Chapters The area around me was smooth, the air was balanced, the temperature not too high, the humidity just right, and not too hot or cold. The floor beneath me was hard, but comfortable. The atmosphere felt almost stagnant. It was peaceful, calming... or at least it would be if my heart wasn't pounding wildly, like I had just ran for my life. It would have been even better if I wasn’t moving around so much, especially with the fear quaking around me and the sweat dripping down my body like a rain forest.
"What is this feeling…?" I mumbled, pulling my hands away from my eyes.
I observed the area I was currently in; apparently, around me was a deep, yawning void surrounding the area. I spun around in place, but it was as empty as a cloudless night sky. No movement, no sound, just silence burning my eardrums. Just then, I heard footsteps behind me. I spun around, my pulse starting to rush, breathing and panting heavily as anxiety wracked my body. Calm down, Twilight! Nothing's wrong! Why are you so-
"Twilight."
That voice... Is that…?
"Sunset?" I took a cautious step forward. "...W-What're you doing out here?"
She took a glance towards the ground, then shut her eyes. She then swallowed as she looked back up at me, almost with a fearful look on her face.
"I’m sorry Twilight, but there’s no other way..."
"Sunset…? What’re you-”
As disturbingly level and smooth as her voice she moved towards me. Out of concern, I moved closer to her, wondering if something was wrong. As I stopped right in front of her, her right hand moved quickly towards my neck, clenched it as tightly as she could.
"I'm sorry, Twilight," she murmured, shaking her head. "It's for the best. It has to be done."
"Sunset!" I cried, trying to pry away from the iron grapple of her hands. "Wh-why are you- what are you doin-"
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Her grip tightened and I was suffocating, scrabbling at her arms.
"Why? T-tell me, Sun…why are you- ugh-"
"Don't speak, Twilight. Or rather, keep speaking, it will help you die faster." The grip tightened once again. "I want to savor this everlasting moment."
For some odd reason I was somehow still able to breath, but at this very moment, I felt like I was kicked in the stomach.
"Wh…what?"
Suddenly, an apologetic frown on her face slowly shifted into a sadistic grin. "Oh, yes, Twilight, I'm so very sorry it has to end so fast. I'd rather see you suffer."
"What are you-"
"Don't speak." She used her other hand to cover my face, depriving me of my surroundings. "Don't breathe. Scream for me, Twilight." Tears started to sneak out of my eyes, my heart racing even faster than ever before. "Or cry. Either one is good. Gasp for air, Twilight. This will be but a fraction of what you did to us at the Friendship Game."
"N-No. I-I didn't-"
"Mean to? Don't try to deny it, Twilight. Think about it. You can't ever take back the consequence that you’ve wrought upon everybody. You can't save anyone. You’re right by the way, it's all your fault. We almost died because of you, 'Friend'!"
I started to choke in terror more and more as the air that lingered within my body was ceasing to escape. My body started to tremble. "Please- I-I'm sorry- I never wanted-"
"How's it feel to be on the receiving end of our suffering?" she murmured, sliding in closer. "I'm sorry, but it's really the only way."
She laughed distortedly as I continued to stare into the vacant eyes of Sunset Shimmer. She cackled with joy as I finally heard the last, snapping pain in my neck. After that, all images of the scene crawled into the dark, cool, and soothing void.
. . .
I fully awoke with a scream of fear: desperately clinging to my neck accompanied with gagging and gasping for air. "Sunset!" I cried out, my tear stains all over my eyes.
No, please- ...no, It’s only a nightmare. I put my hands over my mouth, doing what I can to stifle out the cries, with all the shuddering coming out of my body like I was trapped in a tidal pool. I just need to wait out the night, that's all. I just needs to pull myself together, stay in bed, and wait until morning. You’re going to be okay, Twilight, you’re going to be okay. You're going to be fine... My thoughts suddenly made me jump as I realized that- now they’re going into overdrive. I'm feeling nauseous from all this. It's okay, Everything will be alright…
"No," I said, gasping as I stumbled upon opening the door.
At this point, I didn't care. I needed someone. I needed to know that everything was okay, that it was just a dream. Stumbling towards the other room, I clinged to my shirt as tightly as I could, using the wall I was leaning on as a guide. It felt like an eternity before I reached the door and I pushed it open.
"S-Sunset?" No response. "Sunset!"
The bed was empty and she was nowhere to be found. I felt myself getting the air choked out of me as I kept moving. I need to stay calm. I have to be calm. There has to be a reason behind all this. Just don’t freak out. I have to figure this out. It was useless. I was beginning to panic, realizing that I had no hope. My throat felt raw, my lungs were closing, and I didn't quite remember how I got to the bottom of the stairs, but here I was, shaking and quivering as I struggled to keep my head together, curling up back towards the wall and doing whatever I could to keep calm and rational. Time probably passed, not that it mattered much to me anyway. It wasn't until I heard a faint voice nearby that sounded very familiar to that ray of hope, shining before me.
"So you see, I, the Great and Awesome Sunset, savior of all that magic purveys. How's that?"
I made a gasping noise, as if signaling my distress. I fell to my knees, weak from exhaustion.
"Twilight? Twilight, are you okay?! What’s wrong?"
I tried to say her name, but the words barely left me, making a harsh breathy noise. She was too close, grabbing my shoulders, shaking me, asking what was wrong. I gratefully clutched to her shirt, shuddering in my grip. I heard a faint voice behind her somewhere, but due to my weary state of fear, I hardly glanced at it. It was all so random at this point.
"It's okay, I'm here, Twilight," she murmured soothingly. "It's alright. I’m here…"
"I'm sorry," I managed to cry out. "I know I'm a horrible person. I-I'm sorry…"
"What?" She whispered fiercely. "You're not horrible, Twilight. Why would you think you're a horrible person?"
“A-after what I did… The atrocities I committed… you should hate me. It’s because of my actions that lead me to almost hurt everyone, or worse... I could have...” I can’t stop it… she’s inside me! Just leave me alone! Those words I screamed in my mind. "I'm sorry- I'm- I'm a monster, a freak-" I struggled to regain control, but it all melted through my fingers like wax on a candle.
The harder I tried to fight for control, the shakier and weaker I became.
"No Twilight," she soothed. "You're not. You’re just a regular girl, like us."
"…Sunset, what’s going on?"
When I heard that, I froze, finally being able to get my bearings. The voice sounded raspy, but very similar to someone I know. I pulled away from her and looked straight up. When I did, I felt the flushed blood drip away from my facial features, making me look almost pale as I looked at who was right behind her.
"R…Rainbow Dash?" I whispered, trying to regain my composure.
Oh, God, I was getting hysterical. To complete my humiliating scene, I gave out an ugly hiccup, making the tears slow down a little. She averted her gaze but still focused on me. I couldn't face them in this state. I slowly got up and started to walk away from them.
"Don't go, Twilight," Sunset called. "Twilight-"
I didn't stick around. Doing whatever I could to keep myself as dignified as I could, tear-stained and otherwise shaking, I ran back to my room without stopping. I locked the door behind me and had my back against it, tears slowly coming out of my eyes once more. A few moments later, I heard some footsteps near the door. I had no idea what would happen next as they creeped up. I heard them speak through my door,
"Twilight… are you okay? Please come out."
I didn't respond. I just kept silent as they waited. I wonder what they think of me now...
"Yea. I didn't mean to scare you," Rainbow Dash mumbled.
I balled up, not once sparing the time to speak, and just simply groaned into my legs. Even if I was forgiven, I could never show my face to them, knowing that I showed myself in such a broken state. I had spent all my life, building up whatever lie that I could muster, creating whatever persona I felt like to avoid being shunned, and here I am now, breaking down in relentless tears where the only people who remotely care about me are a earshot away. I hardly even knew anyone else, even my own acquaintances don’t seem to have a hint of who I am. The only individual I could consider a friend before them was Spike. I couldn't bear a single idea to understand these emotions.
"Pathetic," a voice whispered to me. "Broken. Weak. Useless doll."
I tried to ignore it, her voice that echoed in my head, but she spoke again, this time louder than before.
"Did you really think they won’t hurt you? I can't believe how dumb you are to think they would ever trust a sap like you."
"I know that but... is it such a bad thing to hope? I don't think they're bad," I said, trying to make sense of the situation.
"When you are at your weakest, but we have all been there now, haven’t we?" Midnight asked, mocking me.
Of course. Everyone has their downfall at something. I'm no exception to this… "I-I know, but I didn’t mean to. I was just curious about the phenomenon… and after that happened, I… just wanted someone that was nice to me."
"What good can you do? You let people into your life, they'll burn you the first chance they get. Trust is nothing but a mirage of fallacies that have been bestowed upon you and everyone else time and time again. You, of all people should know how that feels. Humans are only familiar with pain and only use others for their own selfish, trivial needs," she said, filled with malice.
On the other side of the door, I could hear Sunset and Rainbow Dash talking, knocking once more. I kept hearing them speak.
"Well, Sunset, if you ask me, you should try and get her to talk. Friends should talk things out you know?" Rainbow Dash said with a hint of worry in her voice.
"…You're right." I heard a sigh from Sunset. "I…should've been more observant… I feel like I've been a bad friend."
I flinched at her statement missing the complete mark. Sunset? A bad friend? Just because she didn’t- Wait. Something doesn’t add up… What on earth were they doing at this time of night? And that comment… what was Rainbow Dash saying about to friends talking one another? I decided to swallow my pride, take a couple deep breaths, and swung the door open before they could react. They were looking right at me, filled with surprise. It was then I started to have second thought about what I was doing. I don’t know what made me think this was a good idea. I felt mesmerized, standing up as tall as I could straight up, and gave them complete eye contact, despite my mind telling me to look away, my mouth opening up to speak. I really should have thought this through before making such a reckless choice... If I just outright ask what they were doing, that would make me sound like I was snooping in on them. It would seem like I was in a pinch at this point. Still, the realization that I made has forced me to stand there like a schoolgirl, with my mouth wide open, lacking any vocals to speak.
"…Twilight?" Rainbow Dash murmured, clearing her throat and glancing my way.
I had no idea to respond to her statement. It was like talking to a piece of gum. Once I looked at those two, there was no escape.
"Um..." Was all I was able to say. Great opening line, idiot. Always acting before thinking, as usual... After a few more seconds of silence, I managed to come up with a coherent sentence. "Uh... I just want to know, Sunset, don't get the wrong idea, I was just… wondering… what were you doing earlier?"
Sunset looked flustered and Rainbow Dash shared a glance but said nothing.
"…Ah, about that," she started, sounding a little restrained. "I was… trying a catch phrase and after hearing Trixie's, I wanted to see if I could catch that same ‘spark’."
"’Spark’?"
"Y-Yea, it's pretty stupid and I have no idea how or why I came up with that," she replied with a slight laugh.
I glanced over to Sunset. It's not the strangest thing that I have ever come across, but right now, I felt a little better, laughing a little as a result.
"Alright," I replied, doing whatever I could to keep myself calm. "Oh. So that's what you girls were doing?"
"Exactly, Twilight," Rainbow Dash chimed in. "We’re just trying to-"
"But more importantly, how are you holding up?" Sunset asked, in a concerned manner. "You look exhausted. You wanna talk to me about something?"
I was flushing even further, beginning to lose whatever control that I had left.
"Y-Yeah… I-I’m doing well… There’s no need to worry about me, I’m just…" Why can’t I stop stuttering? I might as well have a cap that says ‘Dunce’. "I’m just trying to-”
"Oh, would you two stop dancing around the subject?" Rainbow Dash put her hands on her hips. "It's pretty obvious something's wrong. Please talk to us, Twilight." I flinched at her sudden statement, gritting my teeth.
“Listen… I’m just having a rough night. Between school and what happened at the Friendship Games, that's bad enough-"
"Twilight, what happened?" Sunset asked gently. "What's causing you to be like this?"
Immediately, I turned away from them to stare at a wall. I felt too embarrassed to look at them any further.
"I-I was just- I was only having a nightmare. There’s nothing to-"
"Nothing? From the way you were reacting towards me, that's far from the truth,” she answered in a blunt manner.
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, turning her gaze from her to me. I really, really regretted going out that door. Sunset glanced down at her fingers and folded them together. "Twilight, that wasn't nothing. You looked…terrified, not to mention you’re sweating and even twitching. We don't think any less of you because of what happened."
"Can't... can't we just wait until-" I stated, trailing off once again in an anxious stupor
Sunset shot a quick glance towards Rainbow Dash, who gave her an imperceptible nod. She turned and took a deep breath.
"No, Twilight, this is something we need to deal with now."
I couldn't help but groan in irritation.
"But…I already wasted enough of your time…can't we just forget that this ever happened…?"
"No!" Sunset shouted. "Please Twilight? I want to help you overcome whatever problem is making you act this way, but if you won't let me, then I will have to stay here until you do."
"B-but I'm fine now," I replied, giving her a somewhat passable, yet shaky smile. "Can’t you see?"
"I'm sorry that I have to do this, Twilight. This is something we can't turn a blind eye to even if you asked us to.”
I focused whatever I could to hold back a gasp coming out of my body, only coming out with a shudder. There's nothing I can do, Sunset... That cold gaze glared into my eyes… the smirk forming and twisting on her face... I felt myself losing control over my breathing again, but it was just too much for me to bare.
"Twilight?" she asked in concern. "Twilight?!"
I snapped out of my thoughts, looking back up at her, albeit, with difficulty. Still… Her cold eyes… that twisted smile… the dark feeling that was emitting from all over her.
"Yes. It was a dream," I said, grinning and shrugging. Okay, it was a bad dream. I knew how to keep myself in check and making sure that everything goes well but in reality, I wanted to curl up and scream myself into oblivion. I put my hands right into my pockets to keep the shaking from getting worse. "But, uh, can we please talk about-"
"Twilight, stop lying to me! I just want to help you with what’s happening."
I glared at my feet. Couldn't they sense the dark energy? Can’t they actually feel the tension cracking all around us? It would be too easy to just turn a blind eye to it all. At least I know how to do that.
"…How about you two talk upstairs," Rainbow Dash broke in gently. "I could make you two something to drink. It's better to talk things out, you know?" she gave a smile that came off as sheepish. "That's what I do at my finest; Talk to people that are in need. Always going and helping as though you're sinking in quicksand." She then turned around and went straight for the kitchen.
"…Alright," I mumbled reluctantly.
Sunset nodded and went inside my room saying,
"Let's talk about this, Twilight. I hope that we can find a way to resolve this dilemma you’re having."
I watched as she slowly went inside the room. I then turned my gaze back to the floor and sighed.
"Twilight," Rainbow Dash called softly.
"Um, yeah?" I responded, wincing as I braced myself in preparation for a poorly planned but respectable attempt at trying to help me that only Rainbow could pull off.
"Perhaps Sunset could be of better help than me. I'm not so good at this sort of thing anyway…"
"Uh, Rainbow Dash… Thanks." She smiled and turned towards me.
"What are friends for? Now go and talk to her. She's a very good person. It wouldn’t be friend-like to leave her hanging."
Having heard this, I nodded and she turned away, walking towards the stairs.
"Yeah, I know," I sighed, turning toward the room. "Can I ask you a favor...?"
"Yea?"
"Um, can I ask that you pretend this never happened?"
"You don’t have to worry. Your secret is safe with me."
I smiled and silently thanked her. She smiled back and walked downstairs to give us some alone time with one another. I looked inside the room and I could see Sunset just sitting there, waiting for me.
"Are you sure you can trust them? Maybe you should just play hard to get. It’s not too late to simply run away," Midnight said advisedly, albeit with cruelty.
No... I can't keep running away from this. Maybe they won't hurt me. Maybe I can trust them. They could help me out of this rut.
"Fine. But when they turn against you, don't say I didn't warn you."
As she said that, she stopped completely. I looked at Sunset who was simply waiting for me to speak to her. I shrugged and leaned up against the wall on the opposite side from her. She was sitting on the bed, fumbling with the sheets. There was a loud, glaring silence.
"…Twilight," She repeated softly. "You know can talk to me if there's anything wrong.”
"I know, I know that you think that I'm keeping secrets from you." I smiled. "But I'm OK now. Really. I was only having a-"
"Your tears and voice suggest otherwise," she objected. "I-I was very worried! Even I didn’t know what to make of what was going on!"
I really couldn’t believe what she was telling. I could barely look at her without cringing back. My heart was pounding, my hands felt cold.
"Sunset, there’s no need to-"
"Please talk to me about your dream,” she pleaded. "Don't keep me in the dark."
Dark, cold, scary- I started shaking with more vigor, the smile becoming much harder to maintain.
"It was just a dumb dream," I tried to say, but my voice gave out before I even started. My voice produced this soft mumble that sounded like what I had intended, albeit vaguely.
She waited patiently, a small, sad frown on her face. I caused that. She’s here, worried about me, but I'm the reason why all of this is happening. I almost hurt the ones I call my friends. I don't… want to hurt anyone. This image, the one from my dream, is starting to grip my mind. She ran towards me, strangling, speaking to me with this empty apology coupled by that hollow smile on her face- this smile is familiar, but where do I know from? I know that I’ve seen it from someone, but so icy?
"Twilight?"
My breathing was out of control again. I was losing control, when I had fought really hard to keep this monster in check.
"N-No. It's nothing, I-I…"
"Don't fight it, Twilight. You can't win this war. They think you're a monster. You don't deserve to be beside them," Midnight said with this devilish smile on her face.
"I-I just- I don't think I can- It's silly- you wouldn't understand if I-"
"Twilight, it's okay. I won’t hurt you. It won’t hurt you. I promise that everything will be okay."
Just a dream... but it felt so real, so coincidental.
"Tell her. Hurt her one more time, Twilight. You know you know want to," Midnight said, giggling with sadistic glee.
"I had this dream where I was… killed by you," I cried out with my entire body trembling at effect.
Her eyes immediately widened up in surprise, and for a minute, she appeared to be devastated.
"Nice one. Now she'll show you what I've been talking about. About what she was hiding from you."
"I'm sorry," I whispered, unable to bring my voice any higher."I can’t figure out why… Just, please don’t be upset with me. I know you would never do that to me. It's not that I'm scared of you, it’s just that-"
"I know, Twilight."
She leapt forward and went to me, hugging me tightly. I flinched away from her and squirmed in her embrace, one of the few people that I held dear. What’s wrong with me?
"I'm sorry," I gasped, pressing my face into her shoulder.
"You don't have anything to be sorry for. Dreams aren’t real, Twilight. They're illusions, things that appear in your mind. It's okay to not understand."
"I know but..." I repeated.
It's all I could really say. Tears were pouring out of my eyes with my breathing starting to shake through my soft, warm pajamas.
"I think that you’re scared of something. Something that has been eating away at you in your dreams. Do you have any idea what it could be?”
I knew who she was but I couldn't utter the name... the part of me that was holding it back. Why is she doing this? What could Midnight possibly gain by harming me? I could feel her hands, wrapping their way ever so tightly around my neck, more than ready to snap away the failure that I am. That feeling gave me a chill that crawled away at my spine. I could see that Sunset was waiting for an answer, but I couldn't speak. I was still shivering and sobbing into her shoulder.
"Don't worry, Twilight. With me around, you have nothing to worry about. I will be staying with you tonight. You can sleep and we can talk more about it in the morning."
I hesitated for a few seconds as I looked at her unevenly and remind myself that here, she is not trying to hurt or strangle me and that there is nothing to be afraid of. Logically it makes sense. I gave her a nod gratefully, with most of my fears dying away. She lead me to the bed and laid me down, nodding me off to sleep.
"Don't worry," she repeated, smiling a little now. "I will stay here and make sure that nothing bad happens to you."
"T-Thanks, Sunset. I'm... feeling tired," I whispered.
I didn't realize until my eyes were closed how tired I was. It was a long night of regret that I unhooked from my mind. The brief respite of calm was a feeling I welcomed very openly. Still, it’s not over. I need to worry about Midnight next.
While walking around, I saw Sunset and the others. I was getting ready to greet them, but they didn’t look like they were in a festive mood. They were all powered up with their Elements of Harmony with looks that would kill. Before I could run away, they immediately decimated me, and in my dying breath, I saw myself right beside them, turned into Midnight with a grin. Then they snuffed me out like a light… As my eyes opened up, I saw a mirror right in front of me. I walked up towards it and everything around me was pitch black except me. I looked at myself and saw my own reflection, a locket around my neck. Then I saw her…
“Do you see who I am now? This is but one of your inevitable demises that can and will be the end of you,” Midnight said maliciously. I look behind me but I don’t see anyone. This has to be a bad dream. She spoke once more, this time, a lot more clear. “You have seen what will happen to you. This could be you if you continue to follow this foolish path…”
“No… That can’t be…” I said in utter disbelief.
“So you still refuse to accept the truth? Even after showing you what will happen if you choose to follow this witless folly?” She asked, totally flabbergasted. “For someone who’s supposedly intelligent, you sure are lacking in common sense when it comes to the real world. Why don’t I show you what they truly think of you when you're not around?”
She suddenly cast this strange aura that lifted me up and took me somewhere. The next thing that I knew, I saw my friends. I saw them in a group, talking. Although it was quiet and hard to make out what they were saying. I attempted to speak but no words would come out. The words were so hard to hear that it was like trying to hear through a plastic wall. Just then, I heard them speak clearly.
“What should we would do about Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“I dunno. She’s nice, but-” Fluttershy said before being interrupted by Pinkie Pie.
“But she nearly destroyed our world!” Pinkie Pie shouted.
“I agree with Pinkie Pie. She nearly came close to killing us with her magic.” Rarity replied.
“Still, it wasn’t like she had any intention of killing us. She was just possessed, right?” Applejack said.
“Even so, we need to be vigilant. If anything happens, and if she tries to destroy this world, we may have to put her down. Does everybody agree?” Sunset exclaimed.
I covered my ears, trying to block out everything they were saying but it was all too hard to ignore… it was painfully clear.
“You're still going to blindly deny what they think of you? You really are a fool.” She grabbed my hands, removing them from my face and looked me dead center in the eyes. “But if you let me take control, all of this pain can go away... With me, you’ll be able to eradicate those who hate you. Anyone. People will respect you, worship you and you won’t have to worry about being abused again. That doesn’t sound so bad now does it?”
It was all true about what she told me. Having done this before... She is a magical being that defies all logic and understanding of the real world. If I do this, I wouldn’t have to be tormented again. But if only…
“It is true that everybody belittled me. I’ve dealt with being alone and being treated like dirt all my life… But, that’s not who I am. If I let you take control, there’s no telling what you’ll do. Besides, I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than willingly let you hurt others,” I said, defying my apathetic counterpart.
She let my hands go, keeping her still, calm tone, but kept her leering stare right at me. I could feel her anger. It was increasing at this very moment. Then she said in a completely dark and guttural tone,
“So even after I showed you a reality where they will kill you, gave you a chance to fix your pathetic life and end your suffering, you're still going to reject me?” She closed her eyes, and the flames around glowed even brighter than ever. All of a sudden, she opened them back up but with more of a colder, sickly, evil glow to them, added by a soft laugh. “...Then perhaps I’ll just have to remove you from your consciousness by force!”
She blinded me with her magical flares, laughing all the while. They were so bright that I couldn’t make out what was happening. Just then, I was being held down by purple binds that held me without an ounce of effort. Despite this, I was able to speak, albeit, with difficulty.
“Y-You don’t have to do this, Midnight. I’m s-sure there’s a way that we can-”
“It’s not possible! Believe me, I’ve thought of the same thing and it would more than please me to align myself with you, but it can only fit one soul. Since you're unwilling to let me have it, I’ll just have to… eject you from your vessel. I’ve tried doing this the easy way, but your stubbornness impedes my goals. It’s a tragedy really. You would’ve made a good ruler... But I guess some sacrifices are needed to be made for the best,” she said, moving towards me. ”Oh, don’t worry. I’ll make sure you’ll die swiftly.”
And with those final words, I felt myself fade away, with my consciousness slowly slipping away. My friends… My family… My world…
. . .
I awoke with a sharp gasp, my eyes were shooting out like jack-in-the-boxes, and my heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest.
Oh, it was that one again... The one I always woke up from in a nervous sweat, being unable to change the outcome of the dream itself. Sometimes, if I was lucky, my mind would be able to block out the dream but when it didn't, the outcome was always the same… no matter what I said or what I did, the end result was always the same... I started trembling once more, then heard a small noise behind me. I felt my heart shoot up into my throat as I whirled around. It was Sunset being squeezed towards the wall in a position that looked uncomfortable, restricted and twisted against it. She was sleeping lightly. Not exactly snoring, but she was making these soft, muffled murmurs about something along with a fearful look on her face. Immediately, I could almost hear the pounding in my chest slow down as my brain registered this, my hands were completely still, and breathing felt a little easier now. I started looking for a clock- from what I could tell, I had been, for what it seems, asleep for about two hours at most. I turned around, feeling as if I should get more sleep. Two nightmares in one night would seem like a broken record, but I had to keep calm, because if I had given up already, it would already be too late.
The moonlight coming from my window reflected onto something. Squinting onto the dress behind my closet door, I could only make out two cups and a note. I slowly got out of my bed while making sure that Sunset was still asleep, and quietly padded my way towards the items. The first thing that I did was grab the note, holding it right near the window. It said,
"Dear Twilight/Sunset. I hope everything’s going well. Don't worry about me, I'm fine downstairs. You don't have to worry about anyone disturbing you two. I left your drinks here in case you two get thirsty."
I glanced at Sunset's sleeping form and wasn’t disturbed in the slightest. I was gonna have to get an answer about this ‘Catch Phrase’ sooner or later. I then turned my attention at the cups. They were filled with what looked like tea that harbored a sparkly substance which looked like minerals. I took a sip. It was still warm… like it was just made, probably ten minutes ago. It looked really tasty. I smiled and placed the cup back down. I just simply turned away from it and quietly went back into my bed. I’ll just talk to her tomorrow about this when I’m not tired. Maybe if it’s at least for one night, I could have some semblance of peace to myself. That was all I needed right now...
. . .
I blearily flicked open my eyes. I have awoken again for the third time now, but this time there was sunlight beaming from the window. As I groggily rubbed my eyes, I turned and noticed that Sunset wasn't there. Maybe she decided-
"Twilight?"
I was started by the sudden call, whipping my head back to face the door where the voice had come from. It was Sunset and she was leaning against it, her body language suggesting she'd been there for a while. I offered a confused smile.
"Uh, hey Sunset... how long have you been up?" She simply shrugged and said nothing. "Oh. Um, you… didn't seem to be busy or anything…"
"You needed the sleep. I'm well aware you got up in the middle of the night," she pointed to the two cups of tea, one empty and the other barely touched. "So I decided let you sleep in."
"Oh," I repeated, stunned. "Well thanks for that… you didn't need to do that for me though."
" Are you ready to talk now?" she asked, seemly ignoring my comment.
I rubbed my eyes again and looked at the time. It was barely 9:30.
"I'm not quite up and ready yet. Why don't we eat first?" I lifted my head and met her gaze. "Don't worry, I won't avoid the subject after that."
She seemed skeptical at first, then turned and simply played along. As much as I wanted to avoid talking about my personal dilemma, I knew she would eventually track me down and break the truth.
"Breakfast is downstairs. Rainbow Dash already ate and left to see the others. It's just the two of us for now."
The words Midnight spoke echoed in my head, ‘they will kill you’. I swallowed as I forced myself up and out the door. What did she mean by that? Will Sunset really do it? What was the point of talking if it'd just be-
"Oh, and make sure to get some coffee. You look a little tired," she said as she walked behind me.
I urged myself to think about something else as she followed me down the stairs, feeling her glancing at me, as if checking to see if I would run or something. After a few seconds of awkward silence, we made it inside the kitchen and I sat down I watched her flutter around. There were eggs, bacon, and waffles on the table. That still didn’t keep my suspicions at bay though. I idly wondered what Midnight was planning, my body trembling with terror, still so afraid yet suddenly eager for the next pla- No. Think about something else.
"So, did you sleep well?"
She paused for a moment. "Y-Yea. And you?" She was acting so guarded, so cautious. I couldn't help but feel irritated. Not at her but at myself.
"Don't worry about me, I'm doing okay."
"Hmm."
The awkward silence returned with a vengeance. I couldn't help but think back to last night, my insides flinching at the idea of someone out there other than her seeing me in such a broken state. The thought made me feel like shattered glass. I rather jump off a cliff than someone see me as that monster.
"You know," she said, finally breaking the silence, "I lied about what I said last night. Not about us caring about you… but about the reason I wanted a catch phrase."
"Huh?" I hadn't expected this to be the first conversation topic. "Oh, right. I was wondering what that was about."
"I was lying to you because I kept thinking about what your secret was, because I had been thinking that there was something familiar, and I didn't have a chance to figure it out, and it'd be very inconvenient if I did it that late."
"I see."
"So that's one reason… that and I just wanted to check up on you and made sure you were okay. Of course, the catch phrase wasn't a complete lie."
"Seems fair, I guess."
"Yes, well, it’s an adventure. It’s nothing to worry about!"
…Was that a lie? In all the time I've known her, she's only done that when she was nervous or panicked. Which didn't happen very often.
"But, besides all that… it was very beautiful. And Rainbow Dash helped me with it! And she talked to me quite a bit, and said a lot about my problems, and then I remembered how long she was listening…" her voice drifted off. "And…well…I was petrified."
I tried not to run back to my room. Was she aware of Midnight?
"And…" She sat the plate down by the sink when she finished her meal. "then you came downstairs."
"Yeah." I poked the food with my fork. It was pretty obvious where this was going. I rubbed the back of my head, nervously.
"And that is the tale of why I was up late last night. Now that I've explained myself, can we try and talk about you now?"
I shoved a forkful of my breakfast into my mouth in an attempt to stall. I chewed slowly, cringing through the taste, almost choking because of how much I had in my mouth. Should I tell her? I closed my eyes and saw, rushing through my mind like a roller coaster ride, running and running, where I had suffered from my nightmares. They were vague, but I knew I couldn’t hide it forever. It wasn’t always bad when my parents helped me through my nightmares, but took longer to calm me down faced with the knowledge that they were just dreams. I clenched my hand around the fork. I couldn't do it. I imagined the words coming forth and the mask built beneath my heart suddenly roared forth, foaming at the edges with desire to just confess, tell someone, not be so bitterly alone in this. I steeled myself. No, I had to do it alone. It was far better that way. I took the brunt of reality so she could be happy, where everyone could be happy. That was the best way to do things, I had it all as a responsibility, it was my own.
"Twilight? Is it okay if I ask you something?"
I nodded cautiously. She fiddled with her hands, looking every bit as awkward like my usual, nerdy self.
"Why…why do you call out for me last night?"
I almost spit out the food after hearing her response and watching her eyes looking on in confusion.
"W-wait, I called for you?"
"Well," she murmured. "a few times you apologized for things, you usually ended up screaming and calling out my name along with other things but I couldn’t make out what you're saying."
"…Oh." I suddenly felt naked and afraid, like I'd had been singled out by one of the popular kids. When you're awake, it was simple to hide, but I guess you reveal your true self when you're asleep. The very thought of saying something had barred me from stopping… I stabbed my fork into my food and started circling it.
"What happens in your dreams? Are you always so paranoid? Was it me that’s driving you crazy?"
I shook my head violently after hearing her question.
"No, no, that was the first time…" I fumbled around for words. I wasn’t in the mood to speak about it… "that… happened."
"So what do you usually dream about, then?"
“Tell her. Tell her what she did to you. How I told you about your friends and how she tried to kill you and how your friends nearly-”
"Shut up!" I suddenly snapped, my body heating up.
I noticed Sunset back away and tried to apologize for the outburst but my tongue wouldn't work. She glanced at the floor with dejection, her shoulders sagging.
"I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-"
"It's…it's alright, Twilight. I didn't mean to… I was only…"
I caught the small waver in her voice, the sudden turn of her head. A pit opened up in my stomach as I realized what I did and what I was trying so hard to avoid. She slowly got up and walked towards the door.
"I'll just leave you be."
I reached out and tried to stop her.
"W-wait, Sun—"
"No. I shouldn't have been so pushy. I was always so relentless. I'll just… leave you be."
I could hear the strain increasing and it hurt more than anything that I could ever come up with. Why am I so guarded? I listened to the all-too-familiar sound of tears on the verge of being released.
"It's not like that-"
The door shut, leaving me behind in sorrow. I hopped from the chair, promptly overcome with the desire to chase after her. Trying my best to block out the pain, I could hear Midnight, hurting me and taunting me.
"What did I tell you? She could never understand anything about us. In the end, you and I are-"
"Shut up! Just shut up! Stop talking to me! Why can’t you just leave me alone!?" I screamed, trying to block her out.
I ran to the door, scrambling for the doorknob, my fingers shaking opening the door and shouting out towards the snow that was coming down hard.
"You hurt her again. It's like I told you, she doesn’t understand us. It's just a mere fallacy. Being alone isn't so bad once you learn the benefits to it."
I ignored her words. It's true that I'm always secretive, stubborn and pushy but... She's one of the few people who took the time to care about my problems. My mind told me to stop chasing her but my heart told me to go after her.
"I wouldn't bother with her. You'll just mess up again, prove once more at what a failure you are. Why even bother? You're just a waste to everyone."
Go after her!
"What do you-"
"Enough!"
I gave a cry of frustration as I threw myself onto the snow and pattered unsteadily after the fading sight of a sad morning. Somehow, I could imagine the taste mixture of water and dust… My breath stuck in my throat and my hands were shaking but they wouldn't stop. I wanted to curl up into a hole so badly, hold my head and wait for it to pass and possibly wait for the pain to end. But I put it off in order to keep going. I forced my legs to keep moving forward, but I knew I wasn't the athletic type.
"Sunset?" I called. "Sunset, where are you?"
For a second, my vision blurred and I found myself at a high cliff. Oh no... I'd accidentally got myself lost in my panic. Then again, I shouldn’t've pushed her away in the first place. The area by the park is where Sunset said she'd go, right? I looked around wildly as I see her at the park, standing near a pond.
"Sunset!" I gasped in relief. "There you…are…" She froze, tears falling down her cheeks. I stared at her, feeling this overwhelming amount of regret flow over me... "Sun-" I whispered, my stomach twisting again.
"Would you look at that?She’s giving you the death stare. And you called me a monster."
I tried to ignore Midnight’s words and force them away as I reached for her hand. Without warning, she violently pulled away. I reeled backwards in surprise.
"You can't share anything with me, can you?!" she cried. "Is it because you think I'll make fun of you? That I can't handle it?! Because I'm not who you think I am, Twilight! You don't have to shield everyone from yourself! Why… why can't you-" she rubbed her face, clearly trying to pull herself away from the edge, to stop talking, but words kept slipping through her teeth. "why can't you just trust us? More importantly, me?!"
I swallowed, each word digging like a sharp blade against me. Like before, I forced myself to overcome this agonizing stream of pain and worry that wanted to pop out of me in any way, shape, or form- most likely leading to another meltdown.
"Sunset…" I took a deep breath and reached out again. "I-I'm sorry. You're absolutely right... I've been selfish and stubborn. I just thought that if I’d kept it all a secret, I’d just spare you the trouble. And for that, I'm sorry. I… it's time I told you. Or at least showed you."
She listened, as we both wiped away our tears. She grabbed my hand and hugged me. We started heading back, now realizing where I am. It was time for me to face my demons.
"Twilight I-"
"Come on." I suddenly felt cold, empty, and anger wrapped around my heart…
Author's Note
I apologize for the long delay. I was busy writing other stories amongst other things. I hope you enjoyed it.
This is my fault. I keep hiding from people, myself and for what? To satisfy some monster? They trust me yet… I keep brushing them away. It was clearly pathetic. After what felt like ages, we arrived at my house. We went upstairs into my room and I sat her down, handing her a towel. My room was slightly warmer, with the heater on level three, but it still held a stagnant, tense atmosphere that made me want to shiver. I opened the drawer above my lamp without a bulb and gently slid open the window. There were a few blankets and such hiding the treasure, a small, purple book with a lock on it.
"What…what is this? Some sort of diary?" She asked curiously, observing the journal.
"It's everything I've written down since the Friendship Games." I said, my words slightly more firm than intended. "Take a look inside."
She turned the pages, eyes wide with confusion. She stopped at a random page and began to read out loud.
"Dear Journal,
I don't know what is happening to me. If my last entry is right, these dreams could be leading towards something. Something that can ultimately change the world... I had no doubt in my mind that something bad is/has/will happen to me. But the real question is how can I change this predicament?"
She looked up in shock after reading the entry. She was really spooked. "Twilight…what is this?"
"Keep reading."
She frowned and held her gaze for a moment longer, then turned her eyes back down to the pages.
"Date- August 9th. Time-2:28 AM. This time she's being persistent. I don't know how much longer I can handle this. I want to tell someone, anyone about this but I don’t want anyone coming in harm’s way and I'm a little scared- no, terrified of the outcome should anyone know about this. It was like a horror movie come to life."
She gave a significant pause, eyes scrolling the rest of the entry. She looked up, about to ask something, before she looked at me. She hastily continued reading.
"Date-August 15th. Time-7:39 PM. She won’t listen to me. If you're reading this, then that means the worse has happened and I've lost control. Don't trust her. She'll use you and everything until you are nothing but a quantum effect that has never been known to have existed."
I couldn't help but notice how she skipped over the next few sections. I’m feeling nervous about this. Could I really tell her...? I guess I’ll have to wait until she’s finished.
"Date - August 19th. Time - 3:53 AM. I managed to suppress her actions for sometime but at a cost… She set a dream on me and in that dream, she's killed everyone I know. She's flying around like a demon from hell, searching every corner for leftover surviving victims to kill. There's so much carnage, so many atrocities that are indescribable, yet I see everything. I don't know why she enjoys this but I need to find a way to suppress her actions. The experiments I've tried, everything ranging from sleeping pills to anesthesia and even caffeine, were all in vain as she not only kept tormenting me both during the day and night but she uses her magic to put me rosewood with ease... The chances of trying to stop her are slowly slipping away... I fear that she’ll take me over sooner or later..."
"Date- August 21. Time-4:21AM. A day before going over to Sunset’s place, I had another dream. It was set after the Friendship Games, my friends appeared in each version. First was Rarity, and then Applejack, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and most recently, Sunset... They all hurt me in different ways, rather it would be physically, mentally or by other means of torture, saying things like I’m a freak, a monster and don't deserve friends like me and a nobody. At first, I was able to suppress it, push it aside and nullify the abuse. But then… the last part of my ‘dream’, Sunset was the one that finally broke me... For some reason, it wasn’t her actions... but her words that stung the most... ‘I could never be friends… with the likes of you.”
She drew her finger down the page. "T-then there's…" she took a second to count, "eighty-five tally marks."
I nodded, not mentioning the number of times that I’ve written about the nightmares. I also didn’t include the fact that the tally marks were meant for the many times that I’ve encountered Midnight in my nightmares, or that I’d actually include the occasions where I would die more times than I bother to count, along with the fact that I’ve gotten sick of marking the events of encountering said dreams. I couldn’t help but hope that she would just turn to the next page. A happier one, maybe, something to ease her worrying about me. Or at least read a part where I’ve spent some good time with them. Whichever one.
"Twilight… you've… died in your dreams?"
I nodded softly. "There are so many things that I need to explain, Suns. From how everything happened to why I hadn't told anyone. But before I can do that, I need you to get to the end of this. Once you do, I will tell you everything.” I took a deep breath as she nodded and went back to reading. While she was doing that, I added, “Sometime I would be able to control them, and other times, they would take control of me. At best, she would only inflict minor damage to me. At worst, she would try and take control of me during the day. My 'dreams' would loop day in and day out, making it difficult for me to even sleep at times... Every time I fall asleep, I have to re-live the entire experience all over again..."
I felt pent up rage building up inside me, a rage I wasn't aware existed and suddenly, it would all just burst like a volcano. "You see why I keep secrets?! Do you see why I can’t tell you or anyone else?! Why I shield myself from everyone and everything?! I can't even look at you without feeling any sort of negative emotion! Every night I have to fall asleep and this happens to me! This is something I need to do by myself! Otherwise, I'll... lose my consciousness or worse... kill everyone. And I don't want that to happen... especially to you..."
With that last sentence out of my mouth, I finally felt something inside me snap and the rivers flow forth as I collapsed and tears started to flow, no longer holding back the pain and sadness I was feeling. She dropped the book and caught me as I dropped to my knees, finally venting all my emotion.
"Twilight!"
"S-see? I couldn't tell you that," I cried, struggling to regain my composure. "I couldn't tell anyone that. Nobody close to me. It's just easier if I..." My voice trailed off and I held my arm up to my face, crying silently to the point where even she couldn’t hear me. Her expression was less than adamant. “...To tell you the truth, I had planned on… taking my life should it get any worse…” At that moment, I looked away from her, unable to even speak or come up with a coherent sentence…
I felt her hand grab onto my chin, moving it towards her face. I had no idea what she was gonna do. Then she looked at me, “That's all the more reason why you should've come to us. We won’t hurt you. We would do whatever we can to help. You don’t have to hide anything from us… We- no… I won't let that happen. I swear that I will do everything in my power to save you, even if it takes me an eternity to defeat Midnight Sparkle,” she said with a small smile and a hug.
I looked away from her, trying again to hide whatever shame that I had left. I didn't know how to respond to that. It was like speaking to a wall. She was so determined that even Fluttershy wouldn’t know how to justify this. In truth, I was afraid… “But what if the others are unable to help? What if we are the only two left?”
"Then we’ll use it against her," she whispered. "In… this book the other Twilight gave me… write a note. Tell her everything about what has happened. Tell me what we are going to do next."
"I c-can't," I spluttered shakily. "How can I explain this to anyone else when I can't understand it myself?"
"It's what I want, Twilight," she murmured. She was taking this a lot better than I expected. "Don't look so surprised. I… I always knew there was something going on with you. I always had this feeling that something was gnawing away at you, but you are stronger than this, Twilight."
"What?"
"Your dreams… they’re not real. Sometimes I get that there is such a thing as a total coincidence. I know that things get rough when you are reminded of the horrible things that you did. Not to mention I… catch glimpses of your dreams but there's no way that I should know that. I…I sometimes, on rare occasions, I'm in your dreams, unable to do anything about it…”
I flinched at this revelation, a shuddering crawling around my whole body. "I'm sorry, Sunset, I'm so sorry…"
She pitched forward and encased me in a hug. "You don't have to be sorry. We can work together now."
"B-But she could come around any day now," a gulp of air broke the sentence, "and… what if I lose control of her and she… takes over?"
"Well, I guess we’ll have nothing to lose then. What do you say, friend?"
"I can't. No matter what I say or do, she won't back down."
"By yourself sure but what about together? I'm sure with a little bit of kindness and friends, She'll eventually pull through."
I struggled to figure out the answer, tightening the hug even more. "I- I don’t… How can we ever figure this out?"
"Even if it doesn't, we can keep going and keep trying. Don't you see? I’m not going to abandon you."
Oh, Sunset... Only you could put a positive spin on the darkest of topics.
"She may see it this way," I took a deep breath as she continued to speak. "But I won’t give up, and we won't stop until we have defeated Midnight. I won't quit until she is no longer a threat. Until you’re completely free from her. You may not be able win this all alone, but… With me, Rainbow Dash and all our friends, We'll find a way. We have the one thing that she doesn't… Friendship."
"It's complicated to explain but… I’ll face my demon and tell them what I've told you. Will you help me explain everything to them?"
She hugged me even harder as her voice choked. "Of course I will. You can always count on me and… I'm sorry. I…I should've noticed much sooner but-"
"Sshh," I said breathing softly. "It's okay. You couldn't have known..."
We sat there in my room for what felt like ages. It was all too much to make up for. After we finished making up, we started trying to formulate a plan It took us all day, but we may came up with a way to get rid of Midnight. We decided that we would use my amulet to transport ourselves into her world and if it’s necessary, we'll have to battle her.
"You have nothing to worry about, Twilight. I promise I'll always be here for you. As long as there's a breath left in my body, I will not go down without a fight."
Taking a deep breath, I nodded and reached for the book she was talking about.
"Wanna help me write this one, Sunset?"
She offered a huge smile and sat right beside me. "Ready when you are."
We opened the book together with my pen in hand. We took at the next page on the right, filled with determination. We started on the first page and with her hand over mine, we wrote,
"Dear Princess Twilight,
Me and the Twilight from this world are planning on descending into her own subconscious. There is an evil entity that lingers within her. The same one that had emerged during the friendship games. We have no idea how we will be able to beat her, but we need to do it. If we don’t stop, she’ll take over our world, then yours. I- no... we hope you can respond back as soon as possible."
Sincerely, Sunset & Twilight
After we finished writing our entry, I closed the book and put it in the drawers. I was so surprised that she's going so far to help me, even after everything I did... I looked up at her and felt nothing but uncertainty. "…Can I ask you something...?" I asked, feeling a little fidget.
She nodded and looked directly at me. "Sure. What is it?"
I took a long, very deep breath, the silence suffocating the air around us. After gaining the courage to to speak up, I ask,
"...Why are you going so far for somebody like me? What is it about me that you find so worth saving? How can you forgive me for being something so monstrous?"
She stood there in silence. At first, I thought she was gonna frown at me and tell me to hurry up. Then she said this,
"That's easy. It's because we are the same. We were both monsters. We have went through so much of our loneliness. And they helped me see what I had done was wrong. Granted, the roles we played are different and alter to some degree but... in a way, we’ve just went through similar phases and… we just complete each other. But the most important reason of all is… you are the sister that I would kill to have, and you are too irreplaceable to say otherwise, now that we have come this far."
I blushed slightly as she said that. What did she mean by all that? This doesn’t make any sense. "W-What?" I asked unsure how to respond.
She let go of my hand and turned towards the window. I followed her eyes to the window and it was still snowing. Not as bad as before but it was still snowing… I didn’t realize she was how determined to help me… I saw her shift over to the bed, and put her hand on my left cheek. “I'm just going to get something to drink. You want anything?”
She shook her head at my question. I guess that we’re gonna be heading. This is only a matter of time. I look out to the screen door and see the one person I didn't want to see.
“You actually believe that she will help you? You're really grasping at straws here aren't you?” she asked, completely perplexed.
“I don't need this… you won't deter me from regaining my life,” I said with a hint of anger escaping my lips.
She seemed to notice this as she was observing our next steps. Looked like she was enjoying it. “Oh? Did I strike a nerve into that teeny, tiny, little brain of yours? You really are naive,” she said in a mocking tone. She had her hand up, flames coming out of it like a magic show. “It amazes me how you actually believe this creature... I would think you would wise up and turn her away, but it appears I was sadly mistaken.” She said with a small hint of ignorance and anger. Doesn’t seem like she’ll be backing down. She took a deep breath and continued. “So you really think the power of Friendship can stop me? That implies you had friends to begin with.”
The mark of cynicism and sarcasm really struck hard. No one could really match her wit…
“You may be right about me and having no idea of what I will getting into. But… I have someone to watch my back. You are not pushing me around anymore. I won’t let you push me around like how you did with me at the Friendship Games. I deny your existence, Midnight Sparkle!” I yelled as a bit of magic came fourth and pushed her back slightly.
I covered my mouth as I noticed a shocked look on her face. However, that was short lived as she developed this devilish grin on her face. She doesn’t seem to be pleased by my sudden aggression.
“So you have suddenly decided to grow a spine, huh? I’d applaud you for your sudden outburst of courage but I’m not a fan of rebels like you. I can’t have you suppressing me again so… I will have no choice but to obliterate you.” As she was about to hurl a ball of cyan fire at me, she stopped, effectively catching me off guard. She added, “No… Perhaps this could be an event worth playing…” The ball of fire dissolved from her hand, the once angry Midnight had stopped her action, placing her hand down as she said, "I’ll let you have your freedom for now. But know this. When you come after me, you will wish I had took over you. I’ll be waiting.”
And with those final words, she disappeared from view. What did I just do? Where did all this bravado come from? I ran back upstairs to find Sunset. I look around my house for her and see her on the bed, tucked away in a blanket, fast asleep and with a faint smile on her face. She’s still here. Maybe she’s just an illusion… No, I don’t know for sure. She could be real. Just what does it matter anyway? Either way, we’ll know once morning arrives. For now, I need to rest…
