1000 Ways To Die

Date: August 1, 2022
Location: Cloudsdale, Wonderbolt’s Locker Room

“In just one month this could be you!” Did you get a good shot of that!” Fleetfoot shouted.

“Actually, I think I forgot to press play.” Soarin said holding a camera.

“Are you serious!” Fleetfoot shouted.

Welcome to the Wonderblot’s Locker Room. Today these three were trying to film a video, Fleetfoot was making an ad to be a personal trainer for ponies. Only thing is Fleetfoot was cheap and didn’t want to hire a real film crew she asked Soarin and Rainbow Dash to help him with this ad.

“Are we almost done? You’re lucky I owe you something and I’m doing this.” Rainbow dash said holding the boom mic.

“No, we’re not! Not until we get this right! Let’s do this from the top!” Fleefoot shouted.

Both Soarin and Rainbow Dash sighed. They knew this ad wouldn’t work. In fact, Fleetfoot was so cheap her workout equipment was completely made out of bamboo. Soarin began to record. Fleetfoot layed on the bench and began to lift a barbell made of bamboo.

*Snap!*

The barbell snapped in half and fell on the floor.

“That’s what happens when you make your equipment out of bamboo.” Soarin said while Rainbow tried to hold in her laughter.

“I’m taking a break!” Fleetfoot stormed off.

“Why is she even doing this? What’s the point that she wants to become a personal trainer?” Rainbow Dash asked putting down the boom mic.

“Don’t you get it. She's just doing this to pick up stallions. Every stallion likes to hang out with mares who are Wonderbolts. I mean haven’t you noticed every stallion wants to hang out with you. In fact, every mare I meet wants to hang out with me. I could do better with this camera. If she was paying us. I mean really, she’s so cheap she uses bamboo to make her equipment.” Soarin said putting down the camera.

“I know. I mean even Spitfire knows this is a waste of time. That’s why she can’t use the equipment we have in the weight room to use for this ad she’s making.” Rainbow Dash said.

While Rainbow Dash and Soarin waited for Fleetfoot to cool off they saw a workout machine made of bamboo and Soarin got on it and decided to have some fun.

“Hey Rainbow Dash guess who I am. Gahh! I am Fleetfoot! Look at me go!” Soarin shouted pulling the strings made of bamboo down. Pretending to do reps.

Rainbow Dash began to laugh and roll on the floor.

“Oh! So, you find me funny do you!” Fleetfoot shouted, surprising both of them. “You think this funny imitating me Soarin. I’m going to kick your…

*Snap! Shlick!*

What was that noise? Well, that was the noise of the workout machine strings Soarin was pulling made of bamboo and one breaking and stabbing itself into Fleetfoot’s ear.

“Ohh! Fleetfoot!” Rainbow dash shouted.

Fleetfoot fell to the ground with blood squirting out of her ear.

Nurse Redheart why don’t you tell us what happened to poor Fleetfoot.

“The bamboo spike severed the blood vessels at the base of the brain. The brain is in the skull, which is like a closed box, and when all the extra blood starts to collect the pressure goes way up and the brain dies. When her brain died, she died.”

Fleetfoot wanted to meet more stallions and made an ad to become their personal trainer. It failed. On the bright side many stallions did come to see her to pay their respect…At her funeral.

Way to Die #144: Bam-Boo-Boo