The tension was high, the air was thick, and the pain only growing with each passing moment. Every second became another wave of agony as the throws of madness began to overtake the once conscious mind of a man thrust into a world unknown. What kind of sin could he have committed; who's baby did he kick in a past life to deserve all of this?

As his fingers dug into his skull, not helping the ever growing headache that was beginning to set in, Ryan looked up at the three young fillies staring at him with happy smiles.

Okay, so we've concluded that they don't like bleach. What about toys? Maybe we could give them a plastic bag and this whole situation would sort itself out.

Though the temptation to make such an offer was high, he knew that they were a bit too old to fall for that old trick. Perhaps another opportunity would present itself? Maybe he'd pass by a train he could push them in front of. Better yet, he could jump in front of it himself and end this nightmare he called a life.

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were starting to lose their poker faces. He has been staring at them for what felt like hours and hasn't moved an inch. The look in his eyes was almost too disturbing for them to face.

Out of everypony in this triangle, Apple Bloom was the most confused by this. Ryan came over to the farm countless times and never seemed to have much of a problem with her, or even her friends when they came to visit. But now, it was like she was gazing into the soul of Pony Hitler; Dark, twisted, and kinda scary.

Before long, Ryan finally broke the silence. "Why?"

The girls all stopped smiling, glancing back and forth between one another in confusion. Their sights eventually ended back on the human as Sweetie Belle took the metaphorical stand. "Why what?"

"Of all of the places..." He began, his tone becoming slightly louder. "Of all of the ponies in town...Why the sam-hell did she drop you guys off...to me?"

"Rainbow Dash is at a meeting in Cloudsdale with the Wonderbolts." Scootaloo responded quickly.

"Rarity is falling behind on her orders and needs to catch up." Sweetie Belle added.

"And Fluttershy is helping out at the vet." Apple Bloom finished.

Ryan let out a sigh as he massages his face with his hands. "What about Pinkie Pie?"

"It's Pinkie." The fillies replied in unison, all while wearing the same deadpan expression

Ryan let that thought sit for a moment as he removed his hands from his face. "Good point." He took another moment to himself as he realized that somepony was missing from this equation. A smile spread across his face as he formulated the perfect plan to save him from this torture. "Who wants to visit Twilight?"

Again, the fillies shared a few glances with each other. "I'm not sure if she-" Sweetie Belle began, only to be cutoff as the human rose from his spot on the floor and made for the front door.

"Enough chit-chat!" He boomed pridefully. "Time is candy and we, more specifically me, need to collect the generous offerings." He paused as he opened the door, realizing what he just said. "God dammit, Pinkie..."

Without further verbal exchanges, the fillies followed Ryan to Twilight's castle, stopping as they got to the door. The human knock on the large door with purpose and waited patiently for an answer.

The door opened to show spike standing just on the other side with some kind of list gripped firmly in his claw. He gave the human an odd look. He wasn't quite used to seeing him, being how he hardly visited, and he was slightly uncomfortable around him. Not so much because of what he was, or the obvious size difference between them, but mostly because of the relationship he had with Rarity.

"Can I help you?" The young dragon asked with a raised brow.

"Yeah, is Twilight-OH SWEET JESUS!!!" Ryan was knocked down by a small, but powerful, flying object that sent him plummeting into the ground. The blow was strong enough to blur his vision, but once he had managed to refocus his eyes, an almost unparalleled amount of fear could be seen in them. "What the ungodly hell is this thing!?"

Twilight was quick to run to the door, only to nearly bust her gut with laughter as she found her niece, Flurry Heart, sitting atop of the human's chest.

"Aww, she likes you." She teased as the foal smiled and started squishing random parts of Ryan's face in her small hands.

Ryan couldn't do much more than stare at the abomination born straight from the fiery pits of hell as it fondled what small amount of meat he had on his face. "This is weird." He muttered as she grabbed his lower lip and started pulling it down. "Can someone flease get thish thing off of meh?"

"But it's so cute!" Twilight beamed, all while the sillies Ryan was supposed to be watching died in the background via giggle-fits.

Frustration rising rather quickly, Ryan shook his head until the foal released him from her grasp. "For fuck sake!" He yelled, scaring the extremely young alicorn still perched o his sternum. "I am a human being, not the anatomically-correct doll that molested kids use in a fucking courtroom."

Not only was Flurry Heart removed from Ryan, but his body became surrounded in a lavender glow as his body was pulled up from the ground. No longer than when he had just started standing on his own again, he felt a small amount of pain in his face as a loud smack echoed through his right ear.

Ryan placed a hand to his cheek, his neck angling itself in Twilight's direction as his undivided attention became solely focused on her and the rather unpleasant expression she currently held. "Ow..."

Twilight took a step toward Ryan, levitating both Flurry and Spike into the castle. "Okay, I get that you're from another world and that your customs may be far more different than ours, but I will not tolerate that kind of language around my niece." A cold, unsettling chill ran up the human's spine as the furious alicorn leveled a finger in his direction. "Now you are going to promise me that, so long as Flurry Heart is in my care, you will refrain from any and all obscenities; Understood?"

Ryan blinked twice at her, his eyes wide with shock. He found her sudden, almost out of character, behavior to be slightly unsettling. However, given his nature, he would never be able to make such a promise. But then again, she was supposed to be his salvation. "I will, but only on one condition."

Twilight crossed her arms, giving him a stern look. "For the last time, I'm not sleeping with you. I don't care how curious you are about how I would react to-"

"That's not what I'm implying." He added, causing Twilight to almost take on a look of shock. "But we should get back to that topic later. Seriously, I think I could rock you world what with you having aspects of both unicorn and pegasus." And now she's back to stern. "What I need though is for you to take these three out of my, more than obviously, unfit care."

She glanced back at fillies she's gotten to know so well over the years, feeling a certain amount of pity for them having to be stuck with Ryan of all ponies-er creatures. "While I agree that you shouldn't ever be allowed to watch over kids, I can't." And like that, Ryan's heart shattered like a dinner plate being tossed out of a four story window. "I have to watch over Flurry AND get some stuff together for the foals in the hospital."

"Foals in-? You know what; I don't care." If Twilight couldn't help him, then he’d need to find a new candidate. "What about Starlight? Isn't she around?"

"No." She responded plainly. "She's helping out helping Applejack."

"Motherf-!"

"Watch it!" Twilight hissed, doing her best to keep him from using any more of his colorful language while her niece was around.

Ryan glared at Twilight, moving on to a new statement just to spite her. "Fuck! You!"

Scootaloo held a bag of frozen peas against Ryan's eye as he sat in his couch, muttering about how Twilight was lucky she wasn't a stallion and all of the horrible things he wanted to do to her. His ramblings started off tame enough, but quickly took a much darker turn as they progressed.

"You know," Scootaloo cut in, thankfully stopping Ryan from going on about how he was going to strangle Twilight with rusted barbed wire. "you can go ahead and say whatever you want. It's your house, your rules, and all that noise. But, you did have it coming." His eyes locked onto the filly with a stare that nearly rivaled Fluttershy's, causing her to cower back a few inches. "I'm just saying that; She wouldn't have hit you, had you not said what you said."

Before Ryan could talk back and argue with Scootaloo, Apple Bloom stepped in to the rescue to offer her friend some back-up. "Don't take this the wrong way, but she's right." Now his eyes were on the small farm pony, staring at her with the same glare he was giving her friend. "It's nothing against you!" She quickly added, taking a few cautious steps back. "Look, I see you as family. You're like an estranged older brother, or an uncle. But in all honesty, you shouldn't have acted like that in front of Flurry."

Sweetie Belle stood on the sidelines for a bit before approaching to offer her own input. "It may not seem like a big deal to you, being how Flurry is still a foal and all. And like Twilight said earlier, we can understand if your customs from your world are different. But, you have to draw the line somewhere."

Ryan's glare faded off as he absentmindedly pulled away from Scootaloo with a noticeably bruised circle around his eye. His back sunk deeper into the couch as his focus moved to the ceiling. "Fist Twilight sucker punches me in the face, now I'm getting a lecture about moral values from kids." He went silent, but only for a very short moment. "What the hell is this bullshit!?" He yelled in both anger and confusion, his hands shooting up to cover his face, only for one of them to smack a particularly sensitive spot. "Ow! FUCK!!!"

The fillies had recoiled back a few feet now, having started moving away the second his voice began to raise in volume. After a bit of random grumbling and growling, Ryan managed to simmer down enough to not start strangling the phantom versions of Twilight and Applejack as they played back the frustrating memories they created for him that day.

Finally deciding to get up and do something to further help his sanity remain as intact as it could be, he gets up from the couch and makes his way to the kitchen. Naturally, the young ponies felt obligated to follow him.

Ryan wasted no time in digging through various cabinets and drawers as he searched for one particular item; And, with the luck of the Irish on his side, he managed to find it. He pulled out a small flask from one of the cabinets, uncorking the lid and taking a quick, but pleasing whiff of the liquid within. Just the smell was enough to make him dizzy, more than signifying that this was exactly what he needed right row.

He took a quick sip from the flask, just enough to help him reacquaint himself with the powerful beverage within. His entire body vibrated for a moment, his arms developing goosebumps as well from the sensation it sent through his being. Once the initial shock of the drink had passed, he became confident enough to take a full swig.

His eyes clenched shut as he replaced the lid and slipped the flask into his pocket, his head shaking as a bit of an aftershock from taking in such a large amount of the drink. Once his nerves were settled he turned his attention back to the fillies, taking notice of their somewhat confused expressions.

However, thanks to the spirits safely tucked into his pants, and also his stomach, he was able to smile for the first time today. "Okay, so who's up to cause some mischief?"

Lone Star was a stallion of few words, but many actions. He was a cop and he lived his life one day at a time, catching criminals wherever they may appear. At least, he used to. As he got older, he decided that it was time to slow down. He was still working for the force, but came to Ponyville in hopes that the crime levels were lower and he could slow down. Thankfully, that's exactly how it turned out. As he walked through the marketplace, he couldn't help but smile at the peaceful scenery. Aside from petty thievery, there wasn't a whole lot going on in Ponyville when it came to law-breaking.

This was the life, he thought. He got to keep the job he loved so much, but was able to take it easy. It was like a dream come true. Sadly, dreams can only last so long before you have to wake up.

A certain amount of commotion picked up just a short distance away from him. He could hear ponies screaming and even a few disturbing threats being thrown back and forth.

His smile was replaced with a stern frown as he moved closer to the source of issue. What he found was a group of ponies standing in a circle. On his right, three stallions could be seen tending to one of their friends. He was hurt, but it didn't look like anything too serious. On his let was a creature that resembled a pony, but with much less hair, no tail, and a very short muzzle, if you could even call it that at this point. It was holding an apple in its hand for whatever reason as well.

From the looks of it, the thing on his left was trying to go after the injured stallion, but was being held back by three fillies that had somehow managed to lasso it around the torso.

"I'm gonna pull out your teeth then shove them down your f-" It paused mid-speech to let out a loud belch, but continued with its threat. "fucking throat, you pastel colored asshole!!"

This was all Lone Star needed to break through the crowd and approach the creature. He wasn't sure what it was, or what it was capable of, but he made an oath to protect the innocent no matter the circumstances. And from the looks of it, this thing was on the offensive. "Alright, knock it off!" He boomed, his voice radiating with authority and silencing the surrounding ponies. "What's going on here?"

"That motherfucker was getting lippy with Sweetie Bloom!" Ryan yelled in response. The stench of alcohol filled the air around him as he spoke. Each word that left his mouth was like a shot of whisky being placed under your nose.

"My name is Scootaloo..." The orange pegasus filly behind him spoke in a strained voice as she struggled along side her friends to hold onto the rope that was keeping the human at bay.

Lone Star turned his head to the stallion across the way, his expression demanding that he give him the answers he was looking for. "That brat pelted my with an apple!" He responded in kind to the human's accusation. "I was only trying to tell her that you shouldn't be throwing things at ponies. Then that THING hit me!"

Ryan pulled harder against the rope, managing to the drag the small ponies behind him a few inches forward. "Why don't you come here and say that to my face, bitch!" He said in an equally high volume as earlier. "This time I'm aiming straight for that wet noodle you call a dick!"

Lone Star moved in front of Ryan, placing a hand on his chest to keep him from going any further. "Sir, I'm gonna need you to calm down."

"Calm down!?" Ryan snapped, "What do you mean; Calm down!? That cock-hole over there was trying to fuck with a kid. Are you just going to let him get away with that?"

Lone Star placed his free hand on his baton. This was mostly used to scare whoever he was speaking to into submission, but should he need to use it, he would be ready. "Sir, if you don't stop this behavior, I'm going to have to-"

"Eat shit!" Ryan yelled, smashing the apple he was holding in his hand against the officer's head.

This was the last straw. The cop pulled his baton from it's holster and in one motion brought it to the side of Ryan's head, knocking him unconscious instantly.

When next he awoke, Ryan found himself on a very uncomfortable bed. His head was pounding, feeling almost as though he had been kick in the head by a horse back in his world. He lifted a hand to his aching skull, groaning in pain as he did so. "Oh my hell..." He managed to spit out as he slowly lifted himself from the rickety old mattress he seemed to be laying on. "Where am I?"

This question fell upon deaf ears as he searched around the room he was in. Aside from the bed and an old toilet in the corner, the room was empty. Both the walls, floors, and ceiling were made of concrete. Finally, in front of him stood a thick set of metal bars. It doesn't take a genius to figure out where he is. "Son of a bitch..."

"Good, you're awake." Came a voice in the distance. It's origin was an orange coated, unicorn stallion with a blue mane and wearing a uniform that never failed to make Ryan uncomfortable. He rose from behind a wooden desk and walked over to the cell door. "Let's get this over with." His horn started to glow a bluish color. The magical energy traveled from his horn straight to Ryan's temples, causing the human to shudder as he felt it work its way into his brain. "This is your one and only call. Just think of who it is you want to speak to and a telepathic gateway will be opened."

"Uh...Okay?" Was all he could manage to say. Not only did the magic literally worming around in his brain feel weird, but the fact that he could just up and talk to someone with his mind was slightly unsettling. Nevertheless, he would use this to its fullest advantage.

Sadly enough, there was only one pony in this world that he knew could get his ass out of this situation. Whether or not they would actually help was another issue. With his pony of choice in mind, he did what he thought was necessary to get their attention...if this actually worked, that is.

Titty Twister!!!

A sudden shiver ran down his spine and, despite his current predicament, a small amount of joy rose in his gut. He was met with silence for a short moment, but thankfully received a response.

Ryan, is that you? A mare's voice responded to him.

Thank God, it actually worked! He began, getting ready to spill his guts on the trouble he was in, only for him to be interrupted before he could truly start.

It's been a while, I'm so glad you reached out to me! You haven't responded to any of my letters. I was beginning to think you hated me.

Uh-huh, well listen. I'm- Once again, before he could start, he was cut off.

You really should come to visit some time. It would be nice to see you again. After all, it's been over half a year since we've seen you. My niece would be so happy.

Okay, we can talk about that later. First-

I could invite my sister as well. I know you two aren't on the best of terms, but I'm sure- Okay, now this is just getting annoying and repetitive.

Would you shut the fuck up for ten seconds please!?

Ryan Curtis, we've talked about this!

Yeah, I know! You can kick my ass for it later, but right now I'm in some serious shit.

There was a brief pause before she replied once again, her voice filled with concern. What's wrong? Are you hurt? Is Twilight with you?

I'm in jail...

Oh, for the love of... Another pause, What did you do? She asked, her voice becoming stern.

Long story short; I was stressed, I got drunk, some guy pissed me off, I lashed out, then I may or may not have assaulted a police officer.

She mentally sighed which, with this particular spell, allowed Ryan to hear it. Where are you?

Ponyville...hopefully

What do you mean 'hopefully'?

I was drunk...do I really need to answer that?

I'll be there shortly.

Ryan waved to the cop, signalling that he was done. He let out an audible sigh as the magic was cut off and his brain was no longer being violated by this pony witchcraft they called magic.

The officer shot him a curious look. "So, who'd you call?"

"Wait for it..." He responded, keeping his attention on the door behind the desk which, he assumed, was the entrance.

In no more than a few seconds there was a knock. The officer's ears twitched at the sound and he made his way to the door, opening it. In the blink of an eye he was on his knees, bowing respectfully.

Celestia; The mare that many would call the god of this land, but who Ryan referred to as the mother of this place, stepped into the the area. She looked down at the cop, offering him a small smile as she beckoned to him to rise from his position. He did so, but probably not as gracefully as he intended.

It didn't take long for her gaze to meet with Ryan's. It took even less time for her smile to fall into a frown. The tension in the air grew significantly as the two eyed one another, neither of their gazes faltering for even a second...

Author's Note

Again, there was a pause. I'm sorry, I'm trying to deal with some shit. I also apologize for any errors, I started drinking halfway through this because, at this point, it's all I've got to keep my sanity. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed. If you did, slap that LIKE button like a bitch and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P