The Diary of John, the Least Interesting Stallion in Equestria.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Dear Diary,

I am off to the park right now. It is going to be so fun. I have tea, crackers, and the manual for the E.S. 000. It's going to be a very exciting read. I should know, though - I've already read it seven (soon to be eight) times. Well, I have my tea bags packed along with my crackers, diary, so I think I will head over to the park right now. I'll bring you along, though, in case anything out-of-the ordinary happens.

Well, I'm at the park now, diary. So far, nothing unusual has happened. That's nice. Being normal is nice. Anyways, I'm going to read my book now.

Diary, I have read only five pages so far and I already am starting to remember how exciting the manual is. Already the diagrams and labels and step-by-step instructions are regaining some of their old exciting feel. For example: Did you know that you have to assemble piece A into piece B by first plugging part C into your water line? Pretty exciting, I think. I have to keep reading now. I simply can't stop.

Well, I just got finished reading the "English" section of the manual, and it was very exhilarating. I feel so giddy when I read this. In fact, I was so giddy that I accidentally spilled my tea. Goodness gracious, that was a mess. I actually had to set my book down and clean up the puddle, before ants came into the gazebo and started crawling all over it.

Anyways, Diary, now I'm moving on to the other languages.

I can't speak other languages, diary, but it just feels wrong to read only one section of the book and not complete the whole thing. I at least take the time to look at the words and guess what they mean, but I'm pretty sure that it is the same thing as in the first section. Oh, well. Back to reading.

Ah. That was nice. I enjoy reading manuals. Don't you, Diary? Oh goodness. Silly me. I forgot that you aren't an actual living thing. You're just a book that I write in. My apologies for asking you if you enjoy reading manuals. Oh, there I go again. I cannot believe that I apologized to a book. Sorry for apologizing to you, Diary.

There I go again. I must stop this ridiculous nonsense at once.

Well, now that I am done reading and have finished my tea, I suppose I will go home. Oh, wait. It's raining outside. Darn it, I cannot believe that I forgot about the pegasi scheduling a rain shower for today. Well, I suppose that I shall simply have to wait here underneath the gazebo until the rain clears up.

I shall just have to re-read the water heater manual.

I simply cannot concentrate on reading now, Diary. You see - the rain isn't that bad (it is just a light sprinkle), but there, up in a tree right next to the gazebo, Miss Rainbow Dash is sleeping and snoring quite loudly. Oh dear, what should I do?

I don't want to put up with snoring all while I'm trying to read an appliance manual in the rain, but then again, I don't want to ruin Miss Rainbow Dash's nap. Wait, I see a bit down here on the gazebo floor. I shall flip the coin and decide which action I should take.

I'm well aware that this is very reckless of me, but desperate times like this call for desperate measures...

...usually. On most other occasions, I wouldn't be doing such an out-of-control thing. Well, enough of this idle writing, Diary. I shall now flip the bit. If it lands on heads, I will wake up Miss Rainbow Dash and explain that her snoring is interrupting my reading. If it lands on tails, I will merely put up with the snoring until the rain clears and I can return to my home.

Oh bother. The coin has landed between the wooden cracks in the floor, and is now lost forever. I was going to keep it as a lucky bit, too. I could use more laundry detergent, after all.

You know what, Diary? I am going to muster up the courage to ask Miss Rainbow Dash to move to a different tree. I will...

...hang on, Diary. It appears that the sprinkling has stopped for now. Well, that's nice. I am going to go home now.

I'm back home now, Diary. And not a moment too soon, might I add. It is almost time for lunch. Oh, by the way, I did finally talk to Miss Rainbow Dash. She woke up just as the rain ended.

"Oh, hi there John!" She said.

"Hello, Miss Rainbow Dash," I replied "Nice weather today."

"Thanks," she said "Us pegasi really put our backs into it this time. There were hardly any clouds to choose from today!"

"Well, I have to return home," I replied "Goodbye, Miss Rainbow Dash."

"See ya, John!" she said.

Then I went home. That is all that has happened so far today.

Well, diary, that is it. Nothing else happened today, which is exactly the way I like it. I opened my shop, sold two printer manuals, and then went home for the day. Now I am going to go to bed after eating supper.

Goodnight, Diary.

Sincerely,

John