The Diary of John, the Least Interesting Stallion in Equestria.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Dear Diary,

Today was going to be a normal day. I'm not quite sure what went wrong where, but I know that something did, and I am now very emotionally strained. I think I may have to have two more cups of tea in order to calm myself down. That sounds nice. Tea with sugar in it. I like tea. I like it relatively more than most other drinks, so I think I'll drink that to calm myself down. Those three fillies are scary. Yes, I find them scary. I'm going to get some tea after writing this. I need tea. I do need it a lot, you know, especially after I ran out today...

...

...I need to take a break from writing for a moment or two, diary, and I am going to, within that moment or two, go sip some tea. I like tea...

Diary, I just had the most delicious tea. Really, you should try it sometime. Here.

Oh, diary. Why did you have to go and spill more tea all over the place? Now I have to wipe it up. Oh my goodness, Diary. You should be ashamed of yourself. I like tea. Why did you have to spill tea? I like it. You know what, Diary? I think I need to get some rest. I feel very tired, you know. Resting in bed would help me recover from today's little incident. I will simply take a short nap is all, diary. I will be back soon enough...

Oh my word. What in the world was I thinking? I am back from my nap now. I really don't want to remember what happened today, but I do suppose that it needs to be written down. I apologize for my little incident with the tea. It makes my hooves almost tremble just to think of how wild I acted when I began writing my diary letter today. Goodness gracious, I cannot believe how scared I was. The golf game, the birthday party, and the lucky bit do not even begin to compare to the level of excitement that I have experienced today.

There is no need to write down my regular morning routine. I followed that to the letter, as is usual. It all began around twelve o' clock, I think, when I was sipping some... ...tea... ...and enjoying some crackers. You see, my shop was closed for the day, and I didn't have to worry about it. Today was going to be normal...

...and then I heard rapid knocking at the door. Upon opening it, I found myself looking into the eyes of three young fillies: Little Miss Scootaloo, Little Miss Sweetie Bell, and Little Miss Apple Bloom.

What followed next was a barrage of questions about me not having a cutie mark and how I managed to live such a peaceful life without one. I was slowly becoming unhinged, but that did not stop me from inviting them in to have tea.

Why I thought that was a good idea, I don't believe I will ever know. But I soon found myself in a most perilous situation. There were three fillies sitting at my table, bombarding me with cutie-mark related questions. You see, when I had told them that I had a cutie mark, but it was simply a green square the same color as the rest of my hair (I know this because the hair in my cutie-mark region has a somewhat different texture), they began asking more and more and more questions.

It was loud, terrifying, and horrific. I nearly fainted, I tell you. I nearly fainted. Then, the unthinkable happened.

Little Miss Scootaloo tripped, knocking Little Miss Apple Bloom over and causing Little Miss Sweetie Bell to fall off of her chair. One of them grabbed onto the tablecloth for support, causing it to be yanked right off of the table. Tea was spilled literally everywhere. I don't really remember what happened after that. I do believe that they said something about having to do something somewhere, and then darting out of the door. I was in shock for the rest of the afternoon.

Since then, I have cleaned up the mess, and I think it's time for me to get to bed. I really have to put this terrifying day behind me. I hope I don't have nightmares tonight. I really hope I don't.

Well, Goodnight, Diary.

Sincerely,

John

P.S. I'm sorry for spilling tea all over you earlier, when I was still suffering from shock. That was rude and reckless of me. My apologies.