My Little Pony: Starlight Glimmer Is Interesting As Fuck Here Is Every Interesting Thing This Mare Says And Does And Thinks And Oh God Why Can't There Just Be More Right Now

I ate pancakes today.

At least, I think I did. "Pancakes", for me, is actually a heavily loaded term. See also: all food.

You see, there's a lot of food I remember eating when I was a filly. Cakes, pies, hayburgers, tons of stuff. I was living the life! Then my best friend moved away, and I decided all food was evil.

Or was it cutie marks? One of the two. Whatever.

Anyway, while I was wandering around Equestria trying to figure out how to make it so people would never have to live under the oppressive hoof of pancakes ever again, I met a mare named Sugar Belle. She told me she wanted to marry an apple one day. Which sounded like perfectly sane talk to me, but on a hunch, when we founded Our Town together, I made sure it was nowhere near where anything could ever grow.

...the side effect, of course, was my forgetting what all food tasted like due to living on a diet of of dirt and tree bark for about a decade. But Sugar Belle will be all the better for our sacrifice. I'm sure of it.

Where was I? Oh, right. The pancakes were served with fruits, and something called "syrup", which I've also never had until recently. It was all tasty. And, oh! Here's another interesting fact about pancakes—according to... certain pictures I've seen of Twilight, you can also wear them as head decorations.

...you know, looking at these pictures again now, I actually have no idea how Trixie got a hold of them. Nor will I ever entertain her constant requests for me to wear a couple of the crazy things on my head and surprise her in her wagon at night.

With a belly dance.

...and with my coat dyed lavender.

My friends are weird.

Oh well. I guess the point of all this is: not a single apple was on my pancakes.

So in the end, I still win.