The Diary of John, the Least Interesting Stallion in Equestria.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Dear Diary,

Well, today is the day that young Mr. Spike will begin his stay at my home. I do hope that no fire incidents occur. I am not scared of young Mr. Spike, mind you - he's a very nice young dragon from what I've been able to gather - it is simply the worry of what recently happened to Miss Twilight Sparkle's house.

Then again, of course, I do not practice magic, so the likelihood of my house being teleported by a mixture of fire and magic is very small.

Oh dear, I am still so dreadfully worried. What if young Mr. Spike has a diet which consists of something exciting? I do not have exciting things in my home, I am a mere land pony. I could not possibly afford a reckless journey off to collect some sort of dragon food.

Oh my goodness, what if young Mr. Spike does not care too much for my normal ways? Oh goodness. I do hope that he likes oatmeal and tea. I...

...I am being so ridiculous. I should not be worrying. Who, by worrying, can add a single day to their life? I know that I cannot, and so I will not. Granted, of course, that I will not simply forget the important things in life, such as oatmeal and tea. That reminds me, I have groceries that I need to purchase today. I am running low on tea.

All in all, I am sure that everything will be fine. Now, if you will excuse me, I must get on with my normal, non-worry-filled day. I have to open my shop and I have to purchase some groceries afterwords.

Well, I am back from my day. Today I sold a single manual, one for a garbage disposal. I did not even know I had one of those, but apparently I do. Or, rather, I did. I sold it, so it is no longer in my store now.

I also have purchased oatmeal and tea.

Okay, I have just heard someone knocking at my door. I suppose it will be young Mr. Spike.

Well, tonight was a lot better than I assumed it would be. When I opened the door, young Mr. Spike was standing there with a rather dream-like smile on his face. In his hands he carried both a small suitcase and a bag of jewels. Apparently, Miss Rarity had given the jewels to him as a brief parting gift. At least, that is what I could gather through his dreamy sighs as he stepped in and blew a kiss to the departing mare.

What a reckless young dragon. Blowing kisses? My word. Fortunately (I suppose), Miss Rarity did not seem to mind as she smiled and blew one back at the young dragon. What two reckless individuals. Sometimes I wonder how I can understand other ponies... ...or dragons. Well, not other dragons, I suppose, since I am not a dragon.

I am getting off topic again. Sorry.

As I was saying, after young Mr. Spike was dropped off at my house, I showed him to his room, the guest room that Miss BlueMoon had... ..."provided" me with. I daresay he looked somewhat shocked. Perhaps it was the vibrant pink wallpaper, or maybe the purple hearts and fluffly carpet. Whatever the case, young Mr. Spike froze in place for a few seconds.

I do understand, though. It must be terribly hard to live in such a catastrophically reckless room. I know that I felt dizzy just looking at it. I apologized to young Mr. Spike and explained that it was all I had. He told me it was okay, after saying "Um... ...Uh... ...that's...."

In order to apologize for such a terrible room (I really should have thought of that earlier), I invited young Mr. Spike to have some tea and crackers with me. He agreed, and we were soon having a very...

...slow conversation at the table.

"So, young Mr. Spike," I asked "how are you today?"

"Uh... ...great," He replied "Um... ...is this... ...all you eat? Crackers?"

"Of course not, young Mr. Spike," I said, and I was quite telling the truth. He looked relieved when I said that. "I also eat toast and, of course, oat meal. But mostly just oat meal."

"Oh..." he replied rather slowly. I do believe that dragons must have different diets. Oh, I just knew it. I should have gotten some tofu. Everypony knows that that is what dragons eat the most.

Anyway, the conversation continued.

"That's... ...interesting." he said, before sipping some tea.

"Yes, quite. I do enjoy oatmeal," I said plainly and with a smile on my face.

...

...The rest of the conversation was full of very awkward silence, I must say. The only noise I could hear was the clock ticking on the wall across from us. It was somewhat uncomfortable. After a while, he spoke up again.

"Well, uh... ...thanks, John, for... ...taking me in while Twilight's gone. I, um... ...I feel tired," He said with a fake-sounding yawn. I would normally consider him a liar, but I do suppose that dragon yawns must sound very different thant he normal yawns of ponies such as myself.

I promptly showed him the bathroom and the toothpaste, and soon he was in bed. I must have mis-judged young Mr. Spike. He was in bed a full hour before I was. My, what a responsible young dragon. I bet (not really. Betting is wrong. I would never do something so reckless and irresponsible, you know) that Miss Twilight Sparkle is very proud of her young assistant.

Well, I have a big day tomorrw, so goodnight, Diary.

Sincerely,

John