Pony in My Panties (and other crackfics featuring Vinyl and Octavia)

The magical land of Equestria. While it was ruled over by the two Royal Sisters, the protection of the land fell to the Day and Night Guards. They had faced dragons, hydras, ursa majors, and more. Equestria's finest was able to fight off any invasion, bar omnipotent level threats. And sometimes even then. Through thousands of years, the brave men and women of the Royal Guard had protected the princess(es) from threat after threat. And they did all of this with only polearms and plate armor.

But today that was about to change.

"LLLUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

The ancient mountain shook, the forgotten monstrosities within the Everfree Forest (and Fluttershy) quaked in fear, and all who heard that cry of hatred (which was everyone within a five mile radius) swore to never, *ever*** make Celestia that angry, lest they be liquefied by the full force of the Royal Canterlot Voice.

All but one, who was quietly giggling at her sister's new... coloration: neon pink (it even glowed!).

The Royal Guard had weathered ancient evils, doppelgangers, and even the lord of chaos himself. But that all paled in comparison to what awaited them that day:

A Royal Prank War.

Shining Armor swore. Discord thanked the elements that he was still a statue. But Pinkie Pie summed up the thoughts of all who had ever heard about that dreaded event in the most succinct way possible:

"We are so fucked."

"Pinkie! Language!"

"Oh, sorry, Mrs. Cake!"

Celestia blew a wisp of ethereal hair like substance out of her face, silently wishing her student was there to help her organize. In front of her was a stack of papers, all detailing the various crises and "crises" that were plaguing citizens and nobles, respectively. If one looked closely at said papers, they would be able to make out barely legible scrawls laconically detailing whatever plight that was outlined on the pages.

"Let's see, do I have anything important to do? 'burn ponyville because ruined gala'; Dammit, Blueblood, I thought I banned you from Day Court. 'zone new biz district'; Ugh, I'll shove it off onto Twilight, maybe say it's 'practice for when you become a royal mage/assistant' or something. And the rest of these look like tax reports, so... on to 'Operation Revenge'!"

Swiping up her phone, the Sun Princess quickly dialed the number for her... 'secret' chef. She would most certainly know how to get back at Luna!

"Hi, this is Pie!"

"Hello, Pinkie, I was wondering if you could help me with a certain... 'problem' I have..."

"Ohhhhh..." Pinkie purred. "I didn't think you were that kind of girl, Princess! It's fifty an hour, and if you want toys it's an extra thirty. Kinky st- Oh, it's just your sister, Loony! Anywa-THUNK-KZSHZZZ"

'Damn. If Luna's using Pinkie that means I can't use her.' Unbidden images of Pinkie in a... compromising position came to the forefront of Celestia's mind. 'No, not like that! In any case, who could prank as well as Pinkie? I'll have to do some recon. Perhaps Twilight would know...'

"No."

"What?"

"I've read about the Royal Prank Wars, Princess, and I'm not going to let you do something like creating a golem made out of Luna's most hated foods." Twilight said with a pointed glare.

Celestia blushed. "That was a one time thing, and you know it!” she frowned.

"Yes, it was a one time thing because it destroyed an entire building when it went berserk. So no, I'm not going to tell you anything about anybody's penchant for pranking, whether in Ponyville or elsewhere."

"Very well then. After I'm done with Luna, you're next." Celestia scowled.

“That’s fine. I’ll just get Pinkie, Dash, Vinyl, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and Luna. So, do you need me to tell you just how screwed you are?” Twilight boasted with a smug grin and closed eyes.

"I'm waiting, Princess..."

After 30 seconds, Twilight got tired of waiting, and opened her eyes a teeny bit to check on her surroundings.

Seeing no sign of the grey, pulverized rock dust that was nigh omnipresent on the lunar surface, the bookworm fully opened her eyes to empty space. If she squinted, she could make out Celestia off in the distance running as if Discord was on her tail. So, with a heavy sigh and a muttered curse, she made her way towards her parchment and quills.

If she were to have any hope of stopping this catastrophe, she would need some allies. And possibly some rope.

*tat-a-tat tat*

Vinyl's head poked out the door. "Yeah, Princess?" she whispered.

"I need you to come to Canterlot with me. I have a slight... problem and I need your advice on how to best proceed."

"Alright, just let me write a note about where I'm going so Octy doesn't tear my head off when I get back. What are we doing anyways?"

"Pranking my sister."

"..."

"Vinyl, dear, are you alright?", the Princess asked. Vinyl's mouth slowly turned upwards into a huge, Pinkie Pie smile.

"Oh, I'm more than alright, princess. Tell me, do you have any whoopie cushions?"

Octavia groaned as she awoke, searching the bed with her hand for her girlfriend. Finding no warm parts that would indicate a Vinyl that just woke up, Octavia rose out of bed to find her delinquent cook for today. Moving towards the dining room, she spied a a note lying on top of an empty plate.

Octy,

Celestia has asked me to help prank Luna, so I'll be at Canterlot. If I don't come back in three days, there's a bottle of vodka I've been saving, pour it on my grave, would you?

- Vinyl

Octavia had many thoughts running through her head at that moment, but the most prevalent was 'FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK'.