Dumbstruck, awestruck, stupid-struck; All of these and more was where Equestia's only human could find his mind residing. Sitting at a rather casually decorated table, his marefriend by his side, Ryan stares off. Only this time, he wasn't staring into space. Instead, his eyes were locked on the shapely form of an older pegasus mare, who could be found just a short distance away, working in the kitchen.

Windy was going about her own devices as she prepared a meal for her guests, talking almost nonstop about her daughters goals and achievements throughout the years. While she was listing off one after another, the human couldn't help but to scan every inch of her amazing body. From what he had gathered, most pegasi were about as stacked as Rainbow Dash. Given their anatomy, they were fairly slim in every aspect so that they could fly with relative ease.

But Windy seemed to shatter that stereotype, as did Fluttershy, to the extreme, but she wasn't here at the moment. Ol' Flutters also didn't possess the same motherly curves that Windy did. Her aged complexion did little to deter the attraction either. In fact, it made her that much more desirable. Her short mane, like she was trying to hold on to some memory of her youth, was just cute as hell. The wideness of her waist rounding out that slightly pronounced flank, her milk jugs nearly half the size of Fluttershy's.

The things I would do to this MILF...

Thank God her husband, Bow Hothoof, was out at the store to collect a few more things for tonight. Otherwise, Ryan probably would have been socked in the eye.

Rainbow Dash sat beside her boyfriend, a blush practically glued to her face. She hated when either of her parents would talk about times when she was a filly. At least she could be happy that Ryan wasn't really paying attention. However, his short attention span was a double-edged sword, as his lack came from ogling the mare who raised her.

"Baby..." Ryan said, earning the more colorful pony's attention. However, his eyes were still locked onto Windy as she continued to list off achievements Dash made when she was young. Absentmindedly, he attempted to rise from his seat. "Let me take you away from all of this."

Dash wore a grimace as she elbowed the human in the stomach and he fell back to his seat. During his descent, she took the opportunity to look over at her mother, who didn't seem to notice them as she continued talking to herself.

"Would you knock it off!" Rainbow whisper-yelled, "That's my bucking mother!"

"I can't help it!" Ryan snapped in an equally hushed tone, but that mostly came because of a lack of air in his lungs. "She's like an older version of you, but with tits!"

Rainbow Dash huffed, leaning back in her seat and looking under the table so she wouldn't have to look at him or her mother. She and the human sat in silence as her mother spoke further about her. Eventually, being able to see everything that resided beneath the wooden structure in front of her, she spotted something that only served to make her temper rise; Which didn't seem to be the only thing that was rising.

Leaning forward, Dash growled into the human's ear. "Are you seriously-!?"

"As a rock!" Ryan answered, biting his lower lip a little harder as Windy made her way out of the kitchen with several empty plates in her arms, her chest resting gently on the top one.

"But, I guess I should stop rambling about how great my little Dashie is." Windy finished, setting the plates down at the table before taking a seat at the end. "I mean, you must know since you're dating her." She looked like she was trying to keep a large amount of excitement contained, nearly bouncing in her seat, making her whole body jiggle and shake as a result. "Oh, I just can't believe it! Best flyer in Equestria, and now, best alien charmer!"

Don't say it out loud! Don't say it out loud!!!

"I think that's up for debate." Ryan said almost hypnotically, his wide eyes never leaving the older mare. In an instant, he felt little Ryan, or Jeffery, being held in Rainbow's vice-like grip, which served to cause both pain and maybe a bit of pleasure. Just to be safe though, "But, she's done a damn good job so far."

Rainbow Dash released the human's package, shooting him a glare as if to tell him that his life were but a simple thread and she held the scissors.

Ryan smiled nervously at her before turning his attention back to her mother. "So...You seem quite proud of Rainbow's..." He looked around the dining room, looking over the many, many Rainbow Dash themed photos, portraits, and the like. "Everything, I guess."

"Well, why wouldn't I be?" Windy asked, looking over to her special little girl with nothing but happiness and pride. "She's just so perfect in every way. I couldn't have asked for a more special filly."

"Mom!" Rainbow groaned, blushing slightly from embarrassment. It goes without saying that she loved her parents dearly, but their constant praise was almost sickening. "Can you tone it down a little? I'm not a filly anymore."

"Sweetie, you have no reason to be embarrassed." Windy said dismissively, "If anything you should be as proud of yourself as I am of you. And no matter what, you'll always be my little miracle."

"Mom!!!" Dash snapped, burying her face in her hands.

It was becoming increasingly difficult not to laugh at his marefriend's reaction to the constant praise and adoration being sent her way. Ryan found himself biting down harder on his lip to keep quiet. However, fate has once again lifted its middle finger up and pressed it against his nose; Said appendage betraying him and letting out a snort.

Rainbow's head snapped toward Ryan, her eyes filled with-

"Honey, I'm home!" A stallion's voice echoed through the cloud home. "Is our little Dashie still here? Please tell me she is!"

Saved by daddy!

Rainbow's expression became filled with defeat as her head fell to the table with an audible, and quite painful, thud. Ryan, flinching at the sound, turned his attention elsewhere, silently praying she wouldn't abuse his boy parts again. He felt his heart starting to pick up in speed. Not from the possibility of being castrated though, more from the presence of the father-figure. Starting to feel nervous, he would have to shut down a lot of his little quirks.

Unknown to anypony, Ryan wasn't very good with interacting with other males. That fact itself wasn't hard to spot, but the reasoning as to why was kept quiet. There weren't a lot of things in this world, or his own for that matter, that could throw him off. Meeting a grown man, and a father no less, especially one of whoever he was dating, would instantly bring his confidence crashing down.

It was one thing to know a guy that's at least around your age. They were almost as stupid as you, and if they weren't, a few drinks would make it so. Meeting someone new, who was much older, and held some kind of authority, was terrifying for him.

For the time being, he would do everything in his power to either stay quiet, or end a conversation without it seeming too forced.

Much to his surprise, Bow wasn't as overbearing as he thought he would be. In fact, during the meal that Windy prepared for all of them, both she and him went on about Rainbow Dash and her many achievements again. Some of the things they told him made holding up his end of their little deal even more difficult! Never before in his life did he have to struggle so hard to keep himself from laughing. Other stories made him cringe, making him wonder why it was even worth mentioning.

Ryan didn't get many words in, which he was thankful for. For one, it kept him from making an ass of himself in front of his marefriend's parents; For two, it gave him more time to stare at Dash while she blushed like a madmare out of pure, and utter, embarrassment.

Overall, he was actually kind of enjoying himself.

The conversations shifted to other ponies that lived nearby, ponies that were around when Dash was growing up. Windy and Bow explained how they were doing and what they've been up to, giving the poor mare a break from the seemingly endless tirade of embarrassment. The out of nowhere, Windy made a suggestion.

"We should go visit them!" The older mare announced with a surprising amount of energy. "Cloud and Sky would be so happy to see you again."

Rainbow's eyes shot open at this, panic filling them as she quickly rose from her seat. "Gee, mom..." She said, wearing a very forced smile. "That sounds great, but it's getting kinda late." She wasn't wrong, it was pushing close to seven o'clock and Ryan was feeling ready to settle down for the night, but was having too much fun watching his marefriend suffer. "They might already be in bed."

"Oh, that's very unlikely." Windy argued with a smile. "You're so compassionate though, worrying about being a bother and all that."

"No pony could ever be bothered by you, Dashie." Bow followed up, now taking a stand from his seat. "I'll go let the neighbors know that we'll be dropping by."

"Great..." Dash said, her forced smile becoming difficult to hold. Unknown to the human beside her, one of her hands had snaked its way around his arm. "Can you give us just one minute?"

She darted out of the room, dragging a very surprised-looking Ryan alongside her. Rushing down a hallway, they ended their journey in the bathroom, where Dash all but threw him to the wall and locked the door behind them.

"We have to get out of here!" She said in a hushed tone, her back flush against the door. "I don't think I can take any more of this."

Ryan spun around to face her, crossing his arms smugly as he eyed her with an evil grin. "I don't know about you, but I'm enjoying this time we've had as a family."

Rainbow's eyes narrowed at the human, a growl forcing its way out of her throat as she takes a few steps towards him. "Don't start with me!" She said through gritted teeth. "You've got a hell of an ass-whooping coming your way already and I am in no mood-"

"However, I might know a way out of this." He added, his smile growing as Dash's face locked up.

The room went silent for a moment and while her glare held, her expression fell as she submitted to his will. "What do you want?"

Ryan's smile dropped as well, despite having the upper hand. "I don't wanna hear any bullshit about me eyeballing your mom when we get back to my place, capeesh?"

The tension seemed to shoot up immediately after that point as Dash closed in on him, leveling an angry finger in his direction. "If you don't think-"

"But then again!" Ryan added, his evil smirk returning full force. "I'm intrigued to hear about your neighbors. I wonder what kind of fun story they have to share about you."

Rainbow's mouth angrily closed itself, her teeth making an audible click as they collided. Her breaths became sharp and forceful as she did everything she could not to hit this overgrown, hairless monkey straight in the jaw. "F-fine!"

"Good girl." He said, knowing very well that he'd probably still end up getting into a fight with her later. Right now though, he had immunity and was going to enjoy it while it lasted. "Who's a good little pony?" He said in his doggy-talk tone, ruffling her mane as he did so. "That's it; you are!"

If looks could kill, Ryan would have already suffered countless, painful deaths just from the glare she was giving him. Deciding to get this show on the road, since he was as ready to leave as her at this point, he exited the bathroom and went back to the kitchen. Dash followed behind him, trying to burn a hole in his head with her thoughts.

"Alright, when are we heading out?" Ryan asked, looking as upbeat as ever.

Dash's parents looked over at him with a smile. Windy looked ready to go, if the large purse she was holding was any indication. And Bow...They could only assume that he was as ready as her.

"We're good to go whenever you are." Windy said, looking really excited to visit her friends with her daughter- and her daughter's alien boyfriend- in tow.

"Well, let's get going then!" Ryan declared, only adding to the older couples excitement as they went for the front door.

"What are you doing?" Rainbow asked from behind him, watching as he pulled a small vial from his pocket.

"Just be ready to grab me, okay?" Placing the vial to his lips, he sucked down the strange looking fluid and replaced the empty container in his pocket. "I don't feel like dying today...Holy shit that's bitter." He added, his face contorting in disgust. Continuing with his somewhat suicidal plan, he followed his marefriend's parents as they opened the door and stepped outside.

Dude, I know you're trying to get out of trouble and all; But, didn't we already learn that suicide isn't the way?

"Ryan..." Dash began, anger quickly shifting to fear. "What are you doing?" He ignored her, looking beyond the doorway that lead to a city that was literally floating on clouds. Clouds that he wasn't meant to walk on. Extending a leg, he closed his eyes and held his breath, letting his weight carry him forward as his foot sank through the soft, white surface. "Ryan!"

Ryan fell, his body phasing through the clouds as he naturally should have to begin with. The feeling of the air hitting him was actually quite pleasant, despite the fact that he was literally plummeting to the earth. It reminded him of the first time he went skydiving. The only real difference between then and now was; he had a parachute and an instructor. Here, he has nothing but his fat ass and a very fast approaching city. However, fate had given this wayward human a break in the form of his colorful haired, marefriend.

Rainbow Dash caught up to him rather quickly, wrapping her arms around his midsection and being forced to use all of her wing-power to slow down and bring them to a hover. They were still a fair distance in the air, enough to see the entire population below them. Ryan was the only one enjoying the view though as his marefriend struggled to keep them aloft and seemed to be slowly descending.

The sounds of her heavy breathing and grunting were clear indicators of two things; The first being that he should probably lose the weight. The second was that she was struggling. The struggling itself wasn't a bother, but the fact that they were going down a little bit faster each second was a bit worrisome.

They continued to lower to the ground a little bit faster, and then faster, and then faster...

This continued until they finally reached the ground, Dash being forced to angle her wings so they would at least crash and roll, rather than collide straight-on. It was still painful, but at least this way they survived with only a few cuts and bruises.

Neither was sure when it happened, but they had become separate some time during the collision. Rainbow hit and managed to spin herself to barrel roll to a stop. Ryan, being the lucky soul he is, found himself sliding first, followed by rolling forward and doing a scorpion, then finishing off by skidding his face against the dirt with his legs still curved uncomfortably toward the sky. When his body finally came to a stop, his legs fell flat and that was it for him.

At least, it would be, if he weren't too stubborn to die.

Using one of his now very sore arms, Ryan pushes himself and his body rolls so he's laying on his back. His forehead, nose, and various other parts of his face were covered in cuts, scratches, and gravel. Raising the arm he had used to roll himself, he places a finger to his nose and breathes out as hard as he can. A small pebble is sent flying out of the opposite nostril, giving him at least a small amount of relief as he lets his arm fall back to the ground.

Ryan stares up at the sky, the light of the sun had already descended from his vision, leaving the sky to be lit by Luna's beautiful moon taking its place. He takes in a deep breath, letting it out in a- "ahhhhhOOOOOOOOOWWWW!!!"

"Holy fucking fuck!" He finished, still looking up into the sky, eyes wide. Before long, something enters his vision. Something that looked as though it had been tied to the back of a car before being taken on a twenty minute joyride through the woods.

Normally when a creature of the female genome is standing over him, it becomes difficult to contain his boner. But when that female looks like she's ready to stab him with a tree branch, his boner tears through his pants.

I will force you to eat yourself if you do not snap the fuck out of it...

Shaking his head, resulting in a reminder that he had landed on his head, Ryan forces himself to sit up. He did everything he could to avoid the female's gaze, not feeling like dealing with the oncoming shit-storm while he felt as though his brain was trying to crawl its way out of his skull.

"What the hell was that!?" Rainbow yelled, earning an annoyed sigh from the human.

"A solution to your problem." He said as if he were pointing out the obvious. When he finally looks at her, all he can make out is her scrunched up face and a small twitch in her left eye. "I told you to catch me... How did you not see this coming?"

Rage through the roof, Rainbow couldn't even think of a response that would emphasize how she was feeling; And how badly she wanted to smother him. As a result, she settled with turning tail and walking away, leaving the still damaged human to rot in the dirt.

Ryan turned his head elsewhere to process where he was. Obviously, he was in Ponyville, but wanted to know exactly where he had landed. He'd say that he was surprised no pony came to check on them, but then again; It was late and ponies wanted to go to bed. That and half of the population of Ponyville either tolerated or flat out hated him.

After a bit of scanning, he was able to pinpoint his exact location. However, he was still in too much pain to get up and move. For now, his ass was staying firmly planted where it was while he waited for his nerves to settle down. With his body resting and recuperating, it gave his mind time to go through the events that had taken place...and it wasn't looking good.

We...we may have fucked up...like a lot....So much so, that your house may be burned by a hand that isn't attached to 'you'.

This realization dawned on him, making him feel like a 'complete' asshole. "Fuck!" He yelled to himself, quickly accepting his oncoming defeat. "Dash is gonna kill me, no doubt."

Not to say that we don't deserve it.

"Oh, we do!" He confirmed with a nod, "By all means, she would be one hundred percent in the right."

Well...you can go home and let her rip your throat out with her teeth. Or, you can be a man, and run like hell to the nearest safe haven.

All Ryan could see was pink as the locks of poof consumed his face. As always, the embrace was tight and painful. But, what else could you expect from the town's favorite sugar junkie?

When she finally pulled away, he became reacquainted with the world around him; Which was plainly a tan-ish bedroom, a bed with balloons tied to it, a closet, and a phonograph. Also worth mentioning was the toothless alligator gnawing on his foot.

"- and I'm so, so, so sorry about that fight with Dashie!" Pinkie said with a guilty look on her face. She had been talking the whole time, but that was the only thing he was able to process out of everything. "I don't know what came over me, I overeactedanditjustescaltedromthere-!"

"Stop talking!" Ryan demanded, pressing a hand to her mouth as he did so. "I don't care..." There was a short silence between them and he eventually removed his hand from her face. "I need a place to crash for the night."

Pinkie cocked an eyebrow at him. She was more than happy to have him stay over. It'll give her a chance to convince him to join her for the naked snuggles! But, she was curious; "Why?"

With as serious a look as he could muster, he replied. "Cause if I go home tonight; I will die."

Now she was actually becoming concerned. "Why would you-?"

"I met Rainbow's parents today..." He interrupted, his face practically expressionless as the image of Windy popped up in his head. "Her mom, dude...Mmm!"

Naked cuddles would have to wait, this human's life was in danger! With a newfound determination- and a protective instinct that had yet to surface until this day- Pinkie grabbed Ryan by the arm and started dragging him off to Celestia-knows-where with Gummy still clinging tightly to the toe of his shoe.

Author's Note

Quick update! My mental state has improved! Starting to feel like myself again!
However, I am due for an a cat scan or MRI or...whatever...They're gonna scan my ass to locate all my tumors so we can figure out what the fuck to do about them.
I'll try to keep y'all posted so long as I survive all the radiation! But seeing how I have 12 of these fuckers I'm already kicking the Geiger counter in the ass, so fuck it!
This chapter was NOT edited professionally! I am currently a little drunk and just kinda eyeballed it...So let me know where I fucked up at!