The Diary of John, the Least Interesting Stallion in Equestria.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Dear Diary,

Today is the day that I am going to go play golf with Miss Fluttershy. How I find myself in these reckless and absurd situations is utterly beyond me. I swear, if I could go back in time and make sure I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, I would...

...

...On second thought, I wouldn't. That would be scary. Time travel is in and of itself a very reckless thing. I don't even want to think of such an abominable subject. It makes my stomach queasy and my head somewhat dizzy, which simply won't do. Oh, that reminds me - I have to eat breakfast still. Dear me, how in the world am I managing to become so irresponsible? Oh well. I suppose I should stop writing for the time being and get some food down before I go to golf today. The tea-off is at four o' clock.

Okay, diary, I'm about to leave for golf now. Between now and the previous paragraph, nothing much happened. This can only mean that I'm about to become very stressed very quickly when I play golf today. I'm not even sure why I have a golf-hat. The whole sport is ridiculously out-of-control. Oh dear. I'm so worried.

Well, on a lighter note, before I leave, I did sell two manuals at my store today. Both of them were air conditioner manuals (pretty average, if I do say so myself). In fact, if I didn't know what I was about to do, I would say that today was a great day. But, as I do know, today is about to become very bad very quickly.

As a matter-of-fact, I should stop writing right now. It's almost four o' clock in the afternoon.

I'm back from the game. My word, that was a nightmare.

When I got up to the golf course, I didn't see Miss Fluttershy at first, and (I sadly confess) I hoped that she was unable to attend and that I would come home to a note taped to my door explaining why. This was not the case.

Just as I was about to leave the course, I saw Miss Fluttershy approaching it along with her pet rabbit, Angel. Both of them were wearing golf hats and carrying golf bags. Of course, the rabbit's bag was quite smaller than a normal golf-bag; the mere thought of a rabbit trying to carry a pony-sized golf-bag is outrageous.

To tell the truth, I was terrified.

I was worried about all sorts of things throughout the entirety of the golf game, things like "What if I accidentally miss the ball and lose my grip on the club?" and "What if somepony accidentally swallows a ball?" (that can happen, you know) or, Heaven forbid it, "What if I look like a complete fool in front of all the others at the golf course because I'm not cut out for such a wild sport?"

All these thoughts were rushing through my head during the whole game between Miss Fluttershy, Angel, and myself. The only good that came of it, in my opinion, was when it ended. Don't get me wrong, though - Miss Fluttershy and her pet are very nice and kind, and I do not mind being in their company in the slightest. The simple fact remains that any game in which you have to hit objects with clubs sounds way too extreme for my tastes, thank you very much.

In the end, Angel came in first, having got nothing more than a hole-in-three on any of the holes (I suspect this is because he's a rabbit; rabbits are very good at getting things into holes in the ground, I mean, after all most live in holes in the ground). Miss Fluttershy got second, and I, of course, was last.

I do not care that I lost, though, diary. I'm just thankful that nothing dreadful happened. I've been having nightmares about this day during all of last week, and now that it's over I can enjoy a cup of tea, followed shortly by bed.

Goodnight, Diary.

Sincerely,

John