I had just finished setting up a fold-out chair and a fruity drink for myself, and relaxed as I watched the ‘double rainbow all the way’ cannon engulf the de lancie snake and give him the Maredusa treatment.

Before you ask, yes, Maredusa is an actual thing.

And I was already cringing from memories of a certain magician saying ‘neigh-sayers’.

Anyways, after the--totally called it--light-show, I packed up my stuff and headed back inside, overlooking my sleeping queen, she looked nice sitting atop her throne, in sapphire lined armor and crown upon her head.

Yes, she was fully developed and the crown of Elnir was weaving her new soul into this very vessel, to be more specific, the crown responds to the one who uses it, so I told the crown to make a true dwarven female personality, her name would be Salerna, a name meaning to be focused and clear of mind, I left the crown only with that to work with and finally to imprint upon her memories of being in Mylinia and then magically winding up here.

Now for appearance, as expected she shared the body structure of a Mylinian Dwarven woman… and by that I mean when I was Ark, the design would be similar to what Outbreak Company did, in the sense that female Dwarves will retain a youthful and child-like appearance, while still sharing physical abilities with the male Dwarves, such as immense strength, incredible ingenuity, and a love for beer so passionate it makes an alcoholic look like a saint.

{Author Break}

And before someone in the comments gets up in arms about Lolis and weird fetishes, let me be clear, in a fantasy sense, something like this:

Is more appealing to me than this:

Even if option two is more badass, or it has equality, I want the designs to be MY designs! MY artistic choices, also, if any Social Justice Warriors or internet trolls comment about their bullshit, trying to shove their opinions and ‘privileges’ down my throat, those comments will be deleted, end of story.

{Break End}

She had long crimson pigtails and a soft tanned pigment to her skin, and while the thick armor did cover up her figure, it only gave a more intoxicating aura of strength and authority, which I kinda liked personally, half because she was to be my queen as I set out to bring a Dwarven kingdom to Equestria, and half because it’d make her a challenge when the courting started.

...so much of my life has changed since that fateful day at the con and I just keep loving it more and more.

And then the door knocks…

Well it couldn’t be all perfect.

“Ugh, I can’t handle all this bullshit!” I mumble as I open the door. “What do you fucki-oh hey Celly.”

She glared daggers at me. “I’m not comfortable with you giving me a nickname, Orgran.”
“Oh don’t be like that Celly, aren’t we drinkin’ buddies?” I replied with a grin.
She then grabbed her head. “Please don’t remind me, I’m still getting aftershocks from the hangover.” I toss her a small sack of special cubes, one of my designs, not the original’s.

“What are these?”
“Juice cubes, even a dwarf who’s never sober isn’t going to want alcohol for every drink, they’re delicious, and refreshing! Just stick one in your mouth and you’ll be fully refreshed with an instant beverage, or put it in a glass and just add water.” I finished rather pridefully as she tried one and seemed to be over her headaches.
“Thank you, but why cubes?” she asked.
“So everyone can use them, if I made it a ball, those without fingers wouldn’t be able to keep onto it, if I made it triangular, those that did have fingers might prick themselves on a corner, and I am not a prick enthusiast.” I added which gave us both a chuckle.
“I do see your point, Mr Red, may I come in?”

...uh oh…

“Um… not really, I’m kinda busy with something important and delicate-”
“Oh come on, I won’t be of any trouble, you wouldn’t hide anything from your ‘drinking buddy’ would you?” shitshitshitshitshit!!!
“No… no of course not! It’s just that if you touch anything it might… get dirty, or break, and it’s not exactly my house it belongs to my friend…”
“Well don’t worry, I’ll be sure to keep my hooves off of anything.”
“... could you excuse me a moment?” I slammed the door and ran to Starlight and Pine.

Starlight jumped at my sudden appearance but Pine was prepared and responded. “What is wrong, master?” oh yeah, Pine could speak now because I taught him between the chapters with a little something called ‘plot convenience’ ...plus dedicating a chapter to teach Pine words sounded stupid.
“Celestia is here, so I need you two to hide!” Pine saluted and snuck off into his bedroom… which was really just a hole in the wall that has roots grown in for the walls, then Starlight shakes off her surprise.
“Why do I need to hide?” she asked. “I’m sure Celestia wouldn’t be surprised about a bipedal pony.”
“No, but your transformation came from dark magic and Celestia might mistake you for a vampire or something and burn you alive!!”
“...good point!” she promptly hid in a closet.

With them hidden and the lab locked I got back to Celestia. “Come in, your Celly-ness.” she huffed in annoyance at my antics, but soon calmed down once she saw the inside.
“Well Orgran,” she began. “Your friend certainly has quite the setup, such unique and futuristic mechanisms, quaint and elegant room designs, it’s like a lab, but also cozy!”
“Well I don’t see the big deal, it’s just a normal home like anybody else.” I turned away in a modest gesture… which was a horrible mistake.
“And I see you’ve made more than just those juice snacks!”

What.

I immediately turned to find Celestia taking something out of a sack on a nearby kitchen counter, I couldn’t make out the item, but the markings on the sack itself made it clear…

That’s the bag I took from the Caribou…

“I’m curious, what do these taste like?” she said, and proceeded to place one of the crystals into her mouth.

I froze up, sweat coming from my face like rivers, there was only one word that came to mind.

BUGGER!

Author's Note

well it seems Orgran's in quite a pickle, Celestia may not have bothered to scan for dark magic but it seems the Dwarf's future is quite black.

comment on what you want to happen in the next exciting chapter of:
'I'M NOT SHORT! I'M A MINI ASS-KICKER!'