Irony's Tale

In my time in the United States Marine Corps, before that in the Equestrian Royal Guards, and even my time before that. I have been through some crazy stuff. Being subjected to some effects of chemical weapons in training, fighting for Equestria for previous battles where I’ve been learning to be a soldier in Equestria. None of them have prepared me for the experience of stepping through what seems to be a large block of marble. The *wum* when others have gone through can’t just been heard when you are the subject in transit. The vibration goes throughout you as the power of the portal takes you and pulls. I can’t breathe, I can’t scream, I can’t do anything but feel the forces of the universes that I’m traversing between tug and push on my fragile form. How long does it last? Seconds? Days? Years? I can’t tell, but before anything really coherent forms, I’m on my hooves on the Equestrian side of the portal, trying not to heave up everything I’ve ever eaten. My entire body vibrates.

“Please, move away from the portal in case others decide to come through.” Comes a voice. I look up, a white unicorn is standing there, with a deep rust-red mane and tail. “Are you Equestrian or Human?”

“Human.” Comes a voice next to me. I look over, Ray is shaking his head to clear it. He’s now dusky brown with a dark mane and tail. He looks back. “I’m a blank flank.” He smiles at me as we both stumble and crawl away from the large mirror set in the middle of the town. The white unicorn walks over.

“Okay, my name is Shmangie. I’m going to help you learn how to walk in your new forms.”

I shake my head. “I’m Equestrian, and human. It’s a long story.” I work my way to my hooves. “Shmangie, doesn’t sound like any pony name I’ve ever heard.”

She giggles. “No, I’m human. I will be human again, I just helped my sister, she’s now Sweetie Belle. It’s been a wild day and a half.”

“The fight with Discord?”

She nods. Her face turns bleak. “A lot of good ponies died. Discord had twisted animals here, made them into weapons in advance of our return. It was an outright war.” She brightens a little bit. “But the elements stopped him, while the former bearers turned his spell on him.”

My eyes widen. “What?”

“Yeah, Discord has been hit by a version of the five-score spell. They couldn’t kill him. I don’t think he can be killed. But they magnified how long he’s going to be gone, Rarity told Sweetie Belle, who told me, that the spell is going to last millenia, he’s going to be a humble horse for a couple of thousand years. Safely out of our hair.”

I work my way to my hooves and between Shmangie and myself, we get Dr. Ray walking in a matter of minutes. Hey, even foals can figure out walking fairly quickly. After a bit, I’m able to look around.

“Dear Lord, it looks like a refugee camp.”

Ray shakily steps up next to me. “I think it is, in some ways. But this is different than many others. This is the refugees coming home.” He looks at me. “They are going to heal from this war, and turn Equestria back into the paradise it was before.” He takes a few steps. “Let’s get started. I came here to help. Let’s find where I can be of most use in the short time I’m here.”

I can’t believe how surreal things are. It’s early morning, but the sun is not up. Then I stop, “Celestia isn’t here. How to get the sun up?”

“I think they will get a solution to that fairly quickly. Come on.”

A walk to the edge of what’s left of Ponyville has me stopping. This must be the field hospital, and next to it. “Oh, dear Celestia.”

They didn’t have enough to cover the bodies, though ponies are working through, bringing new bodies in to be laid out reverently. “How many came through to fight? We lost this many.”

“Thousands came through.” A pegasus says as he finishes adjusting a body from being placed on the ground, his coat is a little darker than Dust’s, with a forest green mane and tail, with blue-green stripes, and a gray highlight. He takes a moment to swipe her mane away from her closed eyes. I look at his face, the pain there is overwhelming. I see Ray is walking towards the lit area, where ponies are still working on the living, leaving me alone. Though the pegasus moves over to stand beside me. He sits down, his wings clamped to his side tightly. “Many ponies are celebrating, and rightfully so. This was a victory, Discord is gone, but the price…”

“Yeah.” I say somberly. Several hundred bodies are arrayed in rows, earth ponies, pegasi, unicorns, all of them died for the freedom of Equestria. Silence falls as we search through ourselves, Soarin, the ponies that died in DC just a matter of hours ago. Even the humans that were killed. And then we have the devastation here.

Finally, I break from my fugue. “So, how does it feel to be home?”

He looks up at me. “I’ll be going home before the portal closes, once I gather up my unit.”

That gets a double take from me. “You are human?”

He lifts a hoof. “Well, not at the moment, but no, I wasn’t attacked by Discord twenty-five years ago. I came through to help, along with my ranger unit. We helped the ponies fight, we helped them hold against incredible odds. But they did it, they found the strength inside to resist. Many cried, these brave souls lost their lives. But we did what we had to do.” He stops and shakes his head. “Lieutenant James Fisher, 2nd bat, 75th Rangers, on special assignment to SOC.” He extends a hoof.

“Irony Shieldbreaker. I was Royal Guard, stationed as Princess Twilight Sparkle’s chief bodyguard. But on Earth, I was a Marine.”

“Ooo Rah.” My hoof taps his in greeting. We smile quickly at each other. He looks at the makeshift morgue. “Let us get away from this for now. You are going to want to find the Princess then?”

I nod, then I stumble. I look down, the ground is the normal cobblestones of the streets of Ponyville. I had no reason to stumble here. What the hell? I stumble and fall to my knees. What’s going on?”

“How long have you been awake, Marine?”

I shake my head, everything is getting fuzzy. “Forty or so hours, maybe more.” I’m able to muble.

He works himself underneath me, and heaves my body onto his back. “You need a few hours of shut-eye.”

“But I have to find Princess…” I can’t even finish the sentence before sleep rolls over me.

***

*Ray*

I may be a vet, but I have taken some of the same oaths as any doctor. My duty is to the living. I don’t think Irony noticed me nuzzling her before I headed for the field hospital. It looks like the US Army has had some of the ponies bring tents and other equipment through. Several large field tents are set up with lights strung throughout. A gasoline powered generator chugs away next to the tents, several large gas cans are arrayed around it. Even cots have been set up all over, this feels like a mobile hospital. There were quite a few Army trucks set up around the Earth side of the portal, I’m guessing that after the fight was over, they brought in the equipment to support the ponies after the war. I walk among the ponies lying two to a cot, most are resting comfortably.

“Nurse, I need bandages.” A pink unicorn calls out. He’s on his rear hooves, leaning up against a stainless-steel operating bed. His horn is lit as he uses his hooves to staunch a massive rend in the green earth pony’s barrel.

“Damn, damn, damn, I thought we were done with the worst cases.”

A white earth pony, carrying tied bandages that look like ripped up clothing rears up onto the table. She sets down her bundle. “We’ve been requesting more medical supplies from the other side of the portal, but it’ll be a few hours before they get here. They are pulling ponies out of the wreckage of the old buildings. They were using them as cover when they collapsed.”

He moves a hoof and unties the bandages, he grabs a hoof full and pushes it against the wound. “Damn that Discord. Those creatures he created.” He growls as he continues to work. His horn pulsing in strength as he works.

I rear up and join in. “What can I do to help.”

The pink unicorn looks up at me with piercing violet eyes. “What’s your training?”

“Veterinarian, I have…or had a practice in Washington State”

He smiles. “More than me, I’m an Army medic.” He looks at the pony writhing in pain. “We need to stop the bleeding. We really don’t have any way to replace blood here. Army stores human blood, and that will kill our patients. So, number one priority is, stop the bleeding.”

I reach out and grab at the bandages, yet they stay stubbornly in place. I grimace and try again, and only succeed in pushing them a few inches. “How do you…?”

The white mare picks up a bandage in her mouth and tosses it towards me. I glance at the unicorn, who is tying a bandage as though he has hands. I glance up at his horn, which is still pulsating brightly. I reach up, smiling when I find the appendage. “Hey, I’ve got one too.”

He looks up at me, “Don’t look at me, it took Velvet a bit before she could control hers, I don’t have a clue.”

I open my mouth, only to have it forcefully shoved closed by the white earth pony. She leans close. “He’s not aware of what he’s doing yet, let him work, avoid the centipede’s dilemma.”

My eyes widen. “Okay.” Using my hooves and mouth, I slowly bandage the hind leg of the earth pony. As I’m leaning down, my fetlock is around the pony’s hoof. Cool energy washes over me, any tiredness I had felt is gone. A magic healing? I look up at the unicorn, who’s horn is shining brightly as his aura covers the pony. As the magic fades, he takes a step back and puts a hoof to his head. I look down, the injury is gone. Not just healed with a scar, but completely gone, even new fur is growing in. The pony relaxes and breathes deeply. I look at the white pony, her warning look causes me to close my mouth with a click.

She comes close. “He’s saving lives. He can figure out the rest later. But right now, let him work. I’m making sure he doesn’t get magical exhaustion.”

I lean over and whisper to her. “I saw the weave he was using, it’s like knitting five blankets with each hoof. And he did it so easily.”

“He’s a natural healer. He’s going to need to rest soon.” She clicks her tongue and raises her voice to be heard. “I think this next one our vet friend can help. Henry, lets get you some food and rest.”

Henry blinks a few times. “No, I’m good.”

She shakes her head. “Nope, you’ve been going for way too long. An hour of rest and a few thousand calories are needed right now. There’s a stack of veggie MRE’s by the portal. Let’s get some food in you.”

He nods uncertainly as she leads him away.

Two ponies carry off the green Earth pony, and two more bring in the next victim. A tiny pink pegasus. I did watch the show, her coloring is not familiar to me. Crush injuries to the left wing. “Nurse, I need a splint!” I call out. One of the other nurses moves off and quickly returns with a US Army field medic kit. I need to use my magic. Moon’s been using hers, so has Mindy. They’ve told me how they got their first few times after the change. I have to want to affect he world around me. I can see the splint, rolled up in cellophane and tucked into a pocket of the kit. I search inside my mind, I can feel that horn, I can feel the energy within, how it pulls energy from all around. I need that splint to help this pegasus. With a chime of magic, the splint moves for a moment. I glance up, I’ve got it lit! I sit down, sticking my tongue out the side of my mouth, the unicorns of Equestria do this so easily. Slowly, in fits and spurts, I’ve got the splint extracted and brought up to the table. I reach out with my hooves, and slowly strip off the cellophane around the splint. A glance up shows my horn is still lit, was that what Henry was doing?

I reach over to the pegasus and pet her mane for a moment. “Sweetie, this is going to hurt.”

She nods and grits her teeth as I slowly extend her wing, wow, with this I can feel the break in the bone. She yelps a bit as I gently prod where the break is. Healing magic, I saw him weave that, can I do something like that? I bring my horn close and close my eyes, yet I can see the broken bone with my magic. That was the most complicated weaving I’ve ever heard of, the most intricate of lace is nothing compared to that. I know that’s way beyond anything I can do. But…

She gasps a bit as I reach out with my magic, the bone sets in the correct place and I build up the connection between the two pieces, she will have to heal the rest of the way. I move down the wing, one of the bones is almost dust. I’ve got this. Building a lattice out of magic, I slowly bring the shattered pieces together. Finally, I take a step back, sitting on my rump heavily. “Wow, that takes a lot out of you.”

I look up, the pegasus is slowly moving her wing back and forth. “Wow, it doesn’t hurt nearly as much.”

I struggle to my hooves. “You don’t try flying on that, it’s still very fragile.” I bring out the splint and bandages, “You need a few days of this immobilized before you even try to fly. Got it?”

She nods and lies her head down, only whimpering a few times as I get the wing splinted and bandaged.

The tiredness of the magic use quickly fades, after being exposed to that massive healing weave from the pink unicorn, I can do this again. I look up at my glowing horn. I need to do this again. I need to help these ponies.

“More incoming!” Comes a distant voice. I gesture for the orderlies to take the pegasus away. It’s time for me to work for a living.

***

“Irony.”

I snort, I’m lying comfortably on something. Man, the feeling of being here in Equestria is nice, I can see why Dust was drawn to the portal. Then my thoughts freeze in their tracks. I’m on the other side of the portal. My eyes fly open. Dawn has risen, more than that, the sun is nearly halfway to its zenith. I jerk up from the cot I was sleeping on. “How long was I out? Is the portal still open?”

“Calm, you’ve been out for about four hours. You still need more rest.”

I toss the covers off. “Thanks James.”

He shrugs his wings. “Don’t mention it, I was checking on my guys. They got hurt, but they turned to pegasi, they can heal faster than humans. The portal is still open, but you said you needed to find the Princess. So, I woke you after a few hours, let you rest.”

I get to my hooves. I’m still shaky, but I can walk. After being on two legs for so long, it’s almost luxurious to stay on four for an extended bit. I shake my entire body, then trot from the tent. How are US Army issued tents and cots in Equestria? I glance over and watch as ponies come through the mirror, equipment on their backs, one rolls a generator through the mirror and the pony behind her has several extension cords bundled up. Ahh.

In the morning light, the devastation seems even worse. This is definitely Ponyville, the buildings are shabby from lack of maintenance, and the work the ponies did to defend is still quite in evidence. But, it looks almost exactly how it did in the show. I look up, the mountain that Canterlot is on is a few dozen miles away, but the city is still visible, though it looks in worse shape than Ponyville. I glance around. “Any idea where the Princess would be?”

James looks around. “I heard something about the remains of the palace. But I don’t deal with Princesses, I’ve got to check on my men. I will see you around.” He salutes me, and I reflexively return the salute. As he trots off, I make my way in the general direction of the mountain. Would they be all the way in Canterlot? I pass demolished buildings, torn up streets, just general devastation after a war. Then as I get to the outskirts, I skid to a stop. Canterlot Castle has been torn from the city, and deposited just outside Ponyville? I shake my head, what has Discord done the last twenty-five years? I spy a few ponies heading towards the castle, and a few coming back. So it seems as though the ponies have something going on there. As I get closer, it looks like Discord had lopped off the top third of the castle, then set it down in this valley. That gets me to shake my head. A unicorn is heading to an opening in the wall, and I duck through behind her.

“Wow. The throne room.” The floor remains, though it’s a bit buckled from its trip, much of the glass is still intact.

“Irony!” Comes a familiar voice. I turn and am impacted by a feathered missile.

“Princess?” Princess Twilight is hugging me tightly, her wings and forehooves around me. I fight tears, my emotions seem to still be a bit raw after the ordeal. “You remember me now?”

She sniffles a bit. “Yeah, thanks to the miracle of Sweetie Belle. She was able to figure out a spell to bring back all of our memories.”

My eyes widen. “So, you mean?”

She nods. “I remember bringing you here, I remember everything.”

That gets me to grab her tightly and squeeze. My earth pony strength doesn’t phase the alicorn as we finally connect after so long.

Finally, she pulls away. “I need to get Spike through the portal here, I was so wrong when I talked to him at the farm. I only had the show for reference. I’m so sorry that I didn’t remember you when you came to me before. But you came! You are here now!” She stops and moves away to sit down, she traces a hoof in the dust on the floor. “I’m not going to demand you be my guard again. But the Royal Guard does need help reorganizing after all of this. I remember you went through the training, we need leadership…”

She stumbles to a stop at my raised hoof. “Princess, there are plenty of guards here, your brother is here. With his restored memories, he can rebuild the guard.” I stop, chewing on my lip for a long moment. “I’m needed back on Earth. Discord was in control here for twenty-five years. I’m willing to bet that that bastard continued cursing ponies up until his very last day here. We build harmony wherever we are, any ponies here would have fought him, and he didn’t seem willing to kill us directly. So he must have sent more ponies to Earth.”

Her ears flick back and forth, the sadness on her face is evident. “I know that Lightning Dust and some others are staying behind. Big Mac will be going through the portal before it closes, to make sure that ponies are taken care of. I need you here.”

The look on her face is daggers to my heart. “I found Moon Shadow. She’s on the other side. We might be herding with Dust and her family.”

Her eyes widen. “Lightning Dust a family mare? I never would have believed it if you weren’t the one telling me.” She brightens and raises her voice. “Sweetie Belle! Can you come over here?”

A matter of moments and the filly slowly walks up, she looks tired. “Princess?”

Twilight moves over to her, “I know how tired you are, let me help.”

Sweetie nods and sits down. Twilight’s horn lights and she brings it slowly down to touch the white filly. Sweetie glows for a moment then hops up. “Wow, I feel as though I’ve slept for a couple of days.” She squeaks.

Twilight nods, though she looks significantly more tired than just a few minutes earlier. “I need you to do your memory spell on Irony here.”

Sweetie Belle looks at me, then back at Twilight. “Sure, I’ll be happy to help.” She stands up and prances over to me, her horn glowing green. “This is gonna feel really weird.”

I shrug. “It can’t be worse than going through the portal.”

She giggles. “Trust me. It is.” Her horn shines brightly as the touches my flesh.