The Diary of John, the Least Interesting Stallion in Equestria.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Dear Diary,

I am very worried and troubled. My birthday is today, and I just know that Miss Pinkie Pie is purposely planning a surprise party for me. Oh goodness gracious, I just used alliteration. I'm sorry. That was out of place. Now, back to the focus of this diary entry: Miss Pinkie Pie's surprise party. I have no clue when or where the surprise party will be, so I plan on remaining in my home for the entirety of the day.

I am sincerely worried that Miss Pinkie Pie will get out of control with this party. What if she purchases multi-colored balloons? What if she brings a cake too big to be finished in one sitting? What if the party gifts are too much for me to handle and I have to return them the next day? Oh the horror. I cannot believe this.

It happens each year, diary: Miss Pinkie Pie plans a surprise party (pardon the alliteration, once again. I must behave myself more) and I wind up being surprised so much that I can hardly take it. Last year, it was the pinata. The year before that? Confetti. The year before that, even? A bouncy castle. My word, I cannot believe that I have survived so long with Miss Pinkie Pies antics.

It is now ten o' clock in the morning, diary, and there is still no sign of Pinkie Pie's party. Under normal circumstances, I would be relieved by the absence of Miss Pinkie Pie's party supplies in my home, but now I am all the more worried. I have to open up my shop at one o' clock today, and my shop is precisely one block from my house. To traverse that entire way knowing that Pinkie Pie could sneak into my home at any moment and prepare a party? I feel worried. But it must be done, I suppose.

I am just concerned about what may happen when I do leave my home.

Well, diary, of all the rotten luck. This has nothing to do with the party I was referring to earlier, but something else entirely. Upon opening up shop, one of the first customers was Miss Apple Jack, of the Sweet Apple Acres outside of town. Now, at this point, I am feeling somewhat relieved. Miss Apple Jack is a nice pony, but she's also friends with Pinkie Pie. Knowing this, I prepared myself to get information from her as quickly as possible.

"Hello, Miss Apple Jack," I said "How are you today?"

"Why, I'm doin' fine, John. Say, I was wonderin', how much for this here book?"

I looked and, I must confess, I almost felt as if I nearly gasped in shock.

She was purchasing what just so happens to be my favorite appliance manual, the only one left in stock: The manual for none other than a water heater from several years ago. It contains instructions in three languages and the water heater itself, the E.S. 000, came in shades of grey and gray.

This just so happens to be my favorite book in the store, and I constantly find myself debating over weather or not I should purchase it out of my own pocket, you see. But I knew that if I did that, someone who needed it for their actual E.S. 000, (despite the machine being outdated) would not be able to purchase it.

So now Miss Apple Jack has purchased it.

As she was leaving the store, I quickly remembered what information I wanted.

"Oh, Miss Apple Jack," I said "I'm sorry, but I did have a question for you."

"What?" she replied. At this point I noticed she was looking somewhat worried. The conversation continued as such:

"What is it that Miss Pinkie Pie has planned for me today?" I said. "I know she would share it with you, one of her close friends."

Miss Apple Jack quickly responded, "I'm sorry, John, but Pinkie said I shouldn't talk about it or else I'd ruin the surprise. Trust me, though: She knows what would work best for you. She learned her lesson from the pinata last year."

And, before I could respond, Miss Apple Jack had quickly left the store.

Now I am about to return home, Diary. I do not know If I shall ever be able to write in you again without thinking of what is coming. Oh dear. I feel so worried.

Well, Diary, this is probably the first year that my birthday party was actually enjoyable.

I walked into my house, turned on the light, and, rather than getting a loud "surprise!" from a bunch of ponies hidden in the room, I found a single note lying on my table, from Miss Pinkie Pie herself.

Dear John,

I'm sorry that the other Birthday Parties were pretty out-of-control for you. I think that party planning gets the best of me sometimes. If you wanna come, we are celebrating your birthday in the park. I did the best I could with what I had, but this time I stopped myself from going absolutely bananas with the cake and decorations and all that fun stuff. There will be tea, crackers, and even a game of checkers! Come if you wanna!

-Pinkie Pie

Oh! P.S. There's a gift for you from all of us here, too!

P.P.S. Happy Birthday!

P.P.S.S. :-)

Reluctantly, but somewhat ready for an enjoyable party for once, I set out to the park to find this party, bracing myself for an out-of-control experience, despite what Miss Pinkie Pie had said.

I was pleasantly surprised.

There was a table set up with a banner above it in plain black and white which read: Happy Birthday, John.

The table itself had a checker board set up and had seven cups of tea all around it. Sitting at the table were Miss Twilight Sparkle, Miss Pinkie Pie, Miss Apple Jack, Miss Rainbow Dash, Miss Rarity, and Miss Fluttershy. I confess I almost felt like I nearly blushed, due to all of this being for me. But I happily sat down at my seat and the party began.

When the festivities were nearly over, precisely an hour and one half later, Miss Pinkie Pie presented me with my one present. I opened it up, and I felt my heart skip a beat in joy.

There, sitting on the table, was none other than the manual for the E.S. 000. Miss Apple Jack was apparently told by Pinkie Pie to buy it, since, if she bought it, I would know what she was doing. I smiled and thanked them all for such a wonderful party, and I especially thanked Miss Pinkie Pie for restraining herself and not giving me a heart attack like she had for the past few years in a row.

Well, Diary, that is all for today. I am full of tea and crackers, and it is almost nine o' clock. I need to go to bed now to read my new book.

Goodnight, Diary.

Sincerely,

John