1000 Ways To Die

Date: ???
Location: ???

"Hi, Pinkimena here. Did I ever tell you the story about that critic that almost gave Sugar Cube Corner a bad review. Emphasis on almost because he never had the chance to write it down. No. Well then do I have a story for you."

"Meet Tastebud a Pegasus critic. He went all over Equestria tasting sweets and giving reviews that everypony read. One day he came to Sugar Cube Corner. Now I tried to be nice."

*Flashback*

"Well the food is good but it lacks taste. I mean I need something that is different. All you have is knock out treats that you can buy anywhere else. I'm sorry but Sugar Cube Corner is going to get a bad review." Tastebud said.

"Wait! Wait! Just try one of my cupcakes and I bet you'll change your mind!" Pinkie shouted.

"No. I don't want any of your cupcakes. They look disgusting. Now leave me alone." He said pushing Pinkie out of the away and making her drop her cupcakes.

Now She didn't like that. Not...One...Bit. Pinkie smiled and her mane flattened and she decided to give him a shot with something that would make him feel sleepy."

She ran behind Tastebud and...

*Stab!!*

"Ow!!"

"Shhhh...Stay for awhile won't you." Pinkie said smiling.

*Plop*

An hour later consciousness began to seep back into Tastebud's mind. He thought he would wake up in his bed. Instead, all he saw was darkness. “Mmph… Ugh…” Tastebud tried to move but he couldn't. Then he felt a cut on both sides of his flank. "Ahhhh!!!!" His Cutie Mark which was food with a note near it was on the ground.

"Oh good. You're awake." Pinkie turned on the lights and was smiling and her mane was flattened.

Tastebud realized that he was strapped to a metal table. "Pinkie what is wrong with you!! Let me go!!! Yo-"

The words literally drowned in his throat as a wave of ice-cold water hit Tastebud square in the face. His eyes flew open as the cold shocked his system.

“Aw, don’t be such a party pooper, Tastebud! If I let you go then you'll write a bad review." Pinkie said.

"No, I won't!! I'll write a good review!!" Tastebud said smiling nervously

"Oh I wish I could believe that but you might reveal my secret of what I do to ponies that hate my cupcakes. Now all you can wish for is that this doesn't hurt so bad because I'm going to make sure you're alive when I'm killing you and you don't pass out until your completely dead."

"SOMEPONY HELP ME!!!!!"

Pinkie kicked the base of the table. “SHUT UP!!!!" In fact, let me help you." Pinkie said grabbing some tweezers on a small table full of torture device. "Open wide Tastebud you got a bad cavity." Pinkie got one of his tooth in the back and began pulling and pulling until.

*Yank!!*

"Oh, that was a very bad tooth you had." Pinkie said showing him the teeth he just pulled out.

"Pinkish whaish wrosh wihha yoaa" (Pinkie whats wrong with you.)

"Sorry didn't catch that Tastebud. To much blood in your mouth. Now let's see what else I got in store for you." Pinkie said looking at her torture devices on the small table. Pinkie grabbed a hammer. Finally, Tastebud was able to talk normally again.

“Pinkie, what are you-” Pinkie began waking towards the table, hammer gripped tightly in her mouth. “No; Pinkie- No don’t do… No please!”

She raised the hammer as she neared the table. “Pinkie, please! Stop!”

"Hope you know how to walk on two hoofs" Pinkie swung the hammer and broke two of Tastebud's hoof.

"AHHHHHH!!!!!"

She grabbed a knife and cut one of his ears off and a squirt of blood landed on Pinkie's face and she loved it.

"AHHHH CELESTIA HELP ME!!!"

"Hey, can you hear me hahaha haha..." Pinkie said holding the ear near her mouth talking into it.

Tastebud was about to lose conscious but Pinkie wouldn't let that happen. Pinkie stabs him a shot full of adrenaline.

"Rise and shine."

"OHHH CELESTIA!!!"

Pinkie grabbed an electric battery and charged it up. "Now hold still this is going to hurt a lot. Pinkie grabbed the pliers connected to the battery and shocked Tastebud with them.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!" Tastebud shouted.

Pinkie then grabbed a peeler.

Pinkie! Pinkie, no! Stop, stop, stop! For fuck’s sake, please don’t do this!”

Pinkie brought the edge of the peeler within inches of his stomach. She began to peel the skin off his stomach as she got showered by blood. Tastebud could no longer scream he was about to die. Then Pinkie grabbed the knife again and cut his wings off.

"Oh, Tastebud you made quite a mess. I'll never be able to use this table again it's covered in your blood. I won't be able to get the stains out."

Next was the main event she loved the most she unstrapped Tastebud from the table. Tastebud tried to get up so slowly. Pinkie laughed at his attempts to escape.

She grabbed him and throw him into an oven. She turned up the heat and heard him screamed his last screams of help as he burned to death.

"AHHHHH!!!! AH FUCK HELP!!! ANYPONY!!!! FUCKIN HELP ME!!!! I'M BEING BURNED ALIVE!!!"

Nopony heard him. Finally after fifteen minutes. Tastebud was cooked perfectly. Pinkie grabbed some kitchen tools and did what she did best. Make some cupcakes. She smiled as she did this. Oh, she wished Tastebud was still alive to feel the pain he was going through. Finally, she was done. Of course, Pinkie Pie doesn't usually make cupcakes like this. She has only done it about five times in her life. She did it to the other critics that gave Sugar Cube Corner a bad review.

Finally, after all, that Pinkie cleaned herself up. Where did she do this. I have no idea she won't tell us. Anyways she sold the cupcakes to a stallion. He said it was the best cupcakes he ever had.

*End Of Flashback*

"It was so much fun. Now I told you my secret and I'm going to let you live since you love my cupcakes.

*Mane poofs up*

"Are we done here."

"Uhh yeah, Pinkie we're done."

"Okie Dokie Lokie!!!"

Tastebud's cause of death. Do I even have to explain it. Bon appetit...Tastebud

Way To Die #40: Cupcakes!!!!