Irony's Tale

Nuan doesn’t have to wait long after the pegasus pony in the strangely familiar uniform has left before a woman walks up to her. The woman smiles down at her. “Good evening, my name is Theresa Strong, I’ll be your case officer today. Would you come with me?”

Nuan hops to her feet, her boss struggles to his own but the woman holds out her hands. “Just the claimant at this point, please.”

“Now see here, she’s a British subject…” He stumbles to a stop with a raised hand.

“There are two reasons we want to work with the claimants alone. First, some of the information we ask can be very personal and we fear pressure from outside sources.” She stops and looks at Nuan. “And second, photographic evidence of the transformation is required to maintain identity through the transformation. So, we must take some pictures, including of her cute mark, and given its location as she’s still mostly human. I would think she wouldn’t want to disrobe around unknown men. She is female, that’s why they sent a female officer for this stage. She’s not under arrest, and that’s unlikely to change. No matter what, you will see her again shortly. Is that acceptable.”

Her boss seems like he’s about to continue objecting, Nuan holds up a hand. “I’m good. Just be patient.”

He looks at her for a long moment before returning to his seat. He pulls her bag up next to him and offers a smile as she turns to follow the officer. She leads Nuan through a door into a small room. As the first door is closed, she opens a second door. She points and leads off through a maze of desks, and soon they make it into a fairly small room, dominated by a chair and two opposing chairs. She gestures for Nuan to sit.

“I must apologize about this, the directives for handling ponies in their change have only recently come through. To my understanding, this started happening around May of this year, while the legislation recognizing the ponies as the same as humans was fast tracked fairly quietly, the rules for Homeland Security and other parts of the government took some time to write and be implemented. For now, an interrogation room is best at this point. We will have better facilities in the future. Given funding, it might be a bit though.” She puts down a fairly empty manila folder on the desk. “We’ll just start with some basic information. Your name?”

“Nuan Trong.”

The woman looks up quizzically. Then she smirks. “Pony name, I meant.”

“Oh, ah. Kerfuffle.”

She writes down the name on the form. “Coat color?”

“Light blue, apparently.” She reaches up and touches the ear.

“How far along are you in your transformation?”

Her eyes widen. “Well, I’ve got a mane, and the ears and tail. What’s next?”

Theresa reaches into her pocket and pulls out a phone. “There’s not much information available on the net, but we’ve been told by some that are further along after the transformation that the toes start to fuse together into their hooves as their coat comes in, starting at their feet, then moves up, their feet becoming hooves, the coat moves up their body. If you are going to remain female, your breasts will disappear, then reappear in the appropriate place for the pony. Then your head starts to change shape, with your new herbivorous teeth coming in as your arms change shape for the new pony shape. It usually takes three days for the entire transformation. Though by the middle of the second day, you’ll know your tribe.”

“I’m sorry, tribe?”

“Oh, there are three basic types of ponies, not counting outliers like alicorns, or griffons. You will likely be an Earth pony, a pegasus pony, or a unicorn pony. If you become a unicorn, it would be recommended you make your way to one of the pony settlements to help learn how to use the horn.”

Nuan reaches up and touches her forehead. “I could get a horn?”

“If you get wings, you’ll need to get a transponder and likely take some flight safety course. You can buy your own, but the US government currently offers a government rebate on a very basic model. Its, a safety issue as ponies tend to be too small to show up on most air traffic control radars and can pose problems for civilian aircraft who might not be able to respond fast enough to avoid.”

“I… oh.” Nuan blinks, “Nope, I’ll stick to being a passenger.”

She nods. “Well, according to our records so far, about forty percent become Earth ponies, a bit over thirty percent become pegasi, and about twenty to twenty-five percent become unicorns, with the remaining five percent ending up as hippogriffs, griffons, and other species from your home planet. Now, as to amnesty.” She ruffles a few papers. “You are a citizen of the United Kingdom, correct?”

Nuan nods.

“Okay, you can request refugee status, since the gate is closed right now, it’s pretty much automatic. We can get you a refugee card, and you can stay in the US until the gate opens, then you can head back home. Or, if you decide you want to stay on our Earth, you can apply for US citizenship, provided you have a sponsor. My understanding is that Mayor Mare in Montana has offered to sponsor any pony who wishes to stay.” She looks at her notes.

Nuan looks around. “This is kinda…sudden.”

Theresa smiles. “Not a problem, the government is aware of what a huge life change this can be. While a quick answer is helpful, it’s not required. If you want, you can complete your visit here, do what you were initially planning on doing, then head back home. You can apply for Equestrian refugee status at any US embassy or consular office. To my knowledge, the UK does have the pony situation fairly tightly under wraps, if you choose to head back there, you’ll likely be encouraged rather strongly to head to the pony settlement there. Ice Mirror is in charge there, and she’ll take ponies under her wing.” That gets a smile. “Well, she doesn’t have any, she’s not an alicorn, but she is Equestrian royalty in her own right. But I don’t think you’ll be seeing ponies walking in London or other major cities any time soon.”

Nuan looks down. “Okay, thank you for the information.”

“Okay, let’s get your picture taken, though once you complete your transformation, you’ll have to get your information updated, especially once you find out your tribe. You had that dream, right, when your cutie mark appeared?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that where you figured out your name?”

Nuan nods.

Okay, do you want to go by Nuan? Or Kerfuffle?”

Nuan laughs. “That’s such a silly name.”

Theresa smiles. “Not so silly as you may think. We have High Winds, we have Fire Streak, quite a few pony names sound pretty odd to human ears. You are going to be a pony in just over two days, it would likely be best for you to accept your new pony name, and just start thinking of yourself with that name by the time you are on four legs.” She stands up and heads to a small counter, picking up a camera.

“Ponies also seem to have a history of nicknaming or shortening each other’s names, especially those that hang around each other a lot, Applejack is commonly known as AJ, Rainbow Dash was called just Dash or Dashie.”

“Charged Up being Chargie?” Nuan says, then stops, “Fuff?”

“Exactly, ponies you know or knew might have called you Fuff,” Turning Theresa smiles, and points to the white matt on the wall as she holds the camera, “Okay, let’s start with a cutie mark shot. Could you stand and lower your jeans?”

Nuan complies and the picture of her cutie mark is taken, along with a picture showing her mane and tail colors, also a closeup of her ears. A few moments later, and Theresa smiles taking a small tablet out and tapping a few things on it, “This is going to be stock, but it can be fun for some.” A moment later she sets down a simple cartoon style image of a female pony, using Nuan’s mane and body colors, the outlines of a wing and horn are there but not filled in.

Reaching down Nuan touches the picture gently and gulps, a strange feeling washing over her, “Me?”

***

A good hour after going in, Nuan walks slowly from the office back into the waiting room. The last thing the officer had said to her. “Welcome to the United States, we are happy to have you here,” is ringing in her ears. Her boss leaps up, gathering their luggage and he leads her from the room out of the Homeland Security office. Though as they exit, Nuan looks over. The pony from earlier is sitting there, as Nuan appears, she stands up and prances over.

“My name is Charged Up. It’s nice to see another pony in the making.” She offers a genuine smile. “Has your stomach changed?”

“Pardon?”

“Earth ponies especially are veggie eaters. When your teeth change, your diet changes. Pegasi are lucky, they still like chicken and other animal proteins, us earth ponies and I guess unicorns…not so much.”

Nuan pokes her tongue around her mouth, feeling where one of her molars was removed a few years before. “No, I don’t think they’ve changed yet.”

“Aww, I’m actually kinda hungry, and was hoping to go get some pony friendly food, thought it would be fun to treat you since it’s your first time.”

Nuan looks up at her boss, who smiles. “We are on an expense account, so let’s treat you out. So how did it go?”

The little pony pulls out a small ID card from a leg band holding it up. A basic Picture ID of her and her cutie mark, complete with her name. The little mare prances, almost sprinting on the spot, her three other hooves clattering as she lets out an exited “EEEEEEEEEE. I got photo ID, I can actually do things without hiding or being in fear.”

Nuan can’t help but smile from ear to ear, the energy and excitement in the little pony is almost tangible.

As quickly as she started, the little pony stops and covers her mouth, her ears drooping in embarrassment. “Um, sorry. I… things like that kinda…”

“It’s okay, I thought it was cute and adorable. So, what happened to your friend?”

She blushes more, lowering her head, but smiles, “Michael had to head back home, he’s got work, and since I’m not in danger, I told him I’d find my way back or get in touch with him. It’s within walking distance if I really wanted to hoof it.”

“It’s over two hundred miles to Nevada from here.”

The pony nods. “Yeah, it’ll take me a good two days, but that’s not all that bad as a pony.” She lifts up a hoof. “We can walk humans into the ground. No worries, and we can even graze on the way. Nice thing about being a herbivore. Though really, I’m not that big on grazing.”

Nuan shakes her head. “Well, let’s get a hackney.”

“A, what?”

Smiling her boss pipes in, “Cab? What do you call them again, taxi?”

“Nah, I’ve got the Uber app.” She holds up a smartphone on a strap connected to her fetlock, a stylus is in its own little pocket next to the device. “My treat! We just have to hoof it over to the rideshare loading area, but where are
we going to go?”

He pulls out his phone. Mumbling to himself as he searches. “Well, there’s an In’N’Out burger joint just off the airport grounds.” He looks at the pony, who has a truly comical look of disgust on her face, mirrored with a similar look on Nuan’s face. He smiles. “Okay, beef burgers are out then. Hmmmm, a place heavy on non-meat entrees, though we are in California?”

"Ice cream?" Charged says tilting head, one ear flopping to the side.

Nuan shakes her head, "To early for that for us, but something sweet would be great. Warm, filling, relaxing."

Both girls look at each other blinking, and in stereo say, "Pancakes?"

Her boss laughs softly and taps his phone again on google maps. "Well, when in America, IHOP is the closest option."

That gets a grin from the Earth pony. “They have pretty good food, though for your first American cuisine, I dunno.”

Her boss settles it with a grin. “We can get into more exotic food later. After a long day in the air, let’s have some wholesome simple fare food. I wonder if I can talk them into bangers and mash.”

Charged uses her teeth to pull out the stylus and she starts tapping on her screen. After only a moment. “Okay, the ride is eight minutes out. Let’s hoof it to the loading area.”

***

The uber driver had stopped and stared at Charged Up a few moments before Nuan’s boss cleared his throat and they had all entered the XL, a new model Cheverolet Traverse. Charged had jumped into the very back seat while Nuan and her boss had taken the two middle captain’s chairs. Nuan keeps an eye on the driver as they go, apparently he’s quite curious about his passengers, his eyes flick between the road in front of them and his rear view mirror. She notices the dash cam he’s got mounted, that footage will likely make it to youtube before too long would be her guess. Though the mention that the government has been cleansing the ‘net of pony related content makes her think the video wouldn’t last all that long.

It's only a little over a mile to the restaurant, and the Uber makes excellent time. It pulls up to the sidewalk and they exit the car right in front of the IHOP. Charged follows the human turning pony and the human as they get to the doors.

"Shoes required, no pets allowed," Charged Up lets out a soft sigh before looking up at the human and near human nervously, "Ok here it goes, talking pony in public." With a firm nod Charged walks in with the other two.

“Good evening, welcome to IHOP. The woman says, then she stops as she sees her new guests. She looks back at where the kitchen is, then back at the party. She clears her throat. "Oh, hello, would you like a booth or table?"

"Booth please" Nuan supplies.

The waitress smiles and heads over to a booth motioning them to sit, "Water to start?"

Sitting down, the three nod in response. A moment later the waitress puts down three waters, a plastic bending straw in one cup, "Normally California bans plastic straws, but we have an exemption under a disability clause." Smiling she places a hot wet towel in front both Nuan and Charged, and a cloth bib in front of the Earth pony, "If you need help with the bib feel free to ask. I’ve heard hooves and muzzle can be hard at times.”

Placing the menus down, the waitress heads off, leaving everyone to look at each other in confusion.

"That's... different."

Charged giggles. “I think it’s the first time she’s seen a pony.” Her ears flick back and forth. “She handled it well.”

Charged looks up at Nuan. "Mind if I ask how long since you started to change?"

"Umm, just started today," Nuan says and flicks an ear unconsciously.

Charged has a triumphant grin. "Well I really like your mane. Me, four days ago."

Nuan blinks as she toys with her hair with a finger, "Only four days?"

"Uh huh, it’s been a bad week." Her ears flatten back. “It’s been taking a bit to get used to all of this. Some parts are harder than others.”

Nuan takes a sip. “You look like you are handling it fine, but yeah, it looks like I’m going to be having a rough week myself.”

Charged cocks her head to the side. “Well, the worst part was the fear, confusion, watching the change slowly grow worse hour by hour day by day… watching your…” Charged closes her eyes and shakes her head quickly, “I didn't know what was going on or why. I didn't even know there were more of us at first. I thought I was some kind of freak, monster. And then you can add in the terror of finding out you are turning from an outie to an innie. But in my darkest hour, when I was about to give up, Princess Luna came to me, told me I wasn't alone."

"Luna?" Nuan asks a she takes a sip of water.

Charged nods slowly and smiles, almost wistfully continuing, "Princess of the moon, keeper of dreams, she came to me, helped me, even sang a song."

"A song?" Joel asks looking up from his smart phone for a moment curiously.

"Yep, oh yeh, ponies apparently really do break out into song in reality."

“Utterly fascinating.” This comes from Joel, “Well now, seems you have pictures from the show, and you’re your own trading card Charged.”

“Really?” Charged perks her tail flicking a bit as she smiles.

Joel turns the cell around for Charged to see. A screen shot of the young pony being hoisted into the air by her hind legs by two other ponies, legs spread as she raises her forelegs high waving. “Ugg no,” Chargie says and buries her muzzle under her forelegs, why would they chose such an embarrassing picture and position, that’s almost as bad as a tail up shot.”

Nuan laughs softly, “Well ok, so maybe its not so bad, that there aren’t pictures of me online.”

Joel humms softly, “I’ve been thinking, may I make an observation?”

Nuan tilts her head and nods, "Sure."

"From hearing you two talk, as well as watching, I think you might want to try looking at this from a disability stance."

"What!?!" In unison from Nuan and Charged.

"Hear me out, please. And think about this logically. Becoming a pony in itself isn't a disability. But the steps you seem to have to take, are the same as if you have become disabled from an accident. Consider about our clients when they get their new prosthetics. They have to learn how to use the new parts."

Nuan blinks and then looks at Charged’s hooves.

"They have to learn to walk again, learn how to take care of themselves again. Learn to adapt to simple tasks like picking up a glass or drinking. It takes time, but once they learn, it becomes second nature again and they can do the tasks without thinking about it."

Looking down, Nuan feels her artificial leg through her jeans for a moment before nodding, "I can see that. There will be an adapting period but after that, things will come naturally. Muscle memory will kick in and we’ll simply move freely."

A few minutes later the waitress returns and sets down a pair of plates in front of each of the girls, each with a pair of brown, green and white patties on it, topped with a mix of fresh green sprouts of some kind as garnish.

"What is," Nuan starts, looking confused.

"We didn't even order yet." Charged says, just as confused.

The waitress smiles, "It's sort of a potato pancake, but it has onion and alfalfa sprouts mixed in. It’s something new we are trying out, for our pony customers. Consider it a changing gift. Your first taste or treat of pony style food." Pulling out her pencil and paper the waitress smiles, "Its completely free for you two, now have you decided on your orders?"

A quick consultation has the pony and the soon to be pony going for pancakes.

Joel, however, has other ideas. "Could I get some pork sausage links, on a bed of mashed potatoes, covered with your white gravy please?" Smiling at Nuan, "Bangers and mash, best way to start a day."

The waitress turns to leave. Nuan holds up a hand. “You seem surprised to see a pony here, but you have dishes specifically for ponies, you also seem to have rules governing how to deal with pony customers.”

The waitress looks side to side quickly. She leans a bit closer. “Well, ponies seem to like IHOP, I think its because we have a wide selection of non-meat dishes. We’ve had quite a few customers at different stores over the last few months. And our stores share information between each other and corporate to help with customer service.”

Charged up nods, “Makes sense I guess.”
“A lot of emails have gone to corporate about them, as well as to the company message board, so they came up with the pony sensitivity training.” She goes on, “As well they’ve been working with the pony colony in Montana apparently, I think they are looking at opening up a restaurant there too.”

Nuan chuckles, “Well if ponies like pancakes so much, I can see it going off well, much better then say a McDonald’s or Burger king.”

The waitress nods smiling, “So, there’s a whole training regimen to deal with the new types of customers we see. Including how to help new changes and build a happy and supporting atmosphere. Though before today, I thought they were blowing smoke. They made this big deal but never showed a single picture of a ‘real’ pony.” She says making air quotes. “Then you walk into the restaurant.” She smiles. “We know the ponies are going through a rough time, so our goal is to make IHOP be appealing and a place of comfort even in the worst of times.”

Nuan looks down at Charged and blinks, "I'm starting to feel like this store knows more about ponies then we do."

Charged slowly nods, "Why can't they just tell everyone what’s going on?"

Her boss sighs, "World panic, prejudice, if people knew this was happening then anyone close to their birthday could find themselves harassed or treated differently." Looking around the restaurant Joel muses, “Imagine, companies deciding not to hire someone because they are close to their 25th birthday, for fear they might change and any investments in time and training the company gave would be lost. Loan offices, would you issue a loan to someone who might change in 3 weeks and vanish with the money never paying it back?”

The waitress nods slowly, “Yeah, it could end with a real prejudice and fear of who could change. It could stress out a lot of people. People might even use it to alter laws and such in weird ways. Picture if insurance companies decide to put off treatments, or medical procedures to people close to their twenty fifth, to see if they could save a buck?” .

The waitress excuses herself to enter their order as Nuan looks over at Charged. "Anything I need to worry about after I fully change?"

"Yep, you really need to watch where you sit. Especially on anything really hot or cold. Trust me, it’s not as fun as it sounds. Oh, and picking things up, it’s a new experience to go from hands to using your mouth and hooves." Charged Up nods, “Though muscle memory kicks in pretty quick for most things, I was trotting in about half an hour.”

"I've still got hands." She holds them up. “For now.”

"I know, and you might gain magic to pick stuff up with. That would be nice. Even pegasi can use their wings almost as well as hands. You should have seen some of the show. Pegasi like Dash or Fluttershy would use their wings to tighten straps, or pick things up. Very dexterous.” Joel says then looks at Charged Up.

Nuan blinks. “I see I have a lot to learn about all of this. Wait, you’ve seen the show?”

Joel smiles, “I had to watch something on the flight over here. The choice of Disney movies and blockbuster failures they had was just awful. So, once we got over the USA and the WiFi kicked in, I started watching what I could.”

“Why do I think that was something I should have been doing?” Nuan grumbles and looks down.

“You were stressed and needed sleep, so I figured I’d do it. You do know, Nuan, Kerfuffle, however you are going to want to be addressed, we won’t fire you. I was serious when I said we were a family. And if you decide to stay in the States, we do have an office, you can keep doing your work, and continue your learning with us.”

Nuan sighs, it’s almost as though a huge weight was lifted off her chest. She leans over and wraps her arms around her boss. Hugging him tightly, she whispers. “Thank you.”

***

Almost twenty-four hours of observation, I haven’t seen Dust’s unique coloring. Could there be any other places where they’ve taken her? I find myself sighing, my dark coloring with my camouflage clothing is pretty good for breaking up my outline. The humans don’t really scan the jungle around them all that much, so everything looks pretty good for the raid. The last several hours have been spent in quiet contemplation. I will find Dust, and if I have to destroy this place to do it, so be it. I glance over at one of the ramshackle buildings. The guys in charge are there, that will be my first priority for when we go in. I lean back and close my eyes.

Only to wake up at a fierce whisper from Moon Shadow. After the last couple of weeks of driving and scouting. Her happy face is something that makes my heart feel warm. The dark gray mare has her armor on, I glance at the camp and scan for anyone on the lookout. The few towers are the only parts really lit, the workers apparently have headed home for the night. Most of the humans are likely sleeping, it being well after two in the morning. I have been on four legs for long enough, a quick thought has me standing on two once again as I follow Moon over the rise in the direction of my car.

“Okay, do you have a plan?”

I nod. “We are going to hit them hard and fast. Destroy their stock of product, and make sure that they can’t hurt others. And we are going to rip the place apart, we will either find Dust, or find out where they’ve taken her.”

Mindy and Moon both nod. I look at my watch. “Okay, the sun will be rising in about four hours. Let’s get ready.”