourself through your product. I will get there one day. Or at least I hope I will… after I figure out how to get back of course.
A lavender pony with a dark violet mane trotted into the room. If I recall correctly, her name was Twilight Sparkle. (Even though the show was amazing, I still had trouble learning the names of all the ponies… Another tick of my disorder…)
“Thank you for coming Ms. Sparkle!” They both glanced at me. Twilight however made the glance into a wide-eyed stare.
“Wow… It’s stranger than I thought,” said Twilight.
“That’s what I thought too, but then… well just watch.” The vet pony looked back at me. “Will you do that again? For her this time?”
I was being asked to play my keyboard to show someone; or rather, somepony . I didn’t care. It felt so great… I didn’t miss a second. I turned on my Casio and got ready… but, I couldn’t play with that feeling a second time. I had to play something different. That’s just how I am. So I switched the setting to OctiveHorn, and decided on the best theme song I knew. I practiced it many times, but never once had an audience for it, and I hadn’t really played it in well over two years or so. It was the theme to The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind. Sure there was no singing, but it was still a beautiful piece. The C minor chord is by far one of the most powerful and moving ones, and even if one didn’t know what it was from, Morrowind was still beautiful to listen to. I took a deep breath, and began to play the upward scale…
I was caught. Captivated. My mind was blank, and all I could think, all I could feel was the beauty of this song. Pressing these keys made something magical. No longer did I circulate blood. Rather nostalgia and chills were coursing through me. Although short, the moment was well needed. I reached the final C minor chord. Finishing the piece, I slowly looked back up to the eyes of my ‘audience.’ The vet was beaming vigorously, and Twilight could not stop gaping.
“Didn’t I tell you? Isn’t it something!?” the vet exclaimed. (I didn’t know if she was referring to me, the song, or my Casio.)
“It’s… I… I never…” she paused and turned her head towards the vet. “I never heard anything so beautiful… ever…”
"I knew it! it’s not just me!” squealed the vet. By this point, I was the cool kid in school. No… more than that… I had something that made me important. Even if it was just for colorful ponies who couldn’t understand me, it still was a great feeling to have. I never wanted to let it go.
=====================================================================
Twilight decided to take me home to study me a bit more. She eventually got it figured out that I was male. Luckily we didn’t need to remove my clothing to do so. Instead, she found a spell that allowed animals to be understood by them. We had a pretty good conversation for a while. Then she began the q-and-a of my keyboard.
The first question she asked was “I know that thing is some kind of piano, but… how does it make that sound?”
“It’s actually not a piano,” I replied. “It’s a keyboard. And the sound is adjustable through the certain numbered buttons I press here.”
We talked for hours about it. This was the most attention I had ever received from anyone. I played three intro riffs for her: My Immortal by Evanescence for depth an heart, Money by Pink Floyd to get a rhythm going, and Welcome to the Jungle by Guns n’ Roses just because I always wanted to show that one off. She loved every one of them. She still wanted to hear more, so I decided to show her every sound my keyboard had to offer. Her favorite setting was 280. The Ocarina. So I played her a small tune with it: Legend of Zelda: Lost Woods Theme. As I played, she looked almost like she was going to cry… She said I played beautifully… I couldn’t believe it… my playing a random tune made somepony cry. I felt like I mattered to someone… I felt… Worth something…
It must have been three hours before we reached the peak of the conversation.
“You know, I do know a pony who would really love to see you and the songs you play. She’s a really well known musician!”
“Really?” I asked in earnest. “Who? And how well known if I may ask?”
“Well, I don’t think you know about the Grand Galloping Gala, but it’s one of the most anticipated yearly events in all of Equestria. Not that it’s much fun, but almost everypony goes, and she is the cellist of the classical band that plays there every single year! Her name is Octavia. She is also the leader of her own orchestra!”
I was taken back in shock. I, an unshaven drop out musician in need of a shower, was being suggested, or perchance referred to an orchestra leader in a little less than a day. If this was a hallucination, I hoped to high heaven that I wouldn’t wake up.
“Though… you might want to be careful,” Twilight added.
“What do you mean?” I asked curiously. I hoped this wasn’t some kind of catch…
“Well, if you want to at least have a chance of staying on her good side, never bring up a mare named Vinyl Scratch.”
“Why? Who is that?” I knew of course, but I wanted to at least seem like I was completely new here. Besides, I wanted to know what was up between the two mares.
“Vinyl, or DJ Pon-3 to the fans, is a Disc Jockey and a dubstep musician. Their musical tastes don’t really see eye to eye…”
I could understand. I was never big into the whole dubstep genre. I appreciate that it’s a cool style but honestly when you break it down, to me, dubstep is to techno as rap is to RnB. The quality is toned too far down, there’s little or no melody, and let’s face it. When has anything of the 2000’s era been comparable to the 90’s? But what I mostly didn’t understand was why all these happy cheerful ponies liked that kind of music. I suppose there were some ‘party hard’ personalities here too. Regardless, I still embraced it. Music is music after all. But if love and tolerance was the underlying theme in this universe, wouldn’t these musicians at least tolerate each other? I suppose when you have your own dimension, anything can happen…
“Alright,” I finally said. “But I still would like to meet her too.”
“Well I don’t know her that well,” replied Twilight. “I only know Octavia because she was my music teacher in Canterlot for a long time. But she’s really good. I think I should introduce you. She won’t believe it!”
I didn’t really like the thought of my like for both mares having to be torn like this. Maybe it wasn’t such a big deal. After all, I didn’t know how long I’d be staying in Equestria. Maybe there was still a chance to meet Vinyl even with whatever was going on between her and Octavia. I suppose the only thing to do was just hope for the best and see where the opportunity took me. Regardless, I was still really excited to play for an upstanding musician!
“When do you think we can go?” I asked. “Next week? Next three weeks?”
“Well why not now?” She replied as her horn began to glow.
Suddenly, Twilight, my Casio, and I were enveloped in a very loud magenta glow, and within seconds we were standing in the town of the royal Canterlot palace.
“This is where Octavia lives. Follow me!” She squeaked.
I unfortunately couldn’t move. I was frozen. My disorder had responded to the sudden change in environment and loud noise of teleportation, and I began to pant heavily and sway back and forth dropping my keyboard to the ground…
I might as well come clean on this… My disorder is called Asperger syndrome; which is a type of neurobiological, pervasive, developmental disability… I should probably break it down into simpler terms shouldn’t I? My brain for some reason doesn’t seem to equate to one that would be considered ‘normal’. Rather, my mind is so far on the literal/logical side that I can’t seem to get sarcasm very well. I also have trouble reading the subtle facial cues that everyone else seems to get at a young age. It’s not as hard for me as it was then, but I always used to have a little cartoon book of emotional faces to help me understand them a bit better. But then, that leaves out why I’m reacting like this so much doesn’t it? Well, that brings me to what categorizes me into the ‘antisocial’ variety…
Because of the Asperger’s, I am so incredibly hypersensitive that it’s almost sickening. Loud noises and unexpected physical contact are really difficult for me to handle… I get very skittish and mentally unwired, as well as silent, or I hyperventilate in extreme situations… Luckily, I had a remedy. Whenever I had my ‘spasms’ as a child, my mom would play a song by Blind Melon called No Rain. I don’t know how or why, but for some reason it always worked. Maybe it was the joyful and carefree riff in the intro, or maybe it was just the overall fact that good music calms the soul. Either way, whenever I heard that song, even at two years old, all was right with the world…
“What’s wrong? Are you ok!? Snap out of it!” I heard Twilight yell through all the short circuiting in my head. Not that it did any good. She was shaking me; which only made it worse! I had to get out of this spasm and fast. Otherwise… an anxiety attack could ensue… Those are quite nasty for someone like me… I jittered my fingers around as I searched for my iPod in my pocket. When I finally pulled it out, I jammed the earphones in and hastily selected No Rain.
It was like my whole body had just been released from a vice. I had just submerged from a full minute of being underwater. I could breathe again. I took long, smooth, deep breaths while the song weaved its silky smooth sound and soothed my soul for the moment… This was therapy at its finest. I loved every slide of the guitar, every click of the festive snapping, and every word Shannon Hoon sang. I was finally calmed and content. When I pulled out the earphones and opened my eyes again, Twilight, and several other ponies were staring at me. This time I just felt ashamed… I hated being so different… I hated being so…. Weird… I couldn’t help what made me who I was… I just wanted to be accepted…
I almost drowned in my sadness until Twilight whispered something to me. “Play the keyboard .”
As much as I wanted to just crawl into a hole for the next year and a half, I felt like I could trust her with this. I sighed, sat down, placed the Casio on my knees, and began to play my favorite piano song, Piano Man by Billy Joel. I didn’t sing though. I was too embarrassed to go that far… But this time when I looked back at the few ponies, they weren’t looking at me with a look of surprise or distaste. Rather… they looked at me with… cheerfulness in their eyes. They had never heard the song before, but they still stopped what they were doing and came to watch while I played my instrument. When I was finished the song, they all pounded the ground in a small applause for me. I looked up at all of their smiling faces… Then I saw the smile of Twilight.
“Thank you…” I managed to say… I never knew playing songs in front of others, no, for others, could be so fulfilling. And I never felt so alive before. I wanted so much more of it.
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All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watching the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
and speak my point of view
But it's not sane, it’s not sane
I just want someone to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made
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(AUTHORS NOTE: I promise to finish this story soon. I just have a small problem this month: My internet is being cut off tomorrow. I don't know why, and there's nothing I can do to fix it. But that doesn't mean I won't stop writing, or using the internet somewhere else. I have means of uploading the rest of the story, but just be patient. Thanks so much for the support!! keep reading and sending this around! I really appreciate it everyone!
And thank you for the suggestions!!! I appreciate all of them!)
As Twilight and I walked to the Canterlot Orchestra House, I couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty for my little episode a few moments ago. I was relieved when she finally asked about what happened so I could offer an explanation. It was really hard to clarify it though; there wasn’t much research practiced on mental disorders here since barely anypony had one. So I decided to use the best analogy I could:
“Twilight, do you know what pottery is?” I asked.
“Sure I do!” she smiled. “Lots of ponies are potters here.”
“Well, try to imagine me as the clay mold. I need a steady, continuous, slow curvature to my surroundings in order to keep myself stable, or in this sense, be molded into a nice looking pot. Loud noises, sudden changes in my surroundings, or just anything unexpected just makes the pottery wheel spin violently out of control sometimes. Those small white things I put in my ears play a song that calms me down, or brings the spinning motion back to steady. Does that make sense, Twi?”
I think she understood pretty well. Her eyes were riveted on mine as she nodded deeply. That was the first time I ever explained so much about me without someone looking at me like some kind of freak. Isn’t it ironic? Back on earth I was the outcast. I had to come to Equestria, be a human among colorful talking ponies, to fit in. Fit in… Did I really? So far, the only reason anyone cared about me was for my Casio. Then again, No one back home ever cared about that either. Maybe this could at least bridge the gap. Give them a reason to look into my life. A reason to care. That sure would feel great to be cared about again… Or at least have a reason to have self-esteem.
“We’re here!” Twi announced.
I had always dreamed of auditioning for a real music performer. I would walk right into the doors, hold my instrument high like I had found Excalibur, and play a solo that would knock their socks off! But those were dreams. The reality? I was standing frozen, gaping with fear.
The doors of this building must have been crafted by God himself, or Celestia, or whatever entity Equestria worshiped. They towered at least twenty feet above my head. When we pushed them open, I felt the deep creaking of them just vibrating in my chest like a bass note at full volume. The door ominously echoed shut behind us, and we began walking down the long hallway leading to the music hall. As we passed a few armored stallion statues on our way, I couldn’t help but wonder what their use was. (I guess jousting for ponies was the equivalent of a game of chicken for humans if you think about it.) Another pair of large doors awaited us at the end of the hall, only these doors were more polished and made of stone marble. We pushed open the doors and slowly crept into the great illuminated room.
We were greeted with a bright light coming from a beautiful chandelier hanging above us, but welcomed by the pleasant resonance of string instruments filling the room. This was the very first time I had ever seen a real orchestra before. I had no idea what they were playing, but I could tell it was somewhat of a relaxed piece. However, the relaxation ended abruptly when the large doors behind us shut loudly. Everypony in the orchestra was staring. My gaze met every one of theirs. Every expression: surprised, shocked, curious, or amazed. Others were just fixated on me probably trying to figure out what I was. And then, my gaze met hers. The lead cellist twilight spoke of. She stood up and slowly trotted towards us. She was clearly not amused.
“Hi, Octavia,” said Twilight breaking the awkward silence.
“Twilight Sparkle,” The tan-gray pony inquired, “I hope you have a reasonable excuse for interrupting the orchestra in the middle of rehearsal.”
Twilight didn’t seem as affected as I was by that remark; probably because she knew her pretty well. I on the other hand was a bit intimidated. “Well,” she began, “I brought over this human to show you what he can do. He’s a musician too. He can play the piano very well.”
“Twilight, our pianist is right over there.” She pointed to a tan stallion. “We don’t need another.” She turned to me and began sizing me up. “And we certainly don’t need a dress-up-playing ape in desperate need of a hair trim on its head.”
This time, I was offended. The whole unshaven ape thing was getting really stale and annoying for me. As Octavia argued with Twilight, I spotted a perfect opportunity to make that mare eat her words: An immense pipe organ. I walked towards it, part of me still wanting vindication, the other thrilled that I would be playing an organ for the first time. The keyboard was a bit smaller than I would have expected, but I guess ponies need that. After all, most of them are only about four feet tall. (I was a good six feet, but that was beside the point.) I gazed up at the pipes one more time, looked behind me at that cellist still arguing with Twi, and then looked down at the keyboard. With all of the anger I felt at that moment, I slammed down the C minor keys.
I had flooded the room with the most menacing chord progression I could produce. I almost felt like Sweeney Todd or the Phantom of the Opera. I had never played or practiced this piece, but the emotions I had rushing through my fingertips were good enough to keep a consistent ominous melody. The vibrating depth of this instrument was giving me chills. I had that combination of angry excitement when one’s hands begin to shake; something like an adrenaline rush, but much more powerful. That was exactly what I needed to play a quick trill to crescendo my ending: I ended the piece on a much harder C minor chord and sustained it for quite some time. Then, I pulled my hands away from the organ. I think that was enough to make my point. I angrily turned to face that stuck up pony. When I did, I saw that I had given everypony in the room the same face of astonishment. Except for one. Twilight just stood there beaming at me in a way that said ‘Even though we showed her up, that was still… incredible.’
I grinned back at her pleasant smile, then turned to Octavia, and politely said, “I am not an ape.”
===============================================================
I had been in the Grand Canterlot Orchestra for about three weeks now. Octavia enlisted me right after the pipe organ event. Although she got used to me quickly and began to develop a liking for me, the others were more… ‘snobbish’ towards me… I always felt a sting in their gaze when they looked at me... Though I eventually learned most of their names, I never really got to know them like I did Octavia. Speaking of getting to know ponies, Back in Ponyville, Twilight was so excited about me getting the position that she decided to introduce me to her friends. And within a week, I had learned the names of at least twenty other mares and colts. (And just who do you think introduced me to all these ponies? If you’re thinking pink, you’re on the right track.)
Twilight was beginning to warm up a real friendship with me as well. She gave me one of the best gifts I had ever received in Ponyville. During my constant absences, she had studied my iPod and Keyboard very carefully. And one day, as a just-because gift, she made me a Speaker for my iPod that charged it at the same time, and put a spell on my batteries that ensured they would never run out of energy. I was practically touched…
She smiled softly. “I know how much your music means to you. And, well I just thought I’d make you some substitute technology to compensate. I know it’s not much but—”
I cut her off with a hug.
I’m not one for physical contact whatsoever, and Twilight knew this. She felt how powerful of a thank-you this gesture was from me.
“Thank you… Thank you so much…” I could only say so much when my face was pressed into Twilight’s mane. “You have no idea…”
“It’s alright.” Twilight softly replied. “I wanted to make you happy.”
“Well you sure did. As a matter of fact, why don’t we listen to some songs from my world? I’ve got my music vibe back anyway. How about it?” I asked. This was probably the happiest I had been since I first accepted my brony nature.
“I’d love to!” Twi clasped her hoofs together in approval. “I’ve always wanted to hear what Rock sounds like! From what you tell me about it, it seems like a great listen.”
“Well there’s a lot more on there than just Rock. Why don’t we see what genre you like best?” Though I was ready to show her every rock tune I had, she at least deserved to see if she liked anything better. It was the least I could do.
By nightfall, we had gone through AC/DC, Rush, Aerosmith, Goldfinger, Daft Punk, Black Sabbath, Neil Diamond, Dream Theater, Johnny Cash, Michael Jackson, and Billy Idol. We finally narrowed it down and as it turns out, Twilight was a hard rocker. That was quite a surprise since I thought she’d be more into indie or pop. But that was just a minor shock as compared to the bombshell she dropped a few moments later. We were sitting on the ground listening to Dark Side of the Moon when she said it:
“You know, I think I have a favorite song out of the ones you played. I think it might even be the best song I've ever heard!”
“Really? Which one?”
“That really long one with that one part that goes, ‘If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, don’t be alarmed now. Something, something, something May queen.’”
I was never really much of a memer, but I could only describe this as a ground-shaking, epic, Mother-of-God moment right here: Twilight Sparkle’s absolute favorite song… was Stairway to Heaven. I must have been speechless for a good while before I worked up the sense to play it cool again.
“You ok? You seem kind of shocked…”
“I kind of am,” I breathed. “That song actually rates as one of the number one rock tunes in the world.” It did for me too. I loved that song. Jimmy Paige was God-crafted for the guitar. Though it was one of the only favorite songs of mine that I couldn’t play myself, it was probably the most listened-to song on my iPod. There’s a kind of calm rush that I get from that song. Like for just eight minutes, the world and everything in it is perfect. I have always wanted to play that song for a crowd more than any other… I taught myself never to want for big things because they probably would never happen. But my mentality was much different here in Ponyville. Besides, one dream came true. Maybe one day, another would too.
After we had turned in for the night, my mind started to wander: Why was everything just so perfect here? And if there really was no catch to living here, why couldn’t I have come sooner? All of my unanswered questions were weighing down my eyelids as I slowly drifted off to one of the best sleeps I’ve ever had.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow,
Don’t be alarmed now,
It’s just a spring clean for the May Queen.
Yes there are two paths you can go down,
But in the long run,
There’s still time to change the road you’re on…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry this didn't publish originally. This is the real chapter 4.
Things were going pretty well for me in Ponyville. I got a well-paying job on the Apple family’s farm helping out Big Mac and Applejack carry the apple baskets (having hands really helps for this sort of thing.), and I even got to volunteer taking care of Fluttershy’s animals. Even Angel got around to enjoying my company. (Fluttershy said that I was really lucky because he was never this nice to anypony but her.) Though with how often I stayed at her cottage, we eventually decided that it would be where I lived. Fluttershy was extremely generous to me. She offered a place for me with no rent, and a small list of chores. I thought it was a bit odd for somepony as shy as she was to let a complete stranger like me into their cottage housing many little somewhat defenseless creatures. So one night after a long rehearsal I finally asked her about it all.
“Fluttershy, not that I’m complaining, but… Why are you being so generous to me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you let me stay in this beautiful cottage free of charge, you let me eat your food, and the only real ‘chores’ I have are to help take care of your animals. Not many ponies would do that for someone like me…”
Fluttershy shifted her shoulders and smiled. “Well, to tell you the truth, I really like your company…”
I blinked. “What do you mean, Fluttershy..?”
She sighed and looked away for a moment. Then she looked back up at me timidly. In short, she said that it was because I had a quiet and calm voice. She had a point. I never really was a talker. In fact, I usually would just keep to myself in social situations… But on the off chance that I did speak, I sounded like I was in a library talking with a low enunciated mumble. Almost like a whisper, but without the breathy noise. She told me that since most of her friends were very loud or vibrant in their voices, I was a nice break from the noise. I sighed. For once someone knew how I felt. I was glad to live with someone like that. And so was she. It probably felt like such a positive relief to have a friend so similar. I was glad I could do that for her…
She then went on to tell me that she also enjoyed my keyboard playing. I admit it. With all this newfound attention to me, I liked showing off my rehearsed songs a little bit. And since Fluttershy was the only pony around who could listen, I decided to have her as my go-to critic as she always had something nice to say. She may have been harshly truthful on rare occasions, but her comments would always be fair and relevant in some way. Sometimes, I would go off-tangent from my scripted concert prep venue, and play some slow rock tunes from my world. One of her favorite songs I’d sing for her was Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey. She said that the sound of it always made her want to dance with someone. Unfortunately, I never learned to dance… So that was a wish I couldn’t fulfill.
I sighed. “Well, I do appreciate all that you’re doing for me Fluttershy. I’ll be honest; I’ve never been treated with so much kindness before. So… Thank you…”
“Oh, you don’t have to thank me,” Fluttershy blushed. “It’s my pleasure!”
===============================================================
This was it. Tomorrow night, I would be on an illuminated stage with hundreds of ponies sitting and watching as we, the orchestra performed our symphonic masterpieces.
I was playing Neil Diamond’s Solitary Man for Fluttershy when Angel came bolting towards me with the mail. It must have been urgent because Angel never came up to me voluntarily. I quickly looked through and found a letter with familiar handwriting. Spike. That meant that Twilight had something very important to tell us. Or me. I began to silently read what Twi had written.
“What does it say?” asked Fluttershy peering over my shoulder. I had never noticed it before, but her mane was incredibly soft… Calmingly soft…
“Twilight wants us to meet her at the library at 5:30pm,” I said, half reading and half answering the question. Fluttershy blinked. Almost as if she had realized something.
“Oh! Well, I suppose we ought to get going! We wouldn’t want to be late for… well… Twilight!” Fluttershy’s persona became very strange; almost hyper. This was a little bit of a shock to me because I never saw her act this… excited? I wasn’t sure how she was feeling really. But, why the sudden emotion? And why, of all things, over an invitation? I didn’t know what to think of all this, but I guess finding out would have been worth the wait. We headed on over to Twilight’s library to see what the big invite was for.
After about thirty minutes of being practically dragged by Fluttershy and her less-than-aerodynamic wings, we reached the Library. Well, guess I’d finally figure out what all the fuss was about. Something wasn’t right. Looking into the door’s window, I couldn’t see any light whatsoever. Something was definitely up. Unless Twilight was conducting some big experiment that needed darkness, the lights were usually on at this hour. I had hardly realized it, but out of sheer curiosity and almost worry I had quickly opened the wooden library door.
Remember how I said that sudden bright lights in my face really annoy, and sometimes upsets me? Well they sure do, but only on certain occasions; the worst one being waking up in the morning. However, when the bright lights are accompanied by practically thirty or forty ponies, including Fluttershy behind me, all yelling ‘surprise’ with confetti and streamers popping everywhere, they are perfectly acceptable. Pinkie Pie had put together a Good-Luck-Tomorrow-Night party for me, with the help of Twilight and her knowledge about me to make this party the best I could ever ask for. To say that they made me happy would be a huge understatement. For the first time in my life, I felt socially accepted… I felt… ecstatic. Hell, I was feeling pure zest! I was a party animal ready to rock!
The party had lasted a good two hours or so, and I was still partying and getting to know everypony. Eventually, though the music was good, I felt a little daring, and decided to give the ponies a taste of my personal favorite kind of dancing music.
“Hey everypony!” I shouted. “How would you like to hear some party music from my world?” The ponies all cheered in approval. I took that as a definite yes and walked over to the table supporting the sound system. The music stopped. A few distorted clicks. Then just before I played the song, I announced one more thing to everypony.
“Alright! This is a dance song. It has no steps, no rules, all you have to do is move your body to the beat! Just have a great time with this alright?” One more cheer of approval. I sighed of excitement, and selected my favorite jig: Salty Dog by Flogging Molly. Irish punk rock really does turn parties into a great place. Once the drums and guitar kicked in, everypony was locking arms and spinning and dancing like that scene from Titanic. The Irish party in 3rd class. I had never seen these ponies so entertained in all my life. They had never heard Rock, or Irish music before, but they all loved it. I even heard Berry Punch yell out “This is my new favorite song!” By the second breakdown, everypony was really getting into the dance and having the time of their lives. So was I. Or at least I was until I noticed something wrong. Fluttershy was missing.
My eyes darted anywhere she may have gone. A round room doesn’t necessarily leave any corners or rooms to be hidden in. Since I was the tallest there it was much easier to see where she would be, but she just wasn’t here. I began to worry… Causing a scene was the last thing I wanted to do, so I tried to play it cool as I walked to the only other room this tree house had: The second floor bedroom.
She was there alright; softly sobbing into one of Twilight’s pillows… I startled her when I asked if she was alright… She looked back at me with the largest pupils I had ever seen… Her body, only softly highlighted in the soft, pale glow of the moonlight… She had been up here for quite a while it seemed. Maybe she was just experiencing the ‘party depression’ some people get when things are just too much… Even so, I had to comfort her somehow. She was my roommate and more importantly, my best friend.
“Fluttershy?” I asked in the quietest calming voice I could. “Is the party getting to you?”
She sniffed a bit and glanced away as she nodded…
“Well, the window’s open. Would you like to go for a little walk outside?
She looked back at me and wiped her eyes “m-hm…” and gave a small nod. And that was that. We climbed out the window and snuck down the tree to the cool dewed grass below. As we walked through the forest path behind the tree house, we could hear the muffled sounds of dancing hoof-beats and Flogging Molly’s Drunken Lullabies.
After a short while, we reached the edge of a large field beautifully lit by the full moon. I sighed, and Fluttershy gave me a weak smile. I had always liked her smile… It had a sort of warmth to it that made me feel… home… I spied a large tree stump a small distance from where we stood.
“Would you like to go sit for a bit?” I asked with a grin.
“Sure. My hooves kind of hurt…” That was the first thing she had said all night.
The stump was rather cold, but that was expected in the fresh misty nights of spring. I didn’t mind. A friend in need is much more important than a freezing bottom. I peered over to see her wincing at her forehoofs. The path we walked was pretty sharp and gravelly. Her hooves must have been killing her…
“Fluttershy, let me see your hoof a moment, ok?”
“Oh... Alright,” She calmly sighed as she handed me her hoof.
I clasped her hoof in my hand a moment taking a deep breath. I checker it over and softly dusted a few pebbles out of it. No real injury or cuts. A few scrapes, but no blood. Her poor hoofs were just sore, that’s all.
“Would you like me to massage it for you?” She looked up at me with surprise. I guess she wasn’t expecting anything like that from me.
“Well…” She sighed. “Actually, yes. I would really like one…”
I had never given a massage before… I was only asking to be nice… Damn it… Why was I so prone to say things without thinking first? Oh well. I made the offer. I had to follow through. But I wasn’t an experienced with massages. In fact the only thing I ever really did with my hands was… play my keyboard… That was it! I knew how to move my fingers on a keyboard just fine! Maybe I could give a decent massage if I ‘played’ a song on her hoof. But... which one? Most songs I play are just a bunch of chords, and the Orchestra pretty much had me doing accompaniment. What song had a keyboard part that allowed me to move my hands and fingers around in a random yet repetitive way? Of course. Only one song I knew could do that. And it was perfectly fitting for Fluttershy’s beautiful personality. I gently placed her hoof onto my lap and began to ‘play’ Owl City’s Fireflies; A glorious and heartwarming song in my opinion.
“Is this alright?” I soothingly asked.
“It feels… wonderful… It really does.” She began to blush. Then she looked up at me with that genuine, tiny smile she would always get when everything seemed right with her world.
“Would you sing to me too? I want to hear your beautiful voice again.”
I smiled. She was such a beautiful creature. Forget the party, sitting here comforting my most special friend was the best way to prepare for my concert tomorrow evening. That night, I knew she would always hold a special place in my heart… I cleared my throat softly and began to sing.
As I did so, a few lightning bugs began to light up around us…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
‘Cause they fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You’d think me rude but I would just stand and stare…
I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly…
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep.
‘Cause everything is never as it seems…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the beautiful night crawled by, the cold started getting to us. Fluttershy looked at me, and we both agreed that we should go back to the library and get warmed up again. As we made our way back along the cobbled path, she made sure to at least hover to make sure her hooves didn’t get so hurt again from the jagged rocks on our way. Accidentally, she hit her head on a low hanging branch.
“You alright?” I asked with concern
“Oh yes I’m alright,” squeaked Fluttershy. “I’m just clumsy every now and then.”
She giggled a little, which made me giggle a little too.
“Yeah, I’m pretty clumsy myself” I said with a chuckle. Then I noticed she was shivering. Quite vigorously. Oh jeez… she was so cold she was freezing. Without hesitation I asked, “You wanna put on my sweatshirt?”
She blushed as she of course declined.
“Fluttershy, I can see you shivering you’re so cold. I insist you wear my sweatshirt at least until we make it back to the library.”
“B-b-but, t-then you’ll get cold…” She began to stammer. I couldn’t tell if it was her shyness or the chilly night.
“Don’t worry about me,” I replied with a smile. “You see how long the hair is on my head? It’ll keep the rising heat from leaving my body. I’ll be fine” After all, having Fluttershy beside me was more warming than anything I could ever wear.
She finally accepted and put on my sweatshirt. It was a musty, old, black hoodie with a faded logo of some band I was into when I was fifteen. But regardless, it was my favorite hoodie. The perfect size, perfect length, perfect texture, perfect shade of black, perfect memories. A lot of my life was spent wearing that hoodie. So of course my scent would be literally imprinted on the damn thing…
“It smells a little odd…” Fluttershy spoke hesitantly
Darn it… I should have washed it before today…
“I’m so sorry Fluttershy. I just—”
“No it’s ok. I actually really like it. It’s sort of… homey to me.” She paused. “Kind of like a newborn, but a bit stronger. Crisper.”
“Oh. Well glad you like it then,” I smiled as she smiled back at me.
“I do. It’s really warm. I see why you’re so possessive of it sometimes.”
It was true. I was extremely possessive of that sweater more than any article of clothing. It was practically part of my skin from how often I kept it on me. And Fluttershy was the first person… pony that I had ever allowed to wear it. And I was comfortable with it. Which only made me all the more content with myself. I was finally trusting of another with one of the closest things to me besides my Casio.
I smiled and said “Well, I trust you with it. You’re honestly my best friend, Fluttershy.”
She blushed… then said something that struck a bit of a realization in me…
“You’re my best friend too… Possessive or not… Disorder or not… I enjoy everything about you.”
I stopped dead in my tracks…
I completely had forgotten that I had Asperger’s syndrome… All my life I had been reminded of it… Always being singled out or made to feel ‘special’ instead of just ‘same’. The constant negative attention I was given had only just made it worse and I eventually began to hate it. Even twilight just made me hate it all the more because of all the interrogation sessions we had about it… I forgave her only because she kept the promise of not bringing it up so much. But Fluttershy helped me feel a new feeling for it… A much more fulfilling feeling.
Acceptance.
Here in Ponyville, I felt like one of them. An equal. Same. Even with my Disorder, I was considered a friend to them… to her.
“A-are you ok…? I didn’t upset you did I?” She hovered in front of me with a worried expression…
I had to be sure… I had to make sure that how I felt right then was accurate enough to act upon… “Do you really mean what you said Fluttershy…?”
She soothingly let out a small sigh and fixed her truthful eyes on mine.
“Yes. I meant every word. I would never lie to you about how I feel. You’re too special to me to ever even think about doing something like that.”
As soon as I heard those words, I allowed a tear… the first tear in years… to fall down my face…
I was free.
I immediately wrapped my arms around the golden pegasus and just let loose in a stream of tears and thank-you’s.
As we reached the library again, we still heard the loud shrieks of party goers just carrying on as if nothing happened. Thank goodness they didn’t notice we had gone. Fluttershy slowly rose up to the bedroom window as I climbed the few branches leading up to it. We clumsily stumbled into the bedroom and Fluttershy began to look at me rather thoughtfully.
“Um, I’ve been meaning to ask you something for a while now… If you don’t mind that is…”
“No, it’s ok. Go ahead, ask me anything.”
“Well, I know you’ve been gone from your world for a really long time now but…” She somehow was able to gaze into my soul when she asked it. “If you had a chance to go back… do you think you would?”
This caught me off guard. Fluttershy was never really one to get so personal. And I am not good with personal questions… I never know what to say… Especially to a question like this… Even with how accepted I felt here and how many loyal friends I had, back on Earth, that was my home. I belonged there. Even though I didn't respect them, I had a family. A handful of friends. A home to call my own. A place where I didn't have to feel like I was mooching off of anyone... If there was a chance I would certainly take it… Wouldn’t I?
“I… I really don’t know Fluttershy…”
I said it quickly but softly. I just didn’t want to stay on that subject… I hate feeling indecisive…
“Well… If you ever choose to go back, just know that even though you—” She blushed then gulped a bit. “Even though you are from a place so unfamiliar to me, that you’re the only one who I haven’t felt the need to be shy around.”
Before I could even take in the words she spoke, she sprang up and gave me a soft friendly kiss on the cheek, then flew out of the bedroom window faster than I had ever seen her fly before. She… She didn’t feel shy around me… Fluttershy. A pony who’s personality was in her name … Did I really make her feel that secure…? I suppose silence truly is golden. My constant quietness earned me the dearest and closest friend I could ever ask for… Fluttershy… A golden pony with a pink mane and butterfly shyness was my best friend… I couldn’t have even dreamt of anyone better to hold that title.
A short while passed. I figured I’d stay at Twi’s for the night since it was closer to the train station. I had gone down the stairs to the party again to see that they still had a lot of energy in them. I spotted Twilight in the far corner getting a drink of punch. I trudged my way through the ponies getting close enough to get her attention.
When I reached her, I whispered, “Hey Twi, as fun as this party is for me, I think now would be a good time to end it. Tomorrow’s a pretty big day for me.”
She agreed with me and we slowly ushered the rest of the ponies out the door.
After we cleaned up the spilled drinks, streamers, confetti, and crumbs, Fluttershy, Twilight and I both just collapsed to the floor. It’s not every day any of us got to party so wildly. And I had never done so before in my life. How Pinkie managed it was far beyond my comprehension. Randomness aside, we were practically wrestling our eyelids to keep them open.
I began to imagine what performing tomorrow on a real stage would be like: Bright lights, booming sound, and best of all, hundreds of ponies applauding wildly. And at least two of them would be cheering my name...
My imagination was cut off by Twilight asking my name.
“Yeah Twi?” I asked back.
“Is it alright if I ask you something kind of important? About Fluttershy?”
“Sure I guess. What’s up?”
“Do you love her?”
“What? What’s that supposed to mean?”
She paused. “I guess it’s just that ever since you’ve been staying with her, you’ve been so happy. I figured maybe you had a thing for her.”
I can see how she would arrive at that conclusion. Hell half the time I treated her like a girlfriend, or rather, mare friend with how much I cared about her. Though, Twilight’s odd assumption demanded explanation.
“Honestly, I don’t really feel for Fluttershy in that way. I mean sure I could but, and I think she’ll agree with me, it would just be a little too hard for either one of us to get used to. I mean, we’re completely different species. There’s just too much about us that would keep us from working out like that…”
I took a deep breath before I continued.
“However, I admit, we do feel for each other very greatly. She makes me feel very secure with myself. And I think I do the same with her. We are strong enough to face anything when we’re near each other.”
Twilight let out kind of a sigh of comfort.
“I understand. I personally think you both are very healthy for each other. I was a bit suspicious about you both being an item, but that’s just because I’d never want her to be hurt. Not that I think you would, but she’s one of my best friends too. I’d never want anything to happen to her.”
“Don’t worry about that Twi. We decided on just being really close friends. She deserves the stallion of her dreams, and I… well… we’ll just see what comes my way ‘til then ok?
I began to think about Fluttershy’s question earlier… Would I ever go back? I may not have believed in ghosts, but with how haunting this question would be for me, I could easily mistake it for one…
Twilight yawned and said one final thing before she allowed herself to drift off to sleep:
“I think you deserve love too. But if you can’t find, you can at least know that you have two mares here who always will.”
I could feel my soul smiling. I don’t know what it is about this place, but I’ve always felt a little warmer inside ever since I came here. Slowly my eyes began to close as I remembered a line from a familiar song that easily summed up how I felt about Fluttershy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had never looked this good in all my life. My hair was straightened, trimmed, and slicked back behind my ears flowing a bit below my neck. My face was shaven clean for the first time in… way too long. It felt a little weird to stroke my chin without my stubble and facial hair, but it sure made my face sleek, especially with the amazing hairstyle. And it made my lips stand out even more. (They were much redder than I ever remember them being.)
But I think the best part, was the suit, courtesy of Rarity’s measurements and Fluttershy’s stitching: A black jacket with long tails woven from the finest fabric in Ponyville, a white undershirt with onyx buttons and silver lined cufflinks, long straight black pants with not a single, solitary wrinkle, and shoes that were so reflecting, I could practically see how to fix my hair just by looking down at them.
I was currently sitting across from my two favorite mares in Equestria, Twilight, and Fluttershy. We had all boarded the Canterlot-bound train a few moments ago with smiles all around. Surprisingly though, I wasn’t the least bit tired the whole day. Twilight and I had slept until about 1:00 in the afternoon, which easily gave us plenty of rest we needed. But only two hours to get ready.
And when you share a house with someone who is based on schedule (and mildly OCD), two hours becomes a panicked rush.
I managed to calm her down though. I chose to practice a bit on my keyboard while she rushed around making sure her tree house was in order. She slowly regained her composure as the minutes ticked on. We arrived at the station, and to my surprise, all of Twilight’s friends came to see me off. They all gave me their blessings and best wishes for the concert and Twilight and Fluttershy chose to come with me for good luck. And with that, I stepped onto the train with a smile.
“Oh, this is just awful,” said Twilight looking at the program disappointedly.
“What?” both Fluttershy and I asked in unison.
“They have you listed as ‘The Human’ on the organ and piano. They didn’t even write your name.”
That didn’t really bother me. Most of the orchestra treated me like I had a lobster growing out of my neck anyway. I was used to being less than a pony by now.
“But that’s not all,” said Twilight. “Look on the back.”
I turned the program over.
Though my face didn’t move, I could certainly feel an angry hotness in my cheeks.
The program read:
“The HUMAN! For this show only, you can come see the one and only human species as he stuns you with tantalizing pianism and fabulous—”
I stopped there. I wanted to hurl.
“They’re treating me like some common freak show.”
Fluttershy and Twilight both looked at each other with the same look: ‘How could they do that?’
My fast thought process came up with an excuse: They didn’t know how sensitive I’d be about it. I was so glad that Fluttershy and Twilight helped me come out of my social shell a little. Otherwise I might have just bended over and taken this just like I had throughout my life on Earth.
Earth…
Every time I think about it, I can’t help but think back to Fluttershy’s haunting question.
Would I go back?
Would I rather go back to a life of near solitude with a band that barely respected me?
Or would I rather stay here and be a circus attraction to the class I ‘appealed’ to so well?
PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssssssss
My train of thought was interrupted by a sudden jolt and a hiss of steam.
We were there.
The Royal Canterlot Concert Hall.
Freak show or not, I had a chance to play on a stage for the first time in my life. Not just any stage either. The RCCH was the largest and most attended in the entire Canter Region.
Screw the freak show bull, me and an organ had a date on stage!
Instantly regressing any depressing thought I may have ever had before, I stepped out of the train car. The long ride had left what should have been an annoying stiffness in my limbs, but I could care less. My ambition was the only thing my body was running on now.
“Hey wait!”
Or… maybe I did need to calm down a bit. I still had my best friends to say goodbye to. We each shared a hug and some friendly words of encouragement, and they began to walk the long staircase to the hall’s entrance.
I on the other hand walked to the rear entrance marked ‘Talent Only’
Somebody please poke me with a pin. I need to leak out the rainbows of happy I have right now.
Walking through a maze of corridors I found the designated rehearsal room. A small sea of ponies and instruments splayed out before me. After a bit of awkward clambering and readjusting of seats, I finally got to my spot in front of the rehearsal room’s mini organ. Our conductor, a pony I had never met before gave me an odd stare, but quickly dismissed it.
He had probably already seen the ‘HUMAN’ program, and we had plenty of work to do.
We ran through our warm ups as quickly and efficiently as possible. Not a single note out of place. Not a single shred of an error. We sounded perfect.
About an hour later, a whistle blew from a familiar gray pony. It was time to go onstage.
I felt a thumping in my chest as I got more excited.
As we walked to the concert hall, I barely even noticed the orchestra’s odd stares at me anymore. I was too engrossed in my repeating thought.
‘I’m about to play on a stage.’
‘I’m about to play on a stage.’
‘I’m about to play—’
“Hey there.”
My thoughts were cut off by a warm, but professional look from Octavia.
“Did you hear? We sold out this venue. We have more ponies than I think I’ve ever seen out there. And well, I don’t think we could have done this without you. Oh and by the way…”
I was hoping she would stay away from the topic of my disorder, or the fact that I was human in a high class society of ponies or—
“I just wanted to wish you good luck tonight.”
…that’s all?
That was all she said. No put off, no bringing up things that didn’t need to be, just a simple word of encouragement?
I breathed easier. Octavia, a mare of propriety and protocol, who usually had advice or tactics specially reserved for someone as different as I am, simply said ‘good luck’.
I felt normal to someone else now too.
For the first time in talking with her, I smiled genuinely. And said two words that meant something much more powerful than what they commonly alluded to.
“Thank you.”
She seemed to understand a bit of what I was feeling at that point. She knew I had heard her advice more times than what needs to be counted. She didn’t need to continue with that routine. She just needed to make sure that this shaven and now spiffy musician had some positive encouragement before the big show.
I was ready for anything now.
Twilight and Fluttershy had been waiting patiently in their seats for quite a long time. As their eyes wandered, they saw countless slicked back manes for the stallions, and more hats than they had ever seen for the mares, even in Rarity’s collection.
Then they looked at the stage. Long, red curtains veiled the entirety of it, and to their sides, two brilliantly carved pegasai statues each supporting the beam which the curtains draped upon.
Twilight spoke, breaking the anticipating silence.
“Fluttershy, are you sure he’ll be ok up there?” Twilight asked with a look of concern. “I mean the only crowd he’s ever ‘performed’ in front of was when he had that nervous breakdown, and they were just the easy-to-please ponies.”
“Oh right,” Fluttershy quietly whispered through the soft murmur of high class ponies. “I remember him telling me about that…”
“These ponies won’t accept just anything,” She continued. “They would voice their opinion pretty violently if they disapproved. And what if he has another breakdown? I don’t think even playing one of the songs from his world would fix the audience’s disapproving stare…”
Fluttershy took a small deep breath.
“Well since he’s been living with me, I tend to watch him carefully in the way he acts. He was always pretty high strung… always really stiff and really nervous. I could say the same about how I was before I got more comfortable with him living there. But even when he got used to me, he never seemed to stop being nervous around me…”
Then Fluttershy smiled.
“But when I catch a glance of him playing his magic piano, I see someone else entirely. I see someone at complete peace. He barely moves, but it’s almost like he doesn’t even need to. Like he just wants to stay still and relish the moment he’s in.”
“I can’t really blame him,” Twilight chimed in. “Who wouldn’t want to just stay there and listen that?”
Fluttershy nodded.
“And he has this look on his face. I can only think of one thing to compare it to… A child. Smiling. But not in a hyper and giggly way, more like…”
She paused, and looked up in thought.
“Like a child in the comfort of their mother.”
Twilight smiled. She knew exactly what look Fluttershy was talking about.
“His movements are much smoother. Almost like water. I find myself just smiling blissfully when I see him like that. It’s why I like to ask him to play things for me. I like hearing his music, don’t get me wrong, but I love to see him become something more than what he presents to everyone else. I think that’s what got him out of his shell with me.”
Twilight just sat back and sighed. As much as she loved science and theory when it came to this situation, there was no denying she enjoyed the spiritual emotion of it all.
Her thoughts ended however as they were replaced with voices quieting, shushing, and the lights of the auditorium growing dim.
All of us were positioned in our seats. From behind those massive curtains, time seemed to stand still. All that was left in the world were us musicians. And that’s the mentality we as a whole tried to keep. All that mattered was us playing. Not for anything, or anyone, just pure simple homage to the life we were now separated from.
Then, we felt the lights dim outside as we heard ponies shushing each other.
…
Silence.
…
Pure, unadulterated silence.
…
Not even a pindrop could break it.
…
Darkness.
…
Not a single whisper of light was visible.
…
Seconds passed.
…
Moments.
…
A few lights above us began to brighten.
I felt one last excited chill crawl up my spine as the strings began to tune up with the brightening lights.
Then another silence. A brighter one.
The curtains opened.
A wave of applause flooded our ears as we suddenly became visible to our audience.
They began to quiet as we heard a few taps from our conductor.
One…
final…
silence…
Our instruments erupted.
Not once had I heard us on a stage. I had heard us in practice rooms and on recordings, but never, NEVER on a stage. And now that I had, I didn’t think anything else could capture whatever sound just exploded from our stage. We had literally filled the auditorium with sound. And it was incredible.
Before I knew it, our first set had ended, and ponies were all cheering and clapping their hooves loudly. I looked up when I heard two familiar voices call out my name.
There were Twilight and Fluttershy both cheering and waving at me with cheerful encouragement.
I shot a smile back at them. Then I turned my head back to the task at hand. We were starting a new piece.
Again the room was flooded with amazing classical music.
Truth be told, I may not be much of a classical fan, but I can at least recognize the composer who wrote them when I hear them. With this orchestra, there was not a single song I recognized. Except for one. And go figure, the composer’s name was Beethoofen. (I didn’t complain though. Beethoven is too amazing to exist in just one dimension.)
More songs played. More cheers.
After about thirty minutes of waltzes and movements of symphonies, the orchestra moved onto a piece requested by popular vote by the crowd (before entry), which gave them a chance to see me, a human, perform in action and alone.
A solo written solely for the Organ by S. Canter DeVeaut: A pony best known as one of the pioneers of Canterlotian Opera and Music.
The full title was called ‘Vous Avez Trop de Temps sur Vos Mains’
I was pretty excited. I got to play an actual solo alone. I had my own turn to perform myself and everyone here could see me do it. A human. The only human in Equestria.
…
The… only human…
…
I looked up.
Everyone was staring at me.
Everyone was staring through me
In that brief second, I thought about the pamphlet. How they paraded me off like I was some sort of attraction.
My eyes began to dart around as lingering memories kept clutching my conscious:
“Look, everyone! It’s the Ass Burger!”
“Look at him, now he’s rocking back and forth like a wittle baby!”
“Look at him!”
“Look”
“LOOK”
Always the center of attention when I never want to be.
And just because I acted a certain way.
I began to nervously rock back and forth again. I could feel a scream building
My hands began to shake. My world started to contort.
…Suddenly, I let everything go…
Everything I had been feeling up to this point, excitement, joy, anticipation, belonging, fear, poured out in the form of sound.
The organ howled.
Screeched.
Hummed.
I felt the chords in the depth of my soul. The negativity flowed out of me and into the organ itself. Everything melted away. Everything was simply a mix of black, white, and sound.
Then I stopped. I breathed. I opened my eyes.
Faces of discomfort and dare I say disgust were all I could see from anypony. In that brief moment, I was in my own little maelstrom once again. Only this time, no one was there to help me.
No one.
Just faces.
Faces of anger, discontent, worry.
Worry?
I caught a glimpse of Twilight and Fluttershy looking at me. Scared for me.
I sighed and stood. Then walked off the stage.
…
Silence…
…
Pure, unadulterated silence…
Twilight and Fluttershy came rushing out of the entrance and flew down to the rear VIP entryway. They burst through the doors and their eyes scoured everywhere for their friend.
“Oh, where is he!?” Twilight’s voice cracked with worry.
A shadowy figure spotted them.
“Twilight?”
“Octavia?”
She galloped towards them with a hopeful smile.
“Oh thank goodness you’re both here! Have you two seen your friend?”
“No…” Fluttershy piped up. “Did you?”
“I followed him down here but I lost him when he started running.”
“Oh no…” Said Fluttershy and Twilight in unison.
It was getting dark. And they were getting worried. Really worried.
They all began to search the building and the grounds for their friend as dissatisfied, high-class ponies began to vacate the entryway.
I didn’t know where I was going or how fast I was running. All I knew was that I needed to get away and be alone to let my nerves simmer. All of my senses were heightened.
I felt a tight, constricted warmth in the chest as sandpaper cold wind slapped my face as I ran through the night.
My hair pulled at my scalp as it flew behind me in the breeze.
My eyes felt dry and clammy as I strained to look for somewhere, anywhere, that I could be alone.
I passed the outskirts of the city of Canterlot, and behind it all stood a forest. I saw two trees on either side of what looked like a path.
Turning sharply, I ran directly to it. I passed the edge of the forest and ran straight into the path.
…
Darkness…
…
Not a single whisper of light was visible.
…
I panted and slowly regained my breath. Marathons don’t make you this tired. I walked along the darkened shrouded path as I tried to recollect what just happened.
Why couldn’t I just push that out of my mind?
I usually was able to push memories like that away. Why not then?
What made that so different?
Why was I remembering my past so vividly…?
I sighed as my questions began to weigh heavily on me…
As I walked, I saw a blue light at the end of the path. A pale, shimmering, silvery blue. The forest had come to a wide open clearing. Acres of grass, moss, flowers, stretched out before me. It was beautiful. But not quite as beautiful as what I saw when I looked up.
This was the first time in my life here that I had ever seen the full glory of the equestrian moon. It shone in such a vivid, shimmering, alabaster white that it made Earth’s moon look as dull as old tar.
I stared up at this heavenly sphere.
…
Seconds passed.
…
Moments.
…
I felt at peace again. Most of the time, I calmed myself to a rock tune, but now… as I stared at the moon, I swear I could hear a choir resonating in my mind…
I was reminded of the moons I saw as a child.
Another memory began to resurface.
When I was a child I would always sleep with a nightlight... I was so afraid of the dark… but nights with a full moon, I wouldn’t need any extra light. The moonlight shone through my windows and cascaded my room in a deep velvet blue.
Whenever I see a full moon this beautiful though, I’m always reminded of the only song that has ever been used as a lullaby for me in my early years.
A choir song by Eric Whitacre.
A song called Lux Aurumque.
I could hear my breathing as I listened to another choir of crickets, cicadas, bats, and other songful night-dwellers.
The choir of the night.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lux,
calida gravisque pura velut aurum
et canunt angeli molliter
modo natum.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eight.
Eight months since my last update.
Let me be the first to say, this is fucking disgraceful of me.
Well I've never been one to sugar coat authors notes, so let me cut to the point: I have been scrolling through the comments on this story and you all tell me I had a pretty good idea and that I should finish it. And I personally think you're right. I should finish what I've started. This fanfic has had a lot of personal meaning to me, and I need to get it done.
Having said that, Also note that I'm not just in college anymore, I also draw comics for a semi successful tumblr page now: AskFapplebloom. (some of you may already know it.) So these updates may not come as quickly as I'd like. (Especially since I'm quite a mediocre and cliche'd writer in my opinion.)
But my point stands: I will finish this.
I have a decently written chapter already. All it needs is a bit more detail, and it will be ready for viewing.
I just hope I haven't lost too many favs on this.
Thank you for being so patient, and hopefully I won't cause such an embarrassment to myself again in the future.
See you in the comments!!
~Jaxonian
