Flutterschmooze Wants in Your Pants

Waffles...

The waffles are calling you.

All through the night they have been invading your dreams. Stacks of those golden fuckers, piled up high and drowning in syrup and melted butter. It taunts you, calls out your name.

"AAAANNNNNNOOOOONNNNNNN and shit. GET UP AND MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING WAFFLES YOU COCKBURGERLER!"

The sun has barely started its climb as you spring from your bed and head over to the bathroom to perform your morning triple S (void where prohibited by law) . Rushing through your daily routine as your taste buds are already working overtime in excitement, barely able to contain itself.

You squeal like an underage schoolboy after being told that all the best candy is in that windowless van parked along that one side of the school yard. You prep the batter and watch as the waffle maker that has never been explained before how you got it heats up. Seriously you expect me to write all this shit down?

A smile spreads across your face as your plate is overflowing with the fluffiest waffles you have ever seen. Their aroma floods your nostrils, that forces a small trail of drool down the corner of your mouth.

You sit down at your table turning your brand new Samsung UN65KS8000 65-Inch 4K Ultra HD Smart LED TV that once again has never been explained as to why it's their. Honestly I'm getting tired of explaining all this shit to you. For once in your lives just go with the flow and stop complaining about all this fucking continuity bullshit that everyone bitches about. Who the hell do you think I am the continuity fairy? Fuck! You never appreciate all the hard work I put into these stories and would it kill you to leave an up vote on them once in awhile? And why does the My Little Pony look so cute? Back in my day all we had to look at was wiggling sticks with faces drawn on them and we were happy to have them. And why did fourteen purple elephants walk into my room and why are they singing "Let it go?" And where did that talking mushroom with the sunglasses and tie come from and why is fimfic run by the Illuminati and...

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Ahh...okay the meds are finally kicking in so lets continue.

Your fork cuts through your waffles as...as...well a really good fork thingy...cutting through...waffles. (Nailed it.) You bring the fork full of food to your mouth and...and stop. Your eyes glued to your TV waiting for something horrible to happen. Which usually does since this is an Anon story. You wait, and wait and wait a little more. Until you hear someone yell "CUT!"

Your house melts before your eyes as ponies jump out of the woodwork. Doing minor work to the set you suddenly find yourself on. Off to one corner you notice a pony quite different from the others. He looks kinda like Princess Luna with a bad case of Down Syndrome. You feel a certain oiliness to him as if he should be making porn or writing on fimfic.

"What's fimfic?" You ask.

"Fuck off Anon."

"Where's our soulless abomination Flutterschmooze?" he shouts.

"She's still in make-up." shouts another pony from across the set.

"Dammit!" the special-ed looking pony grumbles as he gets up from his chair and walks over to you. "Anon! Buba! Baby cakes!" he says while slapping you hard on the back. "Opium4TmassS here and its a pleasure to finally meet you. Were so happy Flutterpriest was kind enough to subcontract his characters to our next story. I have to tell you it's an honor to be working with one of the greats here. It's a damn shame mine organized a union. Fucking demon pony union!" He says spitting out the last words, "I am now required to give them time off. Next thing you know they'll want to be paid. Thank god for expendable characters like you."

You start to question what does expendable character means when you hear a yell from across the set.

"She's coming now," a voice yells out.

"Finally we can now get started." said Opium going back to his seat. "Places everyone."

"How do I look?" asks Pinkie Pie stepping on the set.

"Like Fluttershy herself," said Opium, "Too bad were still in negotiations with her agent and weren't able to use her."

You look over at her in shock. Her fur has been poorly painted over with a coat of yellow paint leaving spots wherever she went. In some places you can still see her pink fur. Even worse was what they did to her cutie mark. Someone had started to paint butterfly marks on her flank but must have gotten bored and said fuck this shit. You know this because those are the words that they wrote on her flank. Along with some half-assed doodles plus something that resembled a rocket and a taco. (Don't think to hard about that one.)

"Okay are we ready to start the scene?" Opium asks.

"Um kinda," says Pinkie, "No one handed me a script."

"Oh its simple. You are an undead monster desiring human flesh. So you jump out of the television and eat Anon," Says Opium, "Any questions?"

"Hey!" you cry.

"Shut up Anon."

"Got it," Pinkie says as she put on her Fluttershy wig

"That's great. We'll do a quick run through before we film...err write. Go to your mark and well start," he says as he goes back to his chair, "everyone ready?"

The room gets quieter as the ponies go to their places. You wish you could talk or move or do something but the writer seems to have forgotten to do anything with you. Hey It's my story I can do anything I want. WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

"And action." Opium yells.

You watch as a stalking Pinkie slowly makes her way over to you. You feel a sense of fear slowly overtaking you as a horrible, evil grin spreads across her face as she gets closer and closer until she's right next to you. A dangerous gleam is in her eyes and a snarl escapes her lip. Arching her back she pounces you.

Zzzzziiiiiiippppp! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP!

"Cut!" yells Opium.

"How was that?" Pinkie asks.

"Sweetie! Pinkie Boobala! That was perfect. But can you do me one favor?"

"Oh what's that?"

"When we do the scene can you not suck his dick."

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Now lets get ready for the shoot. Places everyone."

"Sir," said a young pony assistant that looks a lot like Princess Luna walking over to Opium, "I think we need to talk about Pinkie."

"Oh, what is it?"

"Well  besides the fact she is acting like a complete idiot I feel she is being written way out of character. This is some really awful fanfic writing."

You glance over and find Pinkie busy cleaning her ears with a six-inch nail she found on the floor.

"What? Pinkie is a lovable goofball well known for her zany randomness. Singing, dancing, giving random ponies head." Opium says while staring at the floor, "Just like that season three episode."

"Which episode is that?" the assistant said narrowing her eyes at him

"Oh, you know, that mumble mumble one."

"Which one?"

"You know, the one where she sings the smile song then blows seven ponies."

You notice an argument about to happen when another pony intern approaches. "Sir!" He shouts to Opium, "I just got a call from Fluttershy's agent and she has agreed to be in the story. In fact she just arrived on stage now."

With surprising speed you watch as Opium grabs the sloppy and formerly pink pony and with a quick thrust tosses her out the window.

Disclaimer: No Pinkie Pies were hurt during the writing of this story.

"Fluttershy! Sweetheart! Babycakes! Glad you could join us," schmoozes Opium while putting a hoof around Fluttershy as she walks in, "Do you need a moment to read the script?"

"No thank you I already read it on my way here," she says as she throws his hoof off of her, "If it's okay with you I would like to start the scene." she says as she walks over to your television, "So do how do I jump out of the TV?"

It takes a moment as two burley ponies walk over to her, picked her up and crammed her into the screen. You hear the sound of glass and equipment breaking as a Fluttershy sized hole suddenly appears.

Disclaimer: No Fluttershys were harmed during the writing of this story. Anon was but no one gave two fucks about him.

"Ready," she groaned as she dangled halfway out of the TV.

"We'll CGI the rest in." You hear Opium say to his assistant.

"Places!" yelled one of the ponies.

A pony walk over to you and holds a clip in front of your face, "Flutterschmooze wants to get in your pants scene one take one," he says as he slaps the top down

"Action!" Opium yells.

Reality bends back to what it was as you still find yourself sitting in your seat with a forkful of waffles hovering near your mouth without the slightest idea of what you should do.

EAT THE FUCKING WAFFLES DIPSHIT!

You pull the food closer to your mouth as a soft voice calls out your name.

"AAAAnnnnoooonnn shit I'm stuck. I'm coming for yyyyooouuuuuuuu. Ugh...Dammitt. Your end is nnniiiiigggghhhhh. Can someone give me a push? Your soul is my...I mean mmmmiiinnnneeee."

"Your not a ghost sweetheart," a voice says

You hear a few sniggering in the background as Fluttershy finally pulls herself from the screen and stalks her way over to you.  Surprised by her sudden speed she pounces on you.

SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! SLURP!

"Cut!" yells Opium, "No cock sucking."

"Sorry. Haven't been in a lot of horror mostly clop."

"Really awful writing." whispered a third voice.

"You shut up."

"Do you want me to do another take?" said the assistant as she stared at Opium.

Opium thinks about it for a moment before he speaks, "I'm hungry, lets grab a bite to eat then we will redo the scene from the start. My treat."

You hear a cheer among the crew as everything is dropped as the ponies scurry out leaving you alone and still frozen in your spot. (I knew I forgot to write something...Oh well.)

"Chinese?" asks Fluttershy.

"Sure," Opium says as he walks by, " I know this great spot not to far away."

You can only watch as he grabs your plate of food and takes a bit bite of it as passes. "These are really good waffles Anon." he says with his mouth full of food, "but I better not spoil my appetite." and throws them in the trash as he leaves.

"By Anon we'll see you in a few hours," his assistant calls to you as she turns off the light while exiting. Leaving you alone in a dark empty room, with no food, and your limp dick hanging out of your pants with horse spit slowly drying on it.

The good news is this is only day one.