A Broken Hourglass

It hurts like nothing else. But I must.

I leave the letter behind. There is no point in bringing that with me. With some care, I write a letter in the floor, one to anypony who comes, and another to Mirage.

…

She should be aware of my fears. And I should do my best to allow her to accept this.

Eventually, she will…

…

I must. I can’t stop. I have to.

Mirage will endure without me.

Even apart, we are bonded. Even so far, I will never forget her, nor cease to care for her.

And she will never forget me, nor cease to care for me.

The sun is setting as I leave my den. With a moment of thought, I recall where I had awoke, and take to the air to find it.

Someplace in the Everfree is where I woke. A little clearing free from any danger normally found in the wood. That shall be my first stop. Perhaps some clue will remain, and give me a direction to travel.

If not…

I do seem adapted to a hot climate. If the forest has nothing, I will need to travel to the desert. Maybe I’ll find some hint in the sands, some clue as to where my kind is adapted to live within. Some hint from instincts.

But the forest is first. Maybe the answer was always there and I just failed to recognize it.

I have searched for hours. The Everfree is too changed. A thousand years have passed, I am not sure if the clearing is still there.

I can’t even find a clearing. But I keep going.

The Everfree is massive, and the low light makes it hard to see very far. I haven’t seen much at all. I might as well keep going until Celestia raises the sun once again.

…

I wonder why she asked those questions. They seem a touch… deliberate.

Almost as if she somehow knew what I might be thinking. As if she knew what to say to push me to this point.

Unable to face the voice of my past any longer. Pushed enough to leave Mirage. What was she thinking? Why ask those things?

The timing might have just been coincidence, but the questions…

Where did she ask them from? Curiosity? No, she would have asked before. But then what?

…

Maybe I’ll go and ask her.

Maybe all this is, is me looking too hard at something innocent.

I just spent too long a time alone, and I got to brooding again. Mirage was apart from me for a long time. She normally is never far from my side and it must have affected me more than I was aware of.

Celestia was pondering me in her own way, and decided to ask me two simple questions. She sent a letter, because she’s a very busy pony, and it just happened to coincide with the peak of my worthless concerns.

And I took all of my little fears and worries and built them into something huge. Like being afraid of my own shadow, I leapt to try to fight it.

But there isn’t anything there, and I’m being ridiculous.

My past isn’t important. Where I came from, what I am, it isn’t important.

Who am I?

I’m Kitty. The Kitty who helps Twilight learn about the past. The Kitty who helps Applejack around the farm. The Kitty who laughs with Pinkie and gives Rainbow a bit of help working out. The Kitty who Fluttershy adores to brush the mane of.

The Kitty who Rarity is attempting to woo, and I am still not sure how to approach that, but still.

I’m the giant winged cat of Equestria. I’m unique and unknown.

And I won’t have it any other way.

I turn to head back. Thinking about what I’m going to tell to Mirage.

It’s really late. She has certainly found my letter, which, in hindsight, I am really regretting.

I must have scared her silly.

How shall I make it up to her?

Perhaps I can…

…

Is that a light?

A light, and a clearing down below, lit by that light.

I move closer and…

It’s the same place.

I land in a clearing lit by the sun despite there being no sun anyplace else, and it is exactly the same. Every plant, the same, the grass, the same, the light, the same.

This is where I woke.

But how?

How is this possible?

…

I hear something.

Something so distant. Something so vague and soft that it is almost inaudible despite the unnatural silence that surrounds me.

I listen hard, and close my eyes. A warm, hot breeze ruffles my mane.

“Please! Hear this!” It cries, the voice filled with hope, and fear.

…

“He has to be there! I know he is!” A great desperation that it be heard…

“Too long!”

“It has been too long, but he is there!”

“I know he is!”

“… Make some sound! Let me know!”

“Please!” It grows more desperate. The speaker might be crying…

“Give me my hope back!”

“Come back to me!”

“I need you by my side!”

“Please!”

“Please!”

…

What is this?

That voice, so desperate? The distance that it is coming from?

This clearing that shouldn’t be, the voice I shouldn’t hear?

And why…

Why am I so desperate to answer that cry?

My heat is beating hard. I want… I need to know the speaker. I must answer the call.

Without really thinking about it, I sit and raise my head and roar. Somehow, I know how to be heard.

“I am here!”

“… He’s there!”

“He’s really there!”

“I am here!”

“Come back! Pull yourself to me!”

A power reaches out to me, and I use my own to grab hold of it. It is simple, but difficult. Easy to make the connection, but the distance is unimaginably far.

But with every inch I gain, the need to see her again grows and grows.

“Come back!”

“I am coming! I am coming!”

“Pull!”

I do so, and feel the connection grow taut. It almost snaps, but I heave, and put my all into holding it.

I feel her do the same.

Together, we reach and grab.

Together, we work to bridge the gap.

Together…

But it is still delicate. It is dangerous, but I must try.

I go. I pull again, and fly along that line of power. It is so thin, so delicate, but it holds.

It gives a little, but I don’t allow it to, giving a touch of my vitality to bind it once more. A little more, and I give as much as I can.

It is agony, but I cannot let it break!

“Hurry!” she calls, fearing for me.

“I am coming!” I call back, trying harder. Giving more. All of my power, as much of my life as I dare. It is holding.

I am halfway. It isn’t too far away.

And then it snaps, and I am sent reeling.

“NO!”

Her power snags at me, and I grab onto it, weak. When it broke, it took all of me with it. It snapped at me, and broke a few things.

My memories are cracked.

I spent centuries away from her.

But…

What happened during that time?

Nothing.

Not one image. Not one sound.

Was I in a void? I feel that I wasn’t, but…

Where had I been? What had happened to me? What have I forgotten?

…

That doesn’t matter.

My past isn’t important.

What is important is getting back to her.

I manage to grab hold, and she heaves, trying to pull me herself. I am helpless.

She alone is keeping me from the empty void.

“You. Will. Not. Leave. Me. Again!” she screams, and I feel her dangerously exert herself.

All of her power. As much life as she dares.

It is barely enough. Delicate, but holding. She gives her all, and goes beyond even that. She is using too much of herself.

She might die if this breaks.

I pull as much as I can anymore. It is almost worthless, but I must try. I can’t allow her to sacrifice herself for me. I focus on our bond, and give more of myself.

If this snaps, we die together.

But it won’t snap.

I will see her again.

I will be by her side again.

And nothing is ever going to tear us apart, ever again.

The bond holds this time. I am coming back to her, and it won’t break now.

“I am coming!”

“I am here!” she calls, her voice filled with joy.

“I am coming!”

“I see you my love!”

“Nothing remains to hold us apart!”

“I know! I know! But slow, before you crash!”

“I cannot control it any longer! Move, before I hit you!”

“Then we are truly a pair! I will catch you!”

“So it shall be. I trust in you.”

“I’m ready!”

“Almost!”

“Brace yourself my love!”

I close my eyes as the cords reaches its end. This will hurt.

But she will be there to catch me, and then I will be there to help her stand back up.

A little agony is nothing to what I am gaining.

I arrive, and slam into her, and together, we fly back to crash into the far wall. She tries to take the hit for me, but I try to take the hit.

Together, we hit, and together, we collapse, and together we open our eyes and see each other.

A thousand years apart, and she hasn’t changed a single bit. Her eyes are still the eyes I feel in love with all those years past.

“…My love.” she says, tears in her eyes. “I’ve waited for so long…”

“But I’m back now… Rest, you are hurt.”

“So are you.”

“I can,”

She shakes her head.

“Neither of us can stand now my darling. Let us both rest.”

“…Together again after so long.”

“Never to part.”

I smile and she smiles back. I relax and feel her do the same, our heads nuzzeled close to each other.

Together again after so long…

And I will never leave her again.

Hot…

Burning hot…

It almost feels like I’m right next to a fire. I’m burning up…

There is a pain in me. A… a little void that is slowly filling again. That pain is the same I felt when…

When I followed Kitty.

“Mirage!”

I open my eyes, and wince, the sun too bright.

“Mirage! Thank Celestia.”

“…Twilight?” I manage to say. Why is it so hot?

“You’ve been asleep for a while. Take your time: you’re rather hurt.”

“Hot…”

“Hang on.”

A cold washes over me and dispels some of that burning sensation. A bit more remains, but that seems to come from inside me… Like a tiny candle is in me.

A heat that ever so slowly grows, slowly removing the aching void as it fills me. It’s not bad, but…

What is that?

I move and instantly regret it.

“Careful!” Twilight says, and I manage to see her that time, Twilight swiveling me to not face the sun. “I said you’re hurt!”

“…Ow...”

I spot Fluttershy head over and some of the pain fades. She does something out of my sight and the agony fades again.

I only see a bright blue sky above, and sand below. The sun beats down, burning like nothing I ever felt, and the sand is reflecting that heat back up.

… This is a desert, isn’t it?

“Where is this?” I ask, and Twilight sighs.

“We can’t find out. There isn’t a desert this large that I know of.”

“…How long have I been out?” I ask.

“Three days.”

I sigh. “And what have you learned thus far?”

“…We haven’t found anything but more sand for days, and my magic is fouled up. Rarity can’t even levitate something, and I am hard pressed to keep us all cool.”

“Once Rainbow gets back from her scouting, she’ll cool us off again, but until then, try to put up with that.”

“Why am I so hurt?”

She hesitates, thinking. A little unwilling to tell me for a second before she inhales and takes on a disproving look.

“Because you went rushing through every thorn, bush, and tree in the Everfree trying to reach Kitty. You are really hurt, including a broken wing and too many lacerations to count, and need to hold still.”

…Alright. That was stupid. I admit that.

I would do it again in a second, but it is still stupid.

“And Kitty?” I ask in some hope.

“Scattered readings. The magic is fighting me; I can’t quite tell where he is, and we didn’t arrive with him.”

“Oh…”

…

I feel sad. And hurt. And hot. And sandy.

Those feelings rise to the forefront, and I recall the… the grief and desperation that drove me to what got me hurt in the first place.

Come on, I’m a big girl. Big girls don’t… don’t…

…

I sniffle and then I can’t stop it.

I wail, surprising the group. I can’t hold back my sadness anymore.

I want Kitty. I want to see him again, to hear him again. To land on his back and feel the beat of his big heart. To feel his wing draping over me, to hear his breath as he falls asleep with me right next to him. To look into his big eyes and see the care he has for me again.

I want him to clean me up, and hold me. I want him to be there for me, now, and for a long time still. I want that my life wasn’t torn apart.

The tears won’t stop, and I can’t really control them. I keep sobbing, and sobbing, the bearers trying to calm me, but they can’t.

Only Kitty can.

And he’s not there.

“Kitty!” I scream.

“Mirage, calm down!”

“I want Kitty! KITTY!”

I’m acting like a foal, but I don’t really care. I want him.

I want him back. I want him next to me, and for him to tell me to calm down and that everything is going to be fine. I want him to hold me and help me stop crying…

The bearers are trying, but…

They are tiny little imitations of the real thing. Substitutions when I want the real thing. But I can’t have the real thing.

I continue crying and screaming for him until I cannot scream and cry anymore. The sun has set, and the heat has gone, but I don’t really care.

I feel numb. I feel like I’ve been scoured. My grief has run its course and is finally subsiding.

Not because it healed, but because it cannot hold me forever.

I being to fall asleep, and Twilight, the only one who is still awake gives a little sigh of relief as I do so.

“Good night Mirage. Feel better tomorrow.” is the last thing I hear.

A tiny spark of hope remains. Enough to keep me going. Enough so that, tomorrow, I can stand up and walk on my own.

Kitty is here. Somewhere is this desert is everything I want.

I’m going to find him.

I’m going to bring him back.

I’m going to mend whatever is hurting him.

I’m going to be there for him this time.

I’m never going to be apart from him, ever again.

He’ll never feel so bad that he makes this choice ever again.

I’ll remind him of my love for him every time I am able to. I’ll listen to him more often. I’ll complain about his food a little less. I’ll let him eat meat in front of me. I’ll never complain about being cleaned by him ever again.

I am never, ever, going to take him for granted, ever again…