Three and a Half Mares

"Geez, Minty," asked Scootaloo. "What is up with your obsession with drawing your Cutie Mark? And what's that weird blot around it?"

The green mare simply shrugged in response.

"Hey guyth!" yelled Pinkie Pie from the sky. "Thomepony'th coming!"

She stopped spinning her tail and fell onto the ground, then through the ground, then back from the sky again. This time she landed properly on the ground.

At that moment a green stallion with dark red hair trotted into view. Cheerilee noticed five apples on his flank and noted to herself that he was probably in the Apple family, so he was probably trustworthy. She stepped forward. "Err, hi-"

"Howdy!" he said happily. "Ah'm Apple. Apple Apple."

"Wow," muttered Toola-Roola 'Bhruis-Pheantaidh Gaileiridh-Ceàird, blowing her mane out of her eyes. "That name makes a lot of sense. Your parents were real smart."

He ignored her, instead trotting over to Scootaloo and staring at her. "Ya know, Ah'm meant ta be turnin' all savavors in to Puddinghead, but I'll cut ya a deal: You can stay 'ere, and Ah'll bring ya food if ya need it, on one condition."

Rainbow Dash stared. "What, darling?"

He grinned a wild grin, gestured to Scootaloo, and answered simply.

"Her hoof in marriage."

There was an instant uproar among the older mares, and instant excitement in Scootaloo.

"Cool beans!" yelled Scootaloo. "I'm getting married!"

"What?" choked Cheerilee. "No!"

"Awww, please?"

"Scootaloo, you don't know what you're agreeing to! Marriage isn't just like that, it's.....well.....and you're too young......."

"Is that ya final decision?"

"No!" screamed Cheerilee. "Get the hell away from my sister, you freak!"

"Alright then, ya leave me with no choice. Ya comin' with me."

"But-" protested Scootaloo.

"Scootaloo, darling," said Rainbow Dash sternly. "Your sister's right. A stallion can't marry a little filly."

"Why not?"

"Because the grown-ups said so."

"Come on!" he ordered. Cheerilee bit her lip. If they ran, they would be accepting to his deal, or at least in his eyes. She had to go along with it, so she trotted forward.

"Why can't a stallion marry a filly?" asked Scootaloo, looking wide-eyed at her sister. She sighed, and wished she could be having any conversation except this one.

"Well, you see, err....You remember that time you caught Minty-"

"Finish that sentence and I'll tell him the deal's back on!" snarled Minty.

"Alright, remember that time you saw that fanfiction that had 'dead dove, do not eat' on it, and you didn't know what it meant so you read it, and afterwards you thought it was just weird?"

"Yeah, it was weird!" chimed the filly. "Like, who wants to read about a bunch of mares that really need to pee? And what does omorashi mean?"

"Hey," demanded Rainbow Dash. "Your sister read my fanfiction?! Why didn't you tell me, darling?"

"It was awkward enough as it was."

She turned to her younger sister. "Well, some ponies......err.....enjoy reading about weird things like that. It's not a bad thing, usually, but most of the time, if a grown-up likes a foal, it's because.....well........it's like the mares in Rainbow's fanfiction, but instead of......that......it's foals that they like."

"So? What's wrong with that?"

The older mare groaned. "Well, you see, sometimes reading or writing about it isn't enough, and they want to see it happen to real ponies in real life. And normally that's fine- well, I guess it's fine- but sometimes they like other things, like ponies getting hurt or doing.......certain things to them without their permission, and that's what I'm worried about."

"Alright."

She sighed in relief, deciding that was enough for now. A few minutes later they arrived in front of a massive building that seemed to be made of smoke, while simeltaneously being made from nothing but diamonds. "Back in a second," Apple muttered before galloping inside. A second later he returned. "Follow me, Puddinghead wants to see you."

He trotted back inside. The others followed. They went up some stairs, then done the same stairs, then up the same stairs again, then back down, then back up. This time at the top of the stairs was a door. Apple pushed it open to reveal a familiar yellow pony.

"Mayor Flitter Flutter?" choked Toola-Roola, blowing her mane out of her eyes.

"My name is Chancellor Puddinghead. Now......Apple Apple, take the narwhals and featherdusters to the basement. I'll talk to the others."

As Apple began pushing Sweetie Belle, Twilight, Sunset, Celestia and StarSong away, Luna grabbed at her sister. "If she goes, I go!"

Puddinghead rolled her eyes. "Fine, you can both stay. Take the rest of them down."

He pushed them out of view. "Now...." muttered Puddinghead.

She summoned a bottle of water out of nowhere in her hoof and sipped the bottle before throwing the water at Kimono. The lump of water sat on her head for a good ten seconds before reality caught up and her mane got wet. The yellow mare grabbed an eraser out of nowhere, throwing it into the air and catching it with her mouth. She trotted past the ten mares before biting on the eraser again and swallowing it.

"Yes!" she yelled, staring at their flanks. "It worked!"

They all followed her gaze, instinctively looking at their own flanks.

Their blank flanks.