1000 Ways To Die

Date: March 12, 2019
Location: Appleloosa, Laugh Out Loud Barn

Come on come all to Laugh Out Loud Barn. Here there are rodeo clowns that will make you laugh and entertain you. Unless your Silly Shoes. He was a desperate clown that tried to get a crowd to come and see him. Sadly, most of his performances have fallen flat. Thanks to Trouble Shoes now getting all the glory because of how klutzy he is. Silly Shoes needed an idea for the crowd to watch him. He got an idea one day and came to the barn one night to do one dangerous stunt.

"Mare and Gentlecots! Come one come all I have a performance that is mighty dangerous! I am going to swallow some swords!" Silly Shoes shouted.

When the crowd heard that they all came to see how this would go. Silly Shoes had finally got their attention.

"Watch and learn ladies and gentlecolts." Silly Shoes licked the sword with his tongue and down the hatch it went.

"Agh! Ack! Agh!" He gagged but by some miracle the sword went down his throat.

Silly Shoes took the sword out and the crowd cheered. Still though the crowd wanted more. How should a performance work? Do you know The Great and Powerful Trixie?

"The key to pulling off a successful performance is getting the audience emotionally invested. If the audience doesn't like you and they're not emotionally invested in you. Then there going to be watching you doing this trick to see and hoping to see you get hurt. That's not really a good position to be in. Now if you mastered the trick and done it many times practicing it then it should be fine. If you haven't and you’re rushing it and going to perform it you are asking for something to go completely wrong."

Silly shoes rushed this trick and didn't really practice much but he didn't care. He would do anything to stay at the top.

"Now I'm going to swallow two swords. This is extremely dangerous folks because at any time the swords could scissor causing internal bleeding." Down the hatch the two swords went. "Agh! Ack! Agh!" Faust above must have been on his side tonight because he succeeded with two swords and took them both out with no problem. The crowd cheered.

Silly Shoes didn't seem to be in trouble tonight still he had one more thing to keep the crowd his and never let them go back to go see Trouble Shoes.

"If anypony has something for me to swallow I will take your challenge."

Everpony looked around to see if they had something. Then an old stallion came up and gave him a challenge.

"Hey, how about you try to swallow my umbrella."

Desperate times called for desperate measures. In a dramatic flourish Silly Shoes hoisted the umbrella over his head and proceeded to jam it down his throat. It was a frightening and disgusting display but the audience couldn’t turn away.

"Ack! Agh! Aguh!" He gagged once again but he finally fully swallowed it. Now all he needed to do was take it out and...

*Click*

What was that noise? Well, that was the noise of the umbrella release mechanism opening up. Closing down his windpipe and sealing the deal. We have a retired sword swallower here called Master Blade. Should Silly Shoes have swallowed the umbrella?

"No. That is about the stupidest thing to swallow. I never done it in the years I performed. Also, he should practice hours on swallowing swords. Swallowing an umbrella is like a death wish. It could open up. If that happens it is going to get lodged. You won't be able to get it out. While you’re trying to get it out you’re going to be ripping your esophagus. Your trachea is going to get blocked. Your windpipe as well. You want be able to breathe and you're screwed.

"Agh! Ahh! Agh! Ack!!" Silly Shoes tried to get the umbrella out his throat and pulled as hard as he could.

The crowd began to fear but they couldn't look away. Silly Shoes vision began to blur and before anypony knew it.

*Plop*

He fell on the ground...Dead.

"Somepony call an ambulance!!!" A mare shouted.

The old stallion that gave him his umbrella fled the scene.

Silly Shoes wanted to keep the audience on him. He was desperate and would do anything to keep their eyes on him. Well, he learned a lesson. When you perform you talk and show what you got. The audience should sit back, watch, and keep their mouth shut. Like Silly Shoes mouth is...Forever.

Way To Die #145: Dumbrella