Mr. Original’s Dictionary
Original Edition

Explode Faint
/ikˈsplōd fānt/
vb.

-When James/Conscience Explodes and Pop Faints at the same time

[Theme Song]

Twilight and Spike had left the library, and would supposedly return in a couple hours or so. While they were out and about, James (and Conscience, who had merged with him) decided to stay at the library and read something. But first...

James shrunk his piano with a Mini Mushroom to the point where it was the size of his palm before going upstairs to the bedroom, to put it in one of the drawers. Closing it, he made his way down to the living room and pulled out his music records.

"Hmm...," he mused as he looked through them. He had a good memory of song names. If he knew the song title, he'd have a brief, if not thorough, idea of what the song sounded like. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no," he continued to flip through records he had already listened to. (That included the record album of Garnett Lee's songs.) He felt as if he may have been past half already, so he skipped to the end, and decided he'd flip backwards until he found a familiar album. Then he'd know where he'd left off. He had only flipped through the very last one, when-- boom. The second last one was an album of songs by Duke Ellington.

So, wait... that meant-- "Damn, I'm already on the last one?" he said quietly to himself. He frowned in disappointment. He'd really blown past these songs too quickly for his own liking. Though he'd be damned if he remembered all the songs by heart. But if he was true to himself, he wouldn't have it any other way. "Ah, well," he Signature Shrugged. He flipped back to the final album: Scott Joplin. ...Wait, what?

"But I already listened to this album," James furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "I know I already listened to this!" he skipped to a certain spot near the beginning. He had a photographic memory of where Joplin's album was, since he listened to his on a constant basis. That thought caused him to stop. He'd not only been through the entire case of albums (minus the last one), but he even listened to some songs he really liked several times as well.... He shook his head. He had to find that other album. He went through a few more, and... here it was.

Conscience came out and pointed at the album with gusto. "Iiiii knew it!" he exclaimed triumphantly. So that meant... that meant that Scott Joplin had two different albums. At that realization, James scoffed. He wasn't surprised by that.

"Okay, more Joplin for me, not a problem at all," James put the record on the phonautograph and started the music.

[Later...]

They weren't aware of it, but the record had reached the last song of the album: Original Rags.
Meanwhile, they were reading more of their book 'James and the Giant Peach'. But then they started Talking again. (It was Conscience's fault.)

"James's aunts are bitches."

"Garfield said 'no,'" James replied, not looking up from the book.

"I wouldn't blame him. That clown in the television is an ass****."

"Hence the p-word alert," James raised his index.

"And the bleeping sound," Conscience added.

"But then how do you fix a Blue Screen of Death by cussing it out?"

"We'll never know. The section of the video ended too soon."

"It doesn't matter! Watermarks aren't holy."

"Right, but still, they're noticeable," James raised his index... again.

"Good thing we have editors to keep them from making their account logos too big."

"True, true...," James trailed off.

"James, why do you think CatDog fight all the time?" Conscience suddenly asked.

"Cat is classy, but selfish... sort of. Dog is... not as selfish, but... argh! That ass**** is just... IRRITATING!" James Exploded in anger at the thought as he finally looked up from the book. He'd get up way early in the morning to watch CatDog when he was a teenager. He even drew a not-so-bad picture of them once. He wondered how in the f*ck that was one of his most preferred cartoons as a kid.

"Indeed," Conscience nodded sagely.

James was through discussing that, he needed to change the subject. "On another note, you don't relax on beds just to jump at the ceiling."

Conscience deadpanned. "Seriously? I mean, if you get high enough then it's possible that your hallucinations will allow you to think you can bounce off your ass-- or better yet, your back-- to touch the ceiling."

"But after you reach it, then what?" James shrugged questioningly.

"Obviously, you hit the ceiling enough times from bouncing really hard. Therefore you bust through said ceiling, and can begin bouncing closer and closer to the sky. When you think you've touched the sky, you'll have the ability to fly. Guaranteed," Conscience explained in a lecturing voice.

James blinked. "...That... is the one of the most depressingly good things I've ever heard in my life." Of course he was exaggerating.

"Certain songs don't help either, because they can make you feel as if you actually can bounce through the ceiling and touch the sky. No music is an exception." He paused in thought, feeling uncertain of that statement. "...Yep, not one style," he Epic Shrugged in finality.

"It's up to us to get over it," James said gravely as he shook his head. "I just wish I knew how to do that soon-a."

"It is soon-a!" Conscience frowned. "They have a way of... of... making our bake."

"Screw those kids, they were ass****s for practically no reason."

"Yeah, you're right, f*** society, that had nothing to do with it. Sh**."

"That goat went from kicking ass and singing, to getting his ass handed to him... and singing."

James chuckled at that. He'd already forgotten about touching the ceiling and sky. But at that point, the song playing on the phonautograph came to an end. The last song of the album. The last song of the case. James had listened to all the songs.

At this realization he turned his head to his phonautograph. "Hey, the record's done." He walked over to the table on which it sat. "Well, I suppose I'll start over aga--" He stopped in his tracks as the phonautograph started to rumble. And he was sure it wasn't an earthquake, the ground itself wasn't shaking. James squinted slightly in confused alarm as it started glowing white. Not flashing rapidly, but just slowly and gradually changing from glowing to normal-looking, and so on.

"What in the f***?" Conscience raised an eyebrow as he walked over to James and stood beside him. "James, what the hell happened?"

"I didn't do anythi--" He flinched with a start when a booming noise resounded from the phonautograph. No sooner after that did a smoke-like fog trail out from its horn. It took him a few seconds to notice he had his machine gun ready and aimed at the scene. "Uh...," was the uncertain drawl that came from him.

His and Conscience's eyes widened when they realized that the fog was materializing into something. Or possibly, someone, they noted as the shape gained more and more detail. First thing to take shape was the feet, then the legs, then the body, the arms, and finally the head. After the fog apparently finished shaping, the fog gradually changed color.

James and Conscience's gazes looked from the bottom and up as the shoes became black, the pants became a cardboard brown. The shirt was actually an off-white dress shirt, the cuffs showing from beneath the light dirt-brown cardigan jacket that covered it, completed with a black tie. And the face... was brown. A very familiar face...

As their minds slowly processed the completely opaque and now-fully-materialized figure, they realized that they were in the presence of a very significant artist in the history of music. Standing before them was none other than the King of Ragtime himself: Scott Joplin.

"S-Sc-S-Sc-Sc-Scott...?" Conscience bit his lip to keep from screaming in excitement. James's mouth opened wide in awe, his pupils shrunken to tiny dots, involuntarily dropping his gun.

After a couple seconds of stunned silence, Scott spoke as he looked down at himself. "It's been a little over sixty years since I've been in this form."

POP!

Conscience Explode Fainted.

The musician spirit then looked at James, who had to use his hand to close his mouth. "Congratulations to you, as you have completed your journey."

Miraculously, James found his voice. "I-I did?" he stammered.

"Yes," Scott nodded. "You truly are one with the jazz." James had to fight to suppress the Cheerful shout of victory from escaping his throat. He did, however, fail to catch the distant smile that crept onto his face. "However, this is also the beginning of a new journey."

James blinked. "...I... I-I don't understand. You mean I have to find more songs and listen to them, and experience them?" The question sounded ridiculous to him the moment it left his mouth.

Scott chuckled and shook his head. "You don't have to find the music. The music will find you." He noticed the confused look on James's face and continued. "To any ordinary being, everything would be without music. Music is something that you make or listen to or notice in the midst of everyday noises." He leaned forward. "But to you, music is everywhere. They have souls and minds of their own and can affect you in many ways. The songs have a way with time, that only you can see."

"...Wow. I-I don't know what to say."

Scott cocked his head sideways slightly. "Say, what's your name, anyway?"

"U-Uh, James III."

"Well, James," Scott asked, "do you think you are ready?"

"Absolutely," James answered immediately.

"Now, his isn't a simple musical experience. You must stay sharp. Anyone in your current position would call it a burden. Especially the previous ones who have survived. Once you begin, you cannot stop, even if you want to." He stared intensely into James's eyes, causing him to avert his gaze downward. "Are you sure you are up for this?"

James pondered silently. There was a catch? He supposed that was understandable. Everything had flaws. Anyone in your current position may even call it a burden. Well, he'd been burdened by many things and still succeeded in whatever without being stopped by them. One more burden wouldn't hurt. Especially the previous ones who have survived. 'Survive'? This would put his life on the line? Perhaps that would be if he was an ordinary person. Was he an ordinary person? He looked up at Scott with a serious expression.

"Yes. Yes I am," he catch-phrased.

He could've sworn he could see a look of admiration in Scott's eyes during his next words. "...You're a brave young man." James Signature Blushed, despite himself. Scott placed his palm on James's forehead. For a second, all was still. Then suddenly, there was pain. He could hear a cacophony of different songs. He could feel the music, the songs indistinct, for there were so many all at once. So many that he let out a grunt of agony; the pain was excruciating, even for him.

And then, as suddenly and abruptly as it came, the pain left almost as quickly. When Scott removed his hand, James ungracefully fell on his back, his breathing a bit labored.

"I must say, I'm impressed," Scott said. "No one has ever remained conscious after this process."

The still-dazed James gave a tired grin as he lifted his head up and looked at his idol. (Well, one of his idols, anyway.) "*pant* I'm impressed *pant* myself."

Scott began to turn transparent. "I must go now. I wish the best of luck to you... James."

"That means a lot to me," James replied, his smile growing slightly. A bright glow overtook Scott, and before long, he had faded completely. James finally lowered his head back to the ground, his breathing deepened to regain his wind. And to stop the room from spinning like it still was.

"Gah!" Conscience shot up with a sharp inhale. He looked around frantically. "What just happened?" he looked at James, who had finally recovered enough and sat up.

"Sh*t.... Sh*t happened," James said distantly.

James and Conscience walked side-by-side down the road of Ponyville, Conscience wrapping his head around the incident in the library.

"So he touched your head, and gave you a slight migraine? That's how he gave you the power?"

"Apparently," James continued to look forward. "He even said that I'm the first person to not get knocked out by the procedure."

Conscience Grief Grimaced. "Goodness damn! I'm glad I didn't have to feel that."

"He was so vague, though," James broke his gaze from in front of him to look at Conscience. "I mean, he told me I completed my journey-- which I think he was talking about all those albums we finished listening to-- and that it was the start of another journey. And then he said that the previous successors (or whatever the f*** they're called) that have 'survived' would call this responsibility a burden.

"...That's practically it. That leaves me with so many questions that need answers! What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to do it? Things like that."

"Well, you never know. Maybe he'll come back later to further explain everything? Or you'll just know when the time comes?" Conscience pondered.

"I highly doubt that. Maybe he has faith that I'll figure out soon enough on my own. Maybe. I'm not even sure about that," James said as he looked at the ground. His face went red. "This is so f***ed up..."

The said nothing after that for a short while. After about ten seconds, Conscience broke the silence. "...You think we should tell anyone about this?"

James looked at Conscience and furrowed his eyebrows. "You know, that hadn't occurred to me." He looked down in thought, but was mentally interrupted as he heard familiar voices coming closer. Upon looking up, he saw Twilight and Spike walking in the same direction. He and Conscience did walk rather quickly when they were doing it subconsciously.

"Oh, Spike, stop. I'm sure there are lots of ponies right here in Ponyville that know just as much magic as me," Twilight spoke as she looked around at some of the ponies going about their business.

"Are you kiddin'? I don't think there's another unicorn in all of Equestria with your kind of ability, Twilight," Spike complimented, causing Twilight to smile bashfully. (James once again felt a little heat upon his face.)

"Gang way! Comin' through!" an approaching voice shouted.

The two pairs turned around just in time for Spike to get rammed by two unicorn colts. "Snips, Snails! What's goin' on?"

The colts in question came to a screeching halt. Unfortunately for Spike, flew a distance in the air despite the sudden lack of force that was taking him with it. Luckily, Conscience Flashed over to catch him in time.

"Haven't you heard? There's a new unicorn in town!" the source of the earlier voice spoke. He was the taller pale orange colt with a blueish green mane and tail.

"Yeah!" the shorter pale greenish blue colt with an orange mane and tail said as he bounced a few times in excitement. "They say that she's got more magical powers than any other unicorn, ever!"

Twilight froze. "Really?" She looked down anxiously.

"Aw, no way," Spike denied, "that honor goes to Twilight here."

Twilight smiled, her cheeks tinted pink... and James shook his head in exasperation. "Where is this unicorn?" she asked, trying to draw attention from herself.

"She's in the town square. Come on!" the taller colt broke into a gallop.

"Yeah! Come on!" the other colt whooped as he followed suit.

Conscience spoke. "So, what have you guys been out do--" He paused as he realized that the others had already ran ahead in the direction of the Town Square. "Son of a bitch pudding..."

Twilight, Spike, James, and a grumpy Conscience made their way to the front of the crowd. (Good thing the citizens were that polite.) Just then they heard a loud, sound-amplified voice ring over the crowd.

"Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Grrreat and Powerful, Trrrixiiiiie!" the small cart that stood before them expanded and transformed into a decent sized stage, upon which a sudden cloud of sparkling smoke exploded. The smoke dissipated, leaving a unicorn mare in a purple hat and cape which was covered in numerous stars. Most of the ponies in the crowd 'oohed.' Obviously they were intrigued, something that James couldn't help but be annoyed at. Sure they'd never seen Twilight do it, but she'd teleported all the time.

"Watch in awe, as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!" her forelegs shot into the air as fireworks exploded all around her.

"Goodness damn, I hate her demeanor already!" James hissed quietly to the other three.

"My, my, my. What boasting," Rarity glowered at the showmare onstage.

Spike was clearly not amused. "Come on, nopony's as magical as Twi--" Spike's eyes widened, "Twi-- Twi-- Oh!" the dragon cleared his throat. "H-Hey, Rarity, I, uh.... Mustache!" he zoomed off.

"...The f***?" Conscience muttered as he watched Spike.

Twilight walked over to Rarity. "There's nothing wrong with being talented, is there?" she frowned.

"Nothin' at all," Applejack said to Twilight before glaring at Trixie who summoned a bouquet of flowers for... herself. "'Cept when someone goes around showin' it off like a school filly with fancy new ribbons."

"Just because one has the ability to perform lots of magic does not make one better than the rest of us," Twilight wilted as Rarity spoke.

"Especially when ya got me around being better than the rest of us," Rainbow laughed... but stopped when Applejack narrowed her eyes at her (although the point was mostly driven by James, who was giving her a death glare out of the corner of his eye). "Uh... I mean, yeah. Magic shmagic. Boo!" The way Rainbow took her words back completely reversed James's mood, who facepalmed while snorting a few times in laughter.

The righteous words of the group of friends didn't go unnoticed by Trixie. "Well well well. It seems we have some neighsayers in the audience."

"No," James deadpanned.

"Who is so ignorant as to challenge the magical ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie?" she reared back as if to give off an air of superiority. "Do they not know that they're in the presence of the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria?"

Rarity blew a raspberry. "Just who does she think she is?" she murmured to Twilight.

"Yeah!" Spike butted in. "Since we all know that Twilight here is--"

"Spike! Shhh!" she cut him off and nudged him to the side of the crowd.

"What? What's wrong?" the little dragon asked.

"You see the way they reacted to Trixie?" the unicorn whispered. "I don't want anyone thinking I'm a show-off." They watched as Trixie struck a pose as more fireworks exploded along with a fanfare.

"...I still like the fireworks from New Super Mario Bros. better," Conscience muttered.

"Me too," James agreed.

Rainbow scowled and flew in the showmare's face. "So, 'Great and Powerful Trixie'. What makes you think you're so awesome, anyway?"

Trixie smiled that annoyingly calm smile. "Why, only the Great and Powerful Trixie has magic strong enough to vanquish the dreaded ursa major!" Fireworks shot out of the horns adorning the stage, and exploded in the sky, creating an image of what look like a giant bear with an eight-pointed star on its head. Nearly all of the ponies in the crowd let out various sounds that clearly showed interest.

"Aw, it's so cute. For a second there, I thought she was talking about a really bad song," Conscience quipped quietly, getting a stifled High Chortle from James.

Trixie continued. "When all hope was lost, the ponies of Hoofington..."

"No," James muttered as the mare was talking.

"...had no one to turn to, but the Great and Powerful Trixie stepped in," a comically smaller version of Trixie joined the ursa major, "and with her awesome magic, vanquished the ursa major and sent it back to its cave deep within the Everfree Forest!" As she said this, the ursa flickered on and off before bursting into a colorful dissipating light."

"Damn," Conscience Grief Grimaced. "She killed it and sent in back home? Damn... that's f***ed up."

"S-weeet!" Snips and Snails exclaimed.

"That settles it," the shorter one said.

"Trixie truly is the most talented, the most magical, the most awesome unicorn in Ponyville," the taller one said.

"No, in all of Equestria!" the shorter one corrected him.

"They're starting to piss me off," James muttered, his eyebrows furrowing.

Spike snapped. "How do you know? You didn't see it! And besides, Twi-- mmph m-mmph!" Spike was cut off as Twilight sealed his lips like a zipper.

Trixie let out a 'sophisticated' laugh. "It's true, my enthusiastic little admirers. Trixie is most certainly the best in Ponyville."

It was dead silent, everyone staring blankly at her. Aside from James and his friends, who were giving resentful glares. That did not, however, include Twilight, who looked more shocked than irked.

"Don't believe the Great and Powerful Trixie?" the blue unicorn chuckled. "Well then, I hereby challenge you, Ponyvillians. Anything you can do, I can do better. Any takers? Anyone? Hmm? Or is Trixie destined to be the greatest equine who has ever lived!?" she stood on her hind legs as another round of fireworks and fanfare went off. Spike unzipped his mouth and began begging Twilight to show Trixie what's what.

Ironically, Conscience broke next. "James, silence this f***er," he spoke quietly.

James looked at him incredulously. "...Now?"

Conscience deadpanned. "No, tomorrow. Yes now, you dumbass!" he hissed.

"No, damn it! I don't want to draw attention in this circumstance," James protested.

They paused in mid-conversation as the mare onstage spoke again. "Hmmm, how about... you?" Trixie pointed a hoof at Twilight, who gulped nervously upon being addressed.

Simultaneously, James and Conscience threw their arms up in outrage with a look that said 'Are you f*cking serious!?'

Author's Note

Stupid character development...