Clash of the Legends

Swiftly snatching a bolt from his holster, Shining Armor slammed it into his golden crossbow before ripping it backwards to ensure there was a click. He raised it, aimed down the barren range, and fired. A quiet whistling sound followed a loud whoosh as the bolt flew across meters and meters of iron-clad room, before making a satisfying thunk into the target. A few seconds passed as the magic charged, before finally emitting an electric crackle and freezing the mobile cut out of a griffon.

"Well, that works." He huffed satisfied.

"Cadence said that when you first shagged her." Scorch muttered over the mic, before a loud yell was heard. Scorch had poked the end of the bolt, and initiated the shock sequence. Which, through a metal crossbow, conducted it all to Scorch.

"What you get, idiot."

" Shut up."

"Guys..." Aerlion hissed down the microphone. "Company's here."

The princesses all proudly marched down the corridor behind the dark range, each wearing their respective armors. Celestia with her gold plated breast plate, Luna with her dark blue swirled helmet and boots, while Cadence wore nothing. Her guards weren't fully created, so she had no set of armor to don. Their heads filled with eyeballs, they marched to where the Guards were stood.

From there, they simply gave looks that said 'Go on. Impress us.' No guard would deny the opportunity to demonstrate how stallions ki-STUN things.

"Oh, crap..." Shining muttered.

"This is embarassing..."

"We are on the same frequency, you know." Celestia cut in suddenly. They had heard it all, and Cadence was most likely preparing Scorch's funeral due to a 'training match accident'.

Suddenly, bolts were fired from the crossbows, not through choice. The Princesses had commandeered the Guards bows with magic, and were drilling bolts in the heads of the moving targets. The scoreboard recognised it, and flashed up as a perfect 3000 points.

"Gentlecolts?" Luna coughed through the microphone speaker.

With that, they left, leaving behind three slackjawed guards.

Aerlion closed his mouth.

"Scorch, it's your funera-" He was cut off by a whoosh noise and a bolt thunking into his armor.

"Flankhole."

"So, you three," Serrated Edge broke the silence at the mess table, "A stun-match with the princesses..."

"Mmm Hmm." Scorch grunted through a full mouth. He took another huge bite out of...something, swallowed it whole, before finally saying, "We'll lose."

"That's no way to talk, Ell-tee." Glinting Spear replied in the smug way she always does. As most were not wearing full armor, their fur and manes were regular; Glinting was simply blue with a gold, frizzled manestyle.

"Yeah, seriously. That attitude WILL cause you to end up..." She waited for an answer.

The twelve guards at the table went silent, waiting for an answer. Noticing one table went silent, another muted. And another, and another, until the whole mess was quietly waiting for an answer.

"Scorch?" Sharpened Spear asked quietly.

"F***ING TELL US!" A night guard yelled, causing a round of roaring laughter.

"...gentlemen." Scorch muttered before getting up and leaving the whole room in silence as he left.

After several moments, someone shouted out,"AERLION..."

Everypony stared at Aerlion Drift, even the Commanding Officers stopped eating to stare at the Lieutenant.

"You won't believe this," he finally said, "But the princesses said we would receive a 5-step up in the rank ladder if we won."

A huge cheer rose, Serrated Edge patted Shining Armor and Aerlion on the back.

"However," he yelled over the din, "Luna walked up to Scorch and stroked a hoof down his neck, before telling him 'Whatever they wanted'."

A ear piercing wolf whistle came from the Night Guards' table.

Suddenly, a throwing knife came hurtling through the air, imbedding itself in one unfortunate Guards' Flesh Mohawk atop his helmet and slamming him into a wall. Aerlion and Shining looked at the door and saw Scorch levitating 4 knives, an icy expression on his face.

"...Mentlegen." he growled. The whole mess hall once again turned to face him, the lunar guards still looking at their companion that was pinned to the wall with a piece of steel. Eyes regarded this instance as a psychotic event and noted down to put the Lieutenant in for psychiatric re-evaluation. A chair being pushed away from the officers' table signalled that Archery Sergeant Hoofman was about to take it out. Scars ravaged the deep green stallion's face as his maroon eyes glared at the lieutenant. He stomped towards Scorch-Mane, in full view of everypony in the hopes of humiliating the guard.

"LIEUTENANT SCORCH-MANE!" he bellowed in his thunderous voice, "JUST WHAT THE BUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, MEATBAG?!" The raged yell boomed through the mess hall, reverberating and shaking glasses of drinks.

"Taking action." Scorch replied, unchanging his expression.

"HEY!" the sergeant slammed a forehoof into Scorch's face, expecting a whimper of pain but receiving nothing but a grin cracking the Lieutenant's lips. "JUST WHAT THE BUCK DO YOU THINK IS FUNNY ABOUT THIS? HUH?"

"Well," Scorch laughed, "It's just that I know where your family lives." A loud 'Oooooo!' came from the assembled guards in the 50MX100M hall.

"SHUT THE BUCK UP, MEATBAG!" Hoofman replied, turning red with anger. "YOU TOUCH MY FAMILY, I'LL KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND, ARE WE CLEAR ASSHOLE?"

"Certainly." Scorch replied. "If you would ever be able to beat me, old man." Another 'OOOOOOH!' came from the crowd. 90% of the mess tables were sat laughing at every insult made by the Lieutenant.

"I'M OLD? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S ONE AND A HALF THOUSAND YEARS OLD!"

"Oh, Hoofman, Hoofman, Hoofman. You'll never be the stallion your mum is."

"THAT'S IT!" yelled the sergeant. "GET THE BUCK OUT! AND RUN BACK TO YOUR PRINCESS!"

"Wow, you're the master of insults, bro." Scorch smirked, rubbing a hoof on his fur and inspecting it. "I need to use that one when I'm shagging your mother again and she goes too slow."

The sergeant stopped and thought to himself. I'm getting nowhere here. I'm going to have this flankhole killed.

And with that, the sergeant stormed out, barging Scorch-Mane out of the way. Cheers erupted fromthe crowd of guards, whilst Scorch took a bow.

Victory. He thought to himself. But seriously, does he think...Me and Luna? I'm just one of her guards. Not lke she wants me, not like I want her. Still...

He dismissed these thoughts, opting to simply enjoy his win over the  over-pissed sergeant.