Chapter 12: MILK FOR THE KHORNE FLAKES! wait... *SLAM* FUCK! WRONG CHAOS!

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I’m flipping tables, slamming my hammer into walls.

Today was not a good day because of one simple thing.

I’ve run out of bits.

“Orgran? Are you okay?” Starlight said as she came in.
“YEP! I’M ABSOLUTELY GREAT! LOOK HOW PERFECTLY FINE I AM!” I threw a chair and managed to embed it in the ceiling.
“Eep! I was just asking!”
“I! I… I’m sorry Starlight, I’m just upset, I’ve run out of funding and I can’t just get a job in Ponyville, and the Merchant and me have this reasonable partnership, items for items, not items for cash.”
She seemed to think about what I said. “Can’t you just sell the gems and metals you mined?”
“Even if it wasn’t accidentally stolen from a national landmark the ponies have that stuff out the wazoo! They’re only good to me as building materials.”
“Why not make bits from the gold?”
“That my dear student is known as counterfeiting.”
“How could ponies know the difference?”
“The coins are enchanted while they are forged to give off the unique shine of the coin no matter what, it also makes it indestructible and very light, I can’t do that because the method is a closely guarded secret passed down from generation to generation of an unnamed noble house, the only other ponies to know the secret are the princesses, and either way misuse or divulging the technique to others is a crime punishable by Tartarus.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask, you made out Tartarus to be a really bad place, it can’t actually be worse than any other prison, right?”
“I’ve done some research from ancient tablets and I have to say it CAN be worse because it is, it’s a good reason for why there’s a vicious three-headed dog guarding it in the first place.”
“Could you explain please?”
“No, you don’t want to know.”
“But I want to know all I can.”
“Starlight, I’m serious, back off.”
“I’m not going anywhere unless you-”

I go over to her and summon an earth pillar so I’m face to face with her. “Fine, you want to know? Tartarus is a place only the vilest beings in the history of Equestria should be sent to, pain and misery at the hands of horrific demons are what await the damned down there, and the monstrous acts they commit to the inmates there make the Caribou look like FUCKING NUNS!”

She was dead silent, her face paled as she stumbled and fell on her ass, scared silent, I lower the pillar and sigh. “Starlight, you’re an amazing mare, it’s why I’ve wanted you to look up to your potential instead of dragging others down, so don’t let what I said scar you, because I don’t want to ruin your life.” and with that I pulled her into a hug, and she shakily hugs me back. “I want to make sure you can be the greatest of your craft, to have the chance to be the inspiring pony I know you can. So please Starlight, know that whatever happens I’ll be there for you.” she starts crying into my shoulder, letting out all the hurt emotions I probably surfaced with my little rant.

Then she spoke. “I love you, dad.” I was frozen, I just stood there, unmoving… until I calmed and pulled away.

“I guess I am… I love you too.” I pat her head. “I’ve gotta go vent some steam, okay?” she nods, wiping away tears as she got up and headed off to the kitchen.

And with that I walked out and turned to the Everfree… and stopped.

Because up in the air were cotton candy clouds.

“OH YES! JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED!” it was ‘The Return of Harmony: Part 1’ and that meant the introduction of Discord. And really, Discord is best character, hands down, anyone who disagrees gets their hands cut off.
So like the excited fan-dwarf that I am, I ran to Canterlot, expertly avoiding the chaos ensuing, making tunnels to protect from chocolate milk rain, leaping over the rabbit stampedes, it was cool.

When I reached the base of the mountain I slam my foot down. “Monolith Pillar!” and with those words I’m launched by a massive tower of stone erupting from the ground, and I drop into the throne room through the roof, making a superhero landing. “What did I miss?” there was a group silence except for the clapping upper appendages of a certain Draconequus.

“Well done! Quite the entrance, I heard it is quite hard on the knees.” he said.
“No!” I point at him. “I already have Celestia being a smartass, no offense.” I say the last part to the donkey that somehow appeared.
“None taken.” the mule replied.
“Anyway, I don’t need it from you too!” the lord of chaos seems to have been caught off guard for a split second at how I knew his pop culture reference.
“... oh, I see what’s happened, you’re one of those Displaced individuals I’ve heard so much about.”
“Yep.”
“And you’ve already sided with Equestria.”
“Yep.”
“And so we’re most likely going to have an immense battle that will leave either one of us severely wounded or dead.”
“Actually… may I talk to you in private?”

Confused by this, but interested nonetheless, he teleports the two of us to a new room, and I sit down and take a swig of my ale as I relax and we just stared at each-other.

“I’m actually a fan of yours, lord of chaos.” he seemed surprised by my statement.
“I wouldn’t expect someone working with Celestia to actually say that to me.” he says as he becomes composed once more.
“Well I am, I respect your care-free attitude, and even right now your kind heart.”
“Okay, you cannot seriously assume I am kind when I-”
“You’ve put this world into a chaotic mess on two occasions, this being the second one, and neither of those times have you killed anypony, not even the element bearers who would ensured your imprisonment, even if you make them their opposites.”
“How did you-... alright, you have me, I’m no monster, what’s your point?”
“I have something to ask… can the beam be dodged?”
“Yes.” he states as a matter-of-factly. “Yes it can be dodged, the first time I didn’t because I hadn’t expected it to work.”
“Then this time, don’t.”
“Excuse me? You seriously want me to go ahead and go to that dull stone prison for another 1000 years?”
“Oh no, just until S3 E10.”

his eyes widen as he gets out a laptop to confirm my statement.
“Let’s see… okay I do get out, mess with the Mane six… so you want me to reform, is that it?” he asks.
“Yes, and truthfully, I think you’d want to reform too, hear me out, and if it doesn’t seem appealing, just say and I’ll drop it.” he raised an eyebrow but gestured for me to continue.
“Okay,” I begin. “If you actually won, you would become the ultimate ruler of Equestria, able to warp and twist everything to your whim, but the major thing is… you would be alone.” he seems intrigued, so I summon a little statue of Fluttershy. “But if you let the events play out by destiny, this little timid mare would go out of her way to understand you, to see who you are on the inside when no-one else would, and with her gentle heart she would become your first ever friend, and work to make the others see you like that too.” I summon five more statues. “A friend does not ask you to change who you are or how you feel, a friend is just a pony who is by your side, the both of you understand each other and care about how the other feels, you wouldn’t have to give up being the lord of chaos, the only real thing you would have to give up is this whole evil world domination stuff, and with it you will be able to learn of the power of friendship, and how it can warm your heart and soul.” I have the little flutter statue walk up and gesture for a hug, and then the lord of chaos seems to get emotional and cuddle with it, blowing his nose into a tissue box which skitters away, the tissues like an origami hermit crab.

Soon he calms down and acts like he didn’t just get lost in his feelings. “Alright, you win, I’ll follow this plan of yours, but if this doesn’t work I’m going to turn your beard into licorice.” he spoke.
“And if it does you can consider me a friend too, I’m Orgran by the way… oh, and one more thing.”
“Yes?” I suddenly grab him by the beard, my eyes glowing blood red.

“TOUCH THE BEARD AND YOU DIE.” I was so cold in my words his horns frosted over.
“Y-y-yes sir…” he said, both frozen and scared before teleporting me back home, Pine getting surprised and yelping at my sudden appearance.

“Oh hey Pine, don’t mind me, just finished having a friendly chat.”

Author's Note

MORE! GIVE ME MORE SUSTENANCE!
*cough* *cough* sorry, but seriously keep commenting, I love all the feedback.