Not The First

I stirred. No, wait- huh?

How...

I remembered darkness. Drifting away. Blood and sweet, sweet pain.

Shouldn't be here anymore.

Shouldn't- what?

Hey. Hey.

"Hey!"

I felt the poke and forced my eyes to open. Still confused. How were my eyes working? How was I seeing? How was I... how was I alive?

Maybe that purple blob over there had answers.

My eyes focused. It wasn't a blob. It was a pony. It was me.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

I frowned. How was I feeling? I hurt. My leg was throbbing and burning. My head felt like a baked potato. My throat and mouth were dry.

"That's okay," she said gently. "You don't have to talk. It's just lucky I got here when I did; you were in bad shape. You lost a lot of blood."

I shuffled, and the pain in my leg worsened. I looked down and saw bandages, wrapped tightly, soaked red so dark it was black. Every time I moved, a patch of lighter red spread. Not too far. But it was there.

"You shouldn't move," the other me suggested.

I ignored her and pushed myself upright. That baked feeling get worse. Reminded me of meeting Fluttershy's friend Treehugger, for some reason. I wobbled on my hooves. Jabbing waves rippled up and down my leg.

"Now, hold on," she started.

I shot her a glare that would've done a dragon proud. She shut up.

I took a step. Another step. I stumbled.

She smiled. "I warned you..." She proffered a shoulder.

I lunged upward, driving my horn into her throat. Hot life-sustaining liquid poured down its length and across my face. I opened my mouth and guzzled as much as I could. It started pinching off, so I pushed up harder. My horn sliced through flesh. She gagged, and more blood drizzled out.

The other me thrashed around, pushing. Flailing her legs. Hitting me. It did no good. I drank her, her life pouring into me. I smiled. Delicious.

Finally, she stopped. There was no more blood to drink. I leaned over, letting her dead weight fall. What was left of her neck slid off my horn with a plop! For good measure, I bit into the ragged flesh and ripped; her head flopped unnaturally.

"Nicely done."

I blinked. Oh, shit.

"I'll admit, I didn't actually think you'd do it. I was afraid it would work. But I'm still here."

"Not my choice," I growled.

"Perhaps. But you have a choice now. Or did you cut your balls off when you tried cutting your leg?"

"She's kind of right."

I blinked. What-

The smell. I smelled it before. Before the blackness. It smelled... good? There were no good smells here. But I smelled it.

Sprinkles.

"Yep." The voice was familiar. But strangely sullen. "Probably gonna be the last good thing you smell."

I turned around, and saw a different pony. It was jarring. Outside of dreams, I hadn't seen another pony in... How long had it been?

"A long time, Twilight."

Oh.

Wait. Was she-

"Reading what your thinking? Yeah. The writing's a bit odd in places, but I can read it."

Oh-kay. I suppose it wasn't too surprising. First a voice, then... this.

I studied the pink mass that had appeared in my vision. "Hello, Pinkie Pie."

"Hey, Twilight."

Her mane was perfectly flat. Her fur looked quite dull. Otherwise, she looked exactly as I remembered. The same pudgy pink ponkers who could bring a smile to the face of any pony.

Though she wasn't smiling herself.

"No. I... don't really want to."

"Too bad. I could use some cheering up."

"I don't say this often, Twilight, but... I can't."

I tottered a little. "That's... fine. You're not really Pinkie, after all."

"You could call me Pinkamena if you want."

"I don't give a fuck what I call you."

"Wow." She backed up. "You um. Huh. You really have hit the bottom."

I snorted. "I hit bottom a while ago. I started tunneling."

"Please. As if you have the motivation to dig a tunnel."

"She doesn't need motivation. The universe just hates her so much it gets out of her way."

"Hey!" I glared at the Pinkie illusion. "Are you agreeing with her?"

"Well, yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because she's rude and a total bitch?"

"At least I'm not the Princess of Murder."

"I. Am not. A Murderer!"

"You kind of are."

"No!" I protested. "I've never killed another pony. Only-"

"Only Twilight clones," Pinkie finished.

"Exactly."

There was a long silence. Then-

"Are you Twilight Sparkle?"

"The heck kind of question is that?"

"Do you think of yourself as Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship?"

"Well- no."

Pinkie was dubious. "So you killed Twilight Sparkle. Loads of times."

"Yes, but- but I am Twilight Sparkle!"

"You just admitted that isn't true."

"I- I..." Something shorted out behind my eyes. I looked at Pinkie. I glanced around the landscape of death. My face twitched.

"Nope," I said. "Nope. I don't care. I do not give a fuck. Nope. Fuck this. Fuck you. Fuck you Pinkie. Fuck you voice. Fuck me, too. I do not care."

"That's a lot of fucks you don't give," Pinkie noted.

"I don't give any fucks, Pinkie!" I turned and slammed my face against a cliff of mes. "It's about time you both went away. I'm going to take a nap. When I get up, both of you will be gone. Right?"

"Don't count on it."

"Even if I am, I'll be back," Pinkie promised.

"Whatever." I lay down and shut my eyes. And tuned out my own small world.

I woke up and saw no pony but myself. I sighed in relief.

One bowel movement later, I bit a chunk from the nearest fresh body and pulled a long drink from a puddle. I stood up- or tried to. My leg gave out halfway through, and I fell forward into the puddle.

"Poop."

"I thought that was pee?"

I looked up and saw Pinkie. I groaned; I knew it was too good to be true.

"You don't know anything."

"That one was just petty."

"She's right this time," Pinkie shrugged.

"Thanks. I think."

I managed to push myself up and out of the puddle. I shook the liquid away. "So I don't know anything, huh? Why don't you enlighten me."

"About what?"

I shrugged. "I'm always interested in knowing what's been going on in Equestria."

"How would that help you?"

"I'm just curious."

Pinkie stroked her chin. "Well... there's been a lot of stuff. Starlight casting her spells, me Rarity and Applejack going on a boat trip that ended terribly, and there was a Changeling invasion."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying."

"You just made all that up."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because, you..."

I walked away, listening to the sounds of the argument fade out behind me. When I couldn't hear either of the voices, I settled down. Time for another nap.

It seemed like that was all I could do.

"Ouch," I muttered. It was much later. No idea how long it'd actually been. A couple naps. I woke up, could barely get up, decided it was time to do something about my cut. My leg throbbed. I almost dropped the knife, but continued hacking through the me's own leg. If I had magic, I probably could've replaced my leg with hers. As it was, I just hoped I could turn her into a crutch.

In the days since I opened up my leg, it got worse. A lot worse. The cut was raw, and the edges were green. I'd wrapped it and rewrapped it in cloth strips, but it wasn't getting better. It could hardly keep me upright.

"Ouch," I said again. The carving of the bones was gonna be hard. I sat down so I could get better leverage, or whatever. Also, my legs were tired.

"Think it's infected?"

"Oh, definitely," Pinkie replied.

I rolled my eyes and ignored them.

"Ten bits says she cuts it off."

"I didn't bring any bits. And you don't have any."

"Whatever. I bet she cuts it off. You?"

"Meh. You said it best- she hasn't got the balls."

"You know I can hear you, right?"

"Of course. That's why we said it."

"Hrrmph."

I finished up the crutch and strapped it to my leg; maneuvering around my ball of a gut was the hardest part. Then it was on. I was able to get up far easier, though it made me a bit lopsided. I toddled around a little until I was used to it.

"Wow. That looks... stupid."

"Oh yeah? Well you- you sound stupid."

"Lame," Pinkie muttered.

"Shut up." I hobbled my way to the top of the next hill. "Why are you here anyway, Pinkie?"

Suddenly she looked anxious. "I'm not sure you could handle knowing."

"Well, I know you're not actually here," I frowned. "It's kind of obvious. You don't seem quite yourself, and there's no way for you to go from here to Equestria and back. You're in my head, right?"

"Sure."

"I'm just wondering why I'm seeing you, of all ponies. No offense but you're not helping or hurting too much."

"Maybe you just wanted to see a friend?"

"You're not acting much like a friend."

"Well... I- er, Pinkie Pie- is friends with Princess Twilight Sparkle. And you're not her. So you might think of me- er, Pinkie Pie- as your friend, but I- er, Pinkie Pie- wouldn't see you as one."

"I guess... that makes sense."

"Plus, you really are a murder-pony. I can't be friends with a murder-pony."

"Oh, for the love of- I am not a murderer!" I flopped onto the ground. "It's not me. It's her! The real Twilight Sparkle. She's the one who keeps teleporting here. She's the one who never realizes something's wrong, and that she shouldn't use that spell. I'm doing them a favor- they're the ones who keep sending themselves to hell, without a thought to what happens once they do! What I do is a mercy."

My breath snorted hotly; my legs were trembling. Pinkie stared at me with wide eyes. For almost a full minute, all I could hear was the settling of the corpse mass and my own breathing.

"She's lost it."

"Uh huh," Pinkie agreed.

"Could we make it worse?"

"Doubtful. She already cut her leg open."

"True. She could torture herself though."

"She's in constant pain. Physical torture hurts less than psychological, anyway. And she's got plenty of that going on."

"I'm right here!" I yelled. They ignored me.

"I suppose I can sit around and insult her some more. That'll always be fun."

"Good luck with that. I've got smiles to spread! I can't stay around."

"Well. Back to the depths of imagination with you."

I blinked, and Pinkie disappeared. "Huh? What-"

"Don't bother trying to understand. Your tiny brain couldn't hope to understand."

"I'm getting tired of these insults. I know I'm a smart pony."

"Do you now? Are you now? Well, I'm not about to stop. And what are you going to do. Cut your other leg? The universe hates you so much it won't even let you die."

"I'm surprised I survived," I admitted. "But it won't be for much longer. Sooner or later, I will be rid of you. And I can't wait for that to happen. In the mean time, I'm going back to sleep. Maybe I'll even have a nightmare. Can't be worse than this place."

"It could always be worse. Murderer."

"Nope. I'm not the murderer. The next Twilight Sparkle to teleport. She's the murderer."

"You sure about that?"

I grit my teeth. "I'm more sure of that than I am of anything."

I curled up on the dead mes and tried not to jostle my leg around. It wasn't as comfortable as it used to be. The taste of flesh and blood- gritty, metallic- seemed heavier than usual. My tongue was itching. My eyes ached. I rolled over, my belly bulge heavier than ever. It actually hurt.

Soon.

Soon, it would all be over.