Clash of the Legends

"That was good." Scorch muttered. "We should make this an annual thing."

"Good idea, we should actually do that." Celestia agreed.

The six soon to be combatants were advancing down the hallways of Canterlot castle, having a few laughs and banter. Due to a massive amount of wine, Cadence was slightly drunk and ended up walking into a few pillars, much to everypony's delighted laughter. The group fast approached the corridor to the barracks, also near Princess Luna's quarters. Shining bid goodbye to Cadence and Celestia, before heading back to the barracks.

"So," Scorch asked, still elated. "Fun?"

"Yes, I specifically enjoyed hypnotizing you." Luna giggled.

"You did not...do that."

"I did. And when we win tomorrow, I may do it again." She purred in his ear.

Poomph.

"Well, before this ends up more awkward, I'll be off."

"Ok then, Romeo."

Scorch laughed, before setting off down the hall. The loud thud of Luna's door slamming means he was alone.

"Well, well, if it isn't Mr Necked." The Night Guard growled at Scorch's arrival. The door to Scorch, Shining, Aerlion, and Serrated Edge's quarters was blocked by a thick clump of guards, all hoping to take the piss out of the three warriors.

"You've been 'anging with the princesses, aintcha?"

"Yes." Scorch coldly replied.

"You still 'aven't apologized ta' me for almost killin' me!" Another guard blurted, hoofing at his Mohawk that Scorch had knifed.

"No."

"What did yous just say?"

"No." Scorch repeated. "You deaf? Your ears are big enough."

"Alright," Serrated groaned from behind the door. "You've had your fun. Now let us go!"

"No!" the guard snapped. "You'll stay there, until we have this flankhole hanging from his innards!" He growled at Scorch.

"SCORCH! THEY'RE HOLDING US HOSTAGE!" Glinting yelped, before her voice was muffled by an unknown cause.

"Let them go." Scorch took up a defensive stance. "And you all live. If not, I'll ram that horn so far up your ass that it'll be in the news."

"What?" The Brute grinned through his fangs. "You can take a dick up your ass but you can't take a joke?" This introduced a huge roar of laughter, Solar and Lunar guards alike.

"What do you call a bunch of Black Lunar Guards running down a hill?" Scorch replied.

"I dunno, better than you?"

"No, it's called a prison break."

A gasp came at such a racist joke, as Lunar guards began slowly approaching with snarls on their mouths.

"You take that back, lover boy."

"That's what your ma said last night."

"That's it, time for your funeral!" Yelled the guard as he lunged forward at a speed even Rainbow Dash would envy. He tried to swipe his clawed boots at Scorch, who narrowly missed losing his head. Returning the parry, Scorch took a swift jab towards the Stallion. However, Scorch missed his head and the iron toothed brute sank his fangs into Scorch's bicep. Giving a yell of pain as blood seeped out, Scorch did his final move: the Colthood. Gathering his strength, he raised his rear hoof and threw it into the colt's private zone. The Lunar guard's eyes went wide, he opened his mouth and fell, a trickle of blood pouring down his snout.

Grabbing his wound and instinctively healing it with magic, he smiled, politely threatened the crowd with his knife, and went into his quarters.

"Guys?" Scorch found the lights off. "Shining? Glint? Edge?" He flicked the lights on.

"MMMMMMMM!" Mumbled Glinting as Scorch sighed and undid their bindings. "MPH-Guh!. Thanks, just in time."

"Why were they doing that?" Scorch asked. "What animus?"

"Jealousy, I think." Shining Armor replied. "They saw you with their employer, they got jealous, I think."

"Alright." Serrated Edge grunted. "Either way, it's not gonna put you off tomorrow is it? Else I might get jealous of you three."

"Yeah. Aerlion, what do yo-Aerlion? Where is he?"

Aerlion struggled for his tongue to gain dominance in Celestia's mouth. She had begun seducing him when they left the table, a subtle touch here, some well placed words there, and after a few drinks he was wrapped around her hoof. Pushing him onto her bed, she immediately began to-

(OK, OK, R34, I know. Let's just...move on... :P