My Little Pony: Starlight Glimmer Is Interesting As Fuck Here Is Every Interesting Thing This Mare Says And Does And Thinks And Oh God Why Can't There Just Be More Right Now

I put anger in a bottle today.

Well, okay. It was actually the magical manifestation of anger brought about by my overactive powers inadvertently mixing with my unstable emotional state and... well... it was fascinating until it was horrifically morbid. Just like most of my days.

But that's not the point. The point is, I bottled anger. Like, real, literal, anger.

And now that I know I can... I think I want to try selling it.

I know! Isn't that the best idea?

I actually got it from Rarity, of all ponies, which is odd only because I just don't do the whole fashion thing. But she always says that any breakthrough, no matter how unexpected, can lead to great things. Profitable things.

This is a philosophy I enjoy.

Hear me out. Let's just say: if you don't feel like having the emotion you're currently experiencing at the moment, just drink a bottle. Or take a sniff. Or whatever. Suddenly, poof! No more stupid "waiting" for what you're feeling to "pass!" Heartbreak! Despair! Indignance! All total things of the past in an instant! Be able to deal with the world no matter what idiocy it flings at you!

Oh my gosh, ponies will pay out the nose for this! Canterlot most of all, I'm betting.

I'm so giddy right now. Like, Trixie giddy. Normally that would worry me, but who cares, I'm about to become filthy rich. The status, not the pony.

And to get started, all I have to do is recreate the circumstances that got me here! Meaning that I just have to get my friends to make me experience a whole bunch of emotions and... then just not tell them how I feel.

Ever.

Bottle. Everything.

Okay, what have I got to start with? Let's see... Trixie's got me covered on anger ~~and probably lust~~, Applejack could have me covered on... lucid boredom! Yeah. I get tons of that around her. Fluttershy gives me narcolepsy—seriously it's not even a bad thing but her voice could put insomniacs out like a light. Meanwhile, Rarity has the market cornered on confusion due to her metropolitan vocabulary and cluttered boutique...

...aaaaaaaaaand Rainbow is my one-stop shop for crushing irrepressible guilt.

Finally, Twilight totally gives me an inferiority complex, with an extra side order of the whole guilt thing and—

...

...you know, I think I just found the fatal flaw. At this point, I'm not going to have much of a selection. Ponies are going to want to shell out for instant happiness, yet I can't even find that amongst Equestria's greatest heroes! Argh!

Damn it, Rarity. Seriously, why are your ideas never any good? I mean, no one tells you this to your face, but you know you're seriously working on a handicap because ponies consider hotel curtains to be good fashion, right?

Right?

Sigh.

Screw it. I'm going to bed.