Clash of the Legends

At long last, Scorch finally stepped out of the hospital. Their food was utter garbage, the staff were constantly taking the rip out of him, and the beds were practically like layer upon layer upon layer of iron compressed into a block. Back injuries from the bed aside, though, he felt much better than when Cadence was snapping his neck with a metal pole. But then again; he felt better when he was sleeping. Making love to Luna? That was awkward, and he knew his life would get worse if ponies saw him in the open here. Taking in a breath, he trotted steadily forward, avoiding eye contact with anypony as the maroon stallion made a very quick journey to...wait.

Stopping, he looked into his head and tapped a hoof to his chin. That's a good question, author. He thought to the mighty entity controlling his life. WhereAM I going? After a moment of telepathic explaining, Scorch finally said 'Aaahhh...' before heading over to a large carousel-like building. The incredible powers of the author told him that he needed some way of disguising himself, so as not to be recognised. As he approached the tall building, he took note of his surroundings, and looked for hiding spots in case he was spotted by somepony. After noting down 23 bins, 2 dumpsters, a colthole in the centre of the street, and several other places, he finally entered the building.

The first thing that hit him was how...elegant it all was. Ponnequins wearing preposterously elaborate suits and dresses, clothes rails almost snapping at the weight of many dresses pulling down on them, and high-end wallpapers and woodwork, the blood-red stallion with gold stripes looked incredibly out of place. Suddenly, a female voice rang from upstairs.

"Coming!~" sang the slightly Canterlot-ish accented voice, followed by hoofsteps coming down the stairs behind him. Turning his neck and worrying about the fact she might recognise him, Scorch swallowed hard as the mare came into view. White furred, elegant, with a purple and elaborately curled mane, she was what many colts would consider 'beautiful'. Shame, because Scorch wouldn't be able to get to know her due to the fact she might alert everypony else in the town.

"Oh, hello." smiled the mare. "I don't believe we have met? My name is Rarity, and welcome to the Carousel Boutiiiique!~" She sang as she raised a hoof for emphasis. After a moment, Scorch finally cleared his throat.

"Ummm...yes, Ok, thank you." he nervously muttered, scratching the back of his head with a hoof. "Anyway, I was wondering if you could help me? I'm looking for a-" Scorch was cut off by Rarity suddenly gasping and reeling back in shock.

"ARE YOU..." She squealed, eyes closing as a huge smile spread across her face. "...THE STALLION FROM THE EVENT IN CANTERLOT?!"

Damn you, author. cursed Scorch, closing his eyes and sending out a punch in the face to the powerful entity above. Satisfied the author had been dealt with, he opened his eyes and smiled warmly. "Yes!" he laughed in as convincing a manner that he could. "It's good that somepony finally recognises me!" he lied. Before he could say anything else, Rarity was already beside him and excitedly poking his wings.

"Are these real?" she squee'd.

"No, sadly not." Scorch put on his best 'oh-don't-worry-I'm-used-to-not-being-able-to-use-them' face. "I wish I could, though. Then I could fly and do mag-Woah!" he recoiled slightly as the mare began to run a measuring tape along his side, before stopping at his waist. She looked up at him with blue eyes, before putting a quizzical expression on.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Never had a mare take your measurements, before?" Rarity then looked away, levitated a pencil over a notepad, before writing down some numbers. She coiled the tape in, before doing the same up his neck.

"So how was it?" she asked in idle conversation. "Having to carry weapons around, that heavy armour, then you and that...THING in the forest! You must have been terrified!" She gasped, not removing the tape from his body as she took measurements.

"Yep." Scorch grunted in reply. "It was...I don't know what it was. Disturbing, creepy, or just a trick. I have no clu-ooh! Careful." he yelped as Rarity's tape poked his ear. Unsurprisingly, it flickered quickly, before drooping so it could avoid being poked.

Don't get a wing boner... he thought to himself. Using every ounce of strength he had to avoid his wing growing stiff, he endured 10 minutes of having a mare poking around his upper body and bombarding him with questions. After, though, it only took five minutes for Rarity goto look the measurements over, leave the room, before returning with a black cloak, complete with hood.

"How did you..." Scorch stuttered, completely bewildered by the fact he hadn't even told her he needed a cloak. "...I didn't...that's awesome."

"It's nothing." Rarity chirped. "As is the cost. Consider it a...reward, for enduring such conditions."

"Wow, seriously?" Scorch asked as he positioned it over his back. It was a perfect fit. "Thank you. I'm going to reccomend this place to Canterlot Daily. Nice job, Miss Rarity."

"You're most welcome, Mr...?" she trailed off.

"...Mane." Scorch replied as he trotted out of the door, face almost fully concealed by the hood save for his horn and mouth.

Luna fired the moment a hoof went into her vision, her accuracy still fantastic from what little time she'd used the weapons for. The electrically charged bolt that was discharged sailed forward, before imbedding itself into the clone's armour. After a moment, the jolt kicked in and caused the replica to seize up on the spot, before falling over and lying on the dungeon floor. Smoke cascaded from his nostrils and partially open mouth. All the other members of the army coming for them simply stepped over their fallen comrade, before taking cover behind a door that was left open. Shining quickly slid out of the armoury, drifting on all fours as he took quick aim and discharged a bolt from the massive crossbow/cannon on his back. The recoil was huge, yes, but the power and size of the bolt made up for it. A huge roar echoed through the dungeon hallway as the bolt that was almost the size of a small tree barreled down the corridor and smashed into 13 clones, before imbedding into the wall and coming out with an Area Of Effect blast of energy. The small bolts of lightning that came from the epicentre of the electrical storm, charging each clone with over 50,000 volts of electricity. All of them stood (literally) stunned, before they toppled to the cobblestone floor near simultaneously. Shining peeked his neck out of the cover he had gone behind, breathing a sigh of relief when no bolts were fired. Spitting out a mouthful of saliva, he turned and looked unto the Princess of Night. Her armour had nearly no scratches on it, and due to it being cut down for pegasi AND unicorn use, his eyes were automatically drawn to her flanks. Quickly putting all his perverted thoughts aside using a quick head shake, he noticed something on her chest.

The three bars of the 'lieutenant' ranking were fastened onto the chestplate, giving Shining Armor a moment of confusion.

She's a princess...he thought to himself.Why would she be a Lieutenant? As he looked, he never noticed Luna looking back at him. Finally, so she could stop him from staring, she spoke to him.

"It's the rank slide of Scorch-Mane." Luna declared as she tapped an armoured hoof against the small golden chevrons upon her chestplate. "His death gave you a grave tactical disadvantage. I believe that in return I shall respect his death. He will be remembered."

"Of course he will." Shining replied. "But it just seems more like you're carrying trophies around, rather than respecting your coltfriend."

"What?!" Luna hissed back, as she felt her cheeks going deep crimson through the helmet. "I have no relationship with that stallion! I have no attraction to him, he has none unto me! Now shut up!" Just before Shining could protest to such a well worded argument, he heard movement to his right. Swinging his crossbow to bear as Luna did the same, both were greeted by an incredibly strange sight.

Princess Cadence was stood in the doorframe to the armoury, thick red blood coating her forehooves. From a guess, Shining figured out that the clone that was sleeping in there woke up. But which personality was it?

"Clone creep touched my ass." Cadence grunted, raising her snout in a manner that said the problem was dealt with. Well, at least she killed the perverted clone. Hopefully she kills the clone that sings in the shower before me, Aerlion, Glinting, and Serrated wake up. Shining thought.

"Well," Luna said aloud. "We need to get going. My sister and your remaining ally may be in trouble. People, we're burning sunshine, let's go!" came her authorative voice. Dat voice. Shining thought to himself (again), hoping Cadence wasn't reading his mind or anything. Suddenly, a hoof playfully pushed into his back and ushered him forward.

"Come on, handsome." Cadence laughed. "You'll be hearing plenty of her voice as it is during our victory speech."

Celestia and Aerlion lay absolutely still. Hoofsteps were on the roof, and at the slightest sound of somepony inside the pony outside would destroy the barn. The boots were loud and clunking, steps with a pause inbetween, almost as if...he knew. Aerlion and Celestia decided to spend their final moments together, by huddling closely and occasionally nuzzling. Celestia suddenly had an idea. Levitating over some straw and putting it on top of the two of them, as well as a pitchfork just for effective disguise, both ponies turned almost completely invisible. Just in time as well, due to the arrival of the sudden sound of the barn door being wrenched open. Bolts cracked as the door ground along uneven ground. An insane sounding voice came from outside.

"HUNT THEM. KILL THEM. GNAW THE FLESH FROM THEIR BUCKING BONES!" yelled Psycho Scorch. In her mind, Celestia was panicking. A lot. Luna said she'd killed him! Why is he not gone?! she quickly asked herself.

"Here, Celly, Celly, Celly..." called another, whistling afterwards. "No point hiding, when you know I'll find you..." Celestia was doing her best not to raise attention, but she quickly cast an invisibility spell on her and Aerlion. The sudden sound caused Psycho and his other friend, Hunter, immediately looked at the hay pile. Trotting over, full of himself, Hunter poked the hay with his hoof. When there was no response, he shrugged and rammed his horn into the pile of hay. When nothing happened after that, a few minutes passed as the clones scanned the barn. Upon finding nothing, they shrugged, Psycho urinated on the side of the barn, before the two of them could be heard leaving. As soon as he was sure they were gone, Aerlion breathed a sigh of relief.

"That was a close one." he whispered. "We need to be more careful. Right, Celestia? Celly?" he asked, suddenly realizing there was something wet running down his neck. "No..."

The invisibility spell suddenly broke, revealing Celestia, shaking and covered in Alicorn blood. Her armour was completely penetrated by the horn, going straight through and missing her heart by a distance even a surgeon couldn't make himself repeat. But, at the rate she was bleeding out, she wouldn't last long. Aerlion jumped up, panicking, and began to hunt for the first aid kid. He flailed his forehooves around the shelfves, throwing everything off that wasn't a first aid kit, until eventually he found a box, simply labelled 'TRAUMA KIT'. Sighing in relief, but not letting himself slow down, he ripped the lid off with a hoof, and looked through the contents. Celestia was NOT going to die.

Nopony else was going to die today, except that Hunter Mane. I'm not letting Celestia go.