Trixie walked closer. "Well, how about it, hmm? Is there anything you can do that the Great and Powerful Trixie can't?" She had this look in her eye that James couldn't help but High Chortle at.

"I-- I...," Twilight stammered.

"Well, little hayseed?"

Conscience was about to tell her to back the f*ck off when Applejack spoke up. "That's it. I can't stand for no more of this!" she walked onto the stage.

"You show her, AJ!" Spike shouted in encouragement. Whereas Twilight looked more nervous than ever. Or maybe she was relieved that everyone wasn't paying attention to her anymore.

"Can your magical powers do this?" Applejack expertly twirled her lasso with her tail. Around her hooves, above her, behind her, in front of her, back, front. With a slight reel she launched her lasso to a tree behind her, roping one of its apples. Pulling back the lasso, she sent the apple flying back towards her. James Grief Grimaced when it flew right into her mouth. He was genuinely impressed that its momentum didn't get it stuck in her throat. The farm pony didn't even gag; she chewed a couple times (a couple!) before swallowing the whole thing.

"Conscience?" he spoke quietly.

"What?"

"...Did Ajax just eat an apple whole?"

"Yep. She even ate the stem," Conscience frowned in concern.

"Top that, missy!" Applejack crossed her left legs over her right ones.

"Oh ye of little talent. Watch and be amazed at the magic of Trixie!" she grinned as her hat floated off her head to reveal her horn, which glowed light pink. One end of Applejack's discarded rope began to glow the same color before rising into the air. The earth pony's gaze followed the dangling rope, seemingly in a trance. She was too busy staring to notice the other end, which grabbed another apple from the same tree from earlier. Applejack didn't react quick enough when the piece of rope she was staring at suddenly curled tight around her hooves, and flipped her upside down. The other end of the rope came back, only to rudely stuff the apple it was holding in the poor mare's mouth.

James couldn't help but feel a little bothered when the some of the ponies in the crowd laughed. Who's f*cking side were they on? He shook his head in exasperation. Taking the advantage of the noise the ponies made, he summoned a pipe and slipped into it, reappearing in front of Applejack to untie her. She gave a small smile of gratitude before walking off stage. James slunk back to his initial spot in the crowd (with an Invisible Cap) and took it off. He purposely did it in front of Twilight--in hope that no one would complain-- before getting out of her way. His hope was well-placed.

"Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie prevails," Trixie said.

Her smug look didn't even falter when Rainbow suddenly flew in her face. "There's no need to go struttin' around and showin' off like that."

"Oh?"

"That's my job." (James tried-- and failed-- to resist the urge to facepalm.)

And with that, Rainbow flew to a nearby windmill, and sped along the vanes before launching herself into the air at an angle. She purposely sped through a line of clouds. (She stopped to look at the camera... or something) before flying in the opposite direction. Back through the clouds with enough speed for their water to trail after her, back to spin along the windmill, and skidding to a halt on the stage. No sooner did the trailing water catch up and collide with her back side, and resulting in a bright and sparkling rainbow above her. (Conscience successfully caught himself before cracking an innuendo out loud.)

"They don't call me 'Rainbow' and 'Dash' for nothin'." At that, the crowd cheered once again.

"When Trixie is through, the only thing they'll call you is 'loser'," Trixie's horn flared and sent a beam flying at Rainbow's rainbow. Upon landing, it swirled around the pegasus-- who was shrieking in a daze-- and spun her around and around in the air, before settling on the ground and leaving her sprawled on the ground.

"I think I'm... gonna be sick," her eyes rolled around in her head.

The (other) blue mare's horn glowed. "Seems like anypony with a dash of good sense would think twice before tussling with the great Trixie." Rainbow yelped as a thundercloud appeared and zapped her with a lightning bolt.

Conscience's eyebrows furrowed as the crowd laughed. "James, I think I'm gonna snap."

"You're telling me," James's eyes turned red.

"You need to get up there before this ass**** humiliates someone else."

"No," James said flatly. The way he said it left Conscience seething silently.

"What we need is another unicorn to challenge her. Someone with some magic of her own," Spike nudged Twilight.

"Yeah! A unicorn to show this unicorn who's boss," Rainbow agreed.

As well as Applejack. "A real unicorn-to-unicorn tussle."

Twilight did not look convinced at all. "Uh..."

Luckily for her, another unicorn stepped in front of her. "Enough. Enough, all of you. I take your hint, but Rarity is above such nonsense."

"Goodness damn it, Rarity," Conscience muttered while James facepalmed.

"Rainbow Dash and Applejack may behave like ruffians, but Rarity conducts herself with beauty and grace," the white unicorn continued.

"Excuse me?" James looked highly offended as he looked at her out of the corner of his eye (his head still in his hand).

"Ooh, what's the matter? Afraid you'll get a hair out of place in that rat's nest you call a mane?" Trixie taunted.

Rarity took the bait. "Oh. It, is, on," she narrowed her eyes. "You may think you're tough with all of your so-called powers, but there's more to magic than your brutish ways," she paced around the showmare and stuck a pose before her horn glowed. "A unicorn needs to be more than just muscle." The stage curtain levitated towards Rarity. "A unicorn needs to have style." The curtain swirled around her, and--

*flash*

The bright light left as quickly as it came. Rarity was now wearing an elegant blue dress, with gold complimenting most of the edges. Her hair was also styled differently as well. The ponies in the audience 'oohed' in awe. "A unicorn is not a unicorn without grace and beauty."

"...Please kill me," James shook his head... which was still in his hand.

"Well, she's f***ed," Conscience said bluntly with a shrug of his shoulders. Trixie smirked as her horn flared.

Spike had a great sense of faith in his crush. "Rarity won't let Trixie get the best of her! She's strong, she's beautiful, she's--"

*flash*

Spike's eyes widened as all of the ponies in the crowd gasped in horror.

"Called it," Conscience deadpanned. James finally removed his face from his hand to see what the fuss was. He immediately raised an eyebrow and scowled.

"Quick! I need a mirror! Get me a mirror! What did she do to my hair? I know she did something terrible to my hair!" Rarity shrieked.

"Nothing," Twilight smiled nervously.

"It's fine," Rainbow lied.

"It's gorgeous," Applejack blurted out.

"Element of Honesty, everyone," Conscience murmured flatly, resulting in a stifled High Chortle from James.

"It's green," Spike said bluntly, in which Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow glared at him. "What?"

Rarity's eyes watered as she look up. "Green hair. Not green hair," she cried while galloping away. "Such an awful, awful color!"

Conscience saw a mare on the side of the crowd say something before walking the other way indignantly. He turned around with his hand on his chin, as he did a quick glance over the crowd. At least three different ponies had green manes. Granted they were different shades, but still green nonetheless. Rarity wasn't being very nice.

"Well Twilight, guess it's up to you," Spike gestured to Trixie. "Come on, show her what you're made of."

"What do you mean? I-I'm nothing special," Twilight looked around nervously.

"Yes, you are! You're better than her!" Spike protested.

"I'm not better than anyone," Twilight didn't move.

Trixie intervened. "Hah! You think you're better than the Great and Powerful Trixie?"

"HEY!"

Everyone turned to face the source of the voice: Conscience. "I got a volunteer! He's right here," he pointed at James, who furrowed his eyebrows.

"No, damn it! What the f*** are you doing!?" he hissed.

"Well don't just stand there, move!" he said as he grabbed James and threw him in front of the crowd.

James got up and turned around. "Don't do this to me," he deadpanned at Conscience. To his chagrin, Conscience only gave him a thumbs up to cheer him on.

"Well? Trixie is waiting," the blue unicorn said.

James's palm met his face and gripped it in frustration. Slowly, he removed it. "Fine."

He looked around. Not too far from him was a stray tuft of grass. Perfect. He walked the few feet over, and plucked a single strand before walking back in front of the center of the stage, earning a few odd glances from the audience. Sticking the grass blade behind his ear for a second, he pulled out a tuning fork. He turned around to Violently strike the stage floor with it. Turning around, he tossed the fork very high into the air. Immediately after did he pull out a clock and rapidly turn the hour and minute hand simultaneously three full circles clock wise, pulled out a Mushroom and combined it with the clock.

At this point, the crowd was quietly murmuring in confusion. James put the Mushroom down and took the blade of grass from his ear, before pulling out a red-crossed circle, and shoving it against the circle. The outcome was a Mushroom with the red grass blade adhered where a mouth would be. Afterwards, he picked up the Mushroom and combined it with the now-red grass. He held the semifinal result in his hand before raising his other hand to catch the tuning fork by the handle. With the teeth still vibrating, he tapped it against the Mushroom, in which the head of it turned brown.

He put the Mushroom down and pulled out a shovel. A quick (and Violent) stab at the earth and one pull upward later, he had a small hole in the ground. He placed the Mushroom inside the hole, and gathered a fair amount of saliva before spitting inside the hole, causing the ponies in the front of the audience to reel back in disgust. Finally, he covered the hole with the soil he dug up. And then... he stood there.

"Is that all?" Trixie sniffed. "An utter disappointment, but Trixie is not surprised..." she trailed off as the ground started to rumble. After a coupe seconds...

♩ ♩ ♩

The audience gasped in awe as the plant suddenly sprouted at a ridiculously fast rate. It continued to grow for at least five seconds. When it stopped, it had went from a small Mushroom to a large oak tree that stood a few inches taller than the stage. Strange thing was... the tree had no leaves. James paid this observation no mind, and pulled out his black hammer, before jumping off the ground with great force. Not enough to throw anyone off balance, but enough for the ground to shake noticeably. He swung the hammer over his head as he came back to the ground at breakneck speed, and struck the ground. This time the closer ponies tripped, if not almost.

The tree shook a little before a violent underground explosion sent it flying higher than Rainbow Dash flew when she performed. Before it even finished ascending, James pulled out two hand guns and started shooting so fast, you'd think they were machine guns. Parts of the suspended tree began to chip off noticeably at the roots and branches. It was amazing how quickly he managed to shoot at the tree until it was nothing but most of the bark was left, but he kept shooting and shooting and shooting.

Eventually the trunk began to take a noticeable shape. It looked like... a table. At least, that's what it looked like on one side. But then the other side began to take a strange, abstract-looking shape. By the time James stopped shooting, the tree was too high in the air for the shape to be distinguishable. The audience would find out soon enough, because the tree began to descend. He pulled out a musical note and a coin block before shoving them together, resulting in a Music Block. He then pulled out a key and shoved that against the Block, creating a Music Key.

With the combination finished, he bounced the Music Key off the ground. With a resounding ♩♩♩♩♩♩♩♩, the Block shot into the air, colliding directly with the shaped trunk, resulting in a dim flash, as well as a distant ♩♩♩♩♩♩♩♩♩.

James shot in specific areas of the trunk, so its trajectory was changed so that when it came all the way down, it would land on the stage. James Flashed onto the stage and summoned his cape. Just as the trunk got close James shot up and pushed against it to slow its descent. Upon touching the stage floor again, and putting down the sculpted tree, the audience 'oohed.' The tree was no longer just a tree... but a very elaborate grand piano.

James walked around to the front of the piano and ran his hand down the piano, once down the white keys, then again across the black keys. His voice was so low when he spoke that the ponies at the back of the audience could barely make out what he was saying. "I'm gonna need a volunteer."

Conscience, who had a smug look on his face, barely had time to react when James pulled out the lasso that he held onto for Applejack when they'd stop the herd of cows from stampeding through the town. With a Violent yank, James swung Conscience around in an arc, right into the piano, back-first.

THUNK!

Conscience painfully fell on his stomach as the lasso had released him. He slowly got up, his eyes shut as he winced. When he opened them, James was rushing right at him.
Just as James finished musically pummeling Conscience, a terrible migraine hit him full force.

"Mamamia," he muttered weakly while he put his hand his forehead. Maybe it was a good thing the crowd was gawking silently at him. He was never a fan of loud noises anyway, aside from favored music. Sure, he wouldn't usually mind a cheering audience-- as long as no one literally to-the-top-of-their-lungs screamed-- but right now, that didn't seem like such a good idea.

Conscience shot up, faced the audience, and Cheerfully threw his hands up in the air. "Ta-daaa!" James would've Facewhipped if his head didn't hurt so much. The crowd, thinking that the whole ordeal was part the act, erupted into a loud applause. Well, f*ck. So much for much-needed silence.

As he dreaded, James's migraine got noticeably worse, thankfully only a little. He Grief Grimaced at how quickly it did though. He wasn't sure if he should be glad or not that his hat hid his pained expression, they were just applauding and completely oblivious to his suffering. The pain subdued slightly; enough for him to return his expression back to normal, but still too goodness damn painful to let him focus.

Once he was sure he looked fine on the outside, he stood up straight and looked at the cause of his worsened migraine. Huh. They seemed to really enjoy this more than he'd expect. Including Spike and the girls... besides Twilight, who still looked apprehensive... and she's running away. Perfect, just perfect. Apparently there were a lot of sadists in Ponyville. But... wouldn't he be a sadist? Not really, he only beat someone up to a song if he was fighting, or if they did something really provoking.

His thoughts were interrupted when he noticed a shadow in his lower peripheral vision surrounding him. He looked up just in time for--

CRASH!

...the piano to fall right on top of him. (Amazingly enough, the piano remained completely intact.) He didn't think he would have to deal any more pain than he suddenly had to deal with. The f*cking sh*t doubled. This was officially the most terrible migraine he'd ever gotten.

"Not bad, but your skill is nowhere near the level of the Great and Powerful Trixie," Trixie waved a hoof dismissively.

"Huh," Conscience murmured. 'Not bad'? That actually sounded weird coming from this mare. But he'd take it as a compliment. Well, for James, anyway. "D'ah, you keep telling yourself that," Conscience smirked. Pulling an X-eyed James from underneath the piano and throwing him off to the side of the stage (accumulating more pain to add to his migraine), he pushed the musical instrument off the front of the stage. "I'll be here all week!" he quipped loudly.

Trixie smirked as Conscience pushed the piano through the crowd. "Such antics amuses Trixie. Surely somepony out there thinks they can surpass Trixie, don't they?" Dead silence was the response. "Hah! Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie has proven herself to be the most amazing unicorn in all of Equestria," she turned to the stage and walked away. "Was there ever any doubt?"

Spike crossed and scowled as the crowd dispersed. He perked up slightly as he realized something. "Twilight?" he looked around. "Twilight, were'd you go?" he called out. He turned around to check if she was in the library, when he heard a familiar voice groaning. Turning back around, he saw James stumbling along the side of the stage, holding his head.

"Huh?" Spike ran over to him. "Hey, are you alright?" he asked. James grit his teeth and hissed.

...Then he paused. And then he slowly stood up to his full height. His migraine was gone. Completely gone.

...What the f*ck?

"Yeah," he said distantly with a blink. "Yeah, I'm okay."

Spike raised an eyebrow in confusion. After a moment he shrugged dismissively. "Anyway, did you see where Twilight went? She just sort of disappeared."

James scratched the back of his head as he headed towards the library, Spike following. "Uh, yeah. I think she ran off to the library after I finished my performance."

"Oh. By the way, that was amazing," the dragon threw his arms up for emphasis on the last word. "Where'd you learn to do something like that?"

"Well actually, my hat is the source of the music. It sort of has this connection with your mind that plays music out loud when you will it to. A while after I got good with alchemy about a decade ago, I decided to make my hat 'musical'," James air quoted. "The trick is, you wanna beat someone up, but they're either not physically fit enough to make it through the whole song without falling over, recovering, or doing something else to ruin the song.

"That's what my gloves are for. I mean, besides the fact that I like to wear them all the time and they go with my outfit, they have this sort of built in feature. Remember when I shocked Gilda at that gathering?"

"Um, yeah. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Don't you remember RD asking me where my buzzer was?"

"I don't think you ever told any of us where it was..."

"That's because I didn't."

"Huh?" Spike's eyes widened slightly.

"Yeah, I shocked her with my own electricity. Me, Arthur and Red X can do it. We use it all the time when we fight."

"That sounds kinda dangerous."

"It is dangerous."

"So doesn't that mean you hurt Gilda? On purpose?"

"Eeyup!" James smirked shamelessly.

"...Not cool, James."

"Which is why I only do that sort of thing when it's personally justifiable." James cleared his throat. "But we're getting off topic. If I concentrate my electricity right, it tampers with my hat's mental connection. So when I'm fighting someone in song, I can paralyze my opponent. When I figured this out, I decided to give that property to my shoes. As well as my hammer, and one of my gun's bullets. That way, my opponent can't move during the song."

"Wouldn't the guns ruin the song? They're so loud. And besides, not everyone can take a gunshot. That could kill someone!" Spike shuddered as he finished the statement.

"That's a good question," James pointed. "Now while I have a seemingly endless selection of guns to choose from, I have one particular gun that I use for songs. With the proper alchemical application, I can remove sound from anything I choose. With that said, I muted this particular gun.

"And this gun is not a regular gun, it's a BB gun. It's a rather powerful one. So while it does little enough damage to not kill someone, it's not exactly a toy for kids."

Spike nodded. "Wow. You really are something..."

James chuckled. "Heh. I'll take that as a compliment." His mood darkened slightly when he saw Conscience walking in their direction. When he was within earshot, he spoke up. "I oughtta do an encore on you for the sh** you pulled back there."

"Huh?" Conscience looked up. "Oh. Yeah, whatever. I just got a sudden migraine," he shook his head slowly as to not make it any worse.

James furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Really? So did I."

"Wait, seriously?" Conscience looked up.

"Yeah. And you were too busy pissing me off to notice. It went away a couple minutes ago, though. So consider this karma."

"Shut up," Conscience deadpanned.

"Why?" James demanded. "You wouldn't earlier when I wanted you to."

"It's not all about you, though."

"So? In a way, you are me!"

"Yeah, but I have something you don't. Two things, actually," Conscience pointed at his crotch.

POW!

Right in the head. "Sorry about that, Spike," James blew away the smoke that was now rising from his shotgun. "I didn't mean to ignore you or anything...," he trailed off as he looked down to see Spike scowling at something behind them. "You okay?" He turned around... and deadpanned immediately. "Oh. These guys."

The stage which stood all of his reason of anger and literal pain today, had transformed back into a small cart. That wasn't what got his attention, though. The blue unicorn who almost completely ruined his entire day was standing in front of a mirror. Sure she caught his eye, but there was one more thing irritating about this picture. More accurately, two things. Most specifically, two familiar unicorn colts.

A smirk almost worked its way onto James's face as the shorter green colt shoved his rump in Trixie's face, holding a plastic-cupped beverage upon it. The mare levitated the drink to her face to sip from the straw, but paused and said something to the colts with an annoyed glare.

"So Spike. You know their names. Which one is Snips, and which one is Snails?"

"Snips is the short green one, Snails is the taller orange one," Spike answered, his gaze still focused on the scene in the distance.

"Alright, got it." It was starting to bother James at how the colts were practically fawning over this mare like she was a miracle worker or some sh*t. Did they kiss Princess Celestia's ass like that? "Do they get like that around anyone who seems remotely powerful? Like the princesses?" he decided to ask.

"Not that I know of. But I'm pretty sure they don't."

"Yeah, I thought so," James's eyebrows furrowed. Trixie said something in a seemingly haughty attitude to the colts, who just continued to bow as they backpedaled away, their gaze completely fixed on the unicorn. They weren't aware of anything behind them, until Spike spoke up.

"What are you two doin'?" Spike crossed his arms with a scowl.

The two colts finally stood up straight and turned around. Snips was the one to reply. "Just bringin' the G an' PT a--"

"What does that mean?" James glared.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie."

Spike rolled his eyes while James Facewhipped. It felt so good to be able to do that again... although he was exasperated, so he couldn't enjoy it all the way.

"Just bringin' her a smoothie," Snips finished.

"Might I ask why?" James adjusted his hat.

"Because she asked us to," Snails spoke.

"And you listened to her because...," James trailed off.

"Because she's the Great and Powerful Trixie," Snips answered like the answer was obvious.

James's glare hardened. "That doesn't mean--"

"Oh, come on!" Spike's arms shot out to his side. "How can you fall for her lameness? She's just a show-off. Unlike Twilight, who—"

"The Great and Powerful Trixie vanquished an ursa major," Snips got in Spike's face. "Can your Twilight--"

"Look," James cut him off and narrowed his eyes. "His point is that you guys are gullible. Very, very, gullible. We can vouch for Twilight because we were there to see her in action. Shoot, she did all of it this morning. In fact, I think Conscience was probably recording the whole thing." He turned around, but deadpanned when he remembered that he shot him. He turned to face the colts again and cleared his throat. "Can you say the same for 'your' Trixie?"

Snips stammered, "Well, e-eh, uh, no, but--"

"But nothing. The proof is in the pudding," Spike said before the colt could say anything else.

Snails chuckled distantly with a goofy smile. "I like pudding." James held his fierce gaze, but a few laughing snorts escaped his nose.

"Look, unless an ursa major comes waltzing up the street for Trixie to vanquish, I am not gonna believe a word she says, and neither should you," Spike said in finality.

"Hmm, an ursa walkin' up the street, hey?" Snips said with a pondering smile. He turned to his friend. Snails. You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

"Why is it they call it a flea market when they don't really sell fleas?" Snails asked, in which James's gaze immediately shifted from irritation to bemusement.

"Yeah!" ...Snips paused as he realized what Snails said. "U-u-- come on," he grumbled while walking away, Snails following.

As soon as he was sure they were out of earshot, James broke into a High Chortling fit. "I mean... what the f***," he managed to get out in between chuckles. After a few seconds he calmed down and sighed.

"I think you guys handled that pretty well," Conscience leaned on Spike's head, propping himself up with his arm. Although Spike seemed too lost in thought too notice.

"When the hell did you wake up?" James deadpanned.

"About fifteen seconds ago," Conscience answered Cheerfully.

"It was a rhetorical question," James facepalmed.

Spike still had that look on his face while he was standing around in the library. Twilight was focused on the book on the podium in front of her, while James was standing next to her and was skimming through it (only because she read so damn quickly), while Conscience was just Cheerfully sitting on the second highest step of the ladder, enjoying the view compared to from the floor.

Eventually Spike broke the silence. "Twilight, would you put down that book and just listen to me?"

Twilight turned her head. "Didn't you see how they hated Trixie's bragging, Spike? If I go out there and show off my magic, I run the risk of losing them as friends."

"It's not the same thing, Twilight. You'll be using your magic to stand up for your friends!"

"No, Spike, it's exactly the same."

"No, it is not!" James spoke up, tired of the situation. "Spike's right. There's a very big difference. Do we hate RD for acting like she's on top of the world all the damn time?"

"Well, no."

"Exactly! Obviously it can get on everyone's nerves, especially mine, but that's who she is, and she's still our friend. If you think that's the same thing, it isn't. The difference between her and Trixie, is that RD doesn't go around rubbing her talent in other's faces. Plus, she can actually do the sh** she says she can do."

"I'd be surprised if anyone in the audience bought any of the bullsh** Trixie was spouting!" Conscience spoke up from his spot on the ladder.

"In a sense of how you carry yourself, you're better than all of them, in my opinion. Because you can do great things you should be proud to be able to do, not ashamed. If you stand up for your friends, and not gloat about it, then your friends will stick with you. If you were to show the town what you're made of and they shun you, which I'm pretty sure they won't... then why are they still friends to you?"

Conscience pretended to wipe a tear away and sniffed. "Wow. That was beautiful." He dropped the act. "Seriously though, Twilight, when you put it that way, I just feel like you're being selfish. I mean, we're your friends, right?"

"Of course you are!" Twilight answered defensively.

"So doesn't our opinion matter? Think for a second. James, Spike and I aren't the only ones who wanted to put that f***er in her place, the other girls who were there did too. Rainbow, Applejack... Rarity will want what's coming to her now..."

"Thanks for bringing that up," James put up his index. "Think back to when Ajax and I stopped that stampede. You know Ajax. She's truthful as can be. She has her heart in the right place most of the time. She may be stubborn, but she sure as f*** isn't boastful...," he paused. "What those three did today didn't exactly count, they were all in the wrong. Not because they wanted to humble Trixie, but because they were acting like she was." He shook his head. That wasn't helping his point. "Anyway, Ajax is a generally good pony. And they didn't resent me or her for stopping that stampede. Wanna know why? Because we were humble about it... or at least we didn't get a big head over it, and we made sure that everyone else knew it too.

"You don't have to hide like this. Do what Applejack did. Do the town a favor and shut Trixie up, and they'll be grateful for it."

"I don't want to be seen as a bragger like Trixie," Twilight magically conjured up a door in front of James and slammed it before turning away. She flinched when James busted though it with his hammer.

"You won't be seen as a bragger if you don't brag about it in the first place!" he protested in frustration.

"James, I said no!"

"If that's the way you wanna be, then fine," Spike glared before walking around the splintered door, and out of the actual library door. Twilight's face fell when the door closed.

James furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. "...Why the f*** do you do this to us?" His eyes were about to turn red when she didn't answer him, when someone knocked on the door.

"Delivery!" The voice that came from behind it was a high, feminine pitch.

James sighed. "I'll get it."

KLPOW!

He turned the knob and pulled, revealing a grey pegasus mare with a blonde mane and tail, who was hovering right above the ground. She was wearing a blue hat with a badge embroidered on the front, which read 'E.P.S.' She was wearing faded brown saddlebags over her back. What he couldn't help but notice was that her golden yellow eyes were... crossed.

"Delivery for...," she trailed off to look down at the clipboard in her hoof. "James III."

"A delivery for me? Really." He gave a conceded smile (to the camera). "Okay then."

"Here you go!" she reached into one of her saddlebags and pulled out a black envelope. Wow, how'd they know he liked that color so much?

James gave her a confused look. "This isn't even stamped. How'd you even find out this is supposed to be for me?"

"The Equestrian Postal Service always finds out," the mare answered. James stared blankly at the ominous tone in her voice when she spoke. She still had that welcoming smile on her face though.

"...Well, you're the professional!" he smiled Cheerfully.

"I liked your performance, by the way. It was very interesting," her tone was back to what was apparently normal.

"Oh, you saw that?" he Signature Blushed. "Well, thanks, it's something I like to do."

She nodded. "Well, I won't keep you, there's still mail to deliver."

"Alright, take care," waved as she flew away... and right into a tree trunk... and continued on her way. "I like her, she seems nice." He looked down at the envelope and neatly ripped off the top. Inside was... a pamplet? "Conscience, get over here."

"What?" Conscience jumped down from the ladder and Flashed over to James, who showed him the book that he just got. "What the f***?" he hissed as he raised an eyebrow. The title read, 'Ragtimer's Journey: All You Need to Know'.

"I think we might finally be able to get some answers about what happened earlier," James whispered back.

"We should get started, then."

"Not here," James glared at the lavender unicorn. "Let's go somewhere outside."

Twilight's expression fell even further when he and Conscience left.

James and Conscience found a bench in the park to sit at. Luckily for them, it wasn't even crowded there.

...Actually, there was no one there besides them. What the f*ck? Where was everyone?

"Okay, so who's the author anyway?" Conscience asked when they sat down.

"Not too sure it it's all that relevant to our cause, but whatever," James looked at the bottom of the cover. "Originally written by Ben Harney. Edited by William Wallace Harney. 'William', huh? You think that was his father?"

"Maybe," Conscience shrugged his shoulders. "But still... Ben Harney, the first guy to ever officially make a ragtime song? Figures," Conscience put his hand to his chin. Scott Joplin was considered the King of Ragtime, but Harney was often considered the Father of Ragtime after it became popular.

"That would at least explain why he knows so much. He practically invented it," James pondered. "Well, let's not waste any time." They turned to the first page. It was the introduction, naturally. It really only told what the book was and what they'd get out of it.

After that was the beginning of the actual reading. James read to himself, but loud enough for Conscience to hear.

"If you are reading this, then you have completed your journey of jazz albums.

What does this mean? It most certainly does not mean that you have listened to all jazz songs ever known. Not even close. What it does mean is that you have listened to a particular large case of albums. You have listened to every song on there, thus you complete your first journey.

If you are to accept the responsibility of the new journey presented to you, you will be given a whole new experience with jazz music. This music will follow you everywhere."

Conscience blinked. "...I don't quite get it." James shook his head in empathy.

"In this way, you may explore new songs that you have never heard of before. That doesn't mean you won't hear songs you have heard of, though."

That's all it said on that page. The word font was rather large, after all. James turned the page.

"This is a very special opportunity that you have been gifted with. Although, there is a slight catch. Of course the procedure isn't easy. Very painful migraines ensue. They come randomly, and there is no telling when it might end. If it does, the pain will immediately go away."

"Okay, now we're getting somewhere," Conscience nodded. James continued.

"This jazz music and timeliness of events correlate with each other in a very special way. These songs do not come upon you without warning. In fact, it is guaranteed that they will always give some form of notification in advance. The music does have souls, after all."

James thought back on Joplin's words. 'But to you, music is everywhere. They have souls and minds of their own and can affect you in many ways. The songs have a way with time, that only you can see.'

"This... is starting to answer certain questions, but leaving even more at the same time," Conscience deadpanned.

"I know, right," James mirrored his expression. He returned his focus to the pamphlet. Subconsciously he acknowledged the fact that the sun had already started setting.

"The play of events in time determine the sensation you get when notified-- and only when you are notified."

"What in the f***?" Conscience raised an eyebrow. James turned the page.

"If you do not feel anything when you are notified, it means the songs does not indicate any incoming occurrences. However, if you do feel a sensation, that means that something... interesting will happen.

Of course, you are initially the only one to be gifted with hearing the music. However, it is possible to let others of your choice hear the music too. (See final page)"

It was rather stupid that it didn't say next page instead of 'final' page. Because the next page was the last one.

"Let's hope this isn't super complicated, or I will be genuinely pissed," Conscience huffed.

"Me too. Because if we end up telling anyone about this, then I want to be able to have proof without any problems," James agreed. "You read the last page, damn it."

"Fine," Conscience grumbled as he looked at the page. Unlike the rest of the pages, excluding the introduction page, the word font was much more similar to the small font you usually see in a reading selection.

Spreading Your Gift to Others

"There are two ways in which you can allow others of your choice to hear the music that you hear. But there are strict conditions. The process can only work properly after you have been notified of whatever song presents itself. That being said, the effects of this procedure is not permanent, and must be done every time a new song is presented if so desired.

No. 1: Eyes

This process is as simple as it sounds: If you maintain direct eye contact with your associate for at least five solid seconds, the process has been successfully executed. There you have it!

No. 2: Contact

Hand contact upon the associate's shoulder's and above should do the trick. The head is a highly recommended choice spot for this procedure. Simply use your hand and, in rapid succession, tap the associate eight times. Be aware that this must be done with only one hand (either is fine). Doing so with both hands will only accomplish the same result as with one hand. Either way, the process will have been successfully executed.

Notes:
*While procedure no. 2 can be done with up to two people, procedure no. 1 can only be done with one.
*Extension of these procedures will be pointless and will not give different results from following the procedure as instructed.
*Whether or not these procedures are executed intentionally, the effects will occur nonetheless."

"Huh," James grunted. "Is there more?"

"Well, let's see... there's the cautions on the back..."

"Let me see," James took the pamphlet to read.

"CAUTION:

If songs do not foreshadow any event, they tend to avoid actual sources of music playing. If it does, however, then whatever nearby music source will stop playing and play the incoming jazz song. This will only be noticed by you or those affected by you.

WARNING: If you do both processes upon the same associate, the effects will last an entire 365 days. If both processes are executed simultaneously, the effects will not only remain permanent, but it will also share all other side effects. This includes migraines and notifications."

"...Oh, sh**...," James and Conscience exchanged a glance.

"Hey!" another voice called out. Lifting their gazes upward, they spotted the mail mare from earlier flying in their direction. Upon seeing her, they waved Cheerfully. And then she practically bomb crashed into the ground in front of them. Conscience jumped nearly a foot in the air and his smile went crooked, while James put a hand over his mouth in shock. His expression relaxed-- but only a little-- when she got up.

"Um, are you okay?" James asked in a highly concerned tone.

"Fine and dandy!" the pegasus chirped. James allowed his face to relax completely.

"So, did you need something?" Conscience asked.

The mail mare's expression lit up as she remembered the reason she came looking for them in the first place... but it slowly turned into a sheepish smile. "Actually, I was looking for you. I guess I missed this letter when I went out to deliver my rounds," she pulled a black envelope from her one of her saddlebags and hoofed it to James.

"Thanks," he said as he looked the envelope over. Once again, it lacked everything that was necessary to mail something to another location properly. But he knew better than to question it.

"Sorry for the inconvenience," she apologized with a nervous laugh.

"Oh it's fine, there's no inconvenience," James shook his head.

"Yeah, no harm done," Conscience smiled Cheerfully.

The grey pegasus let out a quiet sigh of relief. "Okay, that's good."

"Yep!" James nodded.

"Well, that's all. I'll be going now," she turned to leave.

"So what was your name again?" Conscience asked suddenly.

The mare turned around. "Oh. Uh, Derpy. Derpy Hooves."

"Derpy," James parroted. "Well, yeah, thanks again. Take care, alright?" Derpy nodded with a small smile, before turning around and flying away.

When she was out of earshot, Conscience nudged James. "How many times are you gonna see her off with that line? 'Take care'? Sheesh, you already wore it out."

James ignored his comment and said, "I don't know about you, but I think something to eat sounds good." He turned to the bench to pick up the pamphlet, before walking towards the library. "After that, we'll see if Twilight changed her mind or not." His voice turned low and dark. "Doesn't seem likely though."

Author's Note

If you wanna skip to the sequel, which I’m positive is not as terrible as this story, I will not blame you at all.