Lyra and Bon Bon's Odd Jobs

It was late, and everypony was settling down for the night in Atomic Faith's house. While other fillies got to watch cartoons, Glowing Charity's parents provided their daughter with more... structured entertainment.

Glowing Charity was sitting up in her bed, watching her favorite PSA entitled, "Fillies Beware." The video was filmed before her parents were alive and was presented in black and white. Fillies Beware told the story of a little filly who had just gotten her pearl cutie mark. An earth pony mare with a cloth bag cutie mark approached the filly to congratulate her and offered her ice cream. Glowing Charity listened carefully as the stern, stallion announcer talked about the dangers of homosexuals.

"...what Pretty Pearl didn't know was that her new friend Carpetbagger had a secret." the announcer said, ominously, "Carpetbagger had a mental sickness. She was a lesbian, which meant she felt compelled to touch little fillies inappropriately." Glowing Charity hugged her doll tightly in fear.

To discourage their daughter from touching herself inappropriately, her parents hung a poster on the wall beside her bed that said in large letters, "A good filly always sleeps with her fore-hooves above the covers." Glowing Charity glanced up cautiously at the poster. Being a young filly, she didn't comprehend sex. All she knew was that it was bad for anypony to touch her private parts, including herself. The only exception was her future husband; but Glowing Charity was too little to concern herself with that now.

Radiant Hope had ignored her husband's request for conjugal bliss and went to bed early. Unable to sleep in his current condition, Atomic Faith got out of bed and walked down the halls.

"Not tonight dear. I have a headache," Atomic Faith muttered, repeating his wife's words, "Some days I swear she forgets that the mare is subservient to the stallion. Well, I know how to fix this problem." Atomic Faith slowly approached his daughter's room. He opened the door and stared at her in bed. Her golden curls rested on her tiny shoulders as she sat up in bed. The father wasted no time.

"Shut off the TV and go to sleep!" Atomic Faith barked, "It's past your bedtime!" Glowing Charity quickly turned the TV off, just as the PSA showed Carpetbagger being escorted to jail by the police. The filly turned off her light and closed her eyes; remembering to keep her fore-hooves above the covers.

Atomic Faith nodded. The last thing he needed was for his daughter to sneak out of bed and catch him performing atomic fusion on his carbon rod. Atomic Faith entered his home office and locked the door behind him. He didn't want anything to disturb his date with 'Rosy Hooves.'

"It's Radiant Hope's fault," Atomic Faith muttered, "If she did her duty by me as a wife, I wouldn't have to resort to this." The stallion took a box of tissues off his desk and lay back on his plush pillow. Using his personal office phone line, the stallion called a secret number.

"Hello? Frisky Fillies?" Atomic Faith said in a hushed tone to the voice on the other end, "I want to speak with your two sexiest mares."

Lyra and Bon Bon sat by two phones in their home, awaiting their first call. Since they had registering with Frisky Fillies, the main office would be redirecting clients to them.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me it was a phone sex hotline!" Bon Bon said. Her face had been beet red since the interview. Only now was the color starting to leave her cheeks.

"Would you have gone to the interview if you knew the truth?" Lyra asked, "Besides, it's called 'Frisky Fillies.' What else did you think that meant?"

"I thought frisky meant full of energy," Bon Bon said, defensively, "You know? Like a frisky puppy?" Lyra shook her head pitiably. They had successfully faked their way through the interview, but Lyra needed to make sure Bon Bon could handle this job.

"Do you think you know what to do?" Lyra asked, "Let's hear your sexy moaning." Bon Bon inhaled deeply, then breathed out through her nose.

"Oh baby. Oh baby Oh baby," Bon Bon said in a passionless monotone. Lyra did a facehoof.

"Ugh," she said, "You call that sexy moaning? Bons, I don't think you've caught the vision of what being a phone sex operator is all about." Lyra stood up and gave her marefriend a motivational speech.

"When a stallion calls us, we are like unchiseled marble to him," Lyra said, "He doesn't know what we look like, who we are or how we're feeling. He has to use his imagination, and our job is to indulge his fantasies. Like a gifted sculptor, we must shape his vision of us and convince him that we are more than cold statues. The stallion must believe that we are his dreams made reality. Our goal is to make him fall in love with his creation, just like the story of Pig-malion. If he wants a pegasus, we become pegasi. If he wants a blonde, we become blondes. We become and say whatever he wants. With every grunt or groan he makes, we offer words of encouragement to help bring him closer to his climax. Remember that we are not objectifying ourselves. We are not the statues. The visions we create are what we sell. We are the manufacturers; shaping a block of marble based on the stallion's designs. His climax is the ultimate form of positive feedback."

"Wow," Bon Bon said, in awe, "I had no idea talking dirty over the phone was such a noble profession." Lyra smiled humbly and shrugged her shoulders.

Suddenly, their phones rang, causing both of them to jump. Lyra and Bon Bon picked the receivers up. Bon Bon listened nervously. She heard obscene, heavy breathing over the phone. She thought she was going to be sick.

"Welcome to Frisky Fillies," Lyra said sensually, "Where the elite meet to beat their meat."

[Please transfer an additional $1.95 for the next minute or this call will be terminated; or feel free to read the steamier parts of this story in Lyra and Bon Bon's Odd Jobs II: Frisky Fillies.]

Berry Punch's first work week at the sperm bank was going much better than Lyra and Bon Bon's first week. Of course, on Lyra and Bon Bon's second day they each swallowed a gallon of jizz, lost their jobs and caused the bank to be shut down. So really, having a better first week than Lyra and Bon Bon wasn't too difficult.

Berry Punch was getting better about her drinking problem. To be more specific, she was getting better at hiding her drinking problem. She still drank like a thirsty fish, but she had learned how to conceal her ruby flask and only drank when nopony was looking. When the hallway she was in was deserted, Berry Punch pulled out the shiniest member of her family, Ruby, and took a big swig. Berry Punch was leaning against her sample cart to steady herself as she drained the flask of its contents, when Ruby Pinch walked around the corner. Berry Punch saw her daughter approach out of the corner of her blurred vision. The mare quickly hid her flask in a small drawer in the sample cart.

"Hi mom," Ruby Pinch said, unaware of her mother's recent drinking, "How are things at the cryobank?"

"It's thirsty work," the mare slurred back, "How was school?" Berry Punch gave a small hiccup. Her daughter scowled disapprovingly, but then shrugged it off and told her mother all about her day.

"Lishen Pinshy," Berry Punch slurred, "I have a couple hours left on my shift. Why don't you find a nice quiet place to do your homework? We'll go get some diner when I'm done."

"At a bar and grill?" Ruby Pinch asked, knowingly.

"Where else?" the mare said smiling as she pushed her cart down the hall; teetering slightly as she did so. The cart hit a wall as she turned the corner. This caused a manila envelope that had been sitting on top of the cart to fall to the floor. Berry Punch didn't notice it and kept on walking. Ruby Pinch saw it and ran up quick to retrieve it. Using her unicorn magic, she lifted the envelope up and examined it.

"Donor information: Classified," Ruby Pinch read aloud, "File in the Donor Archives Room." The filly looked around. Nopony was watching her. She looked over at her schoolbooks, resting on a windowsill. Ruby Pinch decided to help her mom out by filing this donor information before starting on her homework.

After a brief search, Ruby Pinch found the archives. They were located down the main hall, not far from the front desk. She turned on the lights as she entered the musty cryobank archives. The information of every stallion who'd ever given sperm to the cryobank was cataloged in this room. There were files along three of the walls, from floor to ceiling.

In addition to listing the stallion's personal information, it documented all the mares who had conceived by using the stallion's samples. There was a large, accordion-style file that was thicker than a phone book, which caught Ruby Pinch's attention.

"B. Macintosh," Ruby Pinch said, reading the name on the mammoth dossier. She looked around the room and found the appropriate place for the file she brought.

As she turned to leave, Ruby Pinch stopped herself. She didn't know the identity of her father. Her mother hadn't cared who the donor was, she just wanted a foal. As Ruby Pinch glanced back at the rows of archives, her heart beat faster knowing her father was somewhere in this room. If she wanted to find out who he was, this was her chance.

Near the front of the room, there were volumes of thick books, which documented all the mares who received sperm. Ruby Pinch went back a decade, one year before she was born. She opened to the middle of the book and scoured the 'P' section.

"Here it is!" Ruby Pinch said excitedly, "B. Punch. Sperm donor #1514." After studying the various methods used for processing archives, Ruby Pinch finally found the packet with her father's information. She hesitated before opening the file, wishing to savor the moment of discovery. She had preconceived notions about what her father might look like. Once she read the information, there would be no going back. Her filly fantasies would all vanish to be replaced with undeniable reality. Unable to wait any longer, Ruby Pinch opened the file and read her father's name.

"Pokey Pierce," she read. Before scanning the file further to glean more information, Ruby Pinch stared at the name and reflected on it, like it was a mysterious riddle waiting to be solved.

Berry Punch, Ruby Pinch and Pokey Pierce," Berry Pinch said aloud, "Punch, Pinch and Pierce." While their three names painted a violent picture, Ruby Pinch couldn't deny that they went together. She was sure that they'd make a loving family. Hungry for more information, the young filly continued reading.

"Species: Unicorn," Ruby Pinch read, excitedly, "A unicorn!" The little filly was so happy. With her mother being an earth pony, Ruby Pinch never had anypony at home to help teach her magic. Now, her father could teach everything he knew to her!

She quickly read down the list, gleaning all other information. Coat color: Blue. Mane color: Silver. Cutie Mark: A silver safety pin. Even without a photo provided, Ruby Pinch could picture her father quite clearly in her mind's eye.

Her old filly fantasies had been wiped away and replaced with undeniable reality, only for that reality to be wiped away and replaced with new filly fantasies. Now that Ruby Pinch knew who her dad was, she needed to have him meet her mom. Her two parents would fall in love and get married and they'd all live happily ever after.

Ruby Pinch stared at her biological father's folder over and over, like it was her favorite bedtime story. She memorized all of his information before putting the file back. Ruby Pinch glanced cautiously outside to make sure nopony would see the little filly walk out of the archives. When the coast was clear, she stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind her. Ruby Pinch took a deep breath. Her little heart was beating fast in her chest and her head was swimming with joyful emmotions. As giddy as she was about finding her father's name, she wasn't prepared for what happened next.

"Thanks for stopping by, Pokey," Nurse Coldheart said, "We always appreciate it." Ruby Pinch whipped her head violently in the direction of Nurse Coldheart's voice. A blue unicorn stallion with a silver mane walked into view and continued talking with the nurse. Ruby Pinch's legs were like jelly as she looked upon her father for the first time. His mane was wavier and more magnificent then she had imagined.

"Always happy to do my part," Pokey Pierce said, in a deep booming voice. Ruby Pinch could listen to that voice for hours. She pictured herself cuddled up in bed while her father read the adventure stories of Daring Do to her.

"The way I see it," Pokey Pierce said, "Donating to the sperm bank helps generate business for me in the long run."

"Oh yes," Coldheart said, knowingly, "How are things going at the nursery?"

"My dad works at a nursery!" Ruby Pinch thought, ecstatically, "He must love foals! I'm sure he'll love me, too!"

"Have you gotten married yet?" Coldheart asked bluntly. Ruby Pinch listened for the answer with bated breath.

"No," Pokey Pierce said, blushing. The filly's heart was doing cartwheels. Ruby Pinch knew that she had to have her mom and Pokey fall in love before another pretty mare caught his eye. She stared lovingly at her father, picturing their new happy life together.

"We haven't gotten married yet," Pokey Pierce said, as a stallion with a honey-colored coat came around the corner and stood beside him, "but now that Caramel is open about who he is, I imagine we'll be setting a date soon."

Caramel leaned in close and the two stallions kissed. As Ruby Pinch stared at her father, locked in a passionate kiss with another stallion, a whole new set of emotions went swirling through her body. Ruby Pinch knew that her life had just gotten a lot more complicated.