Friendship Is Cynical

by Lord_Evil

A Dash Of...

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The weather couldn't be better today. The sun was high and shining, its rays gracing the very ground it touched and warming them ever so slightly. Though the skies were clear on this fine day, there was on cloud that rested just a short distance from town. Unlike the usual straggler, which would normally be busted by one of the weather ponies; This cloud served a purpose.

Resting on said cloud was the rainbow haired pegasus that had decided to take a nap after a short day of work. Normally during these breaks she would take to catch up on some rest, that she always felt she deserved, she could peacefully sleep with little to nothing to bother her.

This was not the case this time around.

Rather than there being some sort of external conflict, whether it be a rampaging monster, a friendship problem, or something as complex as Pinkie's mere existence, what bothered her now was something else.

While lost in the throes of slumber, her body would twitch and shake at random. The expression on her face was anything but pleasant as well. Her features were scrunched and gave her a disturbed, and even scared, look. This lasted all of one minute before she finally shot up, her eyes opening wide and holding a panicked look to them.

Despite having been asleep, her breathing made it sound as though she had just run a marathon. She was scanning the entire area around her, as if she were looking for something. Once she was able to recollect where she was and that everything was fine, she took a calming breath to relax herself.

Rainbow curled her legs until they were against her chest, resting her head on her knees. "It was just a dream..." She muttered to herself, "It was just a dream..."

These nightmares have been plaguing her for days, ever since that fire. It was always the same thing over and over again.

She's flying as fast as she can, tearing through the front of the house and dragging Ryan out of the other side with her. He isn't breathing, so she goes to revive him. No matter what she does though, he doesn't wake up; Leaving her in the center of a small crowd, crying her eyes out as she holds her alien friend's burnt and lifeless body in her arms.

It takes a few minutes, but she finally shakes the thoughts of what could have happened from her head and gets on to her feet. From the looks of it, the cloud hadn't moved an inch since she turned it into her personal napping area. Just below her is a small field, and beyond that is Ponyville.

Angling her head slightly to the side, she spots the house of her human friend. Instantly she is met with a flashback of that night again, staring at it from the darkening skies as the burning structure tore a hole in the darkness. She remembered that sinking feeling in her stomach, the adrenaline that took her over in body and mind as she flew at it with everything she had before-

Rainbow's hands shot up, grabbing the sides of her head as she shook it almost violently as if to literally shake the images out of her mind. Turning her attention back to the house, she couldn't help but feel a sense of dread. Even though nothing seemed out of the ordinary, part of her was screaming at her to go there and make sure her friend was okay.

Fighting against her random fears, she turned away from the house, trying to find something to take her mind off of it. "Keep it together, Dash. There's nothing to worry about. He's. Fine."However no matter how hard she fought, the memories of his house in flames continued to burn up the most active parts of her brain and drawing her back. "For fuck sake!"

With a hard kick, the cloud she had been using as a temporary bed was dispersed. He wings quickly spread out, letting her glide with ease across the sky and land just a few feet from the human's doorstep. After folding in her wings, and fighting off some last second thoughts, she went up to the door and knocked.

There was some shuffling and then the sound of feet meeting wood slowly moving closer. The door finally opened to reveal the hairless creature. His hair was a mess and he was dressed only in a pair of soft, flannel pajama bottoms.

Ryan looked out at the cyan pegasus, rubbing some of the sleep from his eyes as he did so. "Hey, Dash..." He barely said through a yawn. "What's up?"

"Ryan..." Rainbow began, her eyes wide with shock. "You look...good." Aside from a few red marks here and there, his body was completely fine. She found this surprising, considering the last time she saw him was when he was still being wrapped up in gauze.

Ryan looked down at himself, taking in the progress his body has made. "Yeah, I'm doing a lot better." He went back to facing her, almost laughing at her expression. "A little willpower, some magic, and a whole of pain later and I'm fit as a fiddle."

After letting his rather pleasant appearance settle, she was able to speak again. "Sorry about showing up unannounced." She quickly stated, knowing he didn't like spontaneous company. "I know how you get when-"

"It's fine, don't worry about it." He interrupted, earning another look of surprise from the mare.

"It is?" She asked almost skeptically. Normally he would yell at ponies for just showing out of the blue. "Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." There was a short, awkward silence between them, causing the pegasus mare to rub her arm uncomfortably. "I guess I'll leave now."

Just as she turned to leave, she felt one of his furless hands reach out and grab her. She turned back to face him, glancing down at the hand on her shoulder.

"Why leave?" Ryan inquired, "Why not come in and chill for a bit?"

Again, Dash was finding it hard to speak. It wasn't like him to be the one asking for company. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I don't have anything going on today." Tilting his head to the side, Ryan look up at the clear blue sky above town. "And from the looks of it, you shouldn't be too busy."

Rainbow Dash could feel one of her eyes and even one of her ears twitch. Something about this just seemed...not wrong, but it was different. In a good way though. "Y-yeah! Sure, why not."

Ryan stepped to the side to allow her entry into his home. Closing the door behind her, he made his way to the kitchen. "You want something to drink?"

"Do you have any cider?" She asked, knowing full-well that he liked to keep a stock of the stuff. The problem usually was just getting him to share.

"Yes I do."

Making her way to the couch, Dash plopped down and let out a satisfied sigh. Just knowing that her alien friend was alright would have been enough to settle her nerves, so he was pretty much spoiling her at this point.

When Ryan came into the living room, two bottles of cider in hand, he took a seat beside the relaxed looking mare. He places one of the bottles in her lap before twisting the cap off of his own and taking a quick drink.

Rainbow follows his example, taking the cap off and having a sip of the refreshing beverage before setting it down on the table and leaning back into the cushions. She was half-tempted to close her eyes and continue her nap, but found herself unable to do so.

Curiosity setting in, Ryan found himself unable to turn his attention elsewhere. His eyes locked onto hers, "So what brings you 'round here today?"

"I just felt like checking up on you." She answered with only half-honesty, shifting in her seat a bit to face the human and shooting him a teasing look. "Why? Am I not allowed to see you anymore?"

She really shouldn't be anywhere NEAR this house.

"If I decided to press charges for all the damage you've caused here, you wouldn't be." Ryan said, playing along with her. He knew she was hiding something though. He could always tell just by looking at her when there was something bothering her. "Are you sure that's the only reason?"

Rainbow Dash held her poker face for as long as she could, but knew it would be in vain. Once the human was set on something, that was that, and he would continue to pry even if it killed him. Letting out a defeated sigh, she turned away from his gaze. "I was worried about you..."

Raising a brow at her, he questioned what she would have to worry about. After all, he was Ryan Curtis, the human that fell from nearly four stories in the sky when he arrived in this world and lived to tell the tale. "Why?"

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hide the hurt that was just barely showing through her face. "I keep having this dream. Every time I go to sleep it pops up, taking me back to the night you almost died." There was a pain in her chest as she said this. It was one thing to think about it, but to actually bring it up caused her some discomfort. "It always plays out the same way; I go in, pull you out, and try to wake you." Her hands found their way to each other, locking fingers as her thumbs roughly dragged over each other and her eyes were brimming with tears with that she refused to shed. "But I can't...I can't get you to wake up."

Finally releasing her hands from each other, she uses one to wipe her eyes dry. "I know it's stupid to think about it. I should be happy that you're okay. But, I just can't stop thinking about what would have happened if you didn't wake up."

Seeing her like this hurt Ryan in ways he didn't think possible. At that point in time, during the fire, all he was focused on was his rage and the anger he held for himself. Not even for a second did he think about how his death would affect his friends. Despite his attempts failing, and him still managing to pull through and stay alive, they were still hurting. What he thought would be a joyous occasion for everypony, actually turned into something worse. The pain that tormented them for him having felt that way, and going to such an extreme to make it stop, was destroying them from the inside.

And once again, we have managed to fuck up. Way to be...

These thoughts started to weigh heavily on Ryan, only making him feel worse about the whole situation. For the longest time after the fire, he wished that it would have consumed him and brought his reign of terror to a stop. Now, he almost wished that he never started it to begin with. Seeing how it was tearing ponies like Rainbow apart was making his heart ache with regret.

Ryan was pulled out of his thoughts as he felt a pressure on his chest. Not in it, but literally on it.

Looking down, he spotted a large number of rainbow colored hairs resting on his skin as the one they were attached to nestled into his sternum.

"I'm sorry." Rainbow choked out as tears rolled down the human's torso. "I just...I don't want to lose you. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."

The mare continued to burrow deeper into him, earning a sort of half-smile from Ryan. He didn't know why he ever tried to get away from these ponies. They all cared so much for him, but he was so blinded by his own ignorance and bullshit that he couldn't see it. It was refreshing to have that veil removed from his eyes and to see how much they actually wanted him to stay.

Sometimes darkness will show you the light...God dammit, even in different universes David Draiman continues to be a fucking god!

Rainbow Dash lifts her head upon feeling the human's fingers gently pinch and rub one of her ears, easing her into a somewhat calmer state. Angling her head upward, her large eyes lock onto his smiling face; Noticing that he almost looked like he was going to cry. His hand moves from her ear to her chin, pulling her face closer to his.

Their lips meet for a short, but sweet kiss, breaking slowly as they gazed into the others eyes.

Ryan held his smile as best as he could, but it was becoming difficult. "I've been so fucking selfish. All this time I've only focused on how mad I was at myself that I became blind to all of the love that surrounded me."

"I don't know why it took me this long to realize it, but I love you guys so much." He had to bite his lip for a minute to keep himself composed. "I wish I could go back and change it, I really do. But, I can't. All I can do is say that I'm sorry and that I'll never do anything like that again."

"I swear to you, so long as I can help it, You will NOT lose me." It took Rainbow everything in her power not to glomp him, her emotions were a destructive mixture of sadness and joy as she listened to her friend speak. "And I will do everything in my power to keep myself from losing you, or anypony else for that matter."

That being the straw to break the camel's back, Rainbow couldn't contain herself anymore. In the blink of an eye, she was on top of Ryan, knocking him onto the floor as she tackled him and forced him to the most oddly proportioned cuddling position he had ever partaken in, willing or otherwise.

His eyes went wide for a while as he laid on the floor, the cyan pegasus lying uncomfortably on his chest and letting her emotions pour out onto him.


Several hours passed as the two laid peacefully down, both lost to the realm of sleep. The human rested with his back still against the floor while the mare he had been comforting a few hours prior remained nestled on his chest.

Against his own wishes, Ryan's eyes opened, taking in the interior of the now dark room. Glancing out of a window, he could just barely make out the sun setting in the distance and the moon rising up to take its place.

"Fuck..." He groaned, laying his head back on the solid surface. "Brain, status report."

*Yawn* Nothing out of the ordinary. But, your back is gonna hate you tomorrow if you don't move to something more comfortable.

Letting out a breath, Ryan angled his head down to see Rainbow still sleeping peacefully on top of him. Reaching down, he grabs one of her shoulders and gives her a light shake. "Hey, hot-head. Get up."

Rainbow lets out a loud snort and lifts her head, smacking her lips together as her tired eyes looked about the room. "W-wha?" Was all she managed to get out before unleashing the most adorable yawn he had ever seen. "What's going on?"

"Get up, we're moving." Ryan said as firmly as he could i his drowsy state. "My back is killing me right now."

Dash reluctantly climbed off of her human body pillow and got to her feet, nearly falling over as she tried to reacquaint herself with the waking world. "What time is it?"

Getting up shortly after her, Ryan grabs his phone off of the table. The light is enough to make him squint heavily, but he manages to get a look at the clock just before going completely blind. "Eight thirty." He kills the light from the phone, but continues holding on to it. "Normally I'm wide awake, but that nap just fucking butchered any chance of me staying up. I'm going to bed."

Ryan started for his bedroom, stopping when he noticed a lack of movement coming from behind him. "You coming?"

"Huh?" Dash was still lost in her tired thoughts, shaking her head to wake her up a bit more. "Yeah, right behind ya."

The two proceeded into the small bedroom, Ryan setting his phone on the small table next to his bed before climbing under the blankets. Dash joined him shortly after, walking to the other side of the bed then climbing in. She had long since settled with the idea of retaking her place on the human's chest, letting her head and half of her torso rest on top of him as he pulled the covers over her and laid his head on a pillow.

His hand absentmindedly moves to her mane, petting and scratching her scalp once it found a comfortable spot to rest. She let out a content hum at his actions, nuzzling against his body as if to tell him to continue. He obeyed and continued playing with her mane, nearly falling back to sleep.

"Ryan," Although she was tired, Rainbow found her thoughts traveling about. Rather than focusing on her fears though, they seemed to be centered around one particular incident that took place a good while ago. "I never really got around to saying this, but I'm sorry."

Ryan's eyes opened slowly, doing what he could to stay conscious long enough to figure out what she was apologizing for. "For what?"

"What happened when I thought we were dating." She explained, "I was so caught up in my feelings for you that I forgot you knew next to nothing about pony culture, let alone pegasi mating rituals. I had no right to act the way I did, and I'm sorry."

Even if he wasn't as tired as he was, he could honestly say that he didn't care. He had gotten over all of that a while ago and had almost forgotten that it happened. "Don't worry about it. I think it's pretty clear that both of us have made our fair share of mistakes."

"Ain't that the truth." She added with a small laugh.

Although things didn't go as planned in the mare's eyes, Ryan couldn't help but notice how well they worked together. Despite having no idea that they were dating, everything played out better than he would have expected. They could hangout nonstop and still find ways to keep things interesting and on top of that she was quite the looker.

His exploits with the other mares was alright, but there was always something that would drag it down. Rarity was a pony he felt particularly close to, in the sense that he knew he could trust her with just about anything. She was kind, generous, and could kick ass when the need arose. However, her refined demeanor and his less-than-defined attitude had tested their friendship on more than one occasion.

He respected the hell out of Applejack and was more than happy to plow her field on request. She was strong, honest, and she was a mare who could get shit done. That being said, she was also a bit too eager to please, while he could give less of a fuck. Things she took seriously, he would laugh off, which had led to some conflict with them as well.

Pinkie was definitely an interesting one. While fun, caring, and overall the arguably happiest creature to exist, he could only stand so much of her before the urge to put a bullet in his head became too much. It’s great to be happy and bubbly, but when you do it so consistently and hyperactively, it becomes toxic.

Dash was in no better a standpoint than them. When it came to loyalty, she was at the top of her game. That and being able to take a joke and give back just as much made her entertaining to be around. Her hot-headed nature had a bad habit of getting the best of her though and sometimes she was so caught up in herself that she would forgot the most basic levels of common sense.

Looking at it with the perspective of a lasting relationship; Rarity would probably be the longest. But, with their clashing personalities, their moods would be so bipolar it could put the entire mental health system to shame.

Applejack would probably fare well, but his lazy-gene would tend to get the best of him from time to time. That could probably lead to some issues down the line which would build up and inevitably end in disaster.

Pinkie probably wouldn't do too well. Not that the relationship itself would be bad, more like the repercussions of trying to appease her would become cancerous to no end. By the end of the first month he'd either lose his sanity or die of type two diabetes.

With Dash though, it would likely be a shit-storm worth sitting through. Aside from the obvious differences, they tend to behave pretty similarly. This kept things simple between them, if all the times they hung out, before the big fight mind you, is anything to go by. There would still be conflict here and there, but nothing that would damage them long-term. If anything, with how alike they were, most conflicts could be easily resolved, or help each of them grow and learn something new about themselves.

Ryan was actually rather surprised with himself. Not even he noticed how well he was keeping track of his relationships with them. He also never thought that he would actually consider settling down with just one mare. It sure as hell wasn't a thought he had back on earth. There, it was just easier to have a fuck-buddy than to deal with the bullshit and try to keep a stable relationship.

"Ryan?" Rainbow piped up, interrupting the human's train of thought and pulling him back to reality. He blinked a few times and saw that she was looking up at him with a bit of concern reflecting in her eyes. "Are you okay? You've been staring at me quietly for almost five minutes now."

"Yeah, I'm fine." He answered, still going through a few thoughts privately to figure out what his next step would be. "I was just thinking too much."

"What about?" She inquired, her concern being replaced with an adorable amount of inquisitiveness.

Ryan leaned back into his pillow, staring up at the ceiling as his thoughts continued to remain in battle with themselves. "I don't even need to ask if you remember the whole feather incident; But what if I accepted, knowing what it meant? How do you think things would have played out?"

This question caught Rainbow off-guard, causing her to blush slightly as she considered a few possibilities. "W-well, I would hope that it would have gone well." She answered, still playing through a few scenarios in her head. "I would think that, by now, I would have moved in with you. Not completely, though. I'd probably be staying here more often than not, but keep my place for when I need some me time."

Wait, are we seriously doing this?

Unknown to her, one of Ryan's hands was sneaking its way down her back. "Aside from that, I don't think a whole lot would have changed between us. I think, if anything, I'd just be spending more time with-Ow!"

Rainbow turned her head to see one of the human's arms raising up to his face, a single blue feather locked between his index finger and thumb. "What was that for?" She asked with a glare, watching as he analyzed the feather. Her features calmed some when she noticed that he was holding one of her primaries. Confusion set in, but also a hint of excitement? "What are you doing?"

"Nothing..." Fighting off some last second thoughts, Ryan tucked the feather behind his ear, locking it in place as it became pinched between his ear and his head. It was at a bit of an awkward angle, given the fact that there was a pillow under his head and the feather was pretty big, but he made it work.

Dash's blush returned tenfold as her brain tried to process what he had just done. Then again, he still wasn't an expert in pony culture. The least she could do was try to educate him before jumping to conclusions. She did NOT want a repeat of last time.

"You do know that; Doing that pretty much means you're trying to force somepony into a relationship, right?" She asked, being almost positive that he was as clueless as ever.

"I figured as much." He responded, causing the pegasus' brain to do cartwheels.

Placing her arms to the bed, Rainbow lifted her entire up half up, threateningly locking her eyes onto his as her head hovered above him. "If this is a joke, it isn't funny."

"Am I laughing?" He asked rhetorically, not showing a whole lot of emotion either physically or vocally.

This didn't seem right to Rainbow, this had to be a joke. He wasn't really insinuating- "This is a joke, it has to be. You said yourself that-" She fell silent as the human sat up and pressed his lips against hers, grabbing onto her shoulders to give himself better leverage. Still holding tight to her, he breaks kiss, looking up at her with a smile. "Y-you...You're serious?"

"As a heart attack."

Rainbow pushed herself back, sitting on her knees right next to him. She placed her hands over her mouth, stifling a few half-cry/half-laughs as happy tears started rolling down her face. For the second time in the last twenty-four hours, she glomped him, burying her smiling face into his chest while her arms wrapped snugly around his midsection.

Literal lack of breathing room aside, Ryan found her response to be the most heart exploding thing ever. Content to let things rest as they were, he leaned back into his pillow and continued his earlier ritual of petting and scratching her head.

She hummed in delight, keeping her face pressed comfortably against his body. "How can you be such a dick, but still manage to make me so happy?"

Ryan closed his eyes and shrugged. "I don't know, maybe you're just easy." This answered earned him a playful punch from the mare, which he laughed at. "Give me a break, I'm almost human for Christ sake."

Pity us

You already made that reference!

Fuck off! I will beat you with a cheese grater!


Author's Note

This wasn't how I expected this chapter to go! They were just supposed to meet up and have a quick and cute heart-to-heart. But, my brain kept going, my fingers kept typing, and I couldn't stop it! Now they're a thing and I don't wanna go back and delete it all and-
THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!
Why brain!? Why do you do this to me!?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, A quick thanks to

DekaSkittalz

for editing this monster. Much appreciated, buddy!

As usual; If you enjoyed this chapter, be sure to slap that LIKE button like a bitch, share with friends, and leave a comment below. Comments make me feel special :P

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