At some point in everyone's life, they experience something that could alter their perception on someone completely. You could meet a cute guy or girl, a real sweetheart, then find out that they torture animals in their basement. You could meet a lovely elderly couple that seem nice enough, but then watch them beat a twelve year old with their canes because he was playing too loud.

Then you could meet a cynical bastard who could be, by definition, the perfect asshole. This person who seems to hate the world could then suddenly surprise you with an oddly loving gesture. They could be mean, rude, hurtful, and verbally abusive. Then out of the blue they might take you to the carnival or take you out to diner.

Or, hypothetically speaking, you could wake up with their face buried in your bosom while they simultaneously squeezed your flank like they were trying to pop a balloon with their fingers.

Remember how that statement said hypothetical? Yeah, that was a lie.

That's pretty much the exact situation Celestia found herself in, except a few more intimate details may have been left out via request by a certain princess who just so happens to know a special pink pony that can shatter reality and threaten your life...

[Help me]

Ryan woke up from a rather unpleasant dream, lazily lifting his head from a pillow in Celestia's large bed. A groan escapes his throat as he pushes himself onto his back so he can stare up at the ceiling. Aside from the large sun painting, there really wasn't anything there worth mentioning, or even worth glancing at.

As much as he wanted to just fall back asleep, he knew that the immortal blue bitch would be waiting for him in dream land. She made it a point to harass him nonstop all of last night, plaguing him with dreams of the most annoying circumstances he could find himself in, ranging from crying baby on a plane all the way to repeatedly stepping on invisible sewing needles in a carpet.

He could only be happy that these ponies didn't know many of the torture methods that humans had come up with. That could have quickly gone from mildly annoying to absolutely terrifying. The last thing he wanted was dreams of being waterboarded or having screws in his thumbs.

Another groan works its way out of him as he pulls himself off of the bed and prepares himself for the day. Throwing on the same outfit he had worn the day before, he was pretty much as ready as he could be.

He walked out into the long, stretched out hallway. It's been a while since he's actually been to the castle, so finding his way around was a bit of a trial. It wasn't until Celestia spotted him walking past the dining room that he was alerted to her presence.

Looking tired and very displeased about life in general, he sloppily made his way into the dining room, taking a seat at the table Celestia was waiting for him at.

It wasn't hard to see that he was distressed and she wanted to ask him about it, but was feeling pretty awkward about the night before. They had shared the bed many times before, and she learned very quickly about the downsides of sleeping beside him, but it hadn't gone as far as it did last night compared to those other times.

Still, she was more than willing to be hospitable.

Once Ryan was settled into his seat, a plate of freshly made pancakes and a hot cup of coffee was levitated in front of him. He barely mumbled a coherent thank you to her before digging into his breakfast.

Just as she remembered him, the coffee was gone in a heartbeat, so she was ready with a refill for him. Once he had his fill he moved on to the delicious stack of pancakes, but kept a decent pace eating them.

With Ryan taken care of, she could focus on herself.

Celestia got to work on her stack, taking somewhat sloppy bites out of it. She didn't have to be refined or regal in front of Ryan, which was refreshing for her. Playing mother for an entire nation is tiring, so having someone like him around that could care less was a nice change of pace.

Ryan held a certain amount of respect for Celestia, which he was reminded of every morning back when he first came into Equestria. This morning was also a friendly reminder. She ruled over an entire country, running it, taking care of her subjects, and managing not to kill anyone no matter how much they pestered her.

On top of that, she would make the time to fix breakfast and make sure that both he and her sister were taken care of first. When he wanted to leave the castle she had even bought him a home and sent him a decent amount of bits every month for, what she claimed was, compensation for his pain and suffering. So he could admire her in some ways for her genuine, caring, and loving nature while also respecting her ability to handle all of the crap that came her way. But, he wasn't just gonna get on his knees and start sucking her dick because she was royalty.

With her crown disregarded as nothing more than a shiny accessory, she was nothing more than a normal mare in his eyes. Granted, he placed bets with himself on how long it would be for her to lose her sanity due to the stress of work, but that was the only impact her title had on his judgment. A simple countdown to her inevitable fate of losing her shit and killing everyone...

There are many who would claim that we have a twisted outlook on life...

"And to those people, I say, fuck 'em." He responded aloud, causing Celestia to shoot him a confused look for a moment before lowering her fork to her plate.

"Ryan," She began, earning the tired human's attention. "have you started talking to yourself again?" She asked in a concerned tone. This was something he did a lot when she first met him. At first she assumed it was the stress of being transported from one world to another, but she was starting to worry that he may have some sort of disorder.

He sighed, knowing that she had this annoying instinct that told her to worry for him. Frankly, he thinks that what he does isn't any of her business. "I've said it before and I'll say it again; It's my mind...If I feel it necessary to talk to him, then I'm gonna fuckin' do it!" He said with a hint of venom at the end. "Get off my fucking back!"

Now it was Celestia's turn to sigh as she did everything in her power not to set his hair on fire or smack him upside the head with a plate. Who knows, maybe it'll knock some sense into him.

You may wanna lower the dial on your last bet. I feel like us being here may have just dramatically shortened the lifespan on her quote, unquote, sanity.

The two were about to go on with their breakfast in silence, but a certain lunar princess decided to barge in and put a bullet hole in that wonderful slice of utopia. The sound of her hooves trudging against the floor as she made her way to the table on the opposite end of her sister was almost enough to make Ryan end it all right there.

With everything that happened between them, just her presence was enough to make the air grow thick. Of the two royal sisters, Luna was the one that took it the hardest. This was probably a blessing in disguise seeing how Celestia seemed to have most of the pull around here. She also seemed to have a certain amount of control over Luna. Had the roles been reversed, he felt as though Luna would allow her sister to liquefy him out of spite.

Ten bits says the first thing out of her mouth is 'Fuck you'

"You're on, asshole!" Ryan yelled, temporarily forgetting that both princesses were pretty much right next to him.

"Shut. Up. Human..." Luna hissed in his direction.

Ryan stared at her in silence for a brief moment, eyeing her with a look of mock-offense. "That's specist as fuck." He said, only adding to her anger. "How the hell does a bigot like you get into a role involving any kind of political power?"

"I said, zip it!"

"I mean; Not only are you specist, but given your track record, it's easy to deduce that you are emotionally unstable." He unwisely continued. "You also seem to have a lot of violent tendencies and outbursts. Even now, I can tell you're angry just looking at you."

"This is your last warning..." Luna growled.

Celestia saw this as the best time to cut in. "Ryan, maybe you should stop."

"Just look at your posture," He added, brushing off both of their warnings as he gestured to her form. "You're tense, you're shaking and you've got a very predatory look on your face. Then to top it all off, pretty much just adding insult to injury, you're kind of a bitch."

For the second time, in under twenty-four hours, Ryan was met with a blur of blue that would collide rather painfully with the side of his head, causing him to topple over out of his seat and onto the floor. "Ow..."

Worth it!

Celestia let out an annoyed groan as she rose from her seat to pick Ryan up from the floor. Once he was up, she placed one of his arms over her shoulder as he seemed to be a little off balance from that last hit.

"Tia, if you wouldn't mind..." Luna growled in a voice just over a whisper.

"Yes, sister." She replied, knowing very well what she was going to ask. With Ryan in tow, Celestia led him out of the dining room and into the hallway.

"I can smell my brain..." Ryan said in a dazed tone.

"I think it would be best if you refrain from speaking for now." Celestia suggested, knowing he probably wouldn't listen.

"I will not be silenced!"

You owe me ten bits

"Fuck you!"

Celestia wore a sour expression as she guided the barely mobile human back to her quarters, once there she slammed the door shut and aggressively threw him onto the bed. "What is wrong with you!?" Ryan, having landed face first onto the bed, flipped himself over and sat up so that he could at least look at the angry mare as she yelled at him. "I mean, I can't even fathom how your mind works sometimes. We told you that you wouldn't be allowed to leave unless you started being nice and made up for what you put us through. One would think that you would at least pretend to be nice. That's what someone with a brain would do!"

Now rubbing the sore half of his face, Ryan was only able to give her a partial grimace. "Would someone with a brain just so eagerly give up who they are just to please someone else?"

"I would think so; If it meant they could go home and go back to living their life as they pleased, they would." She answered spitefully.

"If that's what you think, then you're as stupid as your sister." He could tell that Celestia was about three seconds away from losing her shit on him, her clenched fists and reddening features were a dead giveaway. "I'm not one of your ponies, Tia. I'm not a loyal follower of your government, nor do I care about what goes on in this world."

"Besides, Luna's a fucking psychopath! Didn't she try to take over the world? Why should I show any amount of respect to someone like that? If anything, what I did was karma." Ryan removed his hand from his face, revealing a small welt where Luna had struck him. "I know I'm not the nicest guy around, far from it in fact. But, I have come to terms with both who and what I am. I will not change that. Not for you and not for Crazy-Bitch Magoo out there; I wouldn't even do it for safety of my own family."

Celestia couldn't even be mad at him anymore. From the looks of it, he didn't act this way for the sake of it. In his mind, he truly believed that this was who he was meant to be, that this was his destiny. Despite his words, she could see a certain amount of pain in his eyes, a sadness from having stated that this was who was he meant to be.

Still, she held her stern look as she crossed her arms. "Maybe you should try to change, not for anypony else, but for yourself." Her eyes softened as her stern expression went to caring. "Ryan, it's obvious that you aren't happy. This life you live has done you no good. You may think being a heartless monster makes things easier on you, but it doesn't. It killing you on the inside and I can see it." His eyes seemed to grow colder as she spoke. "What could you possibly have to gain from making it so you have nothing, nopony to care for? What benefits could you possibly reap from acting like you don't care?"

Ryan leaned back and looked up at the ceiling, recalling a quote that he once heard back when he was a complete shut-in, playing video games all the time. "In the words of Johnny Powell; When they took her from him, he not only had nothing left to live for..."

Pause for dramatic effect!

Celestia leaned in, becoming curious about what his next words would be. He smiled as he looked back at her. "He had nothing left to lose." He finished, a small grin on his face as the sun goddess gave him a look of disgust. "When you care about nothing there's nothing holding you back, nothing that people can used against you. You. Are. Invincible."

Celestia nodded, "I don't believe you." She stated, "You're telling me that if you were to lose your friends and family that you wouldn't care?"

"Not in the slightest."

She nodded again, becoming too fed up with him to want to continue. "You're free to wonder the castle as you wish, for now, but you will not be allowed to leave." This earned her a rather unpleasant look from the human. "I would advise you keep your distance from Luna. I can only imagine what she would do to you if I weren't around."

On that note, Celestia departed from her bedroom, leaving Ryan alone with his thoughts. She closed the door behind her, letting out distressed sigh as she stepped into the hallway. What was she going to do with him?

"Your highness..." Celestia turned her head to see one of her solar guards eyeing her, a concerned look plastered across his face. "Is everything alright."

She put on a brave smile as she faced the armored stallion, "Yes, everything is fine. Thank you for asking." She said, easing the guard's worry some. "Would you mind doing me a favor?"

The guard straightened his posture, going back to his stoic, statue-like, appearance. "Anything, your majesty!"

Celestia couldn't help but laugh a bit at him. "I need you to send word to my niece, Princess Cadence. Tell her that I require her assistance as soon as possible. I feel her expertise may be just what I need to help our alien friend."

"I will see to it that she is informed at once!"

Author's Note

Been a good while, huh? As I stated in the last blog I posted, I'm currently working on a project that is running me ragged. It's going fine and dandy...May have had a psychotic episode at work...Yeah, that was...interesting...I'm surprised they're even allowing me to come back after that...
Anyway, given the schedule I'm only able to type a few hundred words every here and there, but I don't get the chance to do it every day. If I did, then I could probably get a chapter out every week or two. Sadly that's not the case though.
Like I said, I'll keep working on these as much as possible, but it will be a fairly slow process.
(Oh my god, Lord Evil! You just keep making excuses every time. I remember when you used to post two or three chapter a day.)
I do too, but life can only do you so many favors before your left out to dry like everyone else. So get the fuck off of my back!
I can't say when the next chapter will be up, but the next one WILL be for Bleeding Hearts. I keep telling myself I'm gonna work on it, but I keep coming back to this one. If I do it again, call me out on it! Don't let me skip over my work!
With that all aside, I hope you enjoyed this fun little chapter. If you did, slap that LIKE button like a bitch and feel free to leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P