Close your blinds!

Ponyville was to be described as a bastion of chaos, with how much insanity can spew out without any eyebrows being raised. Instead they simply looked out the window to see what kind of chaos it was and if it was due to their draconequus neighbour getting some action from her shy pegasus lover.

The fact they thought their relationship was a secret was just adorable.

Still, it meant when socks started raining from the sky, they collected the bets they made and brushed off the oddities without blinking an eye.

That was why their prince Dusk Shine and Applejack were more surprised to see Rainbow Blitz and Elusive walking side by side with two bags of groceries on the pegasus’s back with the unicorn holding some of his own in his magic.

What really caught their eyes was how relaxed and perky both of them were, with Blitz chuckling at some joke Elusive made and bumping flanks.

Seeing the athletic stunt-pony so chummy with his fashion orientated friend was very unusual and warranted the alicorn and earth pony to rush over to them.

It was Rainbow Blitz who saw them first and waved a wing at them, shouting, “Hi guys, what’s uuureally dude?” he snapped at Elusive who shrugged his shoulders.

“Sorry, lost a bit of my focus there, Blitz,” Elusive said with a bit of a blush on his face. “Better?” he asked, fixing the bags on the pegasus’s back.

Blitz simply put on a smile on his face, and let out a soft yah.

Dusk Shine simply blinked in confusion with Applejack smirking up a storm. Looking at the pegasus and at the unicorn, and his smirk deepened. “Imma guess ya’ll got some with each other?”

Both Blitz and Elusive’s faces grew beet red with Dusk tilting his head. “Got some what?” he asked, causing his friends to look at him.

Applejack pawed the ground before finding his voice, “Ya know, they had a roll in the hay?”

“Elusive rolled in hay?” Dusk asked, turning to face his flabbergasted unicorn friend.

Blitz facehoofed with a very loud sigh mixed in a groan. “I keep saying guys, we really need to get him laid.”

“Laid what Blitz, that sentence makes no sense,” Dusk said with a bit of a huff; feeling that Blitz was making fun of him again for being a bit naive.

Blitz looked at him and then at Elusive with a sigh. “Sorry man, that just killed it for me,” he said with downcast eyes.

“It’s alright, Blitzy, that line was a true moment killer,” Elusive said with a sad sigh.

“Will somepony tell me what’s going on?” Dusk asked in a loud voice, starting to attract attention from other ponies passing by.

“These two varmints here fooled around,” Applejack said, hoping that his friend would get the message.

“What-”

“Oh for Solaris’s sake ya thick headed dolt!” Applejack smacked the prince across the head with his hat. “They.” Smack. “Had.” Smack. “Sex.” Smack, smack, smack and smack.

“Oh,” Dusk said as he finally understood what his friends were saying before looking at the two. “You two are dating?!”

“What no!” Blitz shouted with Elusive looking a bit put off at his declaration. “We’re just friends with benefits right now.”

“Friends with ben-”

“It means they buck with no-”

“I know what it means, Applejack,” Dusk hissed, his face red with embarrassment at how dense he had been.

“I’m just making sure, partner,” Applejack grinned. “Ya’ll ain't the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to this kind of stuff.”

“I am not that bad,” Dusk grumbled, stomping his hoof. “I-”

“Thereyouare!” Eris appeared. Picking up Dusk Shine and holding him to her chest, she continued to ramble, “Ineedyourstupidmagicknowledgehelpnow!” before vanishing.

Applejack shared a concerned look with Blitz and Elusive before letting out a sigh. “Ah guess Ah should go check that out but first; what was your little bet?”

Blitz’s face got even redder with him beginning to stammer he knew nothing about what Applejack was talking about but Elusive let out a sigh and a pulse from his horn causing the pegasus to squirm for a second.

“Blitz here said that he can hold back no matter what I do; if I win, we get to spend an entire day at the spa with Blitz getting a full package deal.”

“And when I win, he has to come with me at the next concert,” Blitz said, jetting his head out with a cocky grin on his face. Elusive simply raised an eyebrow at that and flared his horn again, causing Blitz to meep and his wings to fluff out. “El, not my ploOh hey Prince Solaris, Prince Artemis what can we do fo-are you on fire?”

Everypony looked at Artemis who was indeed had a sliver of fire on his flank. Artemis blinked before his entire body was engulfed in flames before sputtering out. “There, better,” the alicorn of the night said with a glare towards his older brother who had a smirk on his face.

“Did you just set yourself on fire, Prince Artemis?” Elusive asked carefully.

“To quote my brother, ‘there is nothing you cannot solve with enough amount of fire,’” Artemis said with an air of annoyance. “Have any of you seen Er-”

“Does that include the mess in your bedroom, Arty?” Solaris asked, causing Artemis to send a burst of fire at the white alicorn’s face.

“As I was saying, have any of you seen Eris?” Artemis asked with clenched teeth as Solaris just laughed and patted his brother on the head.

“Eeeyup, she was just here before she took Dusk ‘cause she needs some help,” Applejack said with Solaris frowning and stroking his beard.

“So it has happened again,” he muttered to himself before looking at Artemis.”Come, we don’t have much time to waste.”

He then teleported himself, his brother and the earth pony away, leaving Blitz and Elusive alone. They shared a look with each other before Blitz asked, “Should we go?”

“No, no, I am sure whatever Eris needs help with can be solved by three alicorns and at very least if the Elements are needed, they know where to find us and I am sure they will knock first.” He then leaned and whispered into Blitz’s ear. “Besides, we don’t want the ice cream to go to waste, now we do?”

Blitz smirked, wagging his tail. “Well, let’s get gooaooa,” Blitz moaned, stamping his hooves before shaking his head and wiggling his eyebrows at a pouting Elusive. “Is that the best you got?”

Elusive simply raised an eyebrow and grinned viciously at the pegasus. Rainbow Blitz gulped, realizing he’d bitten off a bit more than he could chew and hoped that Mayor Mustang wouldn’t have them arrested for public indecency.

Dusk let out a sigh, rubbing his face as he tried to think of another way to approach this matter as Eris was being even more problematic and difficult than usual.

He was so fed up about this entire situation of her refusing to tell him what was under the tarp that he barely reacted when his former teacher, his brother and friend teleported in.

“Good, you’re here,” Dusk muttered, looking at the trio walking towards whatever was under the tarp with Eris floating around nervously. “Maybe you can help her out.“

Solaris simply looked at it and went ah and gave Eris a knowing smile.

“So it has happened to you again, Eris?” Solaris asked, while receiving a crude gesture in return from her.

“What is going on Eris,” Artemis asked, stalking close to the tarp’s object. “What is under here?”

“Arty, I wouldn’t do that,” Solaris said while Eris seemed torn between stopping him and enjoying what was about to come.

Artemis simply rolled his eyes, and darted under the tarp. Solaris began to count down from five with Artemis walking out on one.

“And once more, Artemis, what did we learn?” Solaris asked with a smirk.

“More than I ever wished to know about our friend Butterscotch,” Artemis said with a shake of his entire body. He then glared at the snickering draconequus. “Why did you create that?”

“Hey, it’s not like I wanted to create it!” Eris pouted, crossing her arms. “It’s not my fault I’ve got....” she then blushed and muttered something under her breath.

Dusk Shine blinked in confusion before shaking his head. “Enough is enough, Eris, if you want my help, I need to know what I am trying to hide for you!”

Before anypony could stop him, he tossed the tarp off the object with everypony freezing on the spot.

It was finally Applejack who broke the silence by stating the obvious, “So that’s what Butterscotch's dick looks like on a giant statue.”

“Actually, it’s all proportional,” Eris said with a grin as she looked at the massive golden statue of a fully stimulated Butterscotch.

That caused Solaris, Applejack and Artemis’s eyes to widen, with the farmer giving a whistle of surprise.

“Tarnations, if any of the mares back in Ponyville knew he was hung like an Arabian horse, Ah’d reckon he’d have to beat ‘hem off with a stick,” Applejack said, finally able to tear his eyes away and look over at Dusk. “Hung like an Arabian means-”

“I know what it means, Applejack,” Dusk mumbled under his breath, taking his eyes away from the statue.

“And besides, Butters doesn’t need a stick, he’s got me,” Eris said with a wide grin, pointing her thumbs at herself.

“And further to the point, he has a powerful stick all of his own,” Solaris said as he began to circle around the statue.

“That means-”

“I am aware of what that means, Applejack.”

“You have yet to explain why you have created this… this,” Artemis waved a hoof at the statue, eyes locked onto the ground.

“She didn’t create it on purpose, brother,” Solaris said as he tapped Butterscotch’s leg. “She has this… dysfunction.”

“Solaris, I swear if you say anything,” Eris began, her face growing red.

“What was it,” Solaris said, tapping his chin. “Oh yes, you have erect-idol dysfunction!”

Everypony simply stared at Solaris except for Eris who was fuming mad with smoke coming out of her ears.

“You are not joking, are you brother, are you?” Artemis sighed heavily into his hoof.

“By the way Dusk, erect-idol sounds-”

“I know what it sounds like, AJ,” Dusk growled.

“Hey, it’s not my fault when I have good lay I sometimes create massive golden statues!” Eris shouted, stabbing a finger into Solaris’s chest.

“That is debatable Eris, but the question is why do you need help hid-why is it moving?” Artemis asked, noticing the statue had moved ever so slightly.

“Part of her dysfunction causes the statue to move to a highly dense location to be seen by all,” Solaris said looking at the other stallions. “We have some time to figure out how to deal with this statue before everypony in Ponyville sees Butterscotch’s johnson.”

“That means,”

“I am aware of what the term means, Applejack,” Dusk said through gritted teeth, his face still red.

“Ah’m just making sure partner,” Applejack said with a grin.

Dusk Shine just growled at his friend.

“I mean, if ponies see his massive wang, Butters will never leave his cottage, and worse, he might kick me out!” Eris shouted, ignoring Applejack and Dusk’s back and forth.

“Wang means-”

“I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS AND I KNOW WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BUTTERSCOTCH’S ENORMOUS PENIS!” Dusk shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice, startling everypony, including Dusk Shine especially when he heard his voice echo through the forest.

With a blush across his entire body as BUTTERSCOTCH’S ENORMOUS PENISwas echoed again in perfect clarity and volume, he meekly looked at a frowning Solaris.

“Really, Dusk, what that truly called for?” Solaris asked, shaking his head.

“Especially not with your lung capacity!” an Eris grumbled as she teleported in. “As you had to shout it here, I think it will be stuck forever in the Everfree forest!”

“And I think it’s traveling towards Manehattan,” another Eris said, holding a squirming bag of something. “At least, that’s what I think I caught.”

“I swear I didn’t BUTTERSCOTCH’S ENORMOUS PENIS -” Dusk meeped as his echo returned.

With a loud tsk, Solaris looked at an equally unamused Artemis. “It seems we need to do more than one task in Canterlot; Eris can you monitor the statue with one of your duplicates?”

With a nod of her head, Solaris teleported them away and into his royal chambers.

“Now before we begin dealing with Eris’s love statue, there is the matter of you, my former student,” Solaris said with a frown. Turning to face the doorway that had a pegasus guard staring in, he nodded his head towards her. “Guard, I need you to go to your superiors and my lead advisors. I need a committee put forth to find the perfect mare or stallion that can provide sexual pleasure and knowledge to Prince Dusk Shine. Do you understand me?” he asked the still orange coated mare with a blue mane and wide eyes.

She stood still for all of five seconds, with her and Dusk Shine’s eyes wide with shock and ears beet red before she snapped to attention with a wing to her forehead. “Sire, I volunteer myself for this mission!”

“Hmm,” Solaris said tapping his chin while turning his head to suppress his grin. He turned to look at Dusk Shine, asking him, “Is this okay with yo-”

“YES!” he squeaked out, his voice cracking, having Eris and the stallions in the room snicker at the moment. “I mean, yes, Flare Warden.”

“Good, my prince,” she said, walking straight to the alicorn. “If you will follow me, we will go to…” she trailed off as she didn’t have a location to proper classroom for the alicorn to learn in.

“You can use his old bedroom, Flare Warden. Do bring him back once you two are finished,” Solaris said as the two began to rub against each other, with the mare practically leading the stallion out of the room before Solaris teleported away. “Now that that is taken care of, let us deal with the other matter at hoof, Eris,” he drawled out, causing the female to blink and place her arms on her hips.

“What was that tone for, Solaris?” she asked, flicking her tail.

“Because I know you are going to try and record what Dusk and Flare are doing,” Solaris said with Eris huffing and muttering killjoy. “And while I do not think we can stop the statue nor will you permit us to destroy the statue, there is only one option left to us.”

“What, what is it?” Eris asked with a nervous tone in her voice.

“You must talk to Butterscotch and tell him what happened,” he said with Eris pulling back in surprise.

“But-but,” Eris stuttered, looking terrified. “Butters will be-”

“Shocked, embarrassed, humiliated and maybe even mad at you,” Solaris said, trotting near her. “Opposed to being furious with you that you hid something like that from him.” He then placed a hoof on her shoulder and tilted her head upwards with his wing. “It will be painful, but if you truly care for Butterscotch, you will do what is right, not what is easy.”

Eris stood still for a moment before letting out a tiny sigh before giving Solaris a nod. “As much as I hate admitting you’re right, you’re right.” Eris then rubbed her arms, before shaking her head. “Time to go break the news to Butters.” She then snapped her fingers and vanished.

“You sure that is the best option, Solaris?” Artemis asked, raising an eyebrow at his brother.

“It’s the start of the best option we have, Arty,” Solaris said, nodding his head as a servant brought forth a cup of tea. “What we need to do is wait for the makeup sex and then we need somepony who is very adept at manipulation of beings when they are in a fugal state of mind to influence her to destroy the statue…” He then gave his brother a very wide grin.

“Oh no,” Artemis said, shaking his head, backing up with his eyes wide in terror. “No no no no no no I refuse to-”

“You should brace yourself Artemis,” Solaris said, taking a sip of his tea with Artemis only aware of the serious build up of magic. Before he could formulate his next thoughts, a vast wave of magic surged through the castle and down into the city. Artemis was left leaning forwards with his wings trying desperately to stabilize himself while other ponies were thrown forwards.

Prince Solaris simply stood there, drinking from his cup of tea without so much as batting an eye. The only other pony to show no reaction was a mare that simply put down her book and mused that it finally happened. She gathered her books of history and then teleported herself to Ponyville for a very important conversation with one Dusk Shine, one that she would not be denied.

Meanwhile back in the royal chambers of Solaris, the inhabitant finally stopped his laughter at his brother faceplanting into his desk and getting ink all over his face, drawing himself into a serious-like manner with only a few snickers escaping his lips.

Artemis simply glowered at him, taking a rag to clean his face when the doors opened up to show a low-flying Flare Warden who had a very pleased look on her face and staggering Dusk Shine who had a goofy grin plastered across his face.

“And, my dear little pony, how did you mission go?” Solaris asked, tilting his head.

“If I were to die now, I would die a very happy mare,” Flare Warden muttered with a happy sigh. “‘Here lies Flare Warden, faithful guard of the Princes, she who made Prince Dusk Shine a stallion.’” she said with a giggle, looking at Dusk who simply made an awkward sound that sounded like an agreement.

“Well, I do know that Dusk has been lax in setting up his guards, perhaps with some more training you could lead it,” Solaris said with the mare’s eyes widening in surprise and Dusk making more happy noises. “But that can wait as Artemis need to deal with Eris-”

“No, I said I refuse,” Artemis jabbed a hoof into his brother’s chest. “I refuse to be part of this insanity that is your plan, brother! I mean, I should be in my bed asleep right now! In fact,” Artemis raised a hoof before his horn glowed brightly. Artemis then fell to the ground fast asleep and snoring peacefully.

Solaris stared at his brother in surprise, his plans clearly derailed. “Artemis, wake up,” he said as he shook his brother, who was getting even louder in his snores. This wasn’t good as he needed Artemis to influence Eris to get rid of that blasted statue while she was distracted and he couldn’t go as one of them needed to make sure the sun or moon wouldn’t react horribly to an alicorn like him or his brother climaxing. Almost a thousand years of celibacy after that romp when Artemis was banished resulted in him nearly melting the icecaps meant that he would have very little control over his sun if he had sex with Eris and Butterscotch without Artemis to spot him.

He needed somepon- “Flare Warden, I have another mission for you, if you choose to accept it,” Solaris addressed the bare orange mare who was whispering things to Dusk. “We have a crisis, of sorts, that my dear brother has decided to refuse to handle and I am incapable of handling with him asleep.”

“What do you need me to do, sir?” she asked, landing and performing a proper salute, with all traces of her previous bliss gone. That was good, showing she could be professional if the situation required it and wouldn’t be a hinderance in the future.

“Eris has this condition when she has intense intercourse, she creates a massive golden statue of her partner that moves itself to the nearest public place with a high population density. The statue cannot be destroyed and for the pony in question, this could be a potentially life-scarring event. I also know that Eris is also very susceptible during such times and could very easily be tricked into destroying said statue. I would have Prince Artemis handle such matters due to his expertise with the fluid state of dreams being near identical to the chaos that comes to hoof when Eris reaches her climax but he is out of commision.” He paused to jab a hoof into his brother’s gut which only gained him a snore in return. “The only other pony I can think of that would be qualified is my nephew Prince Bolero, but he is in the Crystal Empire with his wife and would take far too long for him to come in and aid us. What I am asking you, my little pony, is to wait until Eris has neared her climax and then put yourself in a position where you can influence her to remove the statue.”

Flare Warden took all this in before nodding her head. ”I will do this mission, for both my Princes and my country, sir,” she with a near perfect salute before briefly looking at Dusk Shine. “I-”

“Will have your papers and belongings transferred over to Ponyville as that is your destination,” Solaris said sharply, regaining her attention. She wasn’t perfect, not yet, but he could see her becoming a very powerful guard with enough proper training that would do her best to protect Dusk Shine. Solaris’s ear twitched, feeling the stir of chaos magic in the aether, a sign Eris was beginning to get close. “Are you sure you wish to perform this mission?”

“I am sir,” she said, staring him down as best as she could.

“Very well,” Solaris replied, giving her nod back. “Are you ready, Flare Warden?”

“In a moment, sir,” she said before turning to face Dusk. “We’ll talk back in your place, right?”

Dusk simply nodded his head rapidly before breaking out in a wide smile that should have caused any sensible mare to take a few steps back, flee and never return. Those in love simply saw it as adorable and blushed from seeing it. She then turned to face Solaris. With a nod of her head to tell him he was ready, the alicorn teleported her to Butterscotch’s cottage to trick the goddess of chaos while she was having sex.

Solaris then turned to face Dusk Shine, with a soft smile on his face. “And how was your first time, Dusk?”

Dusk Shine blinked before shaking his head slowly. He then looked up at Solaris and said, “If you ever have an antisocial student like me in the future, try setting them up with somepony. I think you’ll get a lot more results far quicker.”

Laughing loudly, Solaris shook his head, “And what if my possible future student is as dense as you were and missed all the attempts I had lined up for you to take?” Dusk Shine blushed, pawing the ground. “But you do know that a relationship is not all fun and games, that if you plan to have a serious relationship with Flare Warden or any other pony, you need to act serious and responsible.”

“I know, Solaris,” Dusk Shine began to brush him off and while he knew his former student wouldn’t intentionally mishandle a relationship, Solaris would not let his former student get off that easily.

“I know that Dusk, and I do believe you,” Solaris said as he stepped over his brother.”I mean, that is why you used protection when you and Flare Warden had sex, to be both serious and responsible, right?”

Dusk Shine freezing on the spot was not the answer he was looking forward to.

“Right?” he asked again, with Dusk’s eyes darting back and forth before squeaking and teleporting away. Solaris blinked at that tidbit of information and wondered how much his actions to get his former student laid would bite him in the flanks later on. He then cast his eyes on Artemis and narrowed his gaze. “Now what to do with you, brother,” he tapped his chin before sporting a grin on his face and teleporting himself and his brother out of the room.

Applejack turned his head back and forth in the empty room and let out a sigh of annoyance. “Sure, take me all the way to Canterlot and don’t even give me a way back home,” he muttered as he began to trot to the doors. “Gramps is going to kill me for being away from the farm all day.”

It was at that moment that the second surge of chaos magic raced the lands, and a beam of chaos magic turned the floor that Applejack had his hoof on into poison joke.

Jumping backwards, Applejack turned to face the mirror to see what changes had occurred-

“Ah consarn it!” Applejack swore as she stomped her way out of the royal chambers, face red with embarrassment as well as hoping Blitz wouldn’t see her like this as he would never let it go, slamming the doors shut behind her.