1000 Ways To Die

Date: June 5, 2006
Location: Ponyville, Happy Acres

Now stop me if you heard this one. Your family loves you and they care for you. Sadly, when it's your time they put you in a retirement home and you can relax for once in your life. That's good right. Well not if they sent you to Happy Acres owned by Rage. Rage is a Unicorn with a black coat, red mane and his cutie mark was a white swirl with an exclamation point. He hated the elderly

"Your drooling again. No sleeping, it's not nap time yet!! If you want to sleep now why not just die already!!" Rage shouted to the elderly ponies.

He hated his job but it's how he got money. However, there was one elderly unicorn called Beaker. He was a green unicorn, had red mane used to be black but changed during a science experiment accident and had a chemical beaker for a cutie mark. He loved doing science experiments even in this retirement home. He had his old tools with him wherever he went. Even in the lounge he would mess with things like with some prune juice and mix it with other weird chemicals. All the elderly ponies were surprised and amazed but Rage was pissed off.

"Beaker how many times have I told you? No science experiments in the lounge!!!!!" Rage shouted.

He hated when Beaker did that because the janitors would have to clean it up and it would take them a long time which meant Rage would usually have to pay them overtime. Rage hated what Beaker did and Beaker hated Rage. It was a bad relationship between them. Every Wednesday Nurse Red Heart would come to help around. Ever time she came Rage would always flirt with her. Red Heart would usually ignore him but she did have to agree that she liked some of Rage's pickup lines. Every time she bent over to pick something up. That gave Rage a good view of her plot.

However, one Wednesday while Rage was flirting with Red Heart. Beaker was experimenting with his lunch. Rage made sure he didn't give him anything to experiment with. However, Rage never made it through high school. That's to bad because Beaker used to teach something to high school students. Something about a pickle. He grabbed a pickle from his tray and was going to turn it into a crude light, He got to work and took out his tools.

"Oh boy lets see what he does it's pretty fascinating what he does." one elderly pony said making the others gather around.
Now I don't know how a pickle turns into a crude light. It's been a while since high school. Uhhh Twilight help me out here.

"A pickle can be turned into a crude light easily. By using it's natural salinity, a couple of nails, and a power source you can make the pickle glow. It looks amazing and I've shown many little ponies that trick. I did it once in Miss Cheerilee's class and everypony loved it."

Thanks Twilight. Beaker had everything set up and turned off the lights. Then the pickle glowed making everypony looked at it amazed. Rage was still flirting with Red Heart but then heard the commotion. He decided to see what was going on.

"Really!!! Again Beaker!!! A pickle!!!" Rage shouted at Beaker. "This is your last warning!!! NO!!! SCIENCE!!!!!" Rage shouted and grabbed the pickle by the nails with his hooves. EXPERIME-

*Zap*

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Rage grabbed the pickle...and got juiced.

"You know you should have picked it up with your magic. Everypony I mean ohh that pickle is glowing. Well don't grab it with your hooves then." Beaker said.

Okay Twilight how did he die.

"Well the sodium chloride in the pickle causes a massive electrical circuit. One thing you shouldn't do. Pick it up with your hooves. This Unicorn was dumb enough to pick it up with his hooves and grabbed it by the nails. He completed another circuit. Allowing the current to flow in one hoove, through his heart, and out the other hooves. Due to the salt water content of the pickle more than several hundred million jolts of electricity was lightly passing through his heart. Eventually causing cardiac arrest and death."

Rage picked a pickle. That gave him a tickle. Now his life isn't worth...A wooden nickle.

Way To Die#32: DIL D'OH!!!