A Broken Hourglass

I wake, hurt and worn, but recovering. My vitality returns to me, in small parts, but I am recovering well.

I lay still for a moment. Enjoying the warmth of… I know this…

The warmth of Sphera next to me. Her gentle breathing, and slow and soft motion of her body. She is just as weak as I.

I might never be happier. For a thousand years, she searched for me. For a thousand years, she didn’t forget me, didn’t allow our bond to fade. She sought me, until the day she was able to reach and find me once again, and never forgot me.

She nearly killed herself trying to bring me back to her. I would have done the same, but a thousand years…

I can only imagine the love she has for me. I know the love for her, but a thousand years… A thousand years of search, of never giving up. Of living day after day, looking for me…

I can only imagine what she might have suffered.

I open an eye and see her sleeping with me. She is so peaceful, so beautiful. Her fur a soft gold, with little lines of white and brown around her eyes and a large whiter patch on her belly. Her wings are soft, smaller than my own, but fuller, thicker.

I remember her golden eyes and smile. I want to let her rest, but I want to get up, and see my old den.

I am weak, but not that weak. I slowly rise, shifting her so as to not disturb her. I think I succeed, and turn to see my den.

It is as I recall it. It has changed only in the sense that I am larger now. The writings on the wall are worn and sparse, but they are my own. The way the inside is smooth is my own effort. I brought the stone and rock that makes it form mountains far from here. I molded it, a great den, a massive den, a larger den than I should have made.

I was trying to impress Sphera at the time. Even now, with my new size, the den is far larger than we need it to be.

Sphera groans herself, and I see her paw shift to try to grab me. When she doesn’t feel me, her eyes open in an instant of fear, but it is gone the instant she sees me.

She struggles to stand, and I help her to. We both take some notice in the changes of the years, the growth we have both experienced.

She smiles at me as I help her up and looks me over. “You’re bigger now.”

“As are you.”

“Stronger. A little more handsome if that is possible.”

“You are still gentle and caring. And more beautiful, and I know that that is impossible. Perfection has become more perfect to my sight.”

She smiles a little more. “I did miss your silver tongue. For too long, I missed the sight of you, the sound of your voice, the feel of your heart and strength…”

She presses against me.

“A thousand years I waited and searched. A thousand years, I never forgot. Did you?”

I sigh. “I do not remember. My time apart is gone. Lost during my return. But I cannot imagine forgetting you. I would not have heard your cry if I had forgotten. I would not have returned if I had forgotten.”

“Forget it. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are back.” she says. “You are back and you are still my Corus. Nothing has changed, and what has is unimportant.”

“Together again. Our bond never broken, no matter how far or how long. Even so far, I never forgot you, nor ceased to love you.”

“And you never forgot me, nor ceased to love me.”

We hold onto one another for a moment. When I attempt to let go, she whispers, “Not yet.” and I wait. For a moment, all there is is the sound of our breathing and the feel of her against me.

Then she lets go and we smile at one another.

“A thousand years is a long time.” I say.

“It is.”

“…Is it truly the same?”

“I am. Your home is. The desert is eternal.”

“And of the others?”

“I avoid them. The healthy youngling that I was, alone? If they saw me and knew, I would have been taken.”

That is, sadly, true. How has she managed to do so though?

“I apologize for not being there for you. But how did you survive? My home is not in a good place for food or water. How did you find what you needed to survive?”

“You have nothing to apologize for my love. And it only once wasn’t a place of bounty.”

“So it has changed.”

“The den has not. The outside has, and by much. I could not prevent that.”

“If anything has harmed you, I will see it unmade.”

“It is not harmful. Only strange.”

“What has changed?”

“Humans have come, and I have talked with them. Made a deal with them. We work together to survive and be safe.”

Humans. The tiny strange beings of the desert. When I was younger, I was always told to avoid large groups. They are dangerous, and often surprising. So tiny and weak, and yet, a rare few are very strong, stronger than any of my kind...

Stronger than any androlion.

But they do not speak. Not in our tongue. How did Sphera communicate with them?

“How did you make such a deal?”

“I was hungry most times. I tried not to go far, lest a male see me. I tried, but I was always hungry or eating the armored scorpions and plated scuttlers. I only went for water at night, and it was too often that I had to avoid the males. I suffered greatly for those first years.”

“And then, by chance or fate, a human found me. Just one, lost and blind. He stumbled into the den, unable to see. Born without sight. He actually touched me, and thought I was a camel.”

“I was hungry, but I took pity on him. I let him stay next to me, and the next morning, let him leave. I pushed him outside, and left him.”

“The next day, he came back with food. More humans, and gifts of food. I ate that, and allowed them to go and leave in exchange.”

“They stayed nearby. I ate what would have threatened them, and they kept on giving me food. Good food. Over time, more humans came, and then I didn’t have to eat the bad things. I only had to kill them.”

“And when I left them behind, the humans would go and gather it, and make things from it. They became strong from the animals I killed.”

“They made a place of water somehow. They are raising cattle for me to eat. When a male attempted to take me, they drove him away for me. They helped me to live in comfort.”

“I do not want you to become afraid of them, or hurt them when you see them. They have been outside for a very long time, and are a good thing. Not a bad one.”

“Without them, I would never have found you again.”

I am not sure what to do or say. I do not like humans. It was a human that banished me in the first place. Sphera sees my uncertainty and giggles.

“Let me introduce you to them Corus. I promise, you will find them likeable. And even fascinating.”

She moves to the exit and looks back at me. I am still unsure, but follow after her.

We exit out into the desert sun and I am amazed.

I built the den with my own paws. Finding and moving rocks, shaping rocks into the shape it is now. But I am strong, and can do that. I can carry stone far, and stack them high.

I see that humans have somehow done the same, in a far tinier way. Little dens, fit for their size. But how did they, so small and weak, move and make such things?

There are hundreds of them. Little square stones to the direct left of the entry to my den. Tiny dens. Lots of humans move about, and I see green where there once wasn’t, and fat cattle where there shouldn’t be.

How is this possible?

Sphera smiles at my stun and laughs. A few humans walk over, and talk in their odd tongue. And she replies in the same way, still laughing.

“Do you see? Look at them!” she says, bumping into me to dispel my freeze. “See what they build and do! All those little wonders! They work together to accomplish much, but even one is capable of surprising things.”

“But… how?”

“I do not know. They call it ‘being human’ and I think that they do not know. But what do you think of them?”

“…Amazing. Fantastic. It is like a dream, but it stands before me. And they are not threatening you? At all?”

“No! They helped me so much. And now, they want to give you a feast!”

I am stunned again and she laughs.

“They call me ‘sand mother’. And you are ‘sand father’. If you look, they make little statues of us. I sometimes catch them whispering to me when I am not there. Talking to the statues, or coming to me to ask for wisdom or my blessing.”

“I have lived with them for centuries. They want to help me, they want to give me food and treasures. I keep them safe and the keep me safe. They are so kind to me, and I know that they will show you the same kindness.”

“And I want you to be kind to them in return.”

I shake my head in wonder. “I never imagined such from them. I could never have ever dreamed that they could build such things. That they could find water in this place, that they would willingly help.”

“And now, there is an entire ‘city’ outside my den. A hundred ‘homes’ and more.”

Sphera looks at me oddly. “What did you say?”

I am unsure what she means. “They have made a ‘city’.” I repeat, and that time, I notice it as well.

‘City’ is not a word in my language. It is something from something else that I know.

“What is… that sound?” she asks me. “It sounds as if you cough in a way.”

“I… I do not know.” I tell her. “It… comes to me without my knowledge of it.”

“’City’. ‘Houses, a town’. ‘Roads, shops and libraries’. ‘Pastures and livestock, gardens and craftwork.’” I say. It comes so easily to me, I know every word, but what are they? The sounds so odd? The sounds I know, but do not have explanation for?

Sphera looks confused and slightly worried.

I sigh. “Perhaps it is just an oddity from my banishment. Just like you speak with the humans, I must have learned some other language as well.”

She blinks and recovers. “You met something else that speaks?”

“I… I must have. But I do not recall.”

“What do those sounds mean?”

“…Do the humans have words to describe their dens and places and things?”

“Yes.”

“They are words that mean the same thing. Den is ‘home’ a den is ‘a house’. Perhaps I met humans.”

“That is not their language.”

“I do not know. The answer is forgotten.”

“…Are you alright Corus?” she asks me, concerned. “You have forgotten, but something has happened to you. And I fear what that may bring.”

I shake my head and move next to her, allowing her to lean on me. “It brings nothing. It is only knowledge. It is not harmful or hurtful. However I learned it, it matters not.”

“I’m never going to leave you again.”

“Corus…”

“I am never going to let humans be your protector. I’m back now. And I can care for you, like I should have been.”

I keep holding her, watching the humans. As the sun sets and darkness comes, they light little fires. ‘Torches’ I know them as. It gives the entire ‘city’ or maybe ‘town’ a flickering light that looks beautiful.

It is familiar for some reason.

Sphera looks even better in that light as she leans against me, content as my wing drapes over her back and her wing drapes on my own back in return.

A few humans come over, with two dead cows, and leave them near us. A large group is gathering nearby. Not too closely, giving us space to ourselves.

“They say ‘this is our gift to the sand father’.” Sphera says, not moving from my side at first. She slowly supports herself again, almost unwillingly, and looks at me.

“They want to hear your roar.”

“Why?”

“To them, it is special. Something not heard often, and something that I am bad at. My roar is weak and female. They want strength in a roar. They want to know that you are strong.”

“Then I shall grant them that.” I think for a moment, and then add, “Roar with me Sphera.”

She blushes slightly. “They are all looking Corus.”

“Do they understand the meaning?”

“…No.”

“Then does it truly matter? Let us renew our promise tonight. In this place, made by the both of us.”

She sighs as I grin.

“Alright. Together.” she says, blushing faintly.

We both sit upright. We both inhale, and together, our wings touching, we roar.

A matching roar. A roar that announces that we are as one. It is a special kind of roar, one that holds strong meaning. To my slight surprise, the humans yell with us, their voices combining into something like a roar.

Sphera and I are one. We declare that, and the humans… they are likely trying to declare that they live with us. Trying to say something like ‘these are our guardians’ or something of the like.

…

Why am I waiting for ‘my giant winged cat’ to be said?

Why am I waiting for them to crowd me? Why am I waiting to feel something on my head? Why am I waiting for ‘confetti’ and ‘cake’?

Why am I… sad that I do not receive these things?

We slowly stop and I dismiss the feelings. They are strange, but now is not the time.

I look and see Sphera, blushing and smiling. She looks at me, and I smile at her, her beauty only perfected by the ‘torchlight’.

“That was… I missed you so much my love.” she tells me.

I smile more. “I know that I did the same.” I look around, and think. “Are they waiting for something?”

“They are celebrating. And given us the best of the cattle. Go back into our den, and rest darling. You need to recover yet.”

“As do you. And I will not rest until you do.”

She frowns for a second and then laughs. “Eat your cow, and then we shall sleep. At the same time.”

I laugh and she bats me with her wing, laughing as I do.

The cow is delicious.

And somehow familiar.

The desert seems endless. Endlessly hot, until the sun sets, in which case it becomes very cold for some stupid reason. Twilight has an explanation, but it has big words and I don’t care.

I hate the desert already, and it’s only been a day. If Twilight wasn't capable of summoning water, we would all be... It might have been very bad, and even so, it had been bad. It would be much worse if we hadn’t found a tiny lake. Water and some food, if you can call it that.

I’m feeling sad as I eat it. It’s the same quality of food Kitty brings me.

I miss him.

Rainbow makes a disgusted sound, but swallows it anyway.

“I don’t get it.” she says. “It’s either dry and crunchy, or wet and tough. And always disgusting.”

“Desert flora requires certain traits to survive that, unfortunately, make them rather distasteful.” Twilight says. “But they are food, and we didn’t bring any with us. So keep eating and make sure to pack the bags.”

The bags are Fluttershy’s creation. Palm leaves that she and Rarity have somehow stitched together into sacks.

“Can’t say th stuff’ll go fast. It’s sorta like trail rations; it keeps ya goin, but not cause yer eatin it. It’s cause ya wanna eat anythin else, like yer own hat. This reed is like an apple that went an turned inta a raisen. An it’s all stem.”

“Twilight?” I ask, having already finished my meal.

“…You ate yours already?” she asks. A few of the others glance over. None of the bearers have finished their reeds and big fern leaf.

“Yeah, but have you found Kitty again?”

“I think I’m getting closer, but not yet.”

“How is she eating this?” Rarity asks Fluttershy. Fluttershy just shrugs.

“It’s not that bad.” I tell her.

“Darling… That is just about the same as when Applejack told me that farm boots made a good fashion statement.”

“It wern’t that bad rares.”

“Farm boots! With silk!”

“Do you just swallow it whole?” Rainbow asks, staring at hers.

“It really isn’t that bad.” I say, a touch confused at their behavior.

“Mirage… to be perfectly honest, this leaf is disgusting and the reeds are a touch like sticks.” Twilight says. She looks at the others and then quickly adds, “With good nutritional value and high water content!”

Rarity stares at her leaf for a moment.

“If I happen to faint on the way, I give you all permission to mash up a leaf and make me eat it. But not before that.” she says, and flicks it back into the fern it came from.

“It’s not too different from what Kitty feeds me.” I tell them, and then I stare as all of them get this stunned and mildly pitying look on their faces.

“You poor thing.” Rarity says after a moment.

“Hey! Come on! Kitty does his best and it isn’t that bad! You get used to it!”

“Like gettin used ta th pain ya get when ya break a leg.” Applejack mutters, and I shoot her a glare.

“No!”

“Girls, calm down.” Twilight says. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is making sure that we have enough water and food to keep going for an unknown amount of time.”

“How are we carrying water anyway?” Rainbow asks, and I know that look on Twilight’s face.

That is the ‘I don’t know but I’m not telling you that’ look that Clover gets every now and then.

“We’ll rest here for the next day and make as many preparations as we can.” she says, totally ignoring Rainbow’s question. “Recover from our earlier travel, and gather what we need to make another trip.”

“Twilight,”

“Rainbow! Go and scout around, would you?”

“But,”

“Nocturnal predators might be nearby, and we need to know if they are.”

Rainbow mutters and flies up and away.

“Rarity, do you think you can use palm fronds or ferns to create beds?”

“…I suppose.”

“Fluttershy, help Rairty do that. Applejack, collect more reeds. Pinkie… you get to try and figure out a way to make them taste better.”

“You’re with me Mirage.”

I look around as the others scatter. “What do I do with you?” I ask.

“You get to sit down and tell me what happened.”

“What?”

“You went to Kitty’s den, and came back in a state of near hysteria. You were entirely oblivious to your own physical state during the search. And then you somehow, and I want to emphasize this:”

“You somehow created a portal that carried us an unimaginably massive distance. By yelling. Admittedly, you were amazingly loud, but still.”

“What happened that night Mirage?”

I hesitate, and then sigh.

“I went back to Kitty’s den, and found… two notes.” I say.

“One from Kitty, and the other from Princess Celestia.”

I frown as I recall it. Twilight is curious, and I’m getting upset again. I’m very angry at Celestia for writing that note.

She’s the entire reason that we are in the desert, and why Kitty left me.

“Kitty said that he was leaving to find answers to questions. And he worried that he might never come back, and told me as much in his note. And Celestia…”

I grit my teeth. “She’s the one who made him leave.” I mutter darkly.

Twilight blinks. “…What was her letter?” she asks.

“She asked Kitty where he came from, and who he was. And he… she…”

“She hurt him. She hurt him really badly.” I say, unable to keep the hate out of my voice. “And he decided to leave, to find the answer, and he left me behind, to spare me from his pain.”

“He left me. Because of her. Kitty is… he is everything to me Twilight!”

“I love him like I loved my mom!” I yell, starting to tear up again. “He nearly died trying to care for me, and he felt so bad as to leave me!”

Twilight’s eyes are huge and she takes a step back. “I don’t think that Celestia,”

“That is only because you are a slave to her every hoofstep!” I scream, and Twilight hardens instantly.

“That STUPID, WORTHLESS, ALICORN HURT HIM!”

“The Princess is not worthless, or stupid!” Twilight screams back at me, and we butt heads. Glaring at each other. “She must have been trying to help him!”

“Well, she failed! She messed up and hurt him worse than if she had nearly killed him! And you know what, Twilight!?”

“What!?”

My anger douses in an instant. “I’m at fault.” I say, and turn away from her.

“I allowed him to be hurt. I wasn't there for him.” I whisper, my tears worsening. I think the other bearers are nearby, attracted by our screaming.

“I knew that he had that little injury in him. I knew that, but I never… I could have prevented this.”

“I… I could have saved him.”

“But… I…”

I wipe at my tears, and when I feel somepony touch me, I flinch away from them.

“I need to be alone.” I say, and fly up. I don’t go far. Just to the farthest clump of ferns that I can hide within. I cry within, holding back most of the sound. Biting down on my own hoof.

I only felt this bad one time before.

When mom died.

I was seven. Accident. She was working up high, and happened to fall, and happened to land in just the wrong way.

They say it was instant, but it didn’t really matter to me at the time. I was inconsolable.

I snuck away and spent the whole night on Kitty’s stone back, sobbing. At the time, I was always a little unsure if he was real or not, but that night, he comforted me. He was stone, and cold, but he was… there.

Somepony I could yell and scream at, and not make a single word in return.

Somepony who just let me yell and cry until I was worn and tired.

…

Seven years of being alone. Seven years of the worst time of my life. I hated my life then. If Kitty hadn’t been there for me to go and scream at… for me to give all my pain and sadness to…

Then he broke out. It was rough. It was hard, and painful. We all suffered for a time. But then, it got better. It got so much better.

Those last two years have been the best years of my entire life, even when Mom was alive.

He is my everything. My parent, my caretaker.

My giant winged cat.

My Kitty.

The one who I can trust to be there. To listen to me scream and cry and be a brat and not care. The one who lets me get away with so much.

The one who I care for.

The one I love.

And I failed him. I knew that he was hurting, I knew that he tended to brood if left alone. But I left anyway. I stayed away longer than I ever had.

He was cold and alone and hurting.

I did that to him. Celestia might have stung him, but he was bleeding because of me.

It never would have happened if I had been there. If I had been a better pony to him.

A better daughter to him.

Celestia didn’t drive him away.

I had never been holding on in the first place.

I took him for granted. I just knew that he would always be there. That he would just… know how much I cared for him.

…

Did he ever know?

Did I ever tell him that I loved him?

Was…

Was he just putting up with me for those years?

My complaining about his food. My fight over being cleaned. Telling him to keep the meat elsewhere, and not to eat in front of me. Asking him for endless little favors, treating him like a big child…

Was he just…

Suffering my presence? Putting up with me?

I wasn't there for him.

But was I ever there for him?

I…

…

I don’t deserve to have him back.

I don’t deserve to go looking for him.

Celestia didn’t drive him away.

I did.

This is worse than when mom died. Then, I was just a filly, and had nothing to do with it.

This is my own fault. Kitty is still alive, but…

It is like I killed him.

He was up, working high. Working hard for me, to care for me, the ungrateful brat.

He needed something to hold himself steady.

And I did nothing but shake him. And demand more from him.

He hung on. But he couldn’t forever. He fell.

And he left me.

Because I’m a horrible pony.

Because I’m the worst pony ever. The worst daughter I could have ever been. All I did was take, but I never gave.

I never said ‘thank you’.

I never said ‘please’.

I never said ‘I love you’.

I just took, and took, and took…

Until, one day…

There was nothing left.

I’m hurting. It feels like I’ve been stabbed, but I’m not actually hurt. I’m sobbing, sobbing worse than I ever have, unable to stop, barely able to even breathe. Telling myself to stop.

Because I don’t deserve to cry.

I did this.

This is what I deserve.

To lose him.

To have him leave me.

I deserve his hate. I deserve for him to look at me and growl. To just… suffer.

Because I’ve earned that.

Because I’m a horrible pony. Because I, and not anypony else, hurt him. Because I was the worst daughter, and the worst friend, and the worst pony ever.

I deserve nothing.

But…

But I can’t stop wanting it.

I want to see him again. Even to see him growl and hate me. I want to hold him again, even if he bats me away.

I want to say ‘I’m sorry’. I want to let him know that I know why he left. Too see him, one last time, and hear him, one last time.

And then I’ll leave.

Into the dark. Alone.

Because that is what I deserve.