In Ponyville City, a sure fire way to get the heart racing is speed, a commodity no longer limited to the humans blessed with wings. While they use their magically attained limbs to fly among the clouds, those on the ground can blow their wad of cash on a vehicle. A majestic creation of human ingenuity, these long, hard metallic beasts need to be handled properly with the deftest of hands, gently yet firmly grabbing the gear stick, shifting up and down with one hand as the other uses the steering wheel to guide it upon the right path, going faster and faster, the wind slapping the driver in the face and getting in their hair until finally-!

"AHHHH-AHHHHHHHHHH!"

A man with blue, blown back spiky hair and green eyes collapsed on his belly, looking quite happy and satisfied as a hand decorated with red nail polish reached out and gave his tight muscled ass a hard spank. "Are you fucking kidding me? How many times are you going to fucking cum before I do?" said Sunset, sitting up and wrapping the cheap motel blanket around her body.

"Sorry..." sighed Soarin, rolling over onto his back and wiping the sweat off of his brow. "You... you really get me going. I mean, fuck, the way you do that thing with your tongue-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, nothing wrong with speed but hasn't Spitfire taught you any technique? I know the captain gives her teammates thorough training." mumbled Sunset, reaching over to the nightstand for the TV remote "And I know you wear those sexy Wonderbolt tights most of the time, but drop the skinny jeans. Only hipster tools and leg gap twats wear those." Flipping on the crappy TV set, it opened up on the channel 2 news with a helicopter view where it seemed all the guard's squad cars and some random truck were chasing after some turquoise and gold fast sports car. Which was miles ahead of the cops and backing up to ram the random truck before taking off again.

"This is your eye in the sky Svengallop here! If you're just joining us, an unmanned sports car continues to tear through the streets of Ponyville City in an excess of one-hundred and twenty miles per hour! The police are calmly redirected traffic while what has been described as a bookish nerdy woman joined pursuit, impressively keeping up in a truck!"

"Hey... isn't that Twilight?" mused Sunset, squinting at the screen before the cameraman got a close up on the truck to confirm her suspicions before the pocket of her jacket started to buzz and ring. Fishing out her cellphone, Sunset raised it to her ear "Hell-?"

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" snapped Luna on the other end, sounding stressed, most likely due to Sunset not getting on the ghost situation. Or the fact that living with two unruly mages for a few weeks now as wearing her thin. Or she needed to get laid. Probably that last one.

"Um... I'm putting in community service at a soup kitchen. Feeding the homeless." said Sunset, lying on her stomach now as she watched the news, Soarin right next to her.

"Don't even try that! You're at one of those cheap motels with some meat of the hour, aren't you?!"

"Shit..." sighed Sunset, but feeling saved when her phone beeped, indicating an incoming call. "Sorry, another call has come in, talk more later." Pressing the button before Luna could launch a verbal protest, Sunset wouldn't receive much reprieve of the bitching when Twilight's voice rang through on the other end.

"Where the hell are you?! Do you have any fucking idea what's going on right now?!"

"Nope." said Sunset, smirking as she leaned closer to Soarin, making the man blush as he felt the young woman's skin brush against his own. "Why? What's up?" she asked, putting on her best innocent voice that Twilight immediately knew was full of shit.

"Whatever douchebag or skank you're canoodling with can wait! We've got an evil spirit on our hands! So get your dumb ass out here and help me!"

"Fine, fine, I'll go. Fuck, I'm already done with this dope anyway." grumped Sunset, getting out of bed and gathering her clothes, slipping on her leather jacket as Soarin spoke up.

"So uh, will I see you again?" asked Soarin, a little hurt by being called a dope but his crank shaft starting to rev up after having a good gander at the red head's curves again.

"Doubt it." said Sunset, reaching over to the table, grabbing her bag of habanero rainbow dipped chips for a snack and a set of keys, heading out the door with one last parting smirk "Thanks for the ride by the way."

Meanwhile at the chase scene, Svengallop in his helicopter was filming the entire scene and commentating on the events below. A shadow appeared in the front shield window, a vague outline of a woman with a styled faux-hawk of sorts shouting "Get the fuck out of my way losers! Your lame fuck cars can't keep up with me! Fastest in the city baby!"

Twilight with Spike in the passenger's seat was managing to pull the red truck up, almost side by side with the sports car now "Come on!" said the bookish mage, gritting her teeth as she slammed into the side of the sports car, trying to drive it off the road just as they hit the highway on ramp.

This only made the spirit inside laugh "Aw, like it rough sweet cheeks? Then I'll give it to you rough bitch!" she crowed, slamming back as they took a hard curve, the police force trailing behind as the two didn't quite manage to make the last turn, ramping off and right back onto the street into a farmer's market "You think you can handle what I got? You're in over your head! I'll make you choke on it bitch!" People screamed and leaped out of the way, one poor young girl with a bow tie almost getting run over before her blonde sibling yanked her out of the way. The cart of apples and apple related items exploding as the sports car tore through it.

"MAH APPLES!" wailed the farmer before she grit her teeth and looked after the two culprits before realizing something "THAT'S OUR FUCKIN' TRUCK!!!"

Up ahead, a figured had just pulled out into the middle of an intersection on a sweet Wonderbolt's themed motorcycle. Turning in a circle with one hand on the handle and the other with her panty gun already out and aiming at the ghost "S'up cunt! Your joy ride ends here!"

"Wonderbolts? ... WONDERBOLTS?!" screamed the spirit, it's eyes going from pale orange to red as it hit the nitro in the car, speeding up unexpectedly and slamming the tail end of Sunset's bike, causing the mage to cry out in surprise as she used both hands on the bars to steady herself out before giving pursuit. "Fuck those Wonderbolts! Literally and figuratively 'cause Spitfire makes me cream! Wait, what the fuck is that?" said the spirit, stopping mid-rant to see a pair of red lace panties had caught on her left side mirror.

"Finally! Fucking 'Tia, did you mount everything on your way over?!" snapped Twilight, pulling up next to Sunset as they followed the spirit onto another freeway.

"Shove it, Twi'! It's got my panties!" swore Sunset, standing up on the motorcycle and leaping to the driver's side door "Move the fuck over!" she said, opening the door and shoving Twilight over onto Spike before taking the wheel, shifting gears to really give the car some get up and go.

The left side mirror moved, on a long, flexible pipe as it was brought over to the windshield for the spirit to inspect "Well, ain't this some fancy granny panties?" she said before taking a sniff and smirking "Oooo, someone's been a naughty girl!"

"HEY! Get your face out of my panties!" snapped Sunset.

"That's something I bet you don't say often." snarked Twilight with a smirk as Sunset simply shot her a dirty look.

Up above, Sven's commentary continued "Unbelievable folks! A down and dirty red head has entered the fray and now the two women continue to doggedly pursue the sports car! Wait, what's this!? They're being over taken by some of the police! And up ahead... a blockade! Will the police be able to finally get a handle on the situation!?"

"Shit!" swore the spirit, wincing as bullets and magic were fired at her behind, but another hit of nitro and she was propelling up to crazy speeds to try and ram through! "Shit! Oh shit! Hurts so good! Come on, almost there!" said the spirit, almost sexually moaning as the needle on her speedometer climbed to the extremes.

"Quit trying to do our job assholes!" snapped Sunset, cutting ahead just at the last minute to sideswipe the sports car, sending it careening into Derpy Hooves's squad car.

"WAH! HELP!" cried the poor wall eyed woman, trying her best to correct as she was sent flying off the side of the highway, the blonde doing the smart thing of course and summoning her wings so that she could bail. Down below her car swan dived right into a flower stand where a trio of women fainted "Oops, my bad!"

However before the spirit in the car could recover, Night Glider rammed right into it's side, sending it right into the brunt of the blockade "EAT IT MOTHER FUCKER!" spat Night, gritting her teeth as more squad cars drove in, ready to ram the sports car all at once.

"Ain't that just the way. Speeding to the finish and then someone cuts you off short." scoffed Sunset, still driving towards the action and watching what should have been the sports car's demise... up until it wasn't. With a hard jerk of the wheel, the spirit used the momentum to turn around, hitting the breaks to pop a wheelie as it let a squad car hit it in the back, allowing it to use yet another squad car as a ramp to launch itself into the air.

"Ha-haaaa! Eat it you cock blockin' pigs! Ain't no one ever gonna stop me I-! Huh?" said the spirit, actually noticing the pick up truck coming towards it, with Twilight standing on top, stocking katana at the ready as she stared the sports car down. "No way... YOU THINK YOU CAN CHALLENGE ME YOU STUPID CUNT?! BRING IT ON ROAD KILL!" The two were on a collision course, the sports car ready to nose dive right on top of Twilight's head and obliterate her... up until Sunset pulled to the side and stopped short at just the right time, launching Twilight up into the air and along the side of the sports car, letting that and gravity give her enough power to sink the katana right into the sports car and cut it in half. "OH SHIT!" screamed the spirit, hitting the ground hard, bouncing and skidding off the side of the highway and into the train station...

"DID YOU GET ALL OF THAT?! TELL ME YOU GOT ALL OF THAT!" said Sven, the helicopter following alongside the pick up truck as Twilight landed in the bed of it.

"Bitchin'!" Cheered Spike with raised arms.

"Great. Now let's collect the coins and get back home, I really need some tea and a good book." sighed Twilight, glad the ordeal was over.

"You better hope my panties are okay! Those were custom designed by a cute piece of ass in Manehattan!" snapped Sunset, glancing back and seeing Twilight looking off into the distance "Are you even listening to me?"

"If we beat the spirit... then why isn't the bell ringing?" asked Twilight, looking curiously to Sunset before the two heard a noise. Behind them, with a blare of it's horn and with great speed, a train burst up from the concrete, off the rails and now on the highway as it changed after them.

"Fuck. Round two." said both women at the same time, Sunset hitting the gas as the train started to catch up.

"You two bitch nuggets thought I was done?! Not even close!" crowed the spirit, the train's paint stripping away to reveal that turquoise and gold scheme the sports car had. "And for trying to ruin my fun, I'm gonna roll right on over you two! I'll be leaving two skank pancakes on the asphalt as I really crank up the speed and show up those lame ass Wonderbolts!"

"What, you wanna keep going? You might be fast but I got the stamina bitch!" snapped Sunset.

"It's true, ask any guy or gal in this city with a pulse." scoffed Twilight.

"Fuck off! And Spike, take the wheel until Twilight gets her fat ass in here!" said Sunset, scowling as she switched placed with the young dragon and opening the passenger's side door. She motioned to the helicopter to come close before she grabbed on, pulling herself up to where Sven and the other's were, the wind making her skirt fly up and give a nice shot for the cameraman. "Hey jerkoffs! Get me on top of that train and you'll get an unforgettable climax for this piece!"

"Dude, can we air this?" asked the cameraman, catching every moment Sunset's skirt blew up.

"It's getting on the air if I have to fucking blow someone! Get close!" ordered Sven, a slightly manic and perverted grin on his face as he slapped the pilot's shoulder.

As the helicopter moved in, Twilight had finally gotten into the driver's seat of the truck, waiting for the right second to catch the spirit off guard as she hit the breaks. "Spike, make a grab for the panties!"

"Got it!" said Spike, hanging out of the passenger's seat as they hit the train and flipped backwards, flying head over ass while the young dragon reached for the panties, hanging precariously off one of the horns! ... and missed it about a foot as he fell out, his claws scrapping and finding purchase as he was so close, yet so far!

Then came Sunset's turn, the young woman jumping off and aiming for the left horn to get her panties back but ended up eating it hard, sliding down the train up until she reached out and grabbed Spike's outstretched hand. "Thanks Spike-SHIT!" she swore, the train suddenly picking up insane speeds, causing the young dragon to lose his grip as they both tumbled back further.

"Oh yeah! Faster! FASTER! C'MON BABY I'M ALMOST THERE!" shouted the spirit, starting to breath hard.

"This is out of control, when this thing crashes it's going to kill a whole lot of people! SUNSET!" cried Twilight from a ways back, the bookish mage trying to up the speed on the truck to make it to the front of the train.

"I know! I know! Fuck let me think!" Sunset called back, holding onto Spike and trying to come up with a plan. Up until the little dragon moved and caused a small 'crunch' in her jacket. The red head's face lit up with an idea before a devious smirk came to her face "Hey Spike. I just had a thought. It's not about the speed or tenacity." she said, watching as Spike's face turned from curiosity to panic when she took out her bag of habanero rainbow dipped chips. "It's about how hot they are. Let's do this!" she said, opening up the bag.

"W-Wait! No, no, no, no, no-!!!" said Spike, trying to pull back up until the back was practically shoved down his throat. Sunset pinched the poor dragon's nose so that he had no choice but to swallow what was in his mouth, finally able to breath when he spit out an empty bag.

Wait for i-

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!" shrieked Spike, his scales turning red as his cheeks puffed out before letting out a mighty belch of flames, propelling him and Sunset to the front of the train like a rocket. Sunset reached out and grabbed her panties along the way before chucking Spike like a football back to the truck.

"Where the fuck you goin'?!" snapped the spirit.

"Don't worry, I'm not done with your sorry ass yet!" Sunset yelled back, grabbing the panties, changing them into her signature hand gun before she fell back, slamming right into the train's windshield and cracking it.

"OH FUCKING SHIT THAT HURT!"

"Yeah, I'm done watching you try to get off. SO REPENT MOTHERFUCKER!" said Sunset, smirking as she pulled the trigger and fired multiple shots. The train exploded, pieces of corrupted train flying everywhere as Sunset was launched forward, followed by another body from the spirit's remains as they both hit the asphalt, rolling until finally coming to a stop. When the world stopped spinning for Sunset, she looked over at the blonde woman with a faux-hawk, dressed as a civilian with a Wonderbolt's t-shirt on "So what's your deal, cunt?"

Wearily raising her head up, the woman scowled at Sunset "Name's... Lightning Dust... was gonna be... fastest Wonderbolt... everrrr..." she said before finally passing out.

"Yeah well, you'll have your work cut out for you getting that title from Soarin." scoffed Sunset, standing up, brushing herself off and putting her panties back on as Twilight pulled up in the truck with Spike. She glanced down and noticed the Heaven Bits, picking them up and counting them out "Only three? Cheap slut."

"Hey, you looked like you had fun." said Twilight, Spike opening the passenger's side door and letting Sunset in before they drove off. "You seriously put the panties back on?"

"Hell yeah, not like the freak licked them or anything. And that might of been a thrill ride for you but just going fast isn't everything." said Sunset, ignoring the helicopter that flew by and a very excited/happy Svengallop, the man knowing he had the most thrilling scoop! At least until the next time this shit happened...

Meanwhile at the tree house, Luna was on her knees at the altar, doing something only done in desperate times when she couldn't think of anything else to do. And no this time there wasn't a guy standing in front of her.

"Oh sister.... WHAT THE HELL DO I DO ABOUT THESE BITCHES?!" cried Luna, putting her face into her hands. "I have no fucking idea if you'll hear this because prayer is bullshit, but you were the only one that knew how to wrangle these brats and you aren't picking up the phone! How did you do it? HOW DID YOU DEAL WITH THEM!?"

... Shall I show you?

That familiar coy voice in her head had Luna snap to attention and look around "... um. Yes?"

Are you sure? You may find my way of teaching... unorthodox.

"I DON'T CARE! I need to learn how to deal with them so they can go to Olympus and get the hell out of my life! I'll do anything!"

... anything you say? Very well then.

There was a grin to that tone that made Luna uncomfortable. And then she was struck by lightning. Breathing out some smoke, the now charred and blackened figure fell back, passed out for a few moments until they stirred. Blue eyes were replaced with pink, and the hair changed to the colors of a morning dawn but otherwise it was still Luna's body. Someone else was just in the driver's seat. Coughing and brushing herself off, Celestia grinned upon hearing her sister's outraged voice in her mind "Well, you did say anything dear sister. Consider this a small break, watch and learn." she said before glancing over to a mirror and seeing herself. "Hmmm, I'll have to get some hair dye though..."

Author's Note

So yeah I changed the episode a bit. Not to say that the bit with the ghost taking over the truck wasn't cool but that part just seemed as if it'd just drag the fanfic. So I cut it out. Badum-tssh.

But yeah, I figured I'd bring in Celestia this why. Why? Because amusing. XD