Clash of the Legends

Scorch-Mane discovered, as he awoke, that his head was not used to medical procedures. He was aware he would more than likely wake up in hospital, no doubt. But he did not know, however, what they had done to heal his injuries. As the thin crack along darkness that was his vision slowly increased in size, Scorch could finally take in his surroundings. The hospital room was as he remembered them being whenever he broke a bone, sprained a hoof, or succumbed to Feather Flu: tacky, is the only word he could use. Blue wall at the end of his bed, a simple wooden nightstand on his left, one oak cabinet clashed with the white door next to it with its golden handles and intricate decoration. Just looking to his right, however, he could look out of the window. The next part was what struck him the most; it clearly wasn't Canterlot. If it was, where was the central square, the huge gates, the wall with the towers? Those things automatically said 'Canterlot Skyline', but none were there. Instead, he was greeted by a half-risen sun and half-set moon. Maybe the other way around, but it doesn't matter. With Celestia and Luna gone for the competition, those celestial bodies would be going nowhere. Both entities were almost as though they were entrenched, and were simply glaring at each other over the horizon as the two overlooked the town he could see. Almost all the buildings, save for a few, had thatched rooves, white walls and red support planks, almost boxing in the extremely wide dirt roads. Just below, he could see a large market with vendors selling all types of wares; plants, vegetables, fruits, and even one stall selling red muscle-looking stuff, a psychopathic looking stallion with a Mohawk stood behind it grinning evilly whilst cutting up what appeared to be a lengthy...arm?

Scorch immediately looked away, deciding not to look at the nutter that was cutting up ponies and selling their body parts, and looked at the things on his bedside table. A large vase of flowers towered over the glass of water and small stack of envelopes. Deciding those should be looked at later, he gazed down to inspect his wounds. Whilst a small part of him really, really wanted something badflank, like a knife wound they'd sewn up with steel wool, or a hole that they'd crudely bandaged, that part was ignored as he let out a relieved sigh. The only thing he really had on his fur was a bandage on his  right forehoof, a small scar that ran a few centimetres down his flank, and a few small bruises, but those seemed fine.

"Wow." Scorch said aloud. "These doctors are brilliant. The only things they couldn't heal, didn't need to be. Fantastic." Smiling, he suddenly heard a voice outside.

"Doctor?" a female voice said as though she had a thousand times, "I think he's awake." The white door opened, revealing a stressed looking mare with white fur, light pink mane, and worried gaze stood looking at him. "Welcome back, Mr Mane." she smiled warmly. "My name is Nurse Redheart, I will be here to take care of you during your recuperation. The doctor will be here in a moment to answer any questions you may have." Scorch thought hard, before remembering why he was here after around 3 seconds of remembering...things. He could almost clearly remember that Princess Cadence had battered him with a pole, before she hit the side of his head and...this. But wasn't he supposed to be in Canterlot General Hospital? Not...wherever this was?

His thinking was cut by a brown unicorn colt trotting in with a white coat, black tie, clipboard, and stethoscope around his neck. Quite simply to Scorch; he looked like the most awesome doctor who ever existed. "My name is Doctor Heart Line, I operated on you whilst you were unconcious."

"Wait," Scorch cut in, sitting up in his bed. "Operated? Why?"

"Well," the doctor sighed, adjusting his clipboard, "if you think you could live with a ruptured lung, 5 broken ribs, exploded appendix, and ripped heart tissue, along with an utterly destroyed rear flank, you must be on par with Her Majesties. Otherwise, that's why you needed an operation. Any other questions?" Heart sarcastically smiled.

"Yes," Scorch replied, "why am I here? And where's 'here'?"

"Ponyville." Heart and Redheart replied simultaneously. "Your room in Canterlot that was there in case of emergency was taken by somepony having a heart attack, so the nearest hospital you could be sent to was right here." Heart continued. "Your adventure seems to have caused quite the stir around here." the doctor laughed. Scorch simply chuckled to himself. Adventure? I'm no Daring Do, but I doubt 'adventure' constitutes escaping myself, being killed by some creepy clown thing with no bucking eyes, making love to Luna, being chased by my own self, killing a psycho, before dying myself...

Wow, I ought to be a dictionary.

"Well, I suppose it was fun while it lasted." Scorch replied as he took a sip of his water. "Oh, is there anywhere I can watch the event occuring? Y'know, live?" Heart Line simply pointed a hoof at the huge building in the centre of Ponyville.

"It's being broadcast live all the time in there. Twilight Sparkle set up a projector in there, and it's receiving the transmissions live." He shrugged, before nudging Scorch. "Who knows, when you're discharged from the hospital maybe you could watch your marefriend and your murderer on the big screen." Scorch's cheeks reddened so much the red fur on his cheeks went brighter than should be possible. "I'm messing with ya. But then again; a Princess and her Guard...tabloid food." Heart laughed as he trotted out of the room, shutting the door behind him as the Nurse followed.

Scorch was still blushing like...like...a thing that blushes.

Tabloid food...I'm doomed... He thought as he began to open the envelopes.

Celestia stopped nuzzling the little fluffy brown ball beside her long enough to emit a long, drawn out yawn. After several days of resting, nuzzling, and occasional kissing, the two had the energy needed to cross miles of desert/tundra so they could finish this competition and get to bed for some more resting, nuzzling, and common kissing. Returning her neck to its original position on top of Aerlion's head, she let out a relaxed sigh as she began to stroke the smaller form huddled beside her with her wing. Slowly running the smooth feathers along the brown pegasus's back, the small snout pressing into her right side emitted a very warm breath, before gently rubbing her in a loving nuzzle. It didn't matter if this was on film; they loved each other, they didn't care what the public thought. Just before Celestia was about to give his head a turn atop hers, Aerlion stopped her from moving with a barely noticeable poke.

"Don't..." came his muffled voice as he spoke into her side. "You can stay on top, beautiful..." he muttered, wrapping his left foreleg around her neck, kissing it, then returning Celestia's strokes. Her eyelids drooped as her mouth went into a lazy smile. Lifting her head, and looking at the sleeping form snuggling under her wing, Aerlion stopped moving his leg down her neck, before looking into her magenta pupils. Almost immediately, his whole body relaxed as her eyes entranced his mind.

"My mistake..." he muttered, never taking his eyes from hers as though both had to look at each other due to some kind of lock. "...never look into your eyes...too...deep..." Aerlion stuttered as his mind began to empty, leaving nothing but a hypnotic gaze in his brain. Eventually, he ran out of words to describe her, as though he'd reached the end of his dictionary. "too...sexy..."

Celestia immediately leapt at the chance, practically slamming her lips into his as she completely took over him. Their tongues struggling for dominance, it was a rather one-sided battle. Poor little Aerlion stood no chance against the might of Celestia's overpowering charm. He had almost no choice but to embrace her as the sun goddess wrapped her giant wingspan around the tiny Pegasus. he almost disappeared except the tips of his back legs and his white mane. Still continuing their kiss, the duo rolled, Celestia taking the top. In the low light that was available in the snowed-in barn, Aerlion may have been mistaken for a ragsoll compared to the huge mare atop him. Just moments before, they had been sleeping, quietly making loving motions unto each other. Now, the two lay there, on the brink of taking the next step. Aerlion decided that, due to his reading of books in the Canterlot library when he was off-duty, he had read in an old book on sex that you could-

(HA! I DESTROYED THE R34. No cloppy-clop for you. Let's see what Cadence, Luna, and Shining are up to, yes? Sheesh...)

Of course the three of them were detected. Guard Scorch was better than they had thought, as for some logic-evading reason, he had managed to alert all the clones in the castle of their presence, despite him not even being near the dungeons. A simple yell of, "3 SPIES ARE IN THE BASE." seemed to be like Scorch-Clone Catnip, as 250 clones advanced unto their position. The sound of 1000 armoured hooves clanking upon marble floors of the castle rang ever-nearer as the three prisoners figured out their plan of attack. Luna raised her crossbow, loaded a bolt, and looked at the other two.

"Destroy them." she said stoicly. "Enemies of Scorch are enemies of Mine. Loot some boxes to find something to use, I dunno!" Cadence and Shining quickly nodded, knowing that with no weapon they were with no chance of survival. Shining had no helmet, and before Cadence could finish putting her armour on, the clones were alerted, so she had to cope with a chestplate, boots, and nothing else. Cantering  to a wooden door labelled 'ARMORY', the duo charged their horns with destructive magic, they counted to three and bucked the door down. The moment the ebony wood door was flung from its mount, the two of them  charged in, expecting a fight.

Instead, they were greeted by a dark room, chests everywhere with labels of all kinds. 'Spears','Helmets','Experimental','Blades', the list went on. The odd thing was the lack of hostiles. There was but one clone, sat with his hooves on the table and sleeping. Occasionally, he would lazily swipe at a fly, but otherwise he was quiet. Deciding to leave him alone, the two of them suddenly appeared next to the 'Experimental' box due to cartoon physics, before creaking the wooden crate open.

"A button?" Cadence asked, cocking her head at the items in the container. A black box with hoof sized red button lay beside a crossbow that hummed with a green elemental glow, a knife handle, and, much like Luna found, a small box. Ignoring it, Cadence instinctively pressed the button, suddenly reeling back in surprise as she began to feel ill. Wincing, clutching her stomach, and quietly groaning to herself in such a manner it was inaudible to Shining, who was over the room looking through more boxes, she felt a strange feeling in her hoof. Grabbing the right forehoof that felt odd, her worried and pained gaze looked as it did nothing for a second or two, before it began to shake slowly. As it shook, Cadence was miffed asthe hoof began to shake even more, and even faster. Strangely, the feeling spread up her leg, shaking rapidly as though in a massage chair. Cadence still had no understanding of the device. This box...just makes me vibrate? That's it? It seems usele-Ooh...it's going down my body...wow...nnnnn... she thought quickly. She was right: the vibrations were going down her pink body, giving her an odd sensation of pleasure AND worry. The worry was soon vanquished as the vibrations finally reached her nether regions. Cadence bit her lower lip, closing her eyes as the feeling began to take over. Shining Armor was probably looking, Luna was probably going to look, but she didn't really care. It felt so good, it was unreal. Suddenly, the vibrations slowed, before suddenly halting. Cadence really, really wanted it to keep going, but she was preparing for battle. Quickly stuffing the device into one of the breastplate's carry compartments, she inspected the other items. The crossbow seemed to momentarily flash green when she picked it up, and the knife handle seemed to have an invisible force stopping her hoof. An invisible knife, maybe. But Shining received the better haul; a huge back mounted crossbow peeked over his head, whilst a massive club hung from his right foreleg. They both looked at their weapons, looked at each other's weapons, before Shining finally smirked at her, gestured to his weapon on his back, before finally speaking.

"Checkmate."