Pinkie bounced along like a pile of rubber snakes while humming cheerfully, and she seemed to be leading them directly where they needed to go. No hide-and-seek games. No haring off to give a harried housekeeper a hug and a cupcake. Not even a minor twitchy tail panic. Dusk and Twilight shared a series of looks that, if translated from glances, raised-eyebrows, and ear flicks, would have gone something like:

'Are you seeing what I'm seeing?'

'That Pinkie's off her game?'

'Yeah. This is going to suck isn't it?'

'It's going to suck like a hydra.'

'Yuck!'

Dusk's dangling tongue-of-disgust slurped back into his muzzle in surprise as a brightly pink pony wrapped his forelegs around his and Twilight's shoulders. Bubble Berry's dexterous hooves snapped conical, glittery party hats onto their heads.

"Hiiii, Twily and Duskily!" He squeaked happily and hugged both of them close, squeezing their cheeks up against his before letting them go. "How're my bestest bibliobibuli buddies doin' today?"

Dusky coughed and said, "Uhh… I'm fine, Bubble. Just your typical 'saving Equestria' kind of day, you know?"

"Uh huh! I hear ya, bro." Bubble nodded and pronked along with the them.

Twilight coughed and said, "Bubble… I think you have a bit of, uh, frosting on your nose there."

"Oh! Oops!" Bubble's extremely long and agile tongue slurped out and licked the stray blob of what Twilight desperately hoped was vanilla creme off of his snoot.

Bubble pouted. "I was just frosting Inkpot's cupcake when his sister rudely interrupted. Oh well… no Happy Ending™ but it was still a great party! He even smiled! Or grimaced… His face did something kind of smile-like so I'm gonna count that as another successful part-aaaay!"

Twilight shuddered and silently prayed that Princess Luna would help her deal with the sticky nightmares she would no doubt be having tonight. To distract herself, she glanced around and noticed the path Pinkie was leading them seemed familiar. She whispered to Dusk, "Observatory?"

"Seems like it. I wonder why the Sovereigns are gathering us there?"

Twilight hummed and hypothesised. "Perhaps there's a magical meteor swarm that'll cause monsters to rise up and threaten Canterlot?"

He laughed. "Don't be ridiculous. That was last week."

"Oh yeah…"

The Starswirl & Skywhorl Memorial Observatory squatted atop one of the highest towers in Canterlot, necessitating trotting up (and strangely, down) quite a few stairs. The last spiral staircase wound past niches containing marble busts of ponykind's most accomplished star oglers: Ptoleneigh, Clopernicouscous, Garlic Leo. Dusk's tension eased, his lips quirked in a little smile. He'd come here almost every night as a colt, with a flask of hot cocoa and Twi by his side, both eager to explore the cosmos.

Waiting at the top was a scene that squelched happy foalhood memories.

The huge main telescope, as big as a train carriage, was retracted all the way to the shuttered dome high overhead. It hung like a polished brass cloud over a doughnut-shaped conference table moved into the cleared space at the centre of the Observatory's floor. Wrinkled professors wearing tweed jackets with patches on the knees and nerdy students in lab coats were displaced by the regal Sovereigns of Harmony, who sat round the table silently observing the Squire's arrival.

"Here ya go!"

Dusk started as Bubble shoved a party horn covered in glittering wrapping paper into his face, along with the string of a bright red balloon.

"One regulation party horn, balloon, and-" Bubble adjusted the silly hat on Dusk's head "-one regulation cap-o-victory!"

Dusk caught the balloon and horn with a glow from his built-in horn. "What's all this for?"

"For when we save the world, silly", was Bubble's winking reply.

The pink twins girded everypony's loins with silly party favours, produced from a sack left at the top of the stairs. Ignoring the precondition of actually saving the world first, Rainbow Dash and Blitz had a great time smacking each other in the face with the paper coils of their party horns. Wailing, discordant party favour honks announced their entrance - much to Discord and Eris' delight.

Twilight cringed as a pale blue alicorn sitting at the table waved a commanding hoof in the air. "Squire Twilight Sparkle! Squire Dusk Shine! It's about time. The Great and Powerful Princess Trixie-"

"And me!"

"Yes, yes." Without looking, Princess Trixie placed a hoof over her brother's muzzle and continued to wave. "And the High-and-Mighty Prince Hocus Pocus. We have saved you seats! Are We not the most gracious, the most thoughtful, the most resourceful and benevolent of monarchs?"

Twilight teeth ground together and with her head hanging low she slunk over to the cushion beside her assigned Sovereign, and reluctantly sat. She'd never gotten along with Trixie, who had become even more insufferable after somehow acquiring wings. Twilight was convinced that she'd paid a down-on-their-luck organ 'donor' and had them sewn on in some seedy back-alley clinic. After all, you could buy anything in Manehattan.

Anything!

Dusk had it easier since Hocus Pocus had at least a tiny shred of humility lurking somewhere behind a slick layer of showponyship and hair gel.

Doing her best to tune out 'Princess' Trixie's self-aggrandising monologue, Twilight watched the other Squires find seats with their respective Sovereigns:

Applejack and Applejack with the Sovereigns of Honesty, Princess Celestia and Prince Solaris. Their Sun's beneficent rays brought life to all green and growing things, so it unfortunately made sense for earth-aligned ponies to squire to them. Oh how Twilight wished she were assigned to the Element of Honesty instead of Magic! She dearly loved magic, but Celestia was a princess worth looking up to!

And up.

And up.

Sooo much graceful neck…

Pinkie Pie and Bubble Berry writhed in a disturbingly sexual snuggle-huggle pile of pink fur and snake-like bodies. Discord and Eris, who didn't care for titles, were the only non-alicorn Sovereigns. Thank the bloody stars for that!

Squires Rarity and Elusive were already present, sharing high tea with Prince Sombra and Princess Umbra. Their stark white and dark grey hides softened and warmed by elegant blazers and dresses - no doubt designed and tailored by the fashionista twins. All four looked somewhat offended as they nibbled petit fours and tried to ignore the wriggly-giggly mess of mismatched limbs beside them.

Fluttershy and Butterscotch huddled with Princess Cadence and Prince Tempo. Unfortunately, there was no sign of Twilight's B.S.B.F.F.'s (Big Siblings Best Friends Forever), who must be keeping the Empire's thrones warm.

The Rainbow twins calmed down a little as they joined the solemn Princess Luna and Prince Artemis. Blitz got one last blast in with his party horn, smacking Dash on her rump. Twilight shook her head and frowned - Blitz had an unhealthy obsession with his sister's backside. Perhaps that was why, more often than not, he ended up trailing behind her during their never-ending races? Gross.

And of course Twilight was stuck sitting on Princess Trixie's right hoof, Prince Hocus Pocus sat on Trixie's left and Dusk sat between Hocus Pocus and Squire Applejack - the mare half of that confusing but very traditionally named pair. Stallion AJ was three more seats away, and with her thinks-highly-of-herself-ness in the way, Twilight couldn't even sneak peeks at his muscular and scruffy hotness.

She bit her lip and daydreamed of dirty, filthy unshorn fetlocks.

Princess Celestia, Chair Pony of the Sovereigns, rapped one of her hooves on the table and rose to address everypony. It took a few moments for quiet to settle and for the Elements of Laughter to disentangle and curl up on their own seating cushions.

"Sovereigns and Squires of Harmony! Thank you all for coming so quickly."

She had to pause for Bubble Berry's sotto voce, "Snrk! She said 'coming'!"

Celestia smiled indulgently as several ponies (and other things) snickered, before continuing. "We have summoned a full quorum today to discuss grave news of a threat to Equestria - indeed to reality as we know it. I ask that you listen carefully to what Princess Luna and Prince Artemis have discovered. Afterwards we will plan how to respond to this impending crisis."

Princess Luna's moon rose as Celestia's sunny rump sank to her cushion. She waved a hoof towards the hole in the table's centre, and a transparent glowing illusion appeared. It looked something like a star map - a three-dimensional scattering of glowing motes, spread thin in some areas, clustered into tight clumps in others. A topology which reminded Twilight of bath sponges she'd dissected as a little filly. But the lumpy, cratered mass with weird lobes hanging off didn't chart any part of the sky that Twilight knew of.

"Behold!" declared Luna, "A map my brother and I contrived, depicting our known Multiverse."

Dusk waved a hoof to catch Twilight's eye. She leaned past Trixie's swollen bulk and they shared matching road-apple-eating grins of delight! Twilight was practically squeeing where she sat! They'd pestered Princess Luna for months to let them investigate this whole 'multiverse' phenomena. Ever since the confusing incidents with Starswirl's mirror and the freakish bipedal creatures who lived on the other side. It must have taken mountains of collected data to produce this map! They drooled over visions of blissfully delving deep into the nature of reality, and publishing reams of calculations and theories.

Prince Artemis stood and in a deep, resonant voice he continued the presentation. "Please note that the three dimensions of our map are not Eweclidian geometry. What you see here as 'Width' is actually the 'Strange' dimension; 'Height' is 'Genre'; and 'Depth' is 'Ship'. There are many other dimensions to the Multiverse but these three are the most relevant."

Dusk held up a hoof and Princess Luna nodded to him.

"Where are we on this map, Your Highness?"

Luna's horn flared and a large red arrow appeared, pointing down at a glowing mote on the skin of one of the distended lobes sticking out of the main mass of the map. "THOU ART HERE" written in red-glowing text appeared beneath.

A wave of her hoof set the map to slowly rotating as Princess Luna said, "We find ourselves in one of the outlying limbs of the Multiverse, surrounded by equally unusual examples of universes. We are most pleased by our unique individuality in a vast uncountable sea of bland sameness. Even though it be the crux of our problem."

The Sovereigns of Loyalty paused for a dramatic moment to let that sink in.

Expressions around the large table ranged from confusion (the Apple twins) to fear (Rarity, Elusive, Butterscotch, and Fluttershy) back to confusion again (Pinkie and Bubble), and finally to boredom (the Rainbow twins, of course). The only Squires really eager to learn more were Twilight and Dusk. Having already seen this presentation, the Sovereigns of Harmony merely sat and observed their Squire's reactions.

Seeking a little audience participation Princess Luna asked, "What do you Squires know of 'Domino Theory'?"

Pinkie Pie waved a hoof in the air and shouted, "Oh! Oh! That's when you have to go sit in the corner with a pointy hat on your head if there's no tiles left in the boneyard!"

Snorting derisively, Elusive said, "Pinkie, darling. If there are no tiles in the boneyard you just pass. There are no silly punishments while one is playing dominoes."

"There are if you're playing with me!"

Elusive rolled his eyes and snarked, "I should think playing dominoes with you would be punishment enough."

Sensing that things were getting out-of-hoof, Prince Artemis cleared his throat loudly and spoke over top of the arguing Squires. "'Domino Theory' comes from the foal's game of lining up dominoes, knocking one over and setting off a chain reaction that knocks down all of the domino tiles." He gestured at the map and two of the motes of light in the bulge that contained their own universe winked out. "A domino has fallen in our corner of the Multiverse."

Dusk Shine gasped loudly and asked, "W-what happened to them?"

Princess Luna said, "It appears that two of our fellow 'unique' universes annihilated one another when their 'Ship' dimensions became perfectly aligned. Based on our readings they were almost polar opposites in several other dimensions, so when they collided…" She sat up and clapped her fore hooves together to make a mighty clop that resounded in the Observatory, making its shutters rattle.

In the flat-eared silence that followed, Prince Artemis gestured at the map again and as he spoke, additional motes began to wink out. "The ripple of that catastrophe is causing nearby universes to collapse. Each of which is sending out another ripple of instability, hence my reference to the Domino Theory. We have two days at most before the ripples reach our own universe, but we may have less time than that in which to save ourselves or-" he couldn't help pausing dramatically before intoning "-to prepare for our doom."

Both of the Sovereigns of Loyalty sat and a leaden, moribund hush descended over the room. Broken only by Rainbow Dash's surprisingly quiet snores.

Elusive briefly thought about prodding her awake, but decided it was better if she slept through the eggheads figuring out who's rump needed kicking.

Better for her and everypony else.

Princess Celestia gracefully rose and her usually warm and soothing voice carried a note of pain. "Thank you, dear brother and sister. I am very sorry to have called all of you here to receive such terrible news." She sighed and gestured around the table. "We Sovereigns have discussed how to best deal with this looming catastrophe and have come to no useful conclusions. That is why we have summoned all of you Squires, in hope that a fresh set of younger minds may see a way forwards where we have failed. I will go around the room now and if you have any suggestions, no matter how foalish you may believe them to be, please speak up." Celestia turned to smile at each of the Apple twins and asked, "Do you have anything you wish to say Applejack or Applejack?"

Her pronunciation of their names was subtle and perfect, of course.

Applejack shyly ducked down and hid beneath his hat. "Eeeeeeeeeeh… nope."

"Well…" Applejack scratched her mane, settled her hat back in place, and said, "Ah recon we'd all jus' better hunker down an' hope fer the best. Maybe drink a few rounds and kiss our be-hinds g'bye."

Honest answers, but not particularly helpful ones.

Celestia nodded and waved an encouraging hoof to the Elements of Laughter to speak up, though everypony had to wait a few moments for Bubble to stop laughing. It wasn't his fault really, Eris had been tickling his ears with her tail tip.

"Psst! Prince Artemis!"

Artemis leaned past a sleepy looking Rainbow Blitz so that Twilight could whisper in his ear.

"May Dusk and I use your map? We've had an idea but we need to examine your data to refine our hypotheses."

Receiving a request directly from another sovereign's Squire wasn't strictly to protocol, but Artemis was well aware of Twilight's difficult relationship with Princess Trixie - who was too busy checking that her mascara was perfect with a little hoofmirror to even notice Twilight's infraction. He shrugged and whispered back, "Most certainly, Squire Twilight. Please use it as you will and know that I look forward to your pulling our tails from the fire once more."

Twilight blushed with pleasure at Prince Artemis' appreciation for her hard work… and Dusk's as well, of course. She stood up and trotted behind the Sovereigns of Magic's backs to Dusk's seat and together they began rapidly manipulating the map and taking notes. Heads together, whispering rapidly back and forth, they were soon lost in their own nerdy world of dimensional-physics, math, and magic.

The only world that made sense!

Pinkie Pie finished her little song and dance number with a "ta-dah" and a grin.

Discord and Eris applauded and whistled while Bubble Berry took a bow and tucked away his harmonica and accordion. Rarity, Elusive, and the Sovereigns of Generosity also applauded, but for mere politeness sake.

Celestia cleared her throat and said, "Umm… that was a lovely performance. But I am afraid I do not understand your idea."

Pinkie threw her hooves in the air and gleefully cried, "Once more from the top!"

"No! No… Please." Princess Celestia winced, then looked slightly guilty as she explained, "We are short on time, so if you would not mind summarising…?"

Bubble pouted, but tucked his musical instruments back into his frizzy mane and said, "We were thinking maybe just use Discord and Eris' crazy magical weirdness and zap the evil shocked wave fronts to turn 'em into cupcakes. Or chocolate, maybe? Mmm… waves of chocolate…"

Eris waggled a finger at Celestia and purred, "Now, now, Tia. You did say any foalish idea, didn't you?"

"Unfortunately, my delightfully pink friend-" Discord said while giving Bubble a hug and head noogie "-our chaos powers don't work in the… I guess you could call it a 'space' between universes. We could open portals to other universes and save a few hundred ponies." He chuckled in a slightly mad way. "Leading a band of interspatial hobos could be amusing, if we-"

Applejack interrupted loudly, "No way! No how! If'n Sweet Apple Acres is doomed then ah'm doomed raight along with it. Ain't that right, AJ?"

"Eeyup!"

"Ah know fer a fact that Big Mac, Macarena, Apple Bloom, Applebuck, and the grandfolk'd all rather stick with the land and take whatever lumps is comin' our way." Having said her piece, Applejack sat back with her forelegs folded and a grumpy frown-of-finality on her muzzle.

Celestia nodded her approval and quietly said, "I believe that most of my little ponies would feel the same way about abandoning our universe. But thank you for the offer, Discord." She waved to the Elements of Generosity and asked, "Do you have any ideas you would like to share, Squires Rarity and Elusive?"

Elusive closed his eyes and swallowed heavily to try and clear his nausea from watching Dusk and Twilight spinning and zooming the Multiverse map. He coughed and said, "Umm… is there a shield spell we could cast to protect us? Like the one that was used over the Crystal Empire when my Sovereigns were saved from Disharmony?"

Prince Sombra muttered something that might have been "Crystalsss" as he sipped from delicate tea cup. Princess Umbra frowned and smacked him on the back of the head.

Princess Cadence shook her head and said, "I'm afraid the Crystal Heart lacks sufficient power to protect even a tiny portion of Equestria if that were even an option. This disaster isn't something from within our universe. It will undo our past as well as our present, meaning that any spell or artifact we have will never have existed to be used."

Squire Rarity moaned, "Oh, this is simply dreadful! I was going to suggest we use the Elements of Harmony but it sounds as if they would be undone before we would even have the opportunity to use them."

"I am afraid that would be the case, yes." Princess Celestia sighed and waved a hoof to the Squires of Loyalty.

Rainbow Dash's contribution consisted of a snorty-snore and a quiet toot that fluttered her rainbow tail. Blitz shrugged and said, "I vote for Applejack's plan of guzzling cider and ass kissing."

Princess Celestia honestly hadn't expected anything more but still nodded graciously and smiled, before turned to see what the Great Lavender Hopes had gotten up to while she had killed time letting the other Squires have their say.

Dusk jabbed at one of his calculations with a hoof and whispered, "Yes! See, Twily. If we can adjust it strangewards by negative eighty five degrees then we should-"

"Eighty five degrees?! How in Equestria are going to-"

"Hello, Squires Twilight and Dusk? Do you have any suggestions for how to save our universe?"

Dusk and Twilight both blinked up at Celestia with the cutest owl-like expressions as she interrupted. Dusk Shine coughed behind a polite hoof held to his muzzle and said, "Actually, I think we do."

Prince Hocus Pocus jabbed his sister in the side with an elbow and hissed, "Tixie! They've done it again. Time for a Grand Announcement!" Princess Trixie's glare at Hocus for messing her mascara application quickly shifted into glee as she leapt to her hind legs and made a grand gesture that sent a volley of tasteless fireworks shooting around the Observatory.

"Hear me everypony! The Great and Powerful PrincessTrixie-"

"And me!"

"-andtheWise&WhateverHocusPocus, have a grand announcement! Our very own dear Squires, our precious underlings, our adequate students in all things magical have…" She glanced at Hocus Pocus and stage whispered, "What've they done this time?"

He leapt up and waved his hooves in a trying-to-stay-balanced-on-my-hind-legs and not-terribly-grand way and declared, "I don't knooow! But it's amazing and important and I'm sure they'll tell us all about it!" He caught his breath and shouted, "Ta-dah!" A single little firecracker popped as sad punctuation.

Princess Trixie groaned in embarrassment. She quickly sat, pulling her brother back down onto his cushion and furiously whispered, "See! This is why Trixie doesn't let you tread upon the Royal Stage anymore! You're always fluffing your lines!"

"I think it went pretty well." Hocus pouted.

Princess Celestia peeked out from behind the hoof she had pressed to her forehead to check if the Sovereigns of Magic had finished. She smiled encouragingly to Dusk and Twilight and said, "Please tell us what you have found, Twilight and Dusk." Before they could get started she remembered to lean in and whisper, "And keep it simple, please." Her eye roll at the Rainbow twins was not lost on Dusk and Twilight, who both nodded.

Being old hooves at making presentations together, Dusk took control of the Multiverse map while Twilight cleared her throat and stepped out onto the tabletop so she could more easily point to the map's features.

"When Princess Luna and Prince Artemis showed us the map, I noticed these crater-like features here-" she pointed at a spot on the map that Dusk zoomed in on "-and here." The map rotated and she pointed out another, larger crater in the main mass of the Multiverse.

"Dusk and I think these are scars from previous Domino Effect collapses of branches of highly divergent universes, much like the one we are part of."

Rainbow Blitz raised a hoof, "What's a highly dye… die… di-thingy uni… thing?"

Dusk replied, "'Highly divergent' means a universe that is strange, unusual, or just plain bizarre relative to an average sample of the other universes." He wished he'd brought A Basic Treatise on Belle's Curves with him. The erotic pictures might hold Blitz' attention long enough for the rock-headed pegasus to learn something.

With a nod Twilight continued, "From this evidence we concluded that this kind of destructive event has happened in the past, and they haven't destroyed the entire Multiverse. It seems that the closer a given universe is to the main body, the greater its resilience to the wavefront of distortion propagating through the interversal braynes."

"Whut?"

Seeing Applejack's blank look echoed on everypony's faces, Dusk jumped in with another simplification. "They're less likely to go 'pop'."

"Well a'right, then."

Twilight's eye twitched. "R-right… No go 'pop'." She shook her head and marefully carried on. "So what we need to do to save our universe-" Twilight pointed to the 'THOU ART HERE' arrow "-is move it out of this branch and closer to the main body of the Multiverse." Her hoof tip swept down in a straight line until it touched the bright, shimmering core at the middle of the map.

You could have heard a pin drop. If not for the pegasus mare quietly snoring at Twilight's hooves.

"Umm… I… I have a question, if, if it's okay?"

Twilight turned to face Butterscotch and nodded, "Sure. What do you want to know?"

He lowered his hoof and glanced at his sister as she tried to nose up one of Princess Cadence's wings to hide under. "Well, um, actually it's Shy-Shy's question. So… umm…"

Twilight knew how difficult it was for either of the Squires of Kindness to even speak in public, let alone say anything that might even possibly offend somepony. So she spoke in a quiet, friendly voice that she might use to coax a kitten out from under a couch. "It's okay, Butterscotch, there are no bad questions and I'll do my very best to answer you and Fluttershy. Okay?"

Butterscotch nodded and gathered his courage, hugged himself with his wings and asked, "How? Umm… I mean, how do we m-move a whole universe?"

"He's… or she's, gotta point there, shugar cube. Ain't like we can hitch up a heap-o-ponies to a tree and drag the whole of Equestria 'round." Applejack spoke with the authority of a mare who had tried.

Twilight nodded and turned to address her brother. "I established that we need to move but you came up with how we might do it. Do you want to tell them?"

Dusk squirmed in his seat. He pouted and said, "I guess, if I have to."

Poor Dusk had less experience with public speaking and Twilight waved a hoof to encourage him to get up onto the table. He'd never improve if he didn't practice. He hesitated, but eventually clambered up onto the table and started walking towards the map - but turned to quickly snatch up a few pages of notes to hang onto, a bit like a comforting blanket. He settled on his haunches near the map, glanced at his notes, coughed and said, "W-well… You have to keep in mind that this map-" He waved a hoof through the core of the Multiverse, making it blur for a moment. "Oops! Uh, this map isn't showing real width, height and so on. There are couple of dozen dimensions-"

"Twenty seven. That we know of." Twilight interrupted before she could stop herself. Her dislike of inaccuracies overwhelming her desire to see her brother getting some lecturing practice.

Dusk nodded and continued, "Yes. Twenty seven dimensions, at least. Thank you, Twily. Anyway, the universes are kind of fixed in place on most of these dimensions but on a few of them they move around. From what we read in Prince Artemis and Princess Luna's data, most of that quantised flux is random, but some is caused by events taking place within a universe. O-or cause events to occur in a universe. Or maybe they're really the same thing?" He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, "We're still figuring that out, but for now we can assume it's events within a universe affecting its motion. Umm…"

He reached out to roll the map's timeline back to just before where Luna had shown them the first 'Domino' fall and he zoomed it in so the two ex-universes filled the area over the table.

"See, these two universes moved along their 'Ship' dimension, collided, and imploded."

Dusk Shine pointed at the two enlarged motes as he shuffled the timeline backwards and forwards. "See how their Ship vectors accelerate so dramatically? This only took a few seconds. And do you know what moved them so quickly? Ponies. Or something a lot like ponies. We don't know exactly who or what was living there but as they were our neighbours it was probably ponies."

"It's ponies all the way down."

Every pony and draconequus turned to stare at Pinkie Pie.

"What? Our Gramgram used to say that all the time. Anyway, I have a question." Belatedly she raised a hoof into the air and waved it around.

Dusk shook his head at the typical pink nonsense and said, "Umm… Rrright, so, what's your question?"

"How do ponies that are teeny-weeny, itty-bitty, little-bittle, tiny-winy things move something big like - I don't know - a whole everything?"

Dusk waved a hoof in Twilight's direction as he replied, "It was Twily who helped me calculate that with the data on hoof. In Grokking the Multiverse the author speculates that what she called the 'Ship' vector corresponds to the relationships of everypony in that universe. 'Ship'. 'Relationship'. Get it?"

Pinkie grinned, nodded her fluffy head, and eagerly chirped, "Nope! I don't got it."

Applejack chimed in and asked, "So, what yer jawin' about is that if'n somepony's-" she raised her hooves in the air and made quote signs "-'relationship' changes it pushes the universe 'round?"

Dusk nodded and pointed at AJ. "Precisely that, yes!"

"While I'll be… Gives a whole new meanin' to rockin' somepony's world now, don't it?"

Princess Cadence gasped and shouted, "Holy Tartarus, that is AMAZEBALLS!" Visions of driving the universe around with arranged relationships danced in her head. Eyes glazing over, she mimed hoofing a steering wheel and made 'brum brum' sounds.

Her outburst seemed to break the tense atmosphere (of Rainbow Dash's flatulence) and suddenly everypony started talking. The general consensus was that Twilight and Dusk should be praised for their idea, but it was a narrow margin between that and having them locked away for everypony's safety. Prince Sombra was particularly adamant about the locking up, but Umbra had the deciding vote and couldn't pass up the opportunity to tweak her brother's muzzle.

After a short recess for tea, pastries, and trips to the little colts and fillies rooms, Princess Celestia rapped one of her hooves on the table.

"Alright, everypony. Calmly, please. Everypony take your seats and we will- Has anypony seen the Squires of Kindness?"

Princess Cadence blushed and raised her wings to reveal a yellow pegasi on each side, cuddled up like chicks. She gave them gentle nudges to go back to their own cushions.

Celestia smiled and gently cleared her throat. "Ahem. Well then. Let us pick up where we left off, shall we? I believe we have the start of a solution, but the question is this: how may we effectively use pony relationships to save our universe?"

Applejack pushed her hat back and cheerfully said, "Well, the answer's obvious ain't it? Round up all the unwed ponies, get 'em liquored up on apple brandy, an' let nature take its course!"

There was a chorus of laughter, snickers, polite titters, and guffaws. But Dusk Shine leaped to his hooves and shouted, "No! No, that's the worst possible thing we could do! That could be worse than doing nothing."

Applejack quieted down and turned her half lidded gaze on Dusk. Something that in ordinary circumstances might have caused him a confusing quiver of excitement.

"Y'all better explain that, shugar cube."

After catching his breath Dusk replied, "Random relationship…ing would cause random Ship vectors. We could end up not moving at all or worse it might push us into an expanding distortion wavefront. No, what we need is carefully determined, controlled, and monitored relationshiping."

"Y'mean like arranged marryin'?"

"Yyyes… Any relationship activity really - dating, marriage, the… things… that married ponies d-do." Dusk blushed and his voice cracked. "That… T-that kind of thing. Umm… Twily? Can you tell them the rest?"

"Hmm? What?" Blinking as she looked up from furiously re-checking a series of calculations on a long scroll it took a moment for her language neurons to process what had been said. Twilight nodded and stepped up onto the table once again. Dusk had been brave enough for one day and this lecture was going to be a doozy!

Putting on her brave face she took a deep breath, glanced over at Princess Celestia's lovely serene expression and said, "As my brother discussed, random relationships would likely not get us anywhere and could very well make things much worse." Her horn glowed, causing the Multiverse map to rotate and zoom out. With a hoof she pointed to the densest portion of the Multiverse core. "What we need is to move our universe to mingle with these ones. That's where we'll be the safest. So Dusk and I studied the data on a random sample of these universes."

Princess Luna interrupted and said, "We only performed a very quick survey with a very low fidelity. Yet you could see enough to examine each universe in detail?"

Slumping over the table at Luna's side, Rainbow Dash lost the battle to keep her heavy eyelids open.

"Yes, actually. The results are not granular but it seems like the Multiverse's structure is very sensitive to variations in Ship."

Luna nodded and waved a hoof for Twilight to continue.

"Well… Dusk and I compared your readings for a small random sample of universes around what we're calling 'The Core'. We found a direct correlation between Ship measurements and the Elements of Harmony. From that we made a list of ponies whose relationships we can use to move our universe and the good news is that these ponies do exist in our universe." Twilight paused there and looked around the circular table to see how everypony was reacting so far.

Princess Cadence smiled and said, "Twily, when somepony says 'the good news is' that means that there's bad news as well. So, out with it, little bug. What's the bad news?"

Twilight scuffed her hooves on the table top and looked down at them. "Umm… Well, these particularly important pones… They're…"

Rainbow Blitz flared his wings angrily and shouted, "Oh for Celestia's sake, spit it out already!" Dash jerked awake and glared at her brother.

Princess Celestia chuckled. "Yes, for my sake please tell us, Squire Twilight."

Twilight lips curled in lopsided, nervous smile and she quietly said, "It's us."

Applejacks' brows furrowed and she asked, "Whut? You an' Dusk Shine?"

"No! I… I mean, yes. Kind of. It's us." Twilight waved a hoof in a circle that took in everypony sitting around the table. "All of us."

Around the table voices were suddenly raised to express concerns and ask questions. Princess Celestia's polite but firm hoof raps eventually calmed everypony down and quiet returned in the echoing Observatory.

Dusk coughed, held up a hoof and said, "A-actually, it's not every pony present and there are a few others who aren't here. But they're much less… I suppose, 'potent' is the best word for it."

Twilight grinned and felt a bust of pride and affection for her brother. This was his very first time correcting her when she was lecturing! She wished this moment would last forever, but she had a presentation to finish and a universe that needed saving.

"Dusk?"

He smiled crookedly and apologised, "Oops… sorry, Twily. Didn't mean to-"

She waved a hoof to shush him and asked, "Did you finish the relationships chart? Could you hoof out copies of it to everypony?"

He nodded and his horn glowed, raising up a sheet of paper from their morass of notes and empty coffee mugs. He cast a duplication spell on it and a bar of light slid down the hovering page, from top to bottom with a 'zzzhrup' sound followed by a bright 'ping' as a duplicate burst into existence. He repeated the spell while Twilight caught each new page with her magic and walked around the table giving each Sovereign and Squire a copy. She had to shake Rainbow Dash's shoulder a few times to wake her up.

Dash rubbed one of her eyes while giving the chart a confused and wary look. "Uhhh… What the hay is this, Twilight?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Not that she wasn't going to explain it anyway, but it was important to encourage audience participation - according to Gift O'Gab's How To Slay 'Em: Offencive Thinkology for Meetings.

Twilight waved her own copy of the chart over her head and pointed to it. "When we surveyed the Core universes we found out that all of us Squires are nexii of relationships within those universes. The lines between our cutie marks indicate that we detected that relationship in a universe and if our pet theory is correct it also indicates which relationships have the greatest potential for moving our own universe into closer proximity to the Core."

Pausing to catch her breath, Twilight looked around the table to see if everypony was following along. She hoped the visual aid (a Material Component recommended by Gift O'Gab) was making it clear. Most of the Sovereigns seemed to be keeping up, except for Discord and Eris who had gotten bored and were having a transformation battle - turning each other into different kinds of fruit-based creatures. The Sovereigns of Magic weren't paying attention either but Twilight hadn't really expected them to, so no loss there.

Pinkie and Bubble were wearing folded paper hats and shouting 'gyarr' at one another. Twilight narrowed her eyes at them and snorted in irritation. Turning perfectly good charts into hats was… just like them actually. Moving on, Elusive and Rarity were both puzzling over the chart and whispering, probably about how gauche the crude brush stroke rendition of their cutie mark looked. Fluttershy was looking strangely enthusiastic and excited while her brother hid under one of Princess Cadence's wings. Rainbow Blitz was polishing his hooves and Dash was yawning and struggling to stay awake. Dusk was busy working through another series of calculations and the Apple twins…

Applejack cleared her throat and poked a hoof at her copy of the chart. "Okay, shugar cube. Ah get whut ya mean 'bout how alla us are real important on account of how we're all busy hitchin' up with one another in other universes an' all. But don't you an' Dusky there already got pet owls?"

Twilight was nonplussed.

She had no plusses to give.

"Wat."

"Owls, Twilight!" Applejack exclaimed while angrily shaking a hoof. "Now ah know we got other critters down on the farm but they ain't no pets. No more'n Spike an' Barb is pets. So if'n you n your brother are tryin' to get a leg up on the rest of us by makin' extra pets outta these here 'treerees' ah gotta say, that's lower than a cragodile's tailhole. Pardon mah Fancy."

Twilight pressed a hock over her eyes and groaned loudly.

"Umm… Applejack", said Dusk. "A 'pet theory' isn't an animal."

"It ain't?"

Dusk shook his head and wondered why in Equestria his disorderly libido kept nudging and winking and insisting that this ignorant hick was eminently 'do-able'.

Across the table Fluttershy slumped back down onto her pillow. The moment somepony had started talking about pets she'd slipped out from under Cadence's wing with a manic gleam in her eye. She pouted as her fantasies about super cute and cuddly 'treerees' were shattered. She'd imagined them looking like silly, gangly monkeys with fluffy-wuffy kitten faces and colourful parrot wings.

Such creatures did in fact exist a few dozen universes over. The results of 'Doctor' Fluttershy's horrific perfect pet breeding experiments.

Twilight sighed and tried to get back on topic. "Aaanyway… What Dusk and I propose we do next is perform a 'relationshipping' experiment and use the mirror and Multiverse map to measure how far and in which direction we move in the Ship dimension."

Princess Celestia nodded her beautiful head and said, "I understand and I think I can say that all of we Sovereigns of Harmony approve of this plan." She paused to look around the table at the other Sovereigns and there we no dissenters, just enthusiastic nods or 'no skin of my muzzle' shrugs. "Thank you very much for your hard work Twilight Sparkle and Dusk Shine. May I ask who is going to perform the experiment?"

Twilight scuffed a hoof on the table top. "Umm…" She looked around at the Squires and asked, "Any volunteers?"

Pinkie Pie bounced up and down on her pillow with a hoof raised in the air. "Ooh! Ooh!"

"Are you volunteering, Pinkie?"

"Noper-doper! I just think you an Dusky should go first since it's your pet treeree." She grinned and poked Elusive in the side. "Am I right? Or am I right?"

Elusive looked mildly offended and almost dropped his teacup.

"Oh! Err… Umm…", Twilight stammered and blushed furiously. "A-actually, we'll both need to be with Princess Luna so we can monitor the Multiverse map. I was hoping the most potent nexus would be willing to go first."

Applejack pushed her hat back on her head while she examined the chart, "So that'd be…?"

"The Rainbow twins." Twilight nodded towards Blitz and Rainbow Dash, who had fallen asleep again with her cheek resting on her copy of the chart.

An uncharacteristically restrained Blitz asked, "So… You're asking us to do this 'relationshipping' experiment, right?"

Twilight nodded encouragingly.

"Doing 'relationship' stuff like First, Second, Third-base, and… even Home Plate?"

Twilight didn't understand his sport-related similes and had no time for research, but she could guess what they meant. With her blush deepening she nodded and said, "Sorry, Blitz I know it's really unusual and embarrassing to arrange something like this but, yes. You'd have to-"

"ALL RIGHT!" Blitz leapt up onto the table and danced on his hind legs while pumping his fore hooves in the air. "Oh, yeah baby! Gonna get me some sweet sweet lovin's tonight! Unh! Unh! Unh!"

Twilight grimaced and pranced back from the hip-pumping stallion. His hoof stomps woke up his sister who sat up with the chart stuck to the side of her head.

"What the hay?!"

Rainbow Blitz grabbed his sister's legs and hauled her up onto the table with him. He shouted, "This is awesome! We're number one, sis! We're number one!"

"We are? Well, heck yeah! Of course we are!"

The twin's hoof stomping, hip bumping and shoulder slapping dance accompanied by their chanting of "We're number one!" went on for several minutes while everypony around the table either applauded, rolled their eyes, or did their best to ignore them.

Applejack muttered, "Eeeyep… Number one sluts of the Multiverse."

It took several minutes of very insistent, but still polite, rapping of Princess Celestia's hoof before everypony calmed down and resumed their seats.

Beaming beneficently at the Rainbow twins Celestia said, "Thank you both for volunteering so… enthusiastically for this duty."

Rainbow Dash peeled the chart off her cheek and asked, "Uh… what did I volunteer for? Your highness? Ma'am?"

"Why, for Squires Twilight Sparkle and Dusk Shine's relationshipping experiment."

"Ohhh no! No, no, no! I'm not letting them do any experiments on me again!" She sat back with her forelegs folded and grumped, "Last time I was grounded for weeks while my feathers grew back."

Blitz poked at his sister with a sharp hoof. "Hey! Don't spoil this for me, sis. It's not that kind of experiment. It'll be fun!"

"Fun? What kind of fun?"

"Kissing!" yelled Pinkie Pie.

"And cuddling", said Butterscotch.

"An' snoggin'", smirked Applejack. (The mare, not the stallion.)

"And fucking!" shouted Princess Cadence before clamping hooves over her muzzle and cackling like a hyena in heat.

Almost everypony around the table burst out laughing, except for Rainbow Dash who shot up into the air and began frantically circling the inside of the Observatory's dome, looking for a way out. Once Princess Celestia regained her composure she applied her hoof to the abused surface of the table once more while Prince Solaris' powerful magic gently netted Rainbow Dash and returned her to her seat.

Twilight and Dusk had to go over the entire plan once more, dumbing it down and repeating it in shorter and shorter words until Rainbow Dash finally understood that by 'fooling around' she would save the entire universe.

It took Twilight and Dusk both Pinkie-Pie-Swearing that they wouldn't be sticking sensors on her or standing next to the bed taking notes before Dash reluctantly agreed.

Meanwhile the other ponies took the opportunity to get refreshments and rib Princess Cadence.

Once everypony settled, Twilight Sparkle clip-clopped up onto the table and slipped into nerd-lecture mode, only now with the new role as match-maker to fulfil as well.

"Okay, everypony. Now that our, ahem, Number One-" the Rainbow twins had insisted on the title "-relationship nexus has volunteered, we need another pair of Squires before we can start the experiment." She turned to address the Rainbow twins. "Dash, Blitz. Do you have any preferences? For maximum effect it should be ponies that you want to, uh, experiment with."

"Well…" Dash's cheeks pinked and her voice was uncharacteristically quiet and shy as she admitted, "I… I've always kinda, sorta, had a thing for Applejack."

Applejack blushed red-and-delicious in a totally not ironic way, almost matching his big siblings' fur colour.

His sister cocked an eyebrow and drawled, "Really? Y'all fancy the strong silent type, Dashie?"

Rainbow Dash waved a hoof and spluttered, "I- I mean, look at him! A big, slab of muscular, honest, scruffy, farmcolt. Any mare would want to roll in the hay with that!"

Twilight bit her lower lip and certainly couldn't argue against that assessment.

Sliding down onto his belly, Applejack hid behind the table, squashing his hat over his eyes with big chipped hooves.

Applejack snorted, "Well, not any mare. But I take yer meanin'."

Clearing her throat to get everyone's attention Twilight asked, "What about you, Rainbow Blitz?"

"I've always wanted to get into Elu-" He snorted and shook his head. "I mean Rarity's pants, uh, dress…"

Rarity and Elusive both looked startled by this revelation. Not displeased, but a confused mix of curious and horrified.

"Okaaay…" Twilight consulted the relationshipping chart and said, "Actually that's not really going to work. The ship potential there just isn't all that high and having sex of us- Ugh! I mean, 'six' of us involved in this first experiment could be disastrous. Is there any chance you could just, uh…" She gestured vaguely in mare Applejack's direction.

"Oh, ah get it! Ah see where this is goin'!" Applejack's nostrils flared as she snorted angrily. "Mah bro's the main course an' ah'm just a side of chopped hay! Y'all can shove-"

All four Squires of Loyalty and Honesty were suddenly enveloped in a pinkish-purple glow. Twilight turned to see Princess Cadence's horn fizzling out as her unique spell finished.

Cadence winked, blew on a hoof, and polished it against her chest fur.

Author's Note

Two chapters is all I'll be posting for now. I have a couple more written but in need of editing, then the rest of it is crudely roughed out. This story will take about nine chapters... I think......

Please PM me if you spot a typo.