I sit atop the Planck-thin divide between this world and that world and those worlds and that world too. I lay nestled in the (0,0,0,0,...) coordinates, the Origin Point, the center of Everything. Infinitely finite, endless in sight, I gaze out towards the multiverse in search of amusement, to wile away the boredom of eternity. This is what I saw and what I had to say about it.

“Okay, so what’s all this about butts?” Twilight asked.

Starlight Glimmer shifted her eyes about. “What?”

“Not you, Starlight.” Twilight waved her off. She jutted that hoof across the table. “You guys!”

She pointed to her four friends arranged around the crystal table in a dramatic sweep. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie; the four looked at her and at each other with witless glances.

“What about our butts?” Pinkie asked.

“Gettin’ a little overdramatic there, Twi’,” Applejack said.

Twilight rubbed her horn, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry, I might have channeled Rarity there for a minute.”

“Dear, there’s not a thing wrong with that!”

“But I was thinking about the conversation we had back in Manehatten.” Twilight’s explanation was meant with blank stares. “The bar, remember?”

There was some squinty eyed looks between and some amount of recognition dawning over them, all except for the two who had not been there.

“That was awhile ago, Twi’,” Rainbow Dash said, cocking a brow, mirrored by Rarity. Pinkie had both raised and Applejack was furrowing. “I mean, what is your brain that you remember that chat and you’re bringing it up now?”

“I just got to thinking about Fluttershy’s butt.”

“Completely understandable.” Rarity nodded, dropping her look of skepticism.

“I realize that Fluttershy is really, really pretty. And that she has a great butt. We established that, right?”

“We always knew that.” Rainbow Dash shrugged, looking at Twilight like the alicorn just reminded her who the Wonderbolts were.

“I didn’t know that!” Twilight turned to the side. “Starlight, did you know that?”

“Fluttershy? Oh, yeah, she’s hot. Great butt.”

“Uugh, oh my gosh!”

“I really like her mane, though. Is that natural?”

“Completely,” Rarity said with a hint of pride. Grimacing a second later, she touched at her own mane. “I wish I could say the same. Sometimes that filly can drive me to jealousy.”

“You known her for a couple of years now, and you never looked at Fluttershy’s fanny?” Pinkie Pie asked, now the sceptical one.

“I don’t make a habit of checking you guys out!” Twi protested, exasperated and smacking the table with the side of her hooves.

Rainbow Dash raised her hoof. “Me neither. ‘Cept Fluttershy, cause dang.”

“For most of you, it’s been purely business, taking your measurements,” Rarity said. She tilted her head, closing her eyes. “But I will say, I have often appreciated what I saw. Each of you are prime specimens in your own right, from snout to flank.”

“Gosh, I boggled at all your booties!” Pinkie Pie said.

“Well, apparently, I’ve been missing out!” Twilight rolled her scowling eyes.

“Anything to add, Applejack?” Rarity asked to her right.

Applejack was leaned up against her chair, hat over her face. Underneath, she mumbled something that couldn’t quite be heard. Around the side, Rarity could see a deep pumpkin color, making her cover her giggling mouth.

“Well, now I aim to fix that!” Twilight said triumphantly, her will picking up a quill and parchment from the foot of her seat. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while, so I fixed up a table where I can rate a posterior by size, heft, roundness and other factors. I just need all of you to line-up and-”

Applejack pushed her hat up and leaned over the table. “Nope!” She said, with barely any expression on her face except the barest grimace and a deep orange-red color. “We’re done here. This needs to stop.”

“Yeah, you said it,” Said Spike.

It was like a record player screeching to a halt. All eyes turned to Spike who took the moment to hop on to his throne.

“Spike, dear.” Rarity fluttered her eyelashes to hide the twitch in her lower lid. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Around the point Twilight admitted to thinking about Fluttershy’s butt.”

“Ah, good! So you heard all that.” Then Rarity set her face down on the table, forelegs wrapped around her snout and began screaming into the table.

Twilight scowled at him. “I sent you to get Fluttershy!”

Spike pointed behind her throne. “And I did.”

And now it was like the record player exploded after being dropped from an incredible height.

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie clutched themselves in shared spasming convulsions, the first round of laughter sucking the air out of their lungs and the rounds after that choked on the last remaining pockets of gas. Rarity had managed to just get her fainting couch behind her throne but she never managed to make it to it before the vapors collapsed her to the floor. Applejack rested her face against both her front hooves, giving a long, drawn out sigh of disgust and exasperation.

Twilight whipped around her throne so fast she actually banged her flank against the crystal table. The pained look she gave to Fluttershy was still far more embarrassment than anything else. She bit her bottom lip, eyes narrowing from the bottom and twitching over her. Fluttershy, for her part, curled her body close to the ground, looking up at Twilight and down at the ground.

“Um, thank you very much?” Fluttershy said. “I guess it’s okay if you like my, um, butt.” She squeaked.

Twilight cringed. Well, so did Fluttershy, but that’s to be expected. “Oh my gosh, Fluttershy, I’m-”

“If that’s okay with you.”

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t know you were there.”

“And does that make it better?” Slithered in a new voice into that conversation, dripping its way from on up.

Spike waved from his throne, grinning towards the ceiling. “Hi Discord!”

All eyes turned up to the tree root chandelier in the ceiling. His body was curled around the branches, like a lounging boa constrictor. He gave a dismissive wave to Spike, still looking down at Twilight. “I mean, really, talking about Fluttershy’s posterior behind her back. How could you, Twilight?”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “Is there a reason you’re here, Discord?”

Discord tapped his chin, actually looking away from Twilight as something occurred to him. “Although, I suppose that would be an advantageous position to do it from, wouldn’t it?” He focused back on her. “Wha- oh! Yes, where was I?”

He slithered his body lower down from the branches, hanging upside down from the tree roots. “I suppose I did have a reason for coming here besides making a behind the back-posterior joke.”

Gazing with an expression of serious intent, he put himself face to upside right face with Twilight. He leaned closely towards her and making her lean as far back as the back of her throne would allow.

“When you see the three brothers, tell them I said, ‘Hi.’”

Twilight quirked a brow, moving as if to say something, but Discord would have none of it. As she opened her mouth, he grinned and snapped his fingers, disappearing like a popped bubble. He left Twilight opening her lips like a gaping fish. She looked across the table where Fluttershy was taking her seat now, Rarity pulling herself back up, too.

“Do you know what that was about?”

“Yes, that was rather sudden,” Rarity remarked. “Usually he sticks around for a little bit, doesn’t he?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “No, no idea. I do remember seeing him on my roof this morning. He was looking at Canterlot, rubbing his paws and, um, laughing.”

Pinkie perked. “Laughing, what kind of laughing?”

“Um, not a very nice kind of laughing. I tell him not to do that but then he just pats my head really condescendingly.”

“So, was it ‘YIHIHIHIII!’ or ‘HOHOHO!’ or-” She accompanied each laugh with an appropriate arch to her body, rearing back and then hunching forward.

“That one. But quieter.”

“Okay, so, more like a ‘huhuhu!’?” Pinkie rubbed her hooves together.

“A little more scraggly.”

“So like, ‘hue hue hue!’?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Yes, that’s it, that’s it exactly.”

“Okay, cool, just wondering.”

Twilight looked directly across the table. “You’re good then?”

“Yep!”

“Okay, good. So, first thing on the itinerary today is we go to the Everfree Forest, get the Elements of Harmony back and-”

Fluttershy jumped her front hooves on the table, wings spread and scowling. “Twilight!”

“C’mon, Fluttershy! He was laughing sinisterly at Canterlot! Where Princess Celestia lives!”

Fluttershy stomped her hoof. “No!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Ugh, fine!”

“You weren’t serious, were you, Twi’?” Spike asked.

“No, but it still makes me uncomfortable. Okay, so onto why I actually called you all here.”

“Wasn’t it to talk about butts?” Applejack asked.

Twilight closed her eyes. “No, that’s not why I called you here.”

Fluttershy lowered her head even as she raised her hoof. “I’m okay if we talk about butts.”

Twilight groaned. “No.”

“I’m sure I can handle it.”

“No, Fluttershy.”

“It’s really okay.”

Twilight closed her eyes, took a deep breath and released. A forehoof followed along, tossing all the stress away. Opening her eyes, she adopted a serene smile, stretched thin over the tension lying beneath. “Princess Celestia has asked me to attend a summit in Canterlot and invited me to bring all my friends along.” She twirled her hoof. “I want to bring all of you to Canterlot for this.”

An excited squeal. “Canterlot!?”

“Rarity, no, stop it, you already been to Canterlot. You own a shop in Canterlot, stop getting excited about this.”

“I’m sorry, Twilight, but this is a summit.” Rarity fanned herself. “There will be foreign dignitaries there from all across the Globe.”

“Yes. In fact, there may very well be state leaders visiting at this one.” She ignored Rarity’s sudden burst of palpitations and increased fanning as she continued. “As well as people Princess Celestia refers to as ‘The Ageless’.”

Rarity’s fanning slowed down. “Who? That sounds important.”

Pinkie placed her front hooves close together. “And also a little ominous.”

“Oo!” Rainbow raised her hoof. “I know that word!”

“Yea-ha! It was on my world calendar yesterday.”

Fluttershy turned to her. “What about today?”

“‘Scrumptious’! But I use that word all the time, so I decided to give ominous another try.”

Applejack narrowed her eyes. “Wait, hold on, is that why you told that new pony from yesterday that he had a surprise party and it was sure to be ominous?”

“Sure did!”

“That poor feller almost had a heart attack!”

Pinkie Pie deflated like a messed up souffle, sinking back into her seat. “Yeah, I really messed up the souffle on that one.” Yeah, see?

Starlight had been rubbing her chin during this little detour of a conversation. “You know what I think?”

“That we should give Pinkie a dictionary to go with her calendar?” Spike prompted.

“N-no. That these ‘Ageless’ sound like- that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna sound like they could be called ‘The Ageless’, so maybe these are ponies- people like them, who don’t age and live a long time.”

Twilight nodded. “Good guess, Starlight! That’s actually what I was thinking too. Princess Celestia’s letter mentioned that part of the reason for the summit was to introduce a new Ageless in Equestria to the rest of the world.”

“A new Ageless?” Spike said. “Does that mean you, Twilight?”

“Wow, you’re Ageless!?” Pinkie bounced on her seat. “That’s mean I’ll be able to plan so many birthdays!” Something flinched through her. “Except-” It was realization. “-I won’t be around for them.”

It was a realization that swept across the table, each of the girls’ eyes widening for a moment, except for Pinkie Pie, who looked downcast. “Oops, I just made it dark.”

And except for Twilight, who rolled her eyes. “Girls, no, I am not immortal.”

“You’re not?” Rainbow asked.

Applejack went after her. “How do ya figure?”

“For one, if it’s some kind of protocol to call everyone from around the Globe whenever one of these Ageless appears, then I think I would’ve heard about it when Cadance got her horn.”

“And other assorted pieces of anatomy!”

“Yes, right, thank you, Pinkie.”

Starlight leaned towards her teacher. “Cadance used to be a pegasus?”

“That’s right! She freed a sorceress from the grasp of an evil artifact terrorizing Cloudsdale.”

Starlight digested that for a split second and turned towards Rainbow Dash. “Cloudsdale?”

Rainbow shrugged. “I actually wasn’t there for that.” She smirked. “But my mom and uncle were!” She looked to her left. “Hey, Fluttershy, your parents were there too!”

“Yes.” Fluttershy flinched. “I was terrified.”

“For your parents?” Starlight asked.

“Them too, but I was there.”

Rainbow swung a hoof. “Oh yeah, you were visiting that day.”

Starlight looked intently at Fluttershy. “Well, what happened?”

Fluttershy sank into her throne some from the gaze and Rainbow Dash waved her hoof to catch Starlight’s attention.

“Okay, so, my uncle told me that some kinda biped, like a minotaur-”

Fluttershy spoke up. “A human.”

“Right, one of those! So some human filly with a stupid looking topknot show up on this huge hot dog shaped hot air balloon.”

“A zeppelin?” Starlight asked.

“A zeppelin,” Twilight confirmed.

Rainbow nodded. “Yeah, like one of those. So, he told me she pops up on one of those and starts doing some kinda bad juju that made all the color disappear.”

Fluttershy clarified. “The Empty Heart was devouring all the love and the song from Cloudsdale. I could feel it, everypony could. All the songs in our hearts, they were going quiet.”

Starlight peered at her. “You know what it was called? The artifact?”

Fluttershy was still cringing but she looked Starlight in the eye. “I remember. I could hear it. I know nopony else could, but I did. It was really quiet then, and I could hear a lot of things. I heard it talking to that girl. Her name was Megan, and she lost a lot of loved ones.” She looked at the table then, where the projection of Cloudsdale hung in projection of Equestria’s sky. “The Empty Heart had told her it would make all the pain go away. It was telling her this was the only way not to hurt anymore.”

All the other ponies, and one dragon, looked at one another and shot worried glances at each other. It was a bit of an awkward pause and Twilight tried to break it. “So, then what happened, Rainbow Dash?”

“Uh, yeah.” Rainbow looked away from her friend and collected herself. “So, this pink filly flies up to, uh, Megan and starts singing this really sad song.”

“A funeral dirge.” All eyes zeroed in on Fluttershy as she interrupted with that same distant tone.

“Oh, horseapples.”

“Cadance sung a funeral dirge to Megan. She told her-” Fluttershy’s eyes flickered. “She told her that it was okay to cry and she did. Her tears filled the Empty Heart.”

“Y-yeah,” Rainbow agreed, a little uncertainly. “That’s what Uncle Blitz told me, the waterworks start and this nasty artifact blows up and suddenly Cadance is an alicorn.”

“Right, I heard that story too,” Twilight said. She brought her attention back to Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, do you usually hear things like this?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “No. I can hear animals talks when nopony else can, but this was unusual.”

“Right, let’s put a pin on that for later.”

“Wowie!” Pinkie waved a hoof. “That was a plotload of exposition, wasn’t it?”

Fluttershy’s eyes fluttered and the remembrance she was in seemed to end. The trance it brought lifted and she suddenly seemed more aware of her surroundings. Self-consciousness returned and she flitted her gaze about, eyes widening. “Oh my gosh, you’re all looking at me!”

A pink blur appeared at her side and wrapped her forelegs around her. “It’s gonna be alright, ‘Shy! Nothin’ bad’s gonna happen!”

She was followed by something far more demure and white colored appearing on her other side and joining the hug. “That’s right, dearest. Everypony has something far more important to deal with.” Rarity’s embrace happened to block up Fluttershy’s vision of the table. Rarity looked back at them with a glare, making slicing motions with her hooves.

“Right!” Twilight looked away. “Where were we at before that?”

“You’re not one of these Aging guys?” Rainbow supplied.

“Ageless, and yes. If she were immortal, I think Cadance would have told me about it.”

Applejack tore a worried glance off of the group hug of their three softest friends and turned a skeptical glance at Twilight. “Ya mean like how she told you she was marrying your brother?”

And Starlight turned to her teacher again. “Wait, she didn’t tell you? He didn’t tell you?”

Twilight stared up with narrowed eyes. “Nope, not until the last second.”

“Oh my gosh, that’s terrible.”

“I know, right?”

“It’s almost as bad as inadvertently destroying the world with irresponsible time travel.”

“I kn-” Twilight paused and turned a stony stare at her student. Starlight returned with a cheeky grin.

“You’re being remarkably blase about that.”

“It’s how I deal with the crippling anxiety that rises up in me every time I think about that dead wasteland,” Said Starlight all too cheerily.

Twilight’s eyes narrowed. Her horn lit up as she lifted her student in her field. Starlight was levitated across the table to the pony pile. Yellow wings wrapped around her and she was absorbed into the warm embrace.

Applejack cocked a brow. “Uh…” She looked back at Twilight. “So, if this summit ain’t about you, Twi’, who is it?”

“Well, it’s not just about the new Ageless, whoever that is. Other matters will be discussed as long as all these world leaders are gathered in one spot.”

“Ya think it might be your niece?” Applejack asked.

“Precisely what I was thinking,” Twilight said. “I mean, it would tie into the mysterious circumstances surrounding her birth. It does bring into question whether the Crystal Empire is a part of Equestria.”

Spike raised a claw. “Are the Badlands a part of Equestria? Maybe the summit is about Thorax?”

“I mean, maybe? If he’s immortal now, that is. That would probably mean Chrysalis is too. We don’t know much about Changelings.”

Around that time, Rarity had extracted herself from the cuddle puddle with a sigh, dusting herself off as she returned to her seat. “Well, I’m certain that Chrysalis isn’t invited, no matter what. Speaking of which, Twilight, when is it? I want to know how long I have to prepare. I’ll need a dress of unparalleled beauty if I want to impress the dignitaries. Perhaps one for all of you too. No, not perhaps, definitely. How long do I have?”

“Well-”

An hour later…

Rarity sat on the train, forelegs crossed and a huffy expression on her face. “Your timing is of the worst sort, Twilight Sparkle.”

Author's Note

Nothing in here belongs to me, this is a goddamn fanfic.

This may, in fact, become a fanfic of fanfics. Several of them.

Therefore, any concepts that show up in here, they belong to everyone. Do you like my headcanon? Its yours now, here you go. Original character I come up with, all yours, feel free reuse them however you see fit. Shoot me a message, tell me about it, I probably won't care what you do with them, I'll be ecstatic.

Unless, like, you do that with them. Please don't do that.