My Little Pony: Starlight Glimmer Is Interesting As Fuck Here Is Every Interesting Thing This Mare Says And Does And Thinks And Oh God Why Can't There Just Be More Right Now

I got a letter from Sugar Belle today.

It's always weird getting letters from my old town. I mean, besides the old baggage of me being this creepy cult leader and whatnot. It's just that letters from there aren't like your usual correspondence.

This would likely be because my town had no schools, or learning initiatives. Meaning that, to start, the penmanship is always atrocious. Also, no knowledge of letter-writing structure. In other words, most letters I get from the old haunt are rambly squiggles. Party Favor's are the cringiest.

It's also really hard to do small talk in these things. I mean, there were thirteen buildings (talk about your lucky numbers), and they haven't expanded the town since I left, even though I'm not there to stop them. Which means that everypony knows everything about everypony, and everything isn't much. It's also impossible to talk about the weather because it never changes. There was no winter to wrap up, or even bring about in the first place, and what few pegasi we had weren't exactly thundercloud-wranglers.

...ugh. The more I think about it, the more I realize I really hadn't thought a lot of that place through. I mean, I just kind of winged the whole thing. Went in with nothing but an anti cutie-mark rhetoric, a hot water heater, and an oppressive stereo speaker system.

I dedicated an entire house to those speakers.

Ponies could have lived there.

If I ever make my own rebel town again—which I absolutely never will—I'm hiring contractors.

Anyway, all this ranting and I realize I still haven't opened Sugar Belle's letter. Let's see here... ooooh, she got a new cooking shelf. That's nice, she mentioned she was in the market for one. Trixie originally suggested I send her the Cutie Map, but... yeah, no. Weather's same as ever, Night Glider's trying to learn daytime flight with hilarious resul—

...

...I...

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...oh, fucking loopholes