Pony in My Panties (and other crackfics featuring Vinyl and Octavia)

Lyra pounded at the door to Octavia's house with her foot. While Octavia would probably be mad at her for getting the white door dirty, Lyra didn't really care that much about what happened to her rival.

"Come on, come on, my arms are turning to jelly here!"

"Why not just set the bowl down?" Bonbon suggested.

"Because I don't want to give Octavia a chance to 'accidentally' knock it over."

"Oh, come now, sweetie, Octavia wouldn't do that!"

"You'd be surprised at what she did to me in college then."

The door opened and a head with tinted sunglasses and electric blue hair popped out. "Hey Lyra. What 're you doing here?"

"Hey, Vinyl. I needed someone to take care of Little Lyra while Bonbon and I go to the Canterlot Bakeoff. We tried everyone else, but they were either too busy or out of town for the day." Lyra explained. "So could you pleeease take her? It'd only be for two days, tops." she begged as she employed her best puppy dog eyes.

"...Yeah, okay. Does she need any special food?"

"It's in the box Bonbon is holding."

"Alright, just set it down anywhere, we'll take care of it."

Octavia flopped down onto the inviting covers of her bed. After an overly long gig at  La Princesse Cuisine (Why did they have to have music until 11 o' clock!?), she had nearly been sleeping on her feet. Pulling the covers back over to her side of the bed (which elicited a groan and a mumble from Vinyl), she almost went to sleep immediately. Unfortunately, a small "ee?" shocked her into a fully alert state. Turning towards the sound, she saw a small, mint-green sea pony hanging off the side of the open air tank, staring curiously at Octavia.

"VINYL!"

"Oh, Celestia, not so loud, Octy! I'm trying to sleep!"

"You can sleep AFTER you explain what 'Little Lyra' is doing in my house!"

"In th' mornin'," Vinyl mumbled. Octavia, while very frustrated with her fiancée, was also amazed at how quickly she could fall asleep after an interruption.

"No, not in the morning. NOW."

"Fine. Lyra and Bonbon went to the bakeoff and they needed someone to keep her safe. She'll be here for two days, tops. Besides, who knows? Maybe she'll be fun, and in any case OctoOcty was looking lonely."

"...Point. But I still don't like her..."

"Come on, she looks so cute! Why do you have to taint her adorableness with your preconcieved notions about her personality, Octy?" Vinyl asked between mouthfuls of pancakes.

"Wow, Vinyl, that's quite a mouthful." Octavia replied.

"What, the pancakes?"

"No, the words."

Vinyl smirked. "When you spend most of your time with a snobby cello player, they rub off on- Hey! You were just derailing me, weren't you!?"

"Mayyyybe..."

"You were! You totally were! Now answer the question!"

"Can you blame me? Her donor was my greatest rival in college, and she still is."

"That's not an excuse, and you know it. OctoOcty gets along with her just fine, so why don't you?"

"Ugh, for the last time! She is not 'OctoOcty', her name is Violoncello."

"Too much of a mouthful. Besides, OctoOcty is alliterative."

"Vinyl, it's just 'vio-len-chel-lo'. How is that a mouthful? It rolls of the tongue, it sound beautiful, and it's only four damn syllables."

"That's three syllables too many."

"But OctoOcty has four too!"

"It gets a free pass for being alliterative. Plus, I can spell OctoOcty, unlike 'Violoncello'."

"ARGH! Vinyl, you are impossible!" Octavia slammed her utensils onto the table and stormed off to get ready to go to her ensemble's practice.

Vinyl took Little Lyra aside.

"Don't worry, I'll get her to come around."

"ah?"

"Alright, Vinyl, I'm home! This surprise of yours had better be good! I'll have yoMPHH"

Vinyl released Octavia from the kiss. "Oh don't worry, it'll be VERY good." She clicked the remote to her stereo, and something not unlike seventies porn music sounded out, if said music were to have been electonica with a deep, romatic cello backing it up.

As Octavia moved in closer, a small 'ee...'made itself known from a point near Vinyl's crotch. Octavia could only look in a mix of horror, disgust, and oddly, arousal as the grey head of Violoncello (with a pirate hat and an eyepatch for some reason) popped out of Vinyl's panties.

"Wow, Octy, guess you really like my panties!" Vinyl quipped.

"..." Octavia fired back.

"Yeah, it seems gross, but when you think about it, it's pretty much the same thing as when we scissor. Here, try it!"

And with that, Vinyl stuffed Little Lyra (in a ninja costume no less) down her panties.

The feeling was quite strange, but very pleasing. However, Octavia could never let Vinyl know that she liked it. It would be the perfect blackmail to let Vinyl get anything she wanted.

"V-Vinyl, get hER out this instant!"

"I guess she's just too wet to handle for you, eh Octy?" Vinyl replied, easily seeing through Octavia's attempts to disguise her pleasure.

Unbeknownst too the both of them, Little Lyra and Violoncello were preparing to do battle, both jealous of the other for stealing what they considered "theirs".

SCHING!

SCHLINK!

And as cutlery made up as miniature swords were drawn, two screams woke everyone up within a hundred yard radius.

The wind blew through the room, cold as ice and just as uncaring. She knew this kind of chill; when she was trained in deep sea combat she had to endure temperatures around this level. Oh how she wished she was back in training, when life was predictable...

At least it would be warmer than this shitty weather.

Turning her thoughts to more pressing matters, she stared down her foe. A sai was in the sea foam green sea pony's mouth, pointed at Violoncello's eye. She responded in kind, bringing her cutlass to bear. Intentionally getting it trapped in the prongs, she tried to get Little Lyra's weapon out of her mouth, to no avail. 'Thrice-damned harlot,' she yelled at the ninja, 'you dare try to seduce my friend? You don't deserve that perch, much less a place in this house!'

'At least I don't look like a screwed up science experiment, you tentacled whore!'

'Oh, it is on!'

The clash of steel on steel rang throughout the battleground...

“OH SWEET CELESTIA WHAT DO WE DO OCTY WHAT DO WE DO!?”

“DAMMIT VINYL, THOSE WERE GIFTS FROM THE PRINCESS HERSELF!”

“IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU DIDN'T PUT THEM AWA-” Vinyl stopped, the last part of Octavia's outburst finally connecting with her brain.

“Wait. The Princess Celestia gave you utensils that look like swords.”

“No, Princess Luna did, but that's beside the poi-”

“No way! That is so metal. Can you hook me up with some?”

“Vinyl, right now we're paying witness to a sword fight between a sea pony and a genetically modified octopus, and the thing you're most concerned about is utensils?”

“Why shouldn’t it be?”

“Because there is currently a sword fight in progress, in case you didn’t notice. Wait! That’s it! All that noise you call ‘music’ has finally given you hearing problems! It explains everything!”

“Hey! My music may be noise to your ears, prune-face, but at least it has soul!”

Octavia sighed. “You’re right, Vinyl. Your music has soul. And by ‘soul’ I mean ‘nothing but high quality samples of the shrieks of the damned getting their faces ripped off by Cerberus. And I am not a prune-face!”

“Really? ‘Cause right now you look like one. Oh, wait! That’s how you look all the time!”

Octavia swiped the sai out of Little Lyra’s mouth and pointed it at Vinyl. “Enough! You dare insult me? Then you will know what true pain is!”

Vinyl, in response, swiped the cutlass out of Violonchello’s tentacle, earning a surprisingly vicious glare from the octopus. “Come at me bro!”, she taunted.

“Now you shall know the fury of a Celestial Paladin!” Octavia shouted, eyes bloodshot and arms in a fighting stance.

“For the glory of the God Empress!” Vinyl shouted back with a smile.

All the while, Sgt. Jacob Keystone and Commander Scott Yard stood at the door to the house Octavia and Vinyl were soon to be not occupying. “I told you so!”, Jacob exclaimed in a hushed tone, “I knew they weren’t just musicians! Who ever heard of a DJ and a cellist moving in with each other? Bloody impossible, if you ask me! I mean, the las-“

“Let’s try to keep the element of surprise, Jake.”, Scott whispered while covering the man’s mouth. Moving up to the door, he pulled out his short sword and prepared to kick the door down.

“Police! Open up!” A voice cut through the clangs like a hot knife through butter. Octavia and Vinyl looked at each other, then to the miniature weapons, then clamored to make it look like they were  doing some kinky roleplay. Unfortunately, the officer on the other side of the door wasn’t willing to be patient, and kicked the door open.

The awkwardness that followed would later be legendary in its terribleness. Vinyl was able to squeak out a pathetic “It’s… not what it looks like?” to the policeman.

Scott Yard, with a face so impassive it would make the average royal guard seem like Pinkie Pie,  walked out of the house, pulled out his whiskey flask, poured out the whole thing, and made his way back to the station. He would later submit himself for a psychiatric exam, claiming “Hallucinations of women in lingerie, wielding weapon-like cutlery, with angry sea life in their panties.”, and be honorably discharged because of ‘Mental and emotional trauma severe enough to cause auditory and visual hallucinations.’

DAYS LATER

Bonbon sighed. "I was so sure I was going to win too!"

Lyra kissed her wife on the cheek. "At least you get the... consolation prize, hmm? Oh, hey Little Lyra, what do you want?"

As Lyra picked up her sea pony twin, Little Lyra stretched open her donor's panties and wiggled out of her bigger twin's grasp, right into them.

FIN

A/N: Yes! My first story is now online! If you see any errors, have any suggestions for a sequel, or want to join me on my trip to pony hell, comment below!

This story was based off of John Joseco's "Panty Battle", which is the cover art for this story.