1000 Ways To Die

Date: October 5, 2019
Location: Ponyville, Sweet Apple Acres

A wedding is happening at Sweet Apple Acres. Big Mac and Sugar Belle have just tied to knot. Til death does them apart. Everypony is here to enjoy with these ponies in holy matrimony. Except for one pony. His name is Feather Bangs.

Feather Bangs loved Sugar Belle. He wanted to be with her and wanted to be the one to say I do. Now you probably think he is here for support. Yeah right. He was jealous and the reason he came was to get revenge on the mare who didn’t choose him.

Feather Bangs had come up with a pretty nasty payback scheme. Feather Bangs went up to one of the waiters working at this wedding and asked him for a favor.

“Hey buddy. Give you twenty bits to slip some of this laxative I got into the wife’s drink.” Feather Bangs said showing the waiter the bites and the laxative.

“What. No way.” The waiter said.

“Okay how about one hundred bits.” Feather Bangs showed him more bits.

“Deal.” The waiter said taking the bits and the laxative.

Twilight what does a laxative do to a pony’s body?

“Laxatives decrease the water within the bloodstream. Water goes from your blood to the colon instead. This causes a reaction in your body to release waste. The high concentration of laxative has pretty dramatic effect.”

The waitress went up to Feather Bangs and whispered in his ear. “Mission accomplished.”

The plan had worked. As Big Mac and Sugar Belle toasted and drank down their drinks. Feather Bangs drank his own drink as well.

“Ladies and Gentlemen! Can I have your attention!” Feather Bangs shouted. “I’d like to congratulate Big Mac and Sugar Belle for finding true love. I know you both will have a great future.” Feather Bangs kept on taking. Trying to stretch it out. “You’re a very lucky stallion Big Mac.” He couldn’t wait until. Sugar Belle’s gown would look like used toilet paper. “Another thing I’d like to say…

*Growl*

“Oh.” Feather Bangs said holding his stomach. He felt a pain in his stomach. Then he felt like nature was calling. “Oh! Oh man! I got to go!!” Feather Bangs shouted running out. Everpony was confused.

The waiter he talked to smiled as he ran off. The waiter had a perfect conscience. He didn’t want this pony to ruin this wedding and instead poured the laxative into Feather Bangs drink.

Feather Bangs made it to The Apple Family Barn and rushed to the bathroom. When he opened it, he saw Applejack was using it.

“Ahhh!! You pervert get out!!” She shouted and slammed the door.

“Oh, come on!!! I really need to g-

*Growl*

“Oh!!” Feather Bangs was in trouble. He couldn’t hold it in for much longer. Feather Bangs went outside the barn. He didn’t want to leave a mess outside. Then he saw a trash can. His saving grace. He took off the bin and unloaded in the metal can.

“Ohhhh. Yeah. Oh, that was close.” Once Feather Bangs finished. He tried to get out of the trash can. He tried and tried and realized his body was stuck in it. He swished it back and forth trying to get out. One more swish and then…

“Ahhh!!!” Feather Bangs shouted as the trash can fell over and went downhill with him still stuck.

*Crack!! Whack!! Bang!!*

Feather Bangs was going downhill in a trash can breaking his bones and bruising his body.

Nurse Redheart what would be happening to this jealous stallion?

“We have a stallion who is stuffed into a trash can and it’s not a natural position obviously, so as they’re rolling you are going to have probably spinal injuries. They are going to be hitting their head repeatedly. They are going to have a skull fracture. They also might have swelling and internal bleeding in their brain. They are basically rolling to their death."

“Ahhhh!!!!!” Feather Bangs shouted. Luckily his downhill jam came to an end.

*Bam!!!*

When his trash can hit a tree. Feather Bangs was still stuck in the trash can. Dead.

Feather Bangs plan of revenge backfired. He wanted to get revenge on the mare he wanted. Instead, he got disemboweled. He also went for a roll. Got covered in his own filth and died. That was one tasty drink wasn’t it Feather Bangs….Bottoms up loser.

Way To Die #157: S*!T Happens