Pony in My Panties (and other crackfics featuring Vinyl and Octavia)

Good Vibrations, Part 1

"Come on, sister, it's time for you to go back to bed."

"SORRY, WHAT WAS THAmfffh!"

"Shush! It's three in the morning, you'll disturb the peace!"

"STILL CAmffh"

"Just forget I said anything and follow me..." Luna sighed. After a night out on the town, Celestia was drunk, half deaf, and would most likely yell at her sister in the morning for letting her lose her inhibitions so easily. Luna snorted. 'It's not like I was the reason why she ground against the bartender. Hmm... maybe the tabloids were on to something... I'll have to ask Twilight about that next time I'm in Ponyville.' A slight breeze made her cloak billow, and if one was watching, they would have seen a little black dress fit for a princess (it was the only thing she had). While their disguises were holding up pretty well, their ethereal hair was starting to fall out from the wigs they were using, and Luna feared that if the wind blew a bit harder, they would be revealed. Oh, how the tabloids and gossip magazines would have a field day. Luna could see it all over the front page: "PLASTERED PRINCESS: CELESTIA  QUICKLY CONSUMES COLOSSAL COCKTAILS".

Oh, she was so screwed.

"Hey, lady, wanna buy some 'happy pills'?" a voice whispered from the dark.

Luna quickly turned towards the voice "And what, pray tell, are 'happy pills'?"

"Wait a second, I've heard that voice befo... Shit!" The drug dealer quickly ran off. Obviously, the voice change spell was wearing off, Luna mused, before releasing the Royal Canterlot Voice full blast. "GUARDS! SEIZE HIM! YOUR PRINCESS COMMANDS IT!"

After five minutes, the guards were nowhere to be found. Luna was starting to seriously contemplate leaving her intoxicated sister while she chased down the rotten scoundrel, but quickly decided against it when she saw Celestia had passed out on the street.

Sighing, Luna picked up her older sister and slowly made her way back to the castle...

"Sister... wake up..." Luna whispered.

"Lunaaaa! What did I say about Royal Canterlot Voice in my bedroom!?" Celestia half yelled, half whispered back.

"Sister, if I was using the Voice, you would be deaf now. Now, get up. Hangovers aren't any excuse for missing Court, now are they?"

"I don't wanna. Go away."

"Cm'on, Tia, up! What will the citizens think of you if you continue this?"

"What will the crimes against humanity tribunal think about you if you continue this?"

"They'll forgive me. Now, either get up or lose the sheets, your choice."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, but I would."

"...Fine. You're still an ass, though. Know any spells for getting rid of hangovers?"

"I would have cast one for you, but you called me an ass."

"Because you are. I can't think of anyone else who has to deal with someone getting them up at..." Celestia squinted at the clock "6:00 A.M., even though they have a hangover and were still awake in the very early morning."

"Maybe it's because you've been locked up in this castle chatting with snooty nobles who wouldn't know good music if it bit them in the ass. But seriously, Tia, you do need to get out more."

"Why do you think I sent Twilight to Ponyville, hmm?"

"No, I mean physically go out of the castle."

"I've tried for years to get some form of relaxation time, but people whine about crises that turn out to be simple legal matters between two nobles that could have been settled in court, and once I've come back they declare my vacation over."

Luna facepalmed. "You're the Crown Princess, Tia! Just tell them to fuck off! From what I've seen, the nobility needs to be reminded of who the rulers of this country are, so don't take this... insolence lying down!"

"Much as I'd love too, it would strain relations to the breaking point, and I don't think Equestria would be able to withstand that kind of instability."

A knock at the door halted the argument. "Your Highness? It's time to get up, you're fifteen minutes late for sunrise."

"We'll talk later, okay Tia?"

"Okay. Now get out, I still need to get dressed." Celestia flashed a quick smile to Luna as she left the room.

"Ah, Captain Armor! How's Twilight doing? I haven't seen her in ages!" Luna asked.

"Actually, your highness, I'm not sure. I think I remember her talking about 'visiting new planes', though."

"...Aren't you a little worried for her safety? I mean, interplanar trav-" Luna rapidly blinked, her mind finally processing what 'visiting new planes' implied. "...Captain? If I may be so bold as to ask HOW IN TARTARUS DOES YOUR SISTER KNOW ABOUT INTERPLANAR TRAVEL!?"

Shaking off the effects of a near Royal Canterlot Voice from three feet away, Shining Armor quickly responded.

"..."

"I'm waiting, Captain..."

"I-I'm not sure, your Highness, but I think she was talking about how she 'figured out where Starswirl went when he vanished'. That was a few days ago, but we only see each other once a week, now. I guess I dismissed it as rambling."

"...Captain, you seem unusually calm. How, exactly, are you doing this?"

"Royal Guard training, your Highness. I'm assuming that once I'm off the clock I'll be in a full blown panic mode."

Luna filed the interplanar travel issue away to deal with later. She saw no point in chancing a panic mode at this instant. "Okay, three things. One, you're part of the royal family now, call me 'Luna', or 'Princess' if that's too informal for you. Two, please try to refrain from casting spells during your panic attack, I don't want to have a repeat of the 'Smartypants' incident. Three, and this is horribly off topic but it's been bugging me all day, what, exactly, are 'happy pills'?"

"Happy pills? How did you learn about those, Princess?"

"A man was trying to sell them to me before he realized he was trying to sell it to one of the Princesses. I assume it's some form of recreational drug?"

"Yes, Princess. 'Happy pills' are a mixture of aphrodisiacs and Ecstasy, very addictive, very nasty."

"One more question, Captain. How come guards didn't come to my aid within five minutes? What if I was under attack?"

"We're understaffed in the slums, which is where I'm assuming you were, because stuff like that is pretty rare in the business district. Frankly, most of the guards can't run full tilt in their assigned armor, the spears we use are cumbersome, and it usually takes ten minutes to respond to any given cry for help. In short, we need better equipment, Princess."

"I'll see what I can do, Captain. Dismissed."

Luna contemplated the best way to fix the equipment problem over dinner.

'Hmm... something like the Royal Canterlot Voice? Nah, within a day the guards would go hoarse for a week.' Glancing around the room, Luna noticed an ad for DJ-P0N3 on the morning paper Celestia was reading.

'Perhaps it could work yet...'

A/N: Vinyl and Octy will be in the next part. Also, there will probably be three parts total to this arc.

Suggestions? Corrections? RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE? Comment!