Irony's Tale

The human looks at the card in his hand, then at me. "Umm, ma'am...” He gulps. “I'm going to need you to.... pull... your pants down."

I look over at him. "WHAT?!"

"I, Its.." Looking at the ID then at me, he shakes his head. "I need to verify your cutie mark."

“What the fuck? The American agents didn’t ask for that.”

He looks apologetic. “Your country has informed us about the ponies, but they’ve also told us about the identification requirements.” He looks down at my hip, then up at my eyes. “And they include your cutie marks.”

It wasn’t enough that I get directed to a siding so I have to actually go inside the office, but now this Mexican border patrol agent is asking to verify my cutie mark. I look out at my car, parked in the desert heat. I finally turn to him and sigh. “Alright.” I just threw on the jungle camo pants and black tank top for modesty’s sake when it comes to being around humans. Now I’ve got to show them my cutie mark. I turn to the right and unbutton my pants, I’m not wearing underwear, and you can’t make me wear that, as a pony on four legs or two. I hitch down the left side of my pants enough to show him my mark on that side. He looks at the mark, then at my ID and my passport. Finally he nods, allowing me to pull up my pants and button them quickly. He makes a mark and places a stamp on my passport and holds out my documentation. “Welcome to Mexico, mizz.”

I snatch them and stalk back to my car, growling at the delay. Since I was leaving the country, the US border patrol really didn’t even give me a second look, and the crystal that Moon had given me had prevented casual looks at me while driving. Crossing a national border isn’t nearly as simply as crossing a state border. Though, it could have been worse, I could have been detained, and Celestia knows what else could have happened. I turn the key and my baby roars to life. I throw her into reverse and back out of the parking space, then I pop her into first and rev the engine a bit before popping the clutch. I leave a satisfying streak of rubber behind me as I accelerate onto the highway. I’ve lost enough time with this. And this is not the only national border I’m going to have to deal with in the next few days. I sigh, pulling my hat a little further down on my head. I’m going to find Dust, no matter what it takes.

The drive through Mexico is rather boring, to be honest. It’s hotter than Montana, one thing my baby doesn’t have is air conditioning. So, windows down and shooting down the road, with the attendant dust flying around is just a fact of life. The hours of the drive through Mexico actually pass rather quickly.

***

Harts Fire lands with a thump on the top floor of the building, two other pegasi landing next to him, one of them setting down a unicorn before folding her own wings. Three pegasi and one unicorn, to try to save ponies in what seems like a secure facility. Harts sighs softly. “I don’t see how we can do it.” He murmurs. He pulls out his phone. He has been in contact with the only real pony colony so far set up, back in southeast Montana. A few taps on the screen has the phone dialing.

Even being late in the evening two hours behind, the voice is instantly recognizable, if a bit different than the voice in the show. “Mayor Mare speaking.”

Harts runs down the problem quickly, letting the earth pony know where they are, and what is going on. As he winds down, the voice on the other side picks up. “Okay, Lightning Dust has been working on how to address such issues. They’ve got a few teams set up to help ponies in this situation. I’ll talk to Mindy, we will get a team on the way.” Harts watches as one of the pegasi takes to the air and streaks towards the building that the ponies were taken. He gives their location for the team to find them when they arrive. Though his eyes widen as their ETA.

“Less than an hour?”

“Mh hmm, they were actually in the area, the last few weeks the teams haven’t been super busy, their work has been rather constant. Though the majority are simply ponies and humans hiding from the rest. Very rarely do they have to do anything more than offer them refuge here.”

“So, not many humans are jerks about the ponies?”

“Oh, no. Not at all, many are relieved that the ponies have a safe place to go. The vast majority of ponies have friends that stay friends with them through their changes. Many of the humans are worried that other humans might treat their friends poorly. We have actually been fairly well received by most humans. But the teams exist for the outliers, where the humans treat the ponies like slaves, or as sexual objects. Don’t worry, Harts, we will help get your friends to safety.”

Harts thanks the other pony before closing down the phone, not much time to wait.

***
She wasn’t a speedster, she wasn’t an endurance flyer, she wasn’t even a weather pony, but she was doing her best, her wings pumping hard as she cut though the sky.

She was exhausted and sore, she knew she’d have to land soon for another break and maybe a nap. “Come on Kerfuffle,” she mumbled, “Yeah, that’s spelt the way it sounds with the double fuff in the middle, ya can do this. Ya have to get to Manehatten.”

She sets down on a cloud and huffs, panting a bit, looking up at the setting sun. The sun had been acting strange for weeks now, it didn’t move smoothly, instead, it “ticked” its way across the sky, moving in jerks every minute. Laying her head on her forelegs she slowed her breathing, trying to relax a bit.

“Hurry up!” She heard the first voice.

“You where the one that wanted to stop for a drink,” the second voice counters, “Now we lost her.”

Blinking Kerfuffle leans over the side of the cloud looking down and see’s the two foals flying, following her course. “Pickle? Barley?” She squeaks in surprise.
Pickle backwings and looks up, “Oops, um, found her.”
Barley sighs and looks down, “Busted.”

“What the fluff are ya doing here?” Kerfuffle said, standing up and folding her wings, “This is not safe, don’t cha know?”

“As the president,” Pickle started.

“And vice president,” Barley added.

“Of the Rainbow Dash fan club, and junior,” Pickle went on.

“Want to be,” Barley said.

“Unofficial,” Pickle countered looking at his sister then back up at Kerfuffle,

“Wonderbolt cadets in training, we decided it was our duty to go with you. To see why none of the new wonderbolt posters have arrived.”

“You really do need to go back, it’s too far a flight.” Kerfuffle said firmly.

“We’re almost halfway there,” Barley said.

“And we’ve stayed close to you all the way so far, so it’s safe, you wouldn’t send us home, alone.” Pickle countered. Both the Barrel twins give Kerfuffle wide foal eyes.

“I need to head back with ya right now,” Kerfuffle said putting her hoof down.

“That would be days back.” Barley stated, “It would be easier just to continue on, do our jobs then zip back.”

Looking back towards her town, then towards Manehatten she sighed.

“It’s been weeks since we saw any mail. “I know we never got much before but, even the deliveries from Rarity For You have not come in, and they are never late. I just…”

Both foals kept with the wide eyes, lower lips quivering, “Pleeeeeeeese.”

With a sigh Kerfuffle relented, “Fine.”

It felt like the days went by in a blur, as they covered the last distance to the city, finally they could see the towering buildings in the distance. The skyline, the ocean, statue in the bay standing on its head, holding a torch with its hind legs. This was her first time to the big city, and even at a distance it seemed quieter than she thought. As she got closer to the city, resting on a cloud with the twins, she has started to notice some things are simply…off. Some of the small towns close to the city are completely abandoned, landing there and trying to find ponies was an exercise in futility.

She nuzzles Barley. “We’ll be there soon.” Pickle Barrel is standing at the edge of the cloud, he points. “There’s a pegasus flying over there!” He launches off the cloud, flying as fast as he can. “No, wait, stay with us.” Kerfuffle shouts as the pegasus colt speeds off. Barley joins her as they leap off the cloud in pursuit of the colt. As they get closer, she puts on a burst of speed and grabs the colt, gesturing for the filly to follow her into another cloud bank. As they land, she points. “That’s not a pegasus.” She whispers. “That’s a dragon.”

Pickle struggles for a moment, before he stops. “Oh no, where are the ponies?” He buries his face in her chest, his body heaving.

The dragon seems to have noticed something, it turns in their direction. “Oh, no.” Kerfuffle moans. In moments, it’s apparent that the dragon has noticed them. “Kids, scatter!” She shouts, pushing the foals off the cloud as she shoots straight up. “If you want somepony to chase, chase me!” She shouts as she takes off. Dragons stay out of Equestria, having a dragon flying so near a city has to be bad. She ducks as the dragon breathes fire at her, getting her to yelp and do a loop. She can see both of the foals are heading for the ground as the dragon continues to pursue her.

She’s not a fast flyer, nor is she the most maneuverable. She jukes hard to the side to avoid another gout of flame. The dragon is fast, it puts on a burst of speed, catching her in its claws. She struggles in the grip of the monstrous creature.

“Nice, I found a little morsel.” The fetid breath of the creature washes over her. The dragon looks from side to side. “I don’t think Discord would mind if I had a little pony snack.” She yelps as she’s brought closer, the maw of the creature opens, revealing sharp teeth, which elicits a loud scream from the pegasus pony.

“Oh, I most certainly would mind.” Comes a new voice. Kerfuffle looks over to see the craziest creature she’s ever seen before. He looks like a dragon, but he’s made of all different kinds of different body parts. He holds out what looks like a lion’s paw.

“Awww, Discord. You ruin my fun.” The dragon hands over the pony. “You know, there were two more of them.”

“I know, I’ve sent them somewhere I can play with them for a bit, but you have to remember, ponies aren’t for eating, they belong to me.”

“What did you do to them?” Kerfuffle gasps.

The monster smiles, something to make Kerfuffle want to cry. “The kids? I’ll have fun with them in a bit. If, you are out looking for ponies, don’t worry, you’ll see them soon enough.” He cocks his head to the side. “You’ll be joining them. Five Score Divided by Four…”

Nuan jerks up with a loud gasp, “Pickle! Barley!” She shouts.

The director of Open Bionics grabs her hand. “What happened?”

She blinks, putting her hand up to her forehead. “Sir, I remember, or at least I did remember.” She frowns. “I remember Pickle Barrel and Barley Barrel.” She lets her body flop down on her seat. Someone had let it fold out so she could lay down on it.

“Who were they?”

“Kids, from my hometown. They were with me and…” She starts blinking as her eyes tear up, “I can’t remember, I know it’s important, but I can’t… Sorry sir.”

“My name is Joel, Nuan. You can call me by my name.”

Nuan looks down at her hand in his, then snatches it away, blushing. “Sorry sir.” He clears his throat and crosses his arms giving her a fatherly look. She looks down. “Sorry, Joel.” Eliciting a smile.

He looks at the two flight attendants hovering nearby. “Those are odd names for kids. Would those be the English translations of names from Cambodian?”

Nuan frowns scrounging up her nose as she tries hard to think, “Yes. No, I don’t think so. I’ve never heard those names before now. At least I don’t remember them.”

He stands up and moves over to sit down in his seat. “Are you okay? The pilot was asking if they had to declare an emergency and set down early.”

Nuan shudders, just bits and pieces of the dream remain, the overall feelings of terror, not just for herself, but for the kids. She shakes her head. “No, I’m fine.”

He nods to the flight attendants, the older one heads forward while the younger one heads to the galley and returns quickly with a cup. “Here, Fuff, have something to drink, okay?

Joel looks at her. “Fuff?” The attendant looks confused then shakes her head, “Sorry, a little scatterbrained with the commotion.” She looks at Nuan. “Sorry ma’am.”

Nuan is able to smile a little. “It’s Nuan.”

“Melanie.” She chirps.

“Nice to meet ya.” Nuan leans back in her seat. “What a crazy birthday, freaking out in an airplane bathroom over some joker putting tattoos on your thighs is not what I was looking forward to.”

“It’s your birthday? Mine too!” Nuan brightens, “Really? I just turned twenty-five.”

“Me too!” The flight attendant moves off, keeping herself busy as the flight moves through the night, Nuan leans back and closes her eyes, hoping for more sleep.

***

“My name is Winter Storm.” The pegasus says as the chariot lands.

“Harts Fire.”

The pegasus turns to introduce the other members of the team, but Harts stops, his wings popping up in surprise. “Trixie?”

She frowns. “Do I…know you?”

That gets a loud laugh from the stallion. “No, but I remember you from the show.”

That gets the blue unicorn to blush. “The show wasn’t entirely accurate when it comes to me…”

“No worries, I loved you in the show. The Great and Powerful, the Meek and Humble, the Cute and Cuddly…”

Trixie blushes further. “Cute and Cuddly?” One of the pegasi, a stallion that was introduced as Lightning Flash, moves over and puts a wing over Trixie, which causes her to lean into him for a moment, eliciting a smile from the older pegasus.

It’s Harts’ turn to blush. “Nevermind.” He stops and gulps. “We have a situation here, Winter. Humans abducted the ponies, so I don’t think this will be easy.

Winter Storm reaches into the chariot, grabbing a harness which she quickly fits on, she reaches in a second time and grabs a long…rifle, which she fits onto the harness, it clicking into place along with what looks like a heads up display that she fits on her head, settling a single reticle over her right eye. She smiles at Harts. “No worries. We can deal with humans that are reluctant to give up ponies.”

The other members of the team quickly don their own armor, getting Harts to take a step back. These ponies are ready for trouble. He hopes that they don’t have to deal with too much. He nods as the ponies are ready. “Let’s go.”

The pegasi flare their wings as Trixie lights her horn, teleporting the earth pony and herself to the front of the indicated building. Harts and Winter both flutter down and land next to the ground bound ponies. Winter steps forward and reaches out to pull on the door. The lobby is rather deserted, it being after normal business hours. The group of ponies stops before the elevator.

Harts examines the list of tenants for the building. “Fifth floor.” He says softly as the elevator arrives with a ding. Luckily, no humans are aboard the elevator, and the ponies make it up without incident. They turn and see a security desk, with a human in a white shirt with a gold badge on his chest. Harts takes the lead and rears up to put his forehooves on the desk.

“I know you have ponies here. We want them back.”

The human stands up, putting a hand on the gun on his belt. “This is a private company. No admittance.”

The chime of magic is loud as the gun is quickly withdrawn from the holster, encased in the red aura of the blue unicorn. Before the astonished eyes of the guard, the slide is drawn back, ejecting the round and the magazine drops from the handle. Then the slide moves forward, sliding off the frame of the gun. Then the spring is pulled off, and the barrel floats from the slide. Trixie grunts a bit as the barrel is turned into a pink teacup and set on the desk. “We weren’t asking.”

The human’s hand moves towards the desk, only to have the barrel of Winter’s gun end up poking him in the nose, the pegasus hovering before him. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Two other pegasi of the team, Lightning Flash and Morning Star, help us get the human into a seat, where Trixie’s magic bends the arms of the chair around his arms. He’s going to be stuck there for a while. Trixie takes his access card in her magic. Winter leads the ponies down the corridor, and the access door opens to the proffered card. As the ponies work their way through the deserted offices, they find a door labeled lab. Winter looks over at Trixie, who opens the door with the card. Then they stop, Winter growls low in her throat.

The scene is horrifying to the ponies, the unicorn is on his back, his chest is open, his mouth frozen in the rictus of a scream. Adding in, his horn is gone, just a very short stump remaining. A human in surgical scrubs looks up in annoyance as others in the same garb take several steps back.

Everything happens in an instant. Saffron’s wail punctuates the enraged screams from both Harts and Winter. The pegasus mare flashes forward, knocking the human into the wall, the barrel of her gun pressed up against the underside of his jaw. “What the fuck are you doing?” Harts is only marginally slower as he joins Winter in holding the human up against the wall.

Trixie takes a few steps forward, rearing up on the table as her horn lights. “Maybe I can…” She closes her eyes as her aura enfolds the unicorn on the table. After long, agonizing seconds, she pulls back, her horn quieting. “I’m so sorry.” She murmurs. “He’s gone.”

Saffron leaps forward, gathering her father in her hooves, not noticing the blood coating her body as she brings him close, petting his head as she sobs. Harts gulps before turning back to the human. “How dare you!” He shouts.

“Hey, I was just doing my job.” The human says, noticing the scalpel in his hand, which he hurriedly drops. The other humans beat a hasty exit from the enraged pegasus.

“You fuck, you absolutely miserable fuck!” Winter screams. She looks back at the wailing unicorn then at the human. “You’ve signed your own death warrant.” She growls.

The sound of the round being fired is loud in the confined space, though with the muzzle pressed up against his jaw, it’s mitigated somewhat. The effect is devastating, the wall behind him looks as though red paint has been splashed liberally, along with the bits of his skull and brain matter flying everywhere. Winter lets the body fall as she turns to the rest of her team. “Find the rest of the ponies, right the fuck now!”

The other ponies scatter as Winter moves to Saffron, she gathers up the despondent unicorn quickly, pulling her close and away from the body on the table. Both of them shedding tears. Harts contemplates the body that has fallen to the floor before him before turning tail and moving to comfort the other two. It’s only a matter of moments before the other ponies he remembered from his short stay in DC are brought through the door and head out into the offices. He draws the other pegasi with him, trying to keep himself from throwing up.

As they emerge and head towards the elevator a couple other humans rush past, crashing through the emergency door to head down the stairs. The guard screams at them, struggling against his restraints. Winter turns and leaps up on his desk, the barrel of her gun pressed up against his forehead. “Give me a reason.” She growls, which gets him to freeze in place.

The ponies move to the elevator, which arrives in moments, allowing them to all pile in. The ride down five floors is conducted in silence. They head slowly towards the entrance, punctuated by the horrible sobbing from Saffron.

“FREEZE!” The voice gets all the ponies to look up. A member of Boston’s finest is standing there, his service weapon pointed at them.

“Get out of the way.” Winter growls.

“Not gonna happen. We’ve gotten reports of shots fired. You are coming with me.”

Winter takes a step forward, only to have Trixie put a hoof on her withers. “Let me handle this.” She says to the pegasus before turning towards the human. “These ponies have been illegally held, and one was killed in illegal medical experiments.” She gestures to the other ponies. “We are taking them where they will be safe.”

“You aren’t going anywhere but downtown so we can sort all of this out.” The human says.

“Well, fine then.” Trixie says. “We are going to do this the hard way.” Her horn surges, the weapon flashing into another teacup, which tumbles to the ground and shatters. “I’m really sorry to do this.” She says as her magic binds the human up and deposits him on the sidewalk. She looks up at the chariot, the two pegasi pulling it bringing it down for the ponies to load aboard. Winter gestures for the other ponies to clamber aboard. Harts carries the catatonic Saffron aboard and sets her down. The pegasi pulling the chariot take off, Winter and Lightning Flash flanking the chariot in the air as they get above the city and head north and east, heading back to central Pennsylvania.

***

The roads aren’t all that great in this part of Central America. Though I can keep a good clip, on the relatively smooth dirt road, keeping above a hundred miles per hour. The other border crossings haven’t been all that quick, but most of the border patrol agents have been rather dumbfounded at a nearly seven foot tall pony on two legs and really haven’t objected to my passing through all that much. I should be in Columbia within a day or two.

I flash by a large wagon, though out of the corner of my eye, the stallion pulling it looks almost like a pony, like one from Equestria. I snort softly, I doubt ponies would be pressed into pulling wagons. Must have been my imagination. I glance in the rear view mirror, and I almost slow down. It almost looks as though another pony is on top of the wagon, waving at me. I shake my head and huff. I’ve got too many miles ahead of me. I’ve got to get Dust.