Chapters I stand outside the doors to my new school, my new hell. Canterlot High. Odd name for a high school in my opinion, but I’m low on options. Grandma says it’ll be great; she went to high school here apparently. Doesn’t do much to comfort me. That was how many years ago? Too many to wrap my head around.
It’s a sizeable building and a really nice one at that. It’s like a blocky U. Does that make sense? It goes to either side of me for a distance before cornering back towards the street. It’s a royal purple and even has a glass dome on top. Classy. A nice courtyard separates it from the street. Center of that, a friggin’ huge brand new statue of a horse. I think the school team is the Wondercolts.
This place has a thing for horses apparently.
Not gonna lie, my last high school sucked major. I keep hearing from my grandparents that a change of pace will be good. Apparently this place is that change. The bar’s already set pretty low, so it’ll be interesting to see how this plays out.
The other students are swarming around me. I’m flying under the radar as I tend to do, but I can’t help but wonder.
What the hell is with everyone’s hair?
It’s unnaturally bright in here. My previous schools, all the way back to preschool, have been dark and kinda depressing, though I only picked up on that feeling much later. But here people are smiling and being friendly. My God, it’s like they’re actually enjoying themselves. I see a nerd and presumably a jock talking to each other without the big guy throwing punches.
What kind of Twilight Zone shiznit is this?
The miasma of students is starting to dwindle. Probably time for homeroom. Should probably head to the office and grab a schedule. I look both ways before deciding I have no idea where I am or where I’m supposed to go. Crap. Time to buckle up and talk to someone.
I walk up to a girl with pink hair that almost looks like cotton candy. If I hadn’t had three bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch this morning, I probably would have tried it out. Just kidding, that would probably require loads of charisma to pull that off without it looking weird and creepy.
“Hey, could you please direct me to the main office? Gotta pick up my schedule.”
The girl turns around. Wow, those are some blue eyes. They’re pretty big too. It’s almost as if they’re getting bigger.
“Uh, yeah, hi. Could you point me to the office?” I ask again.
She gasps loudly, almost jumping into the air. Before I can ask if something’s wrong, she zips down the hallway and out of my sight.
I sigh. First person, first girl in fact, I talk to and I either scared them with my looks or they happened to be nucking futs. She was pretty attractive too. Lord knows I probably would’ve messed that relationship up. It would have started slow, maybe as friends. One night, at a party where she might have had a bit too much to drink and I’m too tired to care, we would kiss. Love and fireworks burst in the sky, roses rain down on us. Two months later, she’s… You know what, I’m not gonna go there. Happy thoughts, man, happy thoughts.
I look around. Everyone’s in class and its empty. Great. Guess I’m gonna have to figure this out on my own.
On a whim, I decide to follow Cotton Candy down the hallway. Push comes to shove, I loop back around and get a nice tour of the place.
I’m already starting to hate it here, Grandma be damned.
Alright, finally made it to the main office. Not sure why it’s a mile away from the front entrance, but I don’t plan on making this trip a lot.
It’s a quaint little thing. There’s a decent sized desk covered in flowerpots, and two doors, one presumably leading to the principal’s office and the other… vice principal? Sometimes it’s a dean of students, an academic overseer, headmaster, blah blah blah. Different names all for the same job: Principal’s Right Hand Man. One door has a moon over it, and a sun above the other. Odd choice of decoration. Déjà vu, but I think I’ve said that how many times since getting here? A lot. How much more am I gonna be saying that?
Twenty bucks on a whole lot more.
Behind the desk is a frail old woman with white hair that looks like a shade of pink. Seems even the elderly aren’t safe from dying their hair in bizarre colors. Unless it’s natural. Maybe there’s something in the drinking water. The lady that’s presumably the secretary has the cliché half-moon glasses with beads wrapping around her neck. Never understood that. Eh, if I make it to above sixty, I’ll try and figure it out.
“Hi, Ms…” -check the nameplate- “…Maresbury, I’m looking to pick up my schedule. I’m new here.”
She looks up at me and peers through her thick lenses. There’s an awkward moment of silence as if she’s making sure I’m not some punk from off the street. I mean, I am some punk from off the street, but I actually go here now.
Finally, she smiles at me. “Ah, yes, you must be Mr. Mets. I welcome you to Canterlot High School. This school is absolutely lovely, I am sure you will feel right at home.”
I nod politely, though I highly doubt this place will be any different than every other school I’ve been too. “Looking forward to it, ma’am. Could I please get my schedule?”
“Of course. Let’s see here…”
Ms. Maresbury turns to her computer. Oh God, it’s not printed out already? I simply keep my smile on. I may be a punk, but I’m not an asshole. Usually.
So I smile at Ms. Maresbury as she clicks her mouse. And clicks again. Again. Again. One more time, for the ladies. Another. Oh lovely, she’s typing something out now at 10 words per minute. Just print it. If I hadn’t promised my grandparents I would play nice, I would totally leap over the desk and get the damn thing myself. They were probably just making a joke, but I’m a man of my word.
“Ah, here we go. Let’s just print this and get you on your merry way!”
It finally prints. She hands my schedule over and gives me a warm smile. “Have a great day, Mr. Mets! You are going to absolutely adore this place, I guarantee it.”
Doubt it.
“Uh, if you don’t mind me asking, how is this place organized? Like, where’s…” -consult the chart- “…room 47?”
“When you exit the office, you go right down the hallway and past the lobby. It should be on the right. If not, it is on the left.”
“Wonderful, thank you.”
As I’m leaving, I realize that my new homeroom is on the other side of campus. Fan-freaking-tastic.
2 - IN THE GARDEN - MAX RICHTER
I’m not gonna lie, I’m tempted to just skip this class. It’s already halfway over and I don’t want to be that guy. Especially not on my first day. What is it? History? Oh, I can definitely skip that. Super easy to catch up on and super boring in the first place. So, what’s the new game I’m gonna play?
I make my way towards the lobby, looking over my schedule. Homeroom is history with Mr. Doodle, second period physics with Mr. Whooves, I have study hall third period, lunch, and then last period of the day is math with a Miss Cheerilee. Four periods? How does that add up? Oh, lovely, each class is an hour and a half instead of forty-five minutes. Well, this is going to be interesting.
Upon reaching the lobby, I still have no idea where to go. Downside to skipping class on your first day is you don’t know all the spots where people hang out when playing hooky.
I head outside, deciding to get more familiar with the grounds. Walking out the front doors, I don’t see anyone. Not even the tough kids smoking. What the h? There’s no way in hell that everyone is in class. Walking along the concrete, I realize how quiet it is here. Having lived in cities before, I may be used to noise. But at every school, even during class, there’s some kinda clamor. There’s even a distinct lack of any kind of graffiti on the horse statue. Not even somebody drawing a smiley face on it with a permanent marker. The grass is fresh and neat, no trails made of dirt where students frequently walk on it. No signs of a normal high school nightmare.
What kind of place is this?
I decide to head to the soccer field. Grandma told me it’s quite a nice place to have lunch if you didn’t want the hustle and bustle of the cafeteria. Her words, not mine. Plus, as awkward as it will be, there’s gotta be that one couple sucking face under the bleachers. Seriously, this is a high school. Teenage hormone central. No smokers, fine, I’ll give ya that. Maybe there’s some city-wide no smoke initiative. But teenagers will always be getting frisky, no matter where you are.
Following the sidewalk around the main campus, I notice a small garden. Lots of flowers, an apple tree, and a stone bench. It seems kinda relaxing, which would be better than intruding on a duo doing… something. I’m far from innocent, but I’m also far too awkward to think about what goes on.
I walk through a wooden overhang and plop myself down on the bench. The breeze feels good, I didn’t inherit any allergies, and there’s no uncomfortable heat, humid or dry. I lean back and close my eyes. I could definitely get used to this. Taking a nap here and skipping all my classes is starting to sound pretty nice.
Is someone singing?
I crack an eyelid and look around. There’s a little path leading off somewhere. It sounds like it’s coming from over there.
I sit up straight and turn my ear towards it. Yup, that’s definitely someone singing. A girl at the sounds of it. She actually sounds really good. Maybe this one won’t run away. I mean if they did, no hard feelings. I won’t be the creep that won’t leave her alone. I respect the boundaries set in place by running away, screaming or no.
Getting up, I follow her voice. It’s soft, but distinct enough for me to head towards.
“There’s music in the treetops, and there’s music in the vale. And all around the music fills the sky…”
I turn a corner. Holy shiznit! That’s a lot of f’ing animals!
Sitting by a pond is a girl with, again, pink hair. Instead of cotton candy curls, it’s gentle waves and a lighter color. Pale yellow tank top and green everything else, she’s surrounded by different creatures. Bunnies, squirrels, birds, a raccoon, and even a beaver. God, it’s like she’s a Disney princess!
“Oh, it’s not so bad. Miss Cheerilee is really nice about it, but I don’t know what I can do. Twilight offered to help, but I don’t want to be a burden…”
A twig snaps under my foot. She turns around, probably expecting another animal friend but gets me instead.
I now realize I may have been standing here watching for quite some time.
Her teal eyes lock with mine and I watch as they grow exponentially while her pupils shrink. I feel my face getting hot. There’s dead silence as we stare at each other.
Suddenly, my leg is in a whole amount of pain. I yelp and fall to the ground, only to get kicked in the head by a white rabbit. It almost seems angry with me.
Now knocked out of the trance, me literally, her not so much, she gasps. “Angel, no!”
She rushes over and pulls the rabbit into her arms while I clutch my shin in one hand and my head in the other, looking like I’m performing some overused dance move. The rabbit’s fine, girl, what about my shattered bones?
“Oh, I am so sorry, Angel is usually so well behaved, he just gets protective sometimes…”
“Don’t worry about it,” I say through gritted teeth. “Isn’t the first time I’ve been kicked in the leg. Or face.”
“Oh, do you have a rabbit of your own?”
I chuckle at that. “Not quite, no.” Sitting up straight and pretty positive I’m not suffering internal trauma, I give her a smile. “Sorry for not announcing myself. I was just kind of, uh, in shock over all the animals.”
She blushes and looks at the ground, the bunny presumably named Angel still trying to kick me. Crap, I think I’m losing her. I don’t want another failed attempt at communicating with someone at this school.
“I’m Alex. Pretty new here. What’s your name?”
The girl hides behind her hair and mumbles something.
“Uh, sorry, what was that?”
She shrinks further back and almost whimpers.
Well that went swimmingly.
The bell begins to ring. We both look up and look towards the school. I stand up, dusting the dirt off my jeans.
“Well, I missed one class, probably shouldn’t miss another.”
I hold out my hand to her. She glances at it before tentatively placing hers in mine. I pull her up probably a little too hard as she gives a little shout and immediately starts pinwheeling her arms, falling into me. Angel is sent flying as we go backwards and onto the ground.
My vision is black. There’s something sharp poking into my back. There’s something soft covering my face. There’s something in my nose.
I sneeze. Gets the something out of my nose. I hear a gasp from the girl on top of me and she quickly rolls off of me, allowing my lungs to do their job properly. As I gasp for air, I look over at the girl. I look to the side and up to get a good look at her now reddening face. I guess she must have landed…
Oh. Oh no. This kind of crap is only supposed to happen in anime.
I sit up quickly and start stammering.
“Oh my God, I am so sorry, I sneezed on your, that’s not important, my face, uh, that sneeze, that’s gross, not your, uh, they’re, no, yeah, anyways, sorry about that.”
Smooth as butter. If butter were made out of rocks like the pointy one that seems to still be lodged in my back. I remove it while looking everywhere else but at the girl, who appears to now be covering her top half.
Angel kicks me in the side of the head. I am back on the ground as Dr. Missus Doolittle gets over her embarrassment that I sneezed on her breasts and starts chastising the rabbit. Don’t understand how giving an animal a stern talking to will change anything.
I close my eyes and rest my head on the ground. Great first day. Can’t wait to tell Grandma that the closest thing to a friend is the lady at the front desk. Probably won’t mention the unintentional second base.
Great. First. Day.
3 - CHERRY BOMB - THE RUNAWAYS
I sit down at the back of the room. Ever since I got glasses, I’ve been taking the back row. Much less likely to be called on, with the potential for a good nap. Especially considering it’s physics, second period, and the teacher seems like a newbie. I mean he’s got a bowtie and everything. Not really expecting much concern on that front. Snooze time central, here I come!
All the other kids are chitchatting in what seems to be a clique free zone. I’ve noticed that here. There don’t appear to be any borders between cheerleaders and nerds, hippies and jocks, technoheads and rockers. As far as I can tell, there doesn’t even seem to be a general hatred for the freshmen. It’s like a bad episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Everyone here is on good terms.
Is this place built over an Indian burial ground? No way this is natural.
The bell rings and class begins. Teach gets up and walks to front of the classroom. He seems really excited.
“Alright, class, let’s get started, shall we?” I’m somewhat taken aback by the British accent. “Now, we are in physics, for those of you in the wrong class.” He pauses, but no one gets up to leave. “Perfect! Now, I am Doctor Whooves, and rather than waste time going over the rules and regulations of being a good student, I am just going to jump straight into lecture. Good? Good. Fantastic! Well, let’s get started. So! Physics. Physics, ay? Phyyyyysics. Physics! Physics. Physics, physics, physics, physics. I hope you’re getting all this down. There is nothing quite like physics. It is the very fabric of reality! Everything can be explained by the field of physics.”
A student raises their hand. Mr. – sorry - Dr. Whooves nods at the student, who asks, “But what about last semest…”
The door slams open. Everyone turns to look as in walks a girl who is one hell of a personality. It’s not just the rainbow hair, or the athlete’s body, this chick screams self-confidence. Like, I don’t even know who in the hell this is, but I’m pretty sure I lost. Not sure what game we’re playing, but it’s over.
This girl’s prismatic hair actually looks natural . It’s messy, but in that way that you can’t really tell whether or not it’s intentional or she just got up in the morning and said “Looks good” and moved on. Her eyes are rose colored and her smile just screams “Come at me, bro.”
Oh God, you’re currently 0-2, Alex. If you get the chance, don’t f this up.
Mr. - sorry - Dr. Whooves seems completely unfazed by the interruption. “Ah, Miss Rainbow Dash, a pleasure for another semester! Please come in. You’re lucky, I have barely started!”
She nods. “Thanks, Doc. I’ll take my seat in the back.”
I quickly do a peripheral. The only seats available are… both next to me! Hell yes! Oh thank you whoever’s listening! Help me not screw this up!
She takes the seat to my left, putting her in the back corner farthest from the door. Her backpack hits the floor and her feet go up onto the desk. Mr. – sorry – Dr. Whooves doesn’t seem to care or notice and simply moves on.
“Right! Where were we? What is this, chemistry? Physics! Ah, right, much more interesting. Physics. Physics! Physics, physics, physics!”
“Hey.”
“Now, some of you may not believe this, but physics is the very fabric of reality. Did I already say that? I already said that. Sorry, I just get so excited.”
“Hey, you.”
I look over. Rainbow-Brite’s staring at me.
“Yeah, you,” she says. She blows a strand of green hair out of her face. “You’re new here, aren’t you?”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Not really, other than I haven’t seen you on campus before. So are you new or what?”
Don’t f this up, Alex. Don’t you do it. “Yeah,” I respond, “I’m new.”
Her eyes narrow. I swallow reflexively. Man, she’s really giving me the visual pat down, except not as steamy as that sounds, more like a TSA half-hearted ass pat. It’s the most action I’ve gotten… ever. Don’t think about action, don’t think about action, don’t think about action…
Seemingly satisfied, she grins. “I’m Rainbow Dash.”
“Wait, for real?”
She frowns at that. “What is that supposed to mean? ”
Oh shi… Come on, bring it back around. Don’t f this up. “In all honesty, I wasn’t that far off with Rainbow Brite.”
“Who’s Rainbow Brite?”
“It was an animated kids show from the eighties. No relation other than your, uh, rainbow hair.” I laugh nervously. Her gaze narrows again. Alright, time for the Alex Mets signature five-lane change. “I’m Alex. You come here often?”
Smooth. Asshat.
Rainbow Dash actually laughs at that. I breathe an internal sigh of relief and smile back.
“Aw man, if you’re new, Pinkie’s gonna have a blast.”
Oh God, am I going to get hazed? Last time I got hazed, my kindergarten class no-scoped me in the head with a basketball while my pants were down. Good times.
Wait, Pinkie?
“Just guessing here,” I say, “but would this ‘Pinkie’ have blue eyes and pink hair that goes fwoof?” I rapidly move my hands away from my scalp to try and describe this chick’s hair. Doesn’t hurt to be specific.
“Not sure what ‘fwoof’ is, but yeah, that sounds like Pinkie Pie. If you two’ve already met, she’s probably already getting…”
“Miss Dash?”
We both turn to Mr. – sorry - Dr. Whooves, who is waiting expectantly. “Is it something important that you two are discussing?” he asks.
“Nothing fancy, Doc. Can wait ‘til after. Carry on.”
“Thank you.” He readjusts his bowtie and continues on. “Now, like I was saying, Newton was a phenomenal bloke. Quite quiet, and just a bit antisocial, but let me tell you, he was…”
Rainbow Dash leans back and closes her eyes. “Wake me up if he sets someone on fire again.”
I turn back to the teacher. This guy has actually set fire to someone? Maybe I won’t be taking naps in this class. Last thing I need is death by science.
4 - SISTER GOLDEN HAIR - AMERICA
I leave physics alone. Rainbow Dash was still snoozing pretty hard when class ended, so I didn’t wake her. Know I hate it when people interrupt naptime.
Class actually wasn’t half bad. Dr. Whooves was really super enthusiastic. It kinda rubbed off on me by the end of the period. Probably won’t be enough to get me to study, but I could definitely do most of the homework. Good grades without too much thought behind it. Maybe.
God, I am not looking forward to this semester. Like, at all.
I decide to look for my locker. It can’t hurt to have a place to put my books. Heavy backpacks lead to severe scoliosis later on in life. At least that’s what my grandpa tells me. I’m going to take his word as gold because he is later on in life, back surgeries be damned.
I’m weaving through the hallway. My locker is on the second floor, number 843. Gotta find the stairs and ascend the tower. Meanwhile, I people watch. That sounds kinda creepy, but it’s a totally normal human thing.
Like I pass for a normal human.
Well, neither does anyone else here, apparently.
Getting lost in staring at other people, I clash heads with someone. Books go flying and I fall to the floor. For a moment, I just stare at the ceiling, spread-eagled on the tile. I’m just great at making friends, aren’t I? Send one girl off to prepare some sort of “new kid” ritual, sneeze on another girl’s boobs, things actually went decently well with Rainbow Dash, and now I have caused a ruckus before third period.
I’ve probably been staring at the fluorescent lights for a while when someone sticks their head over mine. Has she been talking to me the whole time?
“Hey, you alright down there?”
I blink a few times to get the spots out of my eyes. Looking directly at light is not a good idea, kids. Standing above me is a blonde girl wearing a cowboy hat. Huh. That and what I assume was a Southern drawl in her voice points to Canterlot’s resident farm girl. At least she has normal colored hair.
“Yeah, I’m okay. Did you know this school has a beautiful ceiling?”
She glances up before shaking her head and chuckling. “I suppose it does. You fine after that tumble? I’m sorry I didn’t see you there.”
“It’s all good. Didn’t see you either.”
I now realize she is wearing a skirt and I’m lying right beneath her. Yeah, no. I like ladies, but I consider myself a gentleman. Or at least, not a complete asshole. I quickly jump to my feet, popping my back in the process. “Were those my books or yours?” I ask.
“I reckon they were yours.” She motions down to a stack of large crate with an apple painted on the side. “I was only carryin’ these,” she continues.
“That’s an odd place to carry your books,” I say. “How many classes can you take in this place?”
She outright laughs at that. “Nah, I’m haulin’ these to the cafeteria.”
“And that would be… where?”
She points behind me. “Back there a few and to the right. Why? You new here?”
“About as new as they get.”
“Well, let me welcome you to Canterlot High! I’m Applejack.”
The temptation to make a joke about cereal is pretty high, but I’m just gonna lay off on making fun of people’s names. Especially considering this girl could probably straight up break me. I mean she’s hauling what has to be 250 pounds without breaking a sweat. “I’m Alex. So, what’s the delivery to the cafeteria?”
“Granny Smith needs these here ingredients for lunch today.”
“Granny Smith being…?”
“Well, shucks, she’s just about the best cook in Canterlot. And I’m not just saying that ‘cause she’s my granny. You’ll see once it gets to be lunch.”
As if on cue, my stomach growls. We both look down at it and she starts chuckling. Without saying a word, she cracks the top off one of the crates and pulls an apple from it. Tossing it to me, she picks up the crates. “It was a pleasure makin’ your acquaintance, Alex, but I’ve got to get goin’ here. Granny’s probably fixin’ for these ingredients right about now. I’m sure I’ll be seein’ you at Pinkie Pie’s party.”
I wave as she walks down the hall before I realize something.
“Hey, Applejack!”
She stops and looks over her shoulder. “Where’re the stairs?” I ask.
Applejack laughs before saying, “You’re just plumb green, aren’t ya? End of the hall behind ya to the left.”
“Sweet, thanks.”
Turning around, I see a sign that points to the stairs. At least, I assume so. It’s a sign with a graphic of stairs and an arrow pointing to a door. It can’t get much more clear than that, right?
As I’m walking and eating probably the most delicious apple I’ve ever had, I can’t help but wonder. Are all the girls in this school really really attractive? Like, so far everyone I’ve run into has been mega hot. I’m not complaining, far from it, but there’s not even that super awkward girl with the glasses, weird bangs, and hair tied up in a bun. Catching a couple of glances from other kids as I head to the stairs, they all look out of my league.
Or am I just that desperate for human contact?
Did Applejack say party?
5 - DIAMONDS - JACK + ELIZA
I’m staring at Locker 843 in total shock.
My locker back at my old school was a hunk of trash. Not quite large enough to shove my European History textbook into, though that certainly didn’t stop me. The lockers at that school were also not the tall ones, so of course my locker was in the middle of the bottom row. Great for my back. It had a dent in the middle and the corners were bent outwards, making it look like Iron Fist got pissed and punched my locker. And that’s an important point. Only my locker. Seriously, all the other lockers looked almost new, but mine looked like it lost a fight with Hulk. Hulk Hogan that is. My locker was too small for The Incredible Hulk to hit only mine.
Canterlot High’s Locker 843 is a full-length locker. Like, I could probably fit in it if I crouched a little bit. It’s a nice, shiny green that reminds me of the freshly cut lawn outside. The slits near the top aren’t jagged and seem free of tetanus. Even the little plaque with the locker number punched into it looks pristine. God, it’s gorgeous. I don’t want to open it.
I spin the dial. 9-7-8. Seems simple enough, but if I’m late to class or otherwise stressed out, those minute turns are going to be a pain in the neck. Opening Locker 843 reveals that trying to fit inside might be substantially more difficult than I first thought. Three shelves leave room for books and a bag or two. Crap. There goes my hiding slash napping spot. Once fell asleep standing up on a train in rural Germany, so I don’t doubt my capabilities of being able to sleep anywhere, anytime.
Swinging my backpack off my shoulder, I start digging books and supplies out. Definitely don’t need to carry everything at once. Scoliosis is “one cantankerous bitch” according to my grandfather. He calls a lot of his medical issues “cantankerous bitches” when my grandma isn’t around.
Out of my peripherals, the locker to my left opens. I look over to see Resident of Locker 84…2? Yeah, 842. She is pale, almost having pure ivory skin. I had a friend in middle school who was albino, so when she turns towards me, I’m stunned by dark blue eyes. Her purple hair seems to defy the laws of physics, curling like the scroll of a cello on multiple levels.
She smiles at me, giving me a once over with her eyes. The smile flips as she looks at me longer. I’m still smiling pleasantly, but my shoulders sag a little bit.
“Oh my,” she says. Is that a faux-British accent? It seems a bit more subtle than flat-out London talk. “I’m sorry if this is a bit… brash, but I must take care of this!”
Before I can ask what “this” is, she pulls out some measuring tape and starts wrapping it around my waist.
“Uh, what are you doing?”
Not even bothering to look up, she simply states, “Getting you out of that garb. Some nicer pants, and goodness! What happened to your shoes?”
I look down at my High Tops. “Sure they’re a little bit worse for wear, but they still work, right?”
Straightening up and pulling out a notebook, she simply shakes her head. “Attire is not all about functionality, it is about aesthetics. I design clothes, and I am determined to make you look as dashing as possible.”
“Design clo… Look, I appreciate the offer, but I don’t even know your name.”
The girl with gravity defying hair stares at me blankly before it clicks. “Oh! Oh, of course, you’re new. Where are my manners? I am Rarity.”
She extends a hand gently, palm and fingers down, probably intending to look regal, but I can’t help but think of kissing a mob boss’s ring. Course, she’s not wearing a ring, and kissing her hand might come off as creepy. I know there was a time when that was deemed appropriate, even normal, but the twenty-first century is weird. So, I play it safe, taking her hand gently in one of my mine and do a little bow.
It pays off. Rarity performs a curtsey, even taking the edge of her skirt with her other hand. “My, a bow! You do not see that in this school except for the local productions. And you are?”
“Alex. And you were kidding about the clothes, right?”
“Of course not. I could tailor you a splendid suit in no time at all!”
“I’m not sure a suit would fit in a high school.”
Rarity shakes her head. “That’s absolutely ridiculous,” she says vehemently. “A proper suit, a well-made suit, fits any occasion.”
“Yeah, I bet the jocks would love a three-piece.”
She raises a questioning eyebrow. “The jocks?”
I nod. “Yeah, the jocks. Is it different here? Must be the greasers then.”
Rarity continues staring at me blankly.
“Skaters?”
Nothing.
“Who’s the bully?”
There’s another moment of nothing before Rarity bursts into giggles. “No, Alex, we don’t have bullies at Canterlot,” she laughs. “All the bad ones have been reformed, or vanquished all together.”
Now it’s my turn for the vacant face. “No bullies?”
Rarity shakes her head in affirmation.
“There’s nobody getting shoved inside lockers?”
Another shake.
“No one being a generally rude schmuck?”
Another shake. “None whatsoever. Diamond Tiara can be a bit temperamental according to my sister, and Trixie is certainly a bit much, but everyone at Canterlot High is on good, no, excellent terms!”
I push my glasses up and pinch the bridge of my nose. God damn it. “No. No, I refuse to believe that everyone here is a decent human being. I can’t be the only asshole on campus.”
Rarity crinkles her nose for a moment. “Well, avoiding such harsh language, all of my friends and acquaintances are wonderful people. I am sure you are as well!”
The bell rings. All of the students, Rarity and I included, automatically look up at the ceiling.
Back to eye level, I ask Rarity, “Whatcha got going next?”
“I have study hall. And yourself?”
“Also study hall. Great! You can show me where the library is while I gentlemanly escort you to your next class.”
“And what about the distinct lack of, how did you put it, schmucks?” Rarity smirks.
I sigh. “Look, just give me this one alright?”
Rarity giggles at that, but nods. I offer my arm, which she takes.
Before we head to wherever the library is, I figure it wouldn’t hurt to ask.
“Rarity, would you be opposed to skipping?”
Two stories filled to the brim with books. A large circular area with computers and tables, the one in the middle supporting a bust of a horse’s head. A glass dome letting sunlight in. Students mingling quietly, creating a pleasing hum of noise that probably won’t distract me from my homework. I have the Internet for that. God, this is a gorgeous library. Seriously, what the f is this doing in a high school?
I have no idea what I’m doing in here. I mean, I know I have study hall, but what the hell does that mean? I had one school where if you were in study hall, you went around campus picking up trash. I never studied and was never once in a hall. What the hell is that about?
Rarity doesn’t seem to know what to do either, scanning the room. That’s a bit of a comfort. If she’ll let me, I’ll just tag along with her. Sounds like a better time than just kicking the can alone.
“Rarity!”
Wow, that was not an indoor volume. Rarity and I look over to see a girl who is currently mouthing apologies to the miffed tenants of the library. Rarity perks up and makes her way through the tables towards a new face. I follow after her, figuring the worst they can do is tell me to sit somewhere else. Wait, that actually sounds like the worst they can do, second only to spit roasting me. Wikipedia definition, not Urban Dictionary.
“Rarity! I’m so glad to see you in here. I was about to lose my mind with boredom!”
The two hug while I get a better look at mystery girl. Not in a creepy way. At least, I don’t think in a creepy way.
Rarity’s friend is tall and tan. She’s wearing a kickass black leather jacket (granted, I think all black leather jackets are kickass). Her hair literally looks like it’s on fire. Orange and red stripes seem to not just curl, but zigzag their way down to her shoulders. Mystery girl turns towards me with smiling teal eyes.
“And who is this?” she asks.
Rarity looks at me and back at mystery girl. “Oh, where are my manners? Sunset Shimmer, this is Alex. He is new to Canterlot this year.”
Sunset Shimmer. Alright, I dig it. I extend my hand. “Hey, how are ya?”
She takes it and we shake. “Welcome to Canterlot, Alex! Did you transfer from Crystal Prep?”
“Mm-mm, no. I just moved into town.”
“Oh! We don’t get many kids new to town. Where did you move from?”
“Southern California.”
All I get is a blank stare.
“Los Angeles ringing a bell?” I ask, trying to get some kind of response. Even an “Oh cool” would suffice.
Nada.
Rarity leans over and whispers something in Sunset’s ear. She nods emphatically before directing at me the comment, “Oh, where they do movies and stuff! Cool!” before grinning sheepishly.
Rarity looks back at me and simply states, “Sunset Shimmer is not from around here.”
Uh, okay. That’s kinda vague. And odd. Hollywood also tends to be pretty world-renowned.
I shrug it off. “That’s alright. I can relate to being in a new place.”
Sunset breathes what seems like a sigh of relief. Rarity smiles and nods before pulling out a notebook that seems to be filled with loose leaf and a pencil.
“Don’t mind me! You two get to know each other. I’m just going to start on my new design for Alex.”
Oh, goddammit. “Rarity, seriously, no suit.”
She waves a hand at me, completely ignoring my request. Well, at this point more of a demand from me. Sunset giggles as I let out an exasperated grunt.
“She does that sometimes,” she laughs. “I have like three dresses from this semester alone.”
“Well, do you wear them to school?”
“Not really, no. Only for school dances and stuff like that.”
I turn to Rarity and put my arms up and out. “See! No formal wear at school!”
Rarity promptly ignores me, still sketching away.
I turn back to Sunset, who is struggling to hold back laughter. “You think this is pretty funny, don’t you?” I ask, keeping a straight face.
“I think so.”
We both burst into a snicker fest. Sunset is trying to keep it together. “Sh, Alex, people are studying.”
“Screw them, we’re having a good time. And it’s the first day anyways. What sicko teacher assigns homework on the first day?”
“All of my teachers. Didn’t any of yours?”
“Well, yeah, but it’s not like I’m actually going to do it.”
We have another moment as we laugh between ourselves. Rarity, gotta give her credit, is completely enthralled by her work, pencil flying and not giving a second glance to us.
As the laughter dies down, Sunset reaches into her backpack and pulls out what has to be the nicest looking journal I’ve ever seen. Bound in fine leather, two strips of gold metal on the, what is that, the spine? And with a burning sun emblem set in the center, God it’s gorgeous!
“Holy shiz, Sunset, that thing is beeeeautiful! Where on Earth did you get it?”
Sunset jumps a bit, startled by something. “Uh, heh, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Well, at least tell me you don’t use it for algebra notes, cause that would be a waste of a freaking b-e-a-uuutiful notebook.”
“I don’t, I use it more as a, uh, I guess you could call it a journal. Why do you keep saying beautiful weird?”
I take a small breath. “It’s something I picked up from my dad, I guess. Always saying stuff oddly.”
Sunset smiles at that. There’s a moment of silence that’s hopefully comfortable for at least her. The sounds of the library bring me back down, though I wasn’t very close to the edge anyway. Pages turning, clack of the keyboards. It’s all very peaceful. I think I found my new favorite place on campus, for now.
I notice Sunset open her journal and start writing in it. So it’s me and two girls entranced by their penmanship. Great. I bet my brother would absolutely love this.
I scoot my chair back and stand up. “Hey,” I whisper. “Watch my stuff for me, will ya? I’ll be right back.”
Sunset looks up at me with a smile that is starting to grow on me and nods. I give her two thumbs off and wander off.
Plugging in my headphones, I go off to find something to read. I mean, Doctor Whooves gave me a reading assignment, but physics is not what I would call reading for pleasure.
I hit play. He gives me some sick dance beats. Who is this, Avicii? Perfect library playlist right there. I weave through the shelves, not looking for anything in particular, just something to pass the time other than sleep. Maybe they have some Stephen King. That guy’s just a bucket of laughs, which is just my style.
My mind wanders back to Sunset. She was cute. And she laughed at my jokes. I mean, most of the people here seem to enjoy my humor, which is more than I deserve, but she…
I give myself a little slap in the face. Better than carrying a spray bottle of water around. Alex, no. Get a solid circle of friends before you try and ultimately fail at trying to start a romantic relationship. Last time was a motherfu…
Oh sweet! Ready Player One ! I’ve been looking for that one!
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7 - THREE LITTLE BIRDS - BOB MARLEY & THE WAILERS
“So from what I can tell, it’s like The Matrix , but chockfull of references to eighties pop culture.”
Sunset and Rarity look at each other, then back at me. “The Matrix?” Sunset asks.
“Yeah, Matrix. The sci-fi movie with Keanu Reeves about humanity living inside a simulation?”
Blank stares.
“Virtual reality?”
“Oh!” Sunset exclaims. “I know what that is! It’s video games you play with a headset thingy.”
I nod enthusiastically. “Yeah, like that, but years in the future, so it’s super high tech. Everyone is playing it to try and win this prize. Think the lottery, but significantly more money. I think. I’m not sure if that accounts for inflation.”
“And what’s this called? Ready Player One ?” Rarity asks.
“Yeah. They’re making a movie out of it, so I’ve been meaning to read it.”
Sunset closes her locker and swings her bag back over her shoulder. “You guys ready for lunch?”
As if on cue, my stomach growls loud enough for the three of us and everyone in a four-foot radius to hear above the hubbub of a busy high school hallway. Sunset and Rarity laugh as I give them a sheepish grin. “That couldn’t have been timed better.”
“Cafeteria is…”
I hold up my hands in protest. “Wait! Don’t tell me! It’s…” I spin around and point. “This way!”
Rarity starts laughing as Sunset says, “Not even close.”
I shrug. “Eh. It’s my first day. I should get my act together at the end of the school year.”
Sunset points to our right. “This way.”
As Rarity and Sunset head to where the food is, I kinda trail along behind them, content to phase in and out of the conversation, allowing me my own thoughts while also leaving room for smart-ass remarks.
Rarity’s phone buzzes. She gets it from her pocket and reads what’s probably a text. She looks back and forth from Sunset to me and sighs. “Alex, I must apologize. We are not going to be able to eat lunch with you.”
Sunset looks as shocked as I feel disappointed. “What, why?”
“We have, let’s see, band practice.”
“Do we? I thought…”
Rarity quickly leans in and whispers something in Sunset’s ear. Her eyes widen a bit in what has to be comprehension. “Oh. Oh!” She gives me an apologetic look. “Alex, I’m so sorry. I totally forgot about, uh, band practice. We’ll see you around, okay?”
“Yeah, sure,” I say. “No problem!”
With that, the two of them dash off to what I seriously doubt is band practice.
I look around. Nobody else looks familiar and I’m feeling, well, like I don’t want to initiate conversation. Especially considering everyone seems to be with their friends.
Fudge muffins. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
My stomach gives another particularly loud grumble.
“Okay, I get it! Jeez.”
I spin around, following the crowd to what I assume is the cafeteria. I could go for some grub right about now.
I sit at the only empty table with what looks like actual food. I’m absolutely flabbergasted because my entire educational career has been hallmarked by bringing my own lunch in order to avoid eating the parasite farms called school-made lunch. Mystery meat and synthesized mushy vegetables. But this looks great! A cheeseburger, fries, and some kind of cinnamon apple pastry. I’m actually going to be able to eat this without worrying about being out for the count for the next month hovering over the toilet bowl.
I take a bite out of the burger and about damn near choke on my tears of joy. Christ alive, this has to be one of the best! Was it Applejack who said her grandma was head chef here? God, I need to give that woman a hug.
Looking up from my tray, I see three girls sitting across from me with expectant looks on their faces. They’re all younger, probably freshmen is my best guest. The girl on the right, my right, has cherry red hair and a pink bow, the one on the left has curly hair that’s colored kinda like a berry flavored Gogurt, and the middle girl has more of a punk vibe going on with a purple pixie cut.
I swallow my bite. “Uh, hi.”
Cherry Hair grins. “Howdy! My name’s Apple Bloom,” she says in an accent very similar to Applejack’s. Probably related in some form, or there’s a large country farm population in Canterlot.
I get a beam from Gogurt. “I’m Sweetie Belle!”
Hot Topic regular blows a strand of hair out of her face and gives me an aloof, “Hey. I’m Scootaloo.”
“You new to Canterlot?” Apple Bloom asks.
I nod and insert a fry into my mouth. “Yeah, just moved from Los Angeles.”
The three girls’ eyes instantly start to sparkle. “You mean like Hollywood?” Sweetie Belle asks.
“Pretty close, but yeah.”
Scootaloo loses the “too cool for school vibe” pretty quickly, saying “That’s awesome! Do you know any celebrities?”
“No,” I answer truthfully. “Not personally. But I’ve seen a lot around town.”
“Like who?” all three ask at the same time.
I shrug. “Saw Leonardo DiCaprio get some crab legs from Costco, sat near Tom Cruise at a restaurant, and ran into The Rock at a red light.” After a sip of water, I realize how that might’ve come across. “Well, not actually ran into. Just saw him in a very nice looking Ferrari.”
“Wow, that’s so cool!” Sweetie Belle says.
“We’re the Canterlot Movie Club, so we know all bout Hollywood!” Apple Bloom announces.
Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom all tap their chest with their fist and stick them outward, yelling “Canterlot Move Club, yay!”
I flinch a bit and look around to see everyone carrying on normally. Did no one else hear or see that? “Ah, so you guys, uh, like movies?”
Scootaloo scoffs. “Like? More like love!”
“What are your favs then?” I ask.
“The Karate Kid!” says Apple Bloom, getting into what I think is the Crane pose.
Scootaloo sticks her arms out and pretends to fly around, saying “Top Gun!”
“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” Sweetie Belle states flatly.
“Oh, that’s coo…” Wait, what?
8 - CONFUSION - ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA
“So, will you join?!”
I close my locker and try not to grimace. Very nice girls, but, Jesus, they are really hounding me. “When do you guys meet?” I ask while turning around.
The three look at each other at a brief moment. “Uh,” Apple Bloom whispers, “We’re not really official , if you catch my drift.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Let me get this straight. You’re not an actual club?”
They shake their heads.
“No official meeting times?”
Shake shake shake.
“And is it fair to assume that you are the only members?”
A nod from Sweetie Belle, a kick of the ground from Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo refuses to make eye contact. They’re so adorable. Reminds me of when I was a freshman.
“Alright, it sounds to me like there aren’t a lot of commitments to be made here on my end. I’m in.”
The CMC immediately perk up, giving me wide sparkling eyes. Before I know what’s going on, all three are hugging me, jumping up and down, and cheering at the same time. I look around awkwardly, not sure what to do. Fortunately, I’m getting only looks of amusement from the other students in the hall. Kinda expecting some looks of judgment.
Sweetie Belle begins squealing. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, Alex!”
“Woohoo!” yells Scootaloo.
Apple Bloom lets go of me and turns around to face the hallway. “Canterlot Movie Club, assemble!”
All three straighten up and get into a line. Jeez, they’ve got a whole bit planned and everything for a club that doesn’t technically exist.
“We are the Canterlot Movie Club!” says Scootaloo.
“We are a club for movies at Canterlot High,” Apple Bloom states.
Sweetie Belle starts stammering, “And-and-and we, um… Yeah! What they said!”
“CANTERLOT MOVIE CLUB YAY!” they scream while pounding their fist to their chest and extending it out.
No one else really notices what’s going on. Is this that common of an occurrence? Sweetie Belle looks up at me with puppy dog eyes. It takes me a moment to connect the dots. I sigh. Well, I did agree to be a part of their “club.” I put my chest with a fist and thrust it outwards, making sure to keep it at an angle that doesn’t imply bad stuff.
“Yeah, Canterlot Movie Club. Alright, I got to get going. I think I’ve got calculus next.”
Scootaloo flinches. “Ouch. Do you hate yourself?”
I chuckle. “I mean, yeah, but that’s not why I’m taking calculus.”
“Well, we’ll see ya later, Alex!” Apple Bloom says. “I’m sure we’ll see ya at the party!”
Before I can ask about the party, the three of them dash of, singing some pop song that I can’t put my finger on. Sounds kinda like Lady Gaga.
I’m the last person to class. Great. Fortunately class hasn’t started or else that would’ve been awkward. And I’ve had enough awkward moments today. I quietly take the only available seat. Next to me are a girl with white bangs and a killer pair of glasses, and a guy with a blue poinytail and a real hippie vibe going on. I mean, he’s even got a shirt with the Earth on it.
“What’s up, brotha?” I say, sitting down.
“Hey, man. How’s it going?” he replies in a kinda drawn out way, similar to what stoners sound like. And I’ve known a few. I breathe in through my nose, but no trademark weed smell. Huh. Maybe he’s having an off day.
The teacher stands up and walks toward the whiteboard. She’s got tan skin, blonde hair, and what looks like an eternal prissy woman.
After clearing her throat, she states, “Bonjour. Bienvenue au français quatre. Je m’appelle Madmoiselle Harshwhinny.”
She keeps talking, but it goes way over my head. I lean over to Captain Planet and ask, “Hey, what in God’s name did she say?” He just glances over with a confused expression. I sigh before turning to Goggles Girl. “Hey, what’s she saying?”
In a thick, what is that? German accent which stuns me a bit, she replies, “This is French four. What did you not understand?”
Oh. Oh! Damn it! “French? This is supposed to be calculus!” I mutter, mainly to myself, but apparently it was loud enough to attract everyone’s attention. Great. I grab my bag and walk out of the room, holding my hand to my face to avoid eye contact with everyone.
Room 54? Damn it, I’m looking for room 154! Figuring that’s at the other end of the school, I book it. If I was last in class in French, then I’m sure as hell not going to be on time to calculus. I start kicking myself for making such a dumb error. Mentally kicking myself, that is. The last thing I need is to trip onto my face.
I get pretty close to my destination and start counting the rooms. 150. 151. 152. Janitor’s closet. 153. Here we go.
Immediately upon reaching 154, I bust in and yell, “What year is it?!”
Everyone stops and looks at me. There’s at least a good minute of me staring at them, wondering if anyone got the joke, and them staring at me, wondering what kind of nutjob I am.
For your information, I’m a hazelnut-job.
The teacher looks pretty pissed. “Alex Mets, I presume,” she says crossly.
“Does my reputation precede me?” I ask tentatively.
“No, you’re just the only student I don’t know.”
I stand up straight and let go of the door. “Ah. Is this calculus?”
Before who I’m hoping is Miss Cheerilee can respond, the door violently slams behind me.
The teacher sighs. “Take a seat, Alex. Have Twilight catch you up to speed.”
Uh, which one’s Twilight? A quick glance says it’s the girl next to the only empty seat. I walk over, red-faced and out of breath, and sit down.
Looking over at the girl with really purple hair in a kinda messy bun, I exhale, “Twilight, right? Give me a second. God, I’m out of shape.”
“You don’t look that bad,” she says. “What are you, 160 pounds?”
I stick out my bottom lip. “163.”
“Well, if I remember the Body Mass Index correctly, that is well within the normal body weight for a guy as tall as you.”
Smiling, I reply, “Thanks. I think. So, what’d I miss?”
Taking time to adjust her glasses to see the board, Twilight says, “Oh, we’re just going over review. Trigonometry and algebra. Easy stuff like that.”
“Right. Easy. So, what is trigonometry?”
The look of horror I get in response puts me into a giggle fit. “Twilight, I’m kidding. How would I get into calculus not knowing trigonometry?”
She sighs in relief. I smile at her before looking away to bite my fist. This class is going to be a rough ride.
Turning back to face the board, I ask, “What grade are you, Twilight?”
“Oh! I’m a senior.”
“Me too! That makes me feel a little bit…”
“But I already know everything. The school just doesn’t offer anything higher and I’ve got to keep my mind sharp!”
“…better.” Well, crap. There goes a few more confidence points. Let’s check the score, oh! That’s right. The scoreboard broke. “Hey,” I ask, “would you be willing to tutor me? I’m not exactly math saavy.”
“Uh, I, uh, sure.” Twilight seems to be getting flustered. Ah, awkward nerd girl. Sweet. If I do some sort of social faux pas, she won’t even think twice. She’ll just think it’s normal.
I mean, I hope. I’ve been known to make a complete ass of myself in front of a non-sentient statue.
I give Twilight a reassuring nod, quietly mentioning, “I’ll grab your number after class.”
Her cheeks redden, but Twilight nods in affirmation before turning back to the board.
Going down to grab a pencil and notebook, I realize that’s not my backpack.
“God damn it.”
9 - TAKE ME HOME - JESS GLYNE
It’s been a long day. Seriously, I think I prefer six periods in one year than four periods in one semester. Sitting in math for an hour and a half is going to be a real bitch. Twilight was a nice girl, though, and she'll be a great way to skate on by with a B minus.
Opening my locker, I start the exchange of textbooks. Keeping my math book with me, keeping the monster of a physics book in the hurt, might as well take my history book. There’s a lot of empty space in here. I’m used to three rows of smaller lockers rather than a single row of body-sized lockers. Granted, not my body-size, but some of the freshmen here are tiny enough to fit two of them into one. Hell, I could fit two of the CMC in there. I obviously won’t try that experiment. I’m not a bully; I’m just an asshole.
About to close my locker, a folded piece of paper floats its way down to the floor. Great. First day of school and my locker is already starting to fill itself with trash.
I reach down and pick it up only to notice that it has my name written on one side of it. “Alex” in cut up letters from magazines. Like, cliché ‘we have your daughter’ stuff. Secret admirer or someone who wants to beat the crapola out of me in the parking lot? First day of school and there’s already going to be drama. Who have I met today?
Throwing caution to the wind, I open the note.
“GO TO THE GYM”
Nope. F that. Long day means I’m going home now.
I close my locker and start heading towards the lobby. The hallways are empty, my footsteps echoing off the tile. Rather than dwell on that fact, I stick my headphones in. Instinct at this point. I scroll through Syndrome, debating my options. There’s always the 639 playlist, but Das Königshaus always sounds good to me. Eh, let’s hit shuffle and really go crazy here.
Jamming out to The Smiths, as much as you can jam out to them, I walk the halls, trying to make my way to the entrance. It’s a left here? God I wish there was someone to ask where crap is. And where the hell is everyone anyway? It’s the end of the school day, the halls should be jam packed with kids absolutely itching to go home. How am I the only one ready to get out of here?
Finally I make it to the main entrance, bee-lining straight to the doors. I pull on them and there’s no give. Even though there’s no one else there, I look sheepishly around. Hate it when that happens. So, I push.
Nothing.
What the hell? Push. Nothing. Pull. Jack diddly squat. I start shaking the door by its handle bar. Why in the name of that creepy Teletubbies baby sun are the doors locked?
“I. Just. Want. To. Go. Home!” I say with each throttle of the door.
Turning around, I feel the anger drain from my body, as well as all the blood from my head. Written on the walls in either red lipstick or blood are the words “GO TO THE GYM!”
Isn’t that nice? What in the actual fu… What’s happening? Was my first day so bad that I took the metaphorical sledgehammer to the skull? There’s no one here to do a check, and I’m more than willing to bet all other exits are locked.
I look back outside through the doors. So close to going home too. Man, I don’t even know where the gym is. Looking around, I figure that if the library is to the right, then the gym is to the left? Sure. That makes at least a little bit of sense.
There’s a moment of hesitation before I give in and start walking. To myself, like there’s anyone else around, I whisper, “Holy fudge muffins, what kind of day is this turning out to be?”
I immediately trip on nothing.
“MOTHER FU…”
I, of course, land on my face. After skidding about a foot, I scream into the ground.
“I JUST WANTED TO GO HOME!”
I’m standing in front of a pair of doors that look like the entrance to the gymnasium. I mean it’s those blue-ish metal doors with bars instead of doorknobs. Classic gym doors.
It should have been the end of my first day. Brand new school, already part of a club, I don't think I've pissed off anybody, and there are now plenty of people that I can smile at as I walk down the hallway. I’d say friends, but I get touchy about that word. Grandma would have been proud.
I say would have been because I have the notion that what lays in wait for me in the gym is almost certain death. Of course, I’ve said that before and everything turned out fine. Or I never considered it and everything turned out… not fine. Okay, okay, I’m overthinking this. Waaay overthinking this. Just man up and open the door. Open the door.
I look at my watch. School ended about thirty minutes ago. Jesus, I should be home right now. Knowing Grandma, she probably spent the day baking cookies just for me. Gah, that sounds good right now. I’m almost tempted to go back to the entrance and just shatter the glass on the door to bust out. It’d almost be worth the money it’d cost to fix the door.
Screw it. You only die once. That’s the saying right? I reach out and push the door open.
Sunlight spreads into the hall around me when the door opens. My eyes widen at the scene before me.
Balloons and party streamers everywhere. Every single student that goes to school here watching me expectantly. A banner above the stage reading “WELCOME TO CANTERLOT ALEX!” A DJ right beneath it waiting to let the bass drop.
Everyone screams, “Welcome to Canterlot High, Alex!”
Oh this is so much worse than I expected. Death would have been easy.
10 - YOU BELONG - SLIME GIRLS
“Welcome to Canterlot High, Alex!”
There’s about a minute of silence as I’m standing there, mouth open in shock, and they’re staring at me with genuine smiles on their faces.
A girl with neon blue striped hair and sunglasses sitting behind what looks like a professional sound system shrugs and gives me a nod before pressing a button. House electronic music starts playing through the speakers.
Knocked out of my trance, I immediately turn around with intent to flee. To my horror, a girl with blue eyes and cotton candy pink hair is waiting behind me. Her smile seems to take up half her face, which is now centimeters away from mine.
“Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie, and I threw this party just for you! Were you surprised? Were ya? Were ya? Huh huh huh?” she says at a mile a minute. I’m about to reply, or at least try and get away, but she keeps going. “Y'see, I saw you when you first got here, remember? You were all "hello" and I was all…” Pinkie Pie gasps theatrically before carrying on. “Remember? Y'see I've never saw you before and if I've never saw you before that means you're new, 'cause I know everyone, and I mean everyone in Canterlot! And if you're new, that meant you haven't met anyone yet, and if you haven't met anyone yet, you must not have any friends, and if you don't have any friends then you must be lonely, and that made me so sad, then I had an idea, and that's why I went…” Pinkie Pie gasps yet again before continuing with, ‘I must throw a great big ginormous super-duper spectacular welcome party and invite everyone in Canterlot High!’ See? And now you have lots and lots of friends!”
I blink a few times in response. That was at least a five-minute conversation thrown into about seven seconds. I don’t think she took a breath unless for dramatic effect. Christ, I can barely process what the hell just happened.
Pinkie Pie beams at me before yelling, “Who wants a cupcake?!”
And with that, I find an entire chocolate cupcake shoved into my mouth.
Not only is this the best damned cupcake I’ve ever had, she didn’t even bother to ask… Well, she did technically ask if I wanted a cupcake, but I didn’t respond! What if I’m allergic to gluten? Or diabetic? Or… Holy shiznit, this thing is filled with orange icing! That’s like my favorite desert combination ever .
Tears form in my eyes and I try to say thank you, but you know there’s an entire cupcake in mouth, so I just spew crumbs everywhere. Smooth. Pinkie Pie seems to get it though, and gives me a somehow even wider smile.“Come on, let’s introduce you to everyone!”
Pinkie Pie grabs my arm and yanks me backward. Leading me around the gymnasium, she does as advertised and introduces me to everyone . I’m gonna be honest, I’m terrible with names. Like, I’ll recognize your face, but I’m forgetting your name in about five seconds unless it’s part of conversation for an hour. Just to get it drilled into my thick skull. But, by God, that isn’t going to stop Pinkie.
“This is Lyra, and Bon Bon, they’re best friends. Hi, Octavia! She’s really good on the second biggest wooden string thing. Talk to Treehugger for a really good time. And don’t forget…”
I finally finish the cupcake of the gods. “Hey Pinkie?”
“…Vinyl Scratch, or DJ Pon-3 as her stage name, is up there. HI, VINYL! Over there by the punch is Snips, ooh, and right next to him is Snails.”
“Pinkie.”
“There’s also Minuette, Photo Finish, Rose, Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, Flash Sentry, Bulk Biceps, Micro Chips, Sandalwood, Cherry Crash, Mystery Mint, Wiz Kid, Valhallen, and Unnamed Kid Number 34 works at Canterlot Mall…”
I slam my hand over Pinkie’s mouth. She stops talking and looks at me.
“Pinkie,” I say, “I appreciate your efforts to show me to everyone, but can we slow it down a notch? At the pace we’re going, my head’s about to explode. Cool?”
Pinkie nods before licking my palm. I pull it back and start wiping it on my jeans while she giggles.
“Okie-dokie-lokie! But let me introduce you to the six best people ever! Follow me!”
Taking me through the crowd of students, who are either socializing or dancing poorly, we eventually come to the back corner of the gym where there’s a bit of empty space. Standing there are six familiar faces.
Pinkie stops and swings her arm in a gesture towards everyone. “Girls, this is Alex! Alex, this is Sunset Shimmer!”
Sunset gives a little wave, smirking.
“Uh, Pinkie…” I start to say.
“And Rarity!”
Rarity gives a curtsy with a knowing smile on her face.
“Seriously, Pinkie…” I try interrupting.
Pinkie points at Rainbow Dash, continuing with, “And Rainbow Dash is our resident sports superstar!”
Rainbow Dash is about to say something, but I beat her to the punch by, again, putting my hand over Pinkie’s mouth. Man, am I going to have to do this every time I want her to stop talking? Pinkie immediately licks my hand and I pull it back with a yelp. “Pinkie, gross. And I kinda know everyone already.”
Pinkie Pie just stares at me intensely for a couple of seconds. I glance over to Sunset and mouth, “Help me.”
Sunset walks over and puts a hand on Pinkie’s shoulder, informing her, “Rarity and I met him in study hall.”
Applejack tilts her hat back. “Ran into him in the actual hall.”
Rainbow Dash scratches her head. “Physics, I think?”
Fluttershy hides behind her hair and mumbles something incomprehensible, face reddening with each passing moment. Glad to know she remembers this morning.
Twilight’s face reddens as she stammers out, “He asked for my number in calculus.”
Everyone turns to look at me. I wave my hands back and forth in front of me frantically. “No, no! Not like that! I’m just an idiot that needs help in high-tier math.”
While they all laugh at my expense, I glance over at Pinkie, who is still giving me an almost dead stare.
“Uh, Pinkie? You okay?” I ask.
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie leaps onto me, holding on like a koala to a tree. “Oh, all my bestest best friends already know my new best friend! This is going to be so much fun! Whee! Who wants another cupcake?!”
Before I can wrap my head around this turn of events, Pinkie shoves another cupcake into my mouth.
11 - BLOW THE ROOF - FLUX PAVILION
BLOW THE ROOF – FLUX PAVILLION
"So, band practice, huh?"
Sunset gives me a sheepish grin. Rarity recomposes herself before explaining, "Yes, well, we had to come up with some excuse. Pinkie required our help in setting up this party."
I shrug. "Fair enough. I'm just shocked the seven people I formally met today are all best friends. Now I don't have to worry about you guys running into people you know that I don't know."
"What's that mean?" asks Applejack.
"Well, there's always that awkward moment where I'll just stand there now knowing what to do while you catch up with, ahem, your friends."
Twilight looks at me oddly, saying, "Why can't you just talk…"
Rainbow Dash interrupts, "You only met seven people today?"
"Yeah, well, that's good for me. I'm not the most graceful social butterfly. My original plan was to mumble incoherently at my classmates before going home and crying in the shower fully clothed."
With a concerned look, Fluttershy joins the conversation. She speaks just loud enough for me to hear over the music, but quiet enough that I'm not entirely sure I heard her. "Do you actually cry in the shower fully clothed? That's sad." Though she refuses to make eye contact, it's nice to see we're moving past this morning. Course, I have to reroute my brain to recognize that no, Fluttershy wasn't saying that sarcastically. I have a tendency to overthink things, especially what other people say.
"I don't actually do that, Fluttershy," I say. "I just cry in the shower without clothes like everyone else."
The girls laugh at that, except Fluttershy, who just smiles softly at her feet.
I almost fall onto my face as Pinkie jumps and latches onto my back. "Alex, come play Pin-the-tail-on-the-Pony! It's the bestest party game EVER! You'll have so much fun!"
"Uh, pin-the-tail…? You know what, I'm good, Pinkie. Think I'm gonna just talk to everyone here."
Pinkie pokes her head over the top of mine so I'm looking into her eyes upside-down. "Every one?" she asks.
I sigh before clarifying, "Not everyone, no. Just the main six here. You can join in too if you'd like."
Pinkie shakes her head. "I've gotta go make sure this party is super-duper fun for everyone else! I'll be back in a jiffy."
The sudden disappearance of Pinkie off my back does the trick. I fall flat onto my face while the girls giggle at the antics. Getting up, I look at them. "Is she always that energetic?"
Everyone nods. "Yeah, it's non-stop," Sunset says. "You should see what the inside of her mind looks like."
The group laughs and I kinda chuckle along with them, though I'm not quite sure what to make of that statement. I shrug, scratching it off as some inside joke. "Alright, I'm thirsty. Two cupcakes forced down your throat really do a number. Anyone else want anything?"
Disappearing into the crowd to find the punch table, I try to remember that Rarity wants a water bottle. Rainbow Dash was in the middle of making a request for cider, but got cut off by a smack to the back of the head from Applejack. Wonder what that's about.
In my search, I end up passing the DJ booth. The speakers blast my ears, so I can't hear jack diddlysquat except for the music. Or, at least the bass. Good ol' wub wubs. I about jump out of my skin when a particularly loud air horn noise cuts through the rest and directly into my brain. I look up to see the girl with striped neon blue hair giving me an expectant grin.
I yell at her, trying to be heard over the music. "What?"
She holds a hand up to her ear, still smiling. Little Miss DJ should take her damned headphones off. I sigh before yelling a little bit louder this time, "What do you want?!"
She points at my pants. I freak out a bit, thinking my fly is down or, worse, my pants have somehow disappeared. Seeing that A) my jeans are in fact on and B) that my zipper is zipped up and right side round, I turn my head back up to the DJ.
Right as the music cuts, I yell as loud as I can, "MY PANTS ARE FINE!"
Everyone stops and looks at me, this time with looks of confusion, mirth, or concern. I see a few of the girls near me give my pants an up-and-down. Great. I smile meekly at the crowd before turning and giving the DJ what I hope is a death glare. It must not be working out, because she just beams right back at me.
The music starts up again and people resume their normal party activities. This time, the music is a bit quieter, or, at least less wub-wub. The DJ points at my pants again. I about start swearing when I realize she's pointing at Syndrome. Ah. That makes a bit more sense.
I yell, a little less violently mind you, "It's an iPod." After getting a confused face in return, I hold up the ear buds draped around my neck. "Music!"
She smiles at that and nods in affirmation, lifting up her own headphones from her neck. I take it as a sign of respect, so I salute her before going off to find the beverages.
When I finally get to a table with punch and water coolers, Pinkie pops out of nowhere and grabs me by both shoulders, bringing me down to her eye-level. "I heard something went wrong with your pants! Can I help?"
Before I can even grasp that statement enough to make an idiotic attempt to respond, Rainbow Dash comes to save the day by pulling Pinkie off of me. "Calm down, Pinkie, he's fine." She tilts Pinkie's head down so they're both looking at my pants.
Jesus, I've had enough of this. I push both of their chins back up. "Okay, nope. My eyes are up here!"
Rainbow Dash just smirks while Pinkie does what I'm now considering her trademark mile wide grin.
"Well," I say, "I'm here for a drink and Rarity wants a water. You two want anything?"
Pinkie shakes her head, still smiling, while Rainbow Dash remarks, "We thought you got lost."
"Rainbow Dash, you have absolutely no idea."
13 - SWITCHIN' TO GLIDE - THE KINGS
I have nightmares of cupcakes, dubstep, and not so fun stuff. My only solace is waking up to Syndrome chiming with some Beach Boys. Wouldn’t it be nice?
The best part of my day at this point in my life is the half hour I spend in the shower with the water set at its highest. The initial burn wakes me up and the rest is to wash away the stress that seems to keep building in my system. I used to sing in the tub, but nowadays I don’t want to wake anyone up. So, I spend this time charging Syndrome up for the day.
After that, I throw on jeans, Chucks, and a t-shirt. Today’s graphic: a panda about to hit another panda with a folding chair. WWF. I’m all about animal rights. And those rights are to give each other high fives. In the face. With a chair. I can’t wait until it gets cold. Then I get to wear my extensive hoodie collection. That’s where the real gold is.
Downstairs, I take my pills with mouthfuls of frozen chocolate chip waffles. I have to wait for Grandpa to wake up so he can drive me to school. Until then, I chew my waffle and compile today’s playlist. Outside seems to be sunny and warm, so some happy stuff. I’m thinking Boston, Brick + Mortar, Beastie Boys, OneRepublic, and some Owl City for good show. Avoiding Nirvana and Simon & Garfunkel. Gotta keep the feelings light and fluffy, like a unfrozen waffle. But who has time to use a toaster?
In the car, Grandpa starts to wake up, making for an interesting drive. He’s got a thing with his leg in the morning, causing it to jerk pretty sporadically. The sedan jumps and slows, getting us dirty looks from other drivers, and getting me ready to go to school. I really hope there isn’t another party today. There shouldn’t be, right? One’s enough? I don’t know Pinkie Pie well enough to gauge her ability to throw these things together.
He pulls up in front of the school. I get out and he grunts something that I think is meant to be an “I love you.” I give him my two-finger salute, hitch my bag onto my shoulder, and head into the building. One day at a time, Alex, one day at a time. The main goal for today is to make it to all of my classes on time. Secondary objective is interacting with people without totally fudging it up. I think I did okay yesterday, but I have to keep in mind they can’t all be winners.
“Hey, Alex!”
I turn to see Rainbow Dash jogging up to me. “Yo. What’s up?”
She walks beside me. “Not much. Missed you last night at Sugarcube Corner. Had a blast!”
“Yeah, sorry about that. What’s Sugarcube Corner anyway?”
“Bakery. Pinkie works there, so we get huge discounts!”
“Like an honest-to-God bakery? With lemon bars, cookies, and crap?”
Rainbow gives me a strange look, asking, “What other kind of bakery is there?”
“You’ve clearly never been to California. Or Colorado.”
We walk in through the front door and immediately run into Fluttershy. She smiles at Rainbow Dash and seems startled to see me. “Oh, hi Rainbow Dash. Um, hi Alex.”
Rainbow Dash has a pensive look on her face, so I venture, “Hi, Fluttershy! How was your night?” She hides behind her hair, mumbling something softly. I tilt my head slightly, asking, “What was that?” In response, Fluttershy just whines. Oh boy. Kinda hit the reset button on this one, didn’t I?
I stop our little convoy in the middle of the lobby. “So, uh, which way are you guys going?”
Rainbow Dash points to the left, I nod my head to the left, and Fluttershy points towards the, crap, gymnasium? In any case, we’re splitting up here. “Alright, Rainbow, I’ll see you in Physics. Fluttershy, lunch? Probably? Sure, let’s go with that. Au bientôt et bon soir!”
Rainbow suddenly barks laughter, snickering, “I get it! Colorado!”
I grin before going on my merry way.
History is a total bust. Mr. Doodle is such a jackass, which kinda contradicts his goofy name. I coast through the hour and a half barely functioning. Looking around, I find that everyone else seems to be as semi-catatonic as I am. Maybe I’ll make friends with the tried and true method of trial by fire.
Physics is significantly better, but still pretty bad. I would totally pass the time by chatting in the back with Rainbow Dash, but it appears that this period is her designated naptime. To pass my own time, I plug one ear bud in and half listen to the lecture. I’ll give him credit, Dr. Whooves is really excited to teach us about the scientific method.
Before study hall, I pick up Rarity at her locker. Or, she picks me up. Either case works. During the exchange of books with 843, she shows me her notebook that is filled with sketches of suits and fancy clothes. I reaffirm to her that I’m perfectly happy with the t-shirts and jeans I have. She completely ignores me, describing how popular I’m going to be with her clothes on. I’m not entirely sure whether I’ll be the popular one for wearing them or she will for designing them.
Study hall is nice and quiet. Sunset and Rarity write in their respective journals while I stare blankly at the physics book before me. You’d think after more than a decade of science classes I’d know the difference between a theory and a law. The tables in the library, thank God, have outlets attached, so I charge Syndrome again just to be on the safe side.
Rarity and Sunset don’t ditch me at lunch this time. In fact, Pinkie Pie, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Applejack show up at the table. This is the most amount of people I’ve ever had sit with me at lunch since elementary school, when they had everyone sit at one long table. Pinkie presents me another cupcake, this one made with strawberries. Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle pop in about halfway through, making sure I’m still a part of their club. It is revealed to me that Sweetie Belle is Rarity’s little sister, and Apple Bloom Applejack’s. Scootaloo hovers around Rainbow, so I’m not entirely sure what’s going on there.
In calculus, I’m finally awake enough to pretend to participate in class. Twilight helps me with the review of precalc, giving me a rather enlightening lesson on trigonometry. Apparently in triangles, some kind of circle is also involved. She’s really f’ing smart, I’m finding out, so I try my best to keep up. In all honesty, about half of the information she’s throwing at me is actually sticking.
Fortunately there’s no party after school is officially over. Rainbow Dash gives me another ride home. I actually get to sit with a seatbelt, so that’s exciting. Once I get home, I play the same old song and dance with my grandparents. Grandma made more cookies. Great. I should probably get a gym membership if I’m going to keep eating so many sweets.
In my room, I fling myself onto my bed and take some deep breaths. It was a good day. If I can keep getting days like today, it’ll be a routine I’d be happy with.
About an hour into me not doing any of my homework, even though my history book is open, my phone buzzes. It’s Sunset calling. I answer by saying, “Howdy! What’s up?”
“Hey, Alex! The girls and I are hanging out tonight at the mall. Do you want to come?”
I glance over at my desk. Hmm, homework or go to the mall? If I stay here, I get good grades. If I spend the night out, I might get Cinnabon.
“You know what, Sunset? I’ll take you up on that offer.”
“Great! Do you need a ride?”
“Nah. I’ve got total control of the family car.”
12 - BEWARE OF DARKNESS - GEORGE HARRISON
“So what do you do for fun?”
The van hits a bump and my head smacks into the roof. “Ow. Uh, I don’t know. I’m what you’d call indoor-sy.”
Rainbow Dash turns from her seat, where she’s driving. As the car swerves in the only lane on a two-way street, everyone seems to unconsciously grab onto their seats. Meanwhile, I slam into the window and back over to Pinkie Pie, who is giggling uncontrollably. I’m pretty sure she never stops smiling. “Indoor-sy?” Rainbow Dash asks. “You don’t do, like, sports and stuff?”
I shake my head, both answering the question and trying to get my vision to return to normal. “Nah, I tried a gym membership to get in shape, but it was awful. Can’t lift the bar, and treadmills are the worst.”
Fluttershy barely makes herself heard over the blaring radio. “What’s wrong with treadmills?”
“Are you kidding? Takes a toll on your knees, you don’t go anywhere, and you’re stuck next to some pudgy middle-aged woman who won’t stop talking about her honor roll kids and the upcoming wedding she has to lose weight for to fit into her dress!”
“Are you speaking from personal experience?” asks Rarity.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I mutter. “Rainbow, it’s the next left and second house on the right.”
The van comes, almost crashing, to a halt, throwing me from my seat to in between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. I smile up at them, attempting to get my eyes to look the same direction. “Uh, this is my stop. You should really get a seatbelt for that seat.”
Rainbow Dash shrugs. “I’ll get around to it,” she responds.
“I could use some help getting out of the car.”
With surprising strength, Pinkie Pie hauls me back. “Bye, Alex! Do you want another cupcake before you go?”
I wave my hands back and forth in front of my face, almost yelling, “No! No, no, I’m good, Pinkie. I gotta keep my blood sugar low or my grandma will kill me.” Getting out of the car and grabbing my bag, I give everyone a wave. “Thanks for the ride. I guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”
With that, Rainbow burns rubber and hauls ass to wherever teenage girls go after school.
I walk up the steps. I have no idea if my grandparents are home. The garage door is down, the back door is always locked, and I have no idea where the spare key is, because lord knowsI don’t have one. It’s a bit too late to get back in Rainbow’s van and disappear until dinnertime. I also didn’t grab anyone’s number except for Twilight, who I’m not sure can drive, or has a car, or yadda yadda yadda.
Testing the doorknob reveals the house to be open. Before going in, I steel my stomach and take a deep breath. Don’t get me wrong I love my grandparents. But after the first day of school, I am not looking forward to the interrogation.
I walk in.
Grandma immediately pops her head out of the kitchen. “Hi, Alex! You’ll have to excuse me; I’m making you some first day cookies! How was it?”
I sigh, muttering, “Of course you are.”
“What was that?”
At a normal volume, I respond, “It was okay. First day jitters and all that.”
She smiles before disappearing back to the kitchen. Yelling at me over the oven timer, she asks, “Did school just let out?”
“No, it’s been done since around two.”
“Where were you?”
I shrug off my backpack and start taking off my shoes. “Still at the school. Just, uh, hanging out with some people.”
There’s a flush and Grandpa walks out of the downstairs bathroom with a newspaper in hand and toothpick in mouth. He turns towards the living room before recognizing me. “Hi, Alex!” he says jovially. “How was your day?”
The fire alarm starts going off in the kitchen, causing Grandma to start yelling. “He’s already made some friends, Bill!”
Grandpa turns towards the smell of cookies and the swearing of Grandma. “He did what?”
Louder this time, “He made some friends!”
“What?”
“HE MADE SOME FRIENDS, BILL!”
He turns to look at me with a smile on his face. “Did you now? Any girls?”
“Uh…”
Grandma comes into the fray with a tray of, oh God, magic cookie bars. And I thought I’d be safe from sweets. “Now, Bill, don’t tease him,” she says, offering Grandpa and I cookies. We both take one, though I do it with some hesitation. “But anyone you can see dating, Alex?”
I about choke on my cookie. “Jesus Lorenzo, Grandma, it’s my first day.”
She and Grandpa start laughing as my face gets hot. “We know, we’re just teasing. How are your classes?”
“Eh, they’ll be fine.”
“That’s good.” Grandma suddenly gets serious, asking, “Did you have any problems today?”
“No, I did okay,” I lie.
Seemingly satisfied, they both start to head into the living room. “Come in and have some cookies,” she says. “Your grandpa’s got the Cubs on.”
I finish my cookie so I don’t spew crumbs everywhere. “No, that’s okay. I have some, uh, homework I gotta do. I’ll be in my room.”
With some affirmations from my guardians, I grab my bag and head up.
Walking down the upstairs hall towards my room, I feel my phone go buzz buzz. I pull it out to see an unknown number calling me. Going against my normal instinct of assuming all numbers I don’t know are telemarketers, I answer it.
“Hello?” I ask.
“Is this Alex?” a female voice asks.
“Yeah. Who is this?”
“Hey! It’s Sunset Shimmer. You know, the girl from study hall who is friends with…”
“I know who you are, Sunset. I don’t have that bad a memory.”
“Right. Anyways, the girls and I are going to Sugarcube Corner later and we were wondering whether you’d like to come with!”
Oh. I stop to think. “Uh, you know what, Sunset? I’m going to have to take a rain check on that,” I say slowly, making sure not to word this poorly. “My, um, grandparents and I are going out to dinner later, so I’m booked.”
“Oh. Okay! Don’t worry about it. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. Bye.”
“Bye!”
I close the door to my room and slump down against it. On the way down, I pull out my ear buds and plug them in. Once I get to the floor, I start up George Harrison. Beware of Darkness sounds good right about now. With Syndrome squared away until tomorrow, I put my head in my arms and burst into silent tears.
It was a good day. I swear it was a good day.
