Two G's in a Pod

Two G’s in a Pod

Chapter 3: Where the Miners Roam

By: Stillmatic and Lucius Seneca

The dastardly duo were lying down for almost an hour, waiting for some kind of doctor to come in and assist them. Yet, no one came. Mica was sitting nearby, reading a magazine on gemstones while they checked their own wounds. Then, the door opened, revealing a green unicorn stallion with a serpent rod tattoo on its flank. It pulled a clipboard to its face, sighed, rolled its eyes, and glared at the two.

"Alright, you bozos, what the hell happened to your dumbflanks?" Will flipped him off while Don proceeded to laugh, "Dirty Dogs... Come on, tell me what's wrong so I can get to boning my wife already."

Will grinned, a bit high of the painkillers, "Already beat you to it!"

"Oh snap!" Don and him high-fived. "Gotcha!"

The doctor went deadpan, "Funny. Now hurry your flanks up and spit it out."

Don pointed to his chest, "Gotta few broken thingies there and a cut up on my head too."

"Sprained ankle and dislocated shoulder," Will mentioned, tenderly touching the area.

"Blah, blah, blah, just shut up and let me do my job already. Sit back, don't say a thing, and if it hurts, who cares?"

The doctor's horn lit and he began working on them.

Will groaned loudly as he came to. His entire body seemed to throb angrily at the fact that he had awakened. It was painfully obvious that the painkillers had worn off and Will, feeling as if a car had hit him, sat up, rubbing at his aching shoulder. He pushed the sheets off his body, feeling far too warm for his own liking and proceeded to look around, spotting Don several feet away, sitting up in bed and flicking cotton balls towards a nearby basin with a tongue depressor.

The cotton swabs, being fairly light, usually flew off track and landed on the floor, but the occasional one was sent hurtling into the basin without a sound. Will watched, still dressed in his clothes from the night before. He looked a state, greasy hair, crumpled clothing, and a general look of homelessness haunted his complexion.

His tongue seemed to work far more slow than it usually did "Dude...I am so fuckin' pooched."

Don paused in his game and looked over with a confused expression "That word..." He shook his head "...sounds so fucking weird."

Don looked in bad shape and he fought to scratch at the stitches in his forehead, distracted by the pony they had met, Mica, as she walked in the door, her face dirty and smudged.

"Hey! How's everypony feeling?"

The two humans looked at her "Shitty."

Will looked at her "Everypony? You mean everybody?"

Mica shook her head "Nope, I mean everypony. Never heard of 'everybody'."

"Where the hell are we?" Don cut in, no longer amused by his cotton swab game.

"Somewhere!" Mica replied happily, suggesting that she had had a good day.

Will scrunched his face up "We know that, but where exactly?"

Mica laughed, taking a seat by the door "You're in Somewhere! That's what the town is called!"

Don lay back on his pillows "Somewhere..." He took in Mica's appearance "And where have you been? Playing in a damn muddle puddle I bet."

"For your information, I was busy with the other miners! We found a huge cache of coal!"

"Coal! Oh, how amazing!" Will said with sarcasm dripping from his tongue.

Don started throwing used syringes into the basin while wearing gloves, "Yeah, coal is some serious shit. Back in my day, we'd work sixteen- No! Twenty hour work days just to mine coal and get a nickel. We had it good back then."

Mica's face brightened even more as she gasped loudly, "REALLY? You used to mine coal too?"

He coughed in response, "It's the Black Lung... I got it from too much smoke..."

Will turned his head away, covering his snickers "He was quite the demolition expert too. Hailed by his subordinates!"

"Aye. They called me Tavish. Tavish DeGroot. I lost meh eye hunting the Loch Ness Hamster."

Now doubled over with laughter, Will clutched his aching shoulder as he chuckled loudly, ignoring Mica's cold stare "Very funny you two. Now, just who are you guys?"

Don threw a syringe past Will's head, "I'm the superior gangster of all time, Don. This nigga is Willard Esquire Ted the third. Twice removed, of course. We're pretty important."

"Very important indeed." Willard added, hurling a pillow towards Don.

Don caught it and dropped several syringes, which nearly hit his crotch, "Huh. Anyway, where the fuck is this Somewhere place, anyway?"

Mica regained her burst of happiness at the name of her home town, "It's in the Great North, duh! Stalliongrad's to the East of here, and Dodge Junction is somewhere to the Mild West. That's about all there is for a while, really."

Will leaned back into the pillows and folded his hands together "So, Don, looks you were right. Eastern Europe! Goddam, nigga! This is some royally fucked up shit."

Mica shook her head "No, no! STALLION-GRAD! Not 'Stalingrad'!"

"You have your names mixed up, buddy." Will retorted

"Wait, wait, wait! How the fuck did she know what Stalingrad is if we aren't where we think we used to be are and is when we are were then before but not now? Huh?"

"Everything you said made no fucking sense to me. Paradox?"

"What? No, I left them back in the car with the other clothes. I didn't think I'd need them."

Shaking his head with a loud sigh, Will returned to Mica, "So, what's the damage? How much do we owe that asshole doctor?"

Mica's mood turned slightly negative, "Well... maybe a couple hundred bits? He overcharges a lot towards Dogs and anyone who isn't a unicorn."

Don patted his back pocket, "Does he take credit card? What about flare guns?"

Will pointed at Don "You keep that goddam flare gun. Saved our lives. And speaking of guns..." He turned his attention back to Mica "Where'd all our stuff go? We need it back."

The unicorn shrugged, "Eh."

Don's brow furrowed, "Oy vey. I need that backpack, ya know. That has some high-profile stuff in there." He threw another syringe at a medical poster of a pony's intestinal tract, "Ugh... Fucking hungry..."

Mica smiled "We have a small cafeteria, if you two are up to a walk, that is."

"You got showers too? I need a shower." Will cut in, running a hand through his tangled hair.

"You betcha!"

Will looked over at Don "You down?"

"I want a damn cheeseburger. Or maybe a finely seasoned steak, well-done, with some mashed potatoes and fried asparagus on the side." He shrugged, "Yeah, why not? Hope they take bills though."

Getting off the cot proved slightly more difficult than anticipated and Will, aided by Mica, climbed down, ankle burning with dulled pain. Don joined the two, holding his side tenderly. Breathing wasn't too much of a struggle anymore, but it still sent irregular jolts of pain up Don's abdomen on occasion. The ragtag trio slowly made their way through several halls, watched by other patients with wide eyes. Eventually, the identifiable doors of a cafeteria could be seen and they pushed through them.

It would be pure ignorance to say that such an amazing entrance didn't gather the attention of everyone in the room, who suddenly looked at the group in interest. Mica led them to the food line, where they waited for only a minute. She seemed to order some oddities while the two humans were left confused as to what to get, let alone what was even edible.

Don looked at the food displayed in front of him, "Yeeeah... I'll take a small pizza, jalapeño peppers on there."

The lunchmare behind the glass divider immediately produced it without hesitation, "Hah! Not many get that kinda food! That'll be five bits."

He patted his pockets and grabbed something, holding a paperclip mysteriously, "Oooohhooo! I'll trade you this mystical trinket for the pizza!"

She smirked, "That's a darn paperclip, ya fool. But seein' as though yer' funny, I'll let this one slide. On the house!"

"You're a G, you know that?"

"Well, that's what I'm called Gemera, after all. Go on, now, get on outta here. And keep yerself outta trouble, ya hear?"

Don waved as he met Mica by the end of line, "Word, I'll try. Keep it trilla."

Will limped forward, pointing at the pizza "I'll have the same, minus the jalapeños. Never been a big spice fan anyway.

Gemera looked quizzically at the new human, "And how are ya gonna pay?"

Hands waving around mystically, Will smiled "Watch." He formed two circles with his index and thumb fingers "Two circles, see?"

Gemera nodded, fixated on the fingers, digits which she was completely unfamiliar with. Will reached behind his head, whispered some broken latin under his tongue, and brought his hands back into sight, showing that both the circles were now connected. Gemera looked impressed and served the magician his food, all the while Will attempted not to laugh at the scam.

He moved towards Mica and Don who were sitting nearby and pulled up a chair, seating himself tiredly "So what's the dealio? What the fuck happened to us, bro?"

Don grabbed some hot sauce and red-pepper, throwing them onto his pizza as well, "I'll tell you what happened. We got to the Zone. Now we're going to avoid the Military, try not to get raped by female bloodsuckers, and find enough loot to buy us a flight back home. Sound good?"

Will nodded and spoke past a mouthful of dough and cheese "Do those things actually rape you? I thought they were blind or something."

"Nah, the dogs are blind, the bloodsuckers'll take for a ride though... Eugh..."

Mica gave them looks before taking a bit out of a hay-cake, "What on Earth are you two talking about?"

"Real shit. Some really real shit." Will replied with a half-grin.

Don leaned back in his seat and stared off into space, "I remember my first time with a bloodsucker... Clever bastard was all like 'roar', and I was like 'pew-pew.'" He sighed, "Good times..."

Mica shook her head "You are outta your minds. Anyway, you'll probably have to work to pay off your bills." She looked at Don, "Paperclips aren't gonna cut it."

"Shit. I still have my masculine charm and stellar looks. What'll that get me?"

"Probably a stallion in bed, if you're lucky," she responded.

"Uh... how about no?"

The unicorn shrugged, "Suit yourself, but you're going to need jobs."

"Ugh. What a pain in the ass." Will muttered, pushing the pizza crust around with his finger "Nobody'll hire us though."

"I'm sure some guy'll pay for a night with you, bro. You know, a blind one who has no feeling in his body," Don retorted.

Mica spoke up, "I could try getting you two jobs, ya know."

Will pointed at Don, "Zip your fucking lid." He turned to Mica, "Yeah? Where?"

"Mad."

The unicorn ignored the older human and grinned, "At the Mine of course! Where else would Diamond Dogs work? I mean, you guys are literally the BEST when it comes to digging gems and coal out, right? Plus, it'll only take a week or two's pay to get the debt settled."

“Diamond Dogs. Yes, we are the dogs." Will rolled his eyes, but paused after a moment, "Well, since we are the best and all that, how much is the pay again?”

Mica beamed a smile at the question, "Eighteen bits an hour! You'll be able to pay off those four hundred bits each in no time!"

Don nodded "Alright. When do we start?"

"Well, I can ya workin' today if you want! There's ATLEAST five or six hours’ worth of work left in the day, and it'll only take you one to teach you the basics. But you two don't need that right? You're Diamond Dogs, you already know this stuff."

Don smirked, "We need a refresher course. We aren't like other Dawgs, we need to use tools and all that other good shit to be productive. We're more evolved and shit."

Head clasped in resignation, Will groaned "Yes, let’s go enjoy a six hour shift in the caves with sweaty dogs and fuckin' heavy pickaxes." He directed his voice towards Mica "I can't be doing much heavy work, my ankle is fucked up like a motherfucker."

Don began using a plastic knife to flick rolled up balls of napkin at unsuspecting ponies nearby, "I'm good as long as I don't need to bend all that much. Or if I get some painkillers. Whichever's first, man."

Will chuckled "Where dat piff at? I could use a joint or two."

The other man smiled and shrugged, "Wherever my backpack is. Gotta find tha-" He looked down and grabbed something, lifting it up, "Oh. Here it is."

"Lady Luck is a sneaky bitch." said Will with a laugh, standing up, "Well, show us to the showers and we'll get ready for some high class mining."

Don stopped him there, "Wait, why would we shower just to get all smelly and dirty? We might as well get that shit over with, then shower."

Will nodded understandingly "Kill two birds with one stone. I dig, I dig."

Mica stood up, "Ready, then? I'll show you around the Somewhere Mine and we'll get you two situated at the Miner's quarters. It's free if you work there, so take advantage of it until you can get a place to stay. Now, come on! We got some digging to do!"

Will sat on a small bunk, wrapping bandages over his swollen ankle. They wouldn't help much, but the layers of bandages would provide some minimal ankle support and protection from the elements. The younger man was now dressed in a baggy t-shirt and a thin, tan jacket lay across his lap, stained and stitched in several places, but there were several large pockets to help with carrying gems and other rare minerals.

Cargo pants were next. Color matching the jacket, they bagged out over the top of the heavy work boots, and Will, finished with his wrapping, pulled on his boot, and turned attention to the nearby kits, one for both Don and himself.

Don opened the kit and found various doo-dads and objects that they'd need for their shifts. A pickaxe, some sort of mini-shovel, a mining helmet, batteries, rope, various hooks, and other objects that were apparently necessary to become miners. He threw on the outfit and strapped his equipment to his body, taking care not to put pressure on his still-healing ribs.

He looked at Will, "You ready?"

Will patted his chest, making sure everything was secure, "Let's go."

The two stepped out from the miners quarters which were, in all reality, ramshackle bunks surrounded by an equally ramshackle building. The yells of workers, chattering of miners, and the clanging of metal on rock rang through the wide cavern mouth. Don took the lead, Will stepping beside him as he slung the pickaxe over his shoulder wearily.

Don wiped the grime away from his face and lowered his pick to the ground. He glanced towards Will, who was wincing slightly at his ankle. Nearly a second later, a ringing went off from the outside of the mine, indicating that the shift was finally over. Don lifted the pick back up and they both headed out the shaft, passing various ponies and Dogs on the way. One pony in particular, a unicorn stallion, smiled happily at them.

"You're the new guys, right? How's your first day on the job? Fun, right?"

Don guffawed, "Fuck that."

Will snickered from behind his counterpart "Yeah, a blast."

The unicorn laughed agreeably "Well, it isn't the cleanest!" He extended his hoof "I'm Cole Train, one of the miners around here."

Don and Will took turns shaking the outstretched appendage somewhat awkwardly, each of them simply grasping the hoof and shaking it. Cole didn't seem the slightest bit bothered by the strange shake, suggesting that it was the norm for Diamond Dog and Equestrian interaction.

"I'm Don, this is Ill Will. Not the one that got killed in Brooklyn, that one is dead."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the pony responded.

They continued out of the mine shaft, and not surprisingly, no sunshine hit their faces. There was a murky, orange sunset just above the horizon. Below was the town, bustling at the last minutes of the day. Over to the right was the miner's quarters, which the two humans headed towards after waving goodbye to Cole Train. They went inside and soon found themselves getting rid of their gear and throwing it by their respective bunks.

Pulling his boots off proved difficult and Will grunted in pain, seeing that his ankle had swollen up, pressing against the tops of the footwear. He glanced over at Don who was rubbing his side tenderly.

"Where are the damn showers?"

Don raised his head at the sound of Will's voice "How the hell should I know? Probably back in town somewhere."

Just then, Mica walked in with a cheery smile, "How's it hanging? You got had a good day?" Both humans responded with a dismissive grunt, "Super! Anyway, you two up for those showers now?" They nodded, "Alright, let's just grab your bits-"

Don waved his hands, "Whoa, I'm an open-minded guy and all, but I'm into that horses."

"I meant the money," she stated in a deadpan manner, "Anyway, your day's pay is ninety-six bits each."

Will sighed loudly and pulled his boots back on "That's pretty good." He noticed Mica's straight face "Lighten up, Scrooge. He's playing."

Don's only response was a throaty chuckle as he joined Will in pulling on their respective footwear.

Mica shrugged "Whatever, but you two stink. We'll pop into town, get your pay, and you can get yourselves cleaned up for tomorrow!"

The humans stood up wearily and followed Mica out, listening to her chatter as she spoke over her shoulder "The town is nice and all, but it’s practically deserted in the mornings, probably 'cause all the miners have to wake up at five! They don't come out until their break at noon!"

They headed down a worn path with many different tracks on it, as Don spoke up, "Yeah, well, okay. I guess. And shit."

Mica gave him a strange look, "You talk funny, you know that? Most Diamond Dogs don't talk the way you two do."

The group hit the bottom and moved towards the town, where they eventually stopped at a fairly normal looking building, which they entered. Mica smiled once again and trotted with a spring in her step as she headed to the front desk and banged her hoof twice.

A raspy voice was heard and a royal blue head popped out from underneath the counter, "Quit it! I'm on my break!"

Mica rolled her eyes, "Hey Lapis! Me and these chuckle-heads are here for our pay for today!"

The mare, who seemed fairly older than Mica, looked the two humans up and down, "They're the temps?"

"Yup!"

"Well..." Lapis shrugged, "Okay, seems right." She produced several named bags and threw them onto the counter, "Grab 'em before I take 'em back and buy some booze with it. Celestia knows I need a drink..."

Will ran a hand over his dirty face "I am destined to be a temp forever."

"Yeah, not me though, nigga." said Don.

The younger man waved his hand, too tired to bother with a retort of any kind. Mica shook her head and passed the bags to the two humans, muttering a "Follow me." under her breath. Following Mica proved rather difficult for Will and he limped heavily in order to keep up with the healthy mare.

He looked over at Don who was only a foot or two ahead "Bro, what the hell is going on? Where the fuck are we?"

Don shrugged "I don't gotta clue. We'll talk about that shit later. Right now, I just want a shower."

Agreeing silently, Will and his other companions journeyed deeper into town, cutting past streets and vendors who hawked their wares relentlessly. An older stallion, grizzled and grey, called out from across the cobblestone street "I've got everything you need! And for cheap too!"

Mica waved him off and soon the trio was standing in front of their intended location.

Don sighed, "Let's just fucking get this done. I'm hungry."

They entered and walked past several different rooms before finally coming to what appeared to be a locker room. The steam from inside hit their faces and obscured some of their vision as well. Mica trotted in, looking back to say something as she did so.

"Come on, guys! Hot water won't last forever, ya know!"

Both humans didn't present any arguments and went through the doorway. Several figures could be made through the condensation, but they were mostly ignored. They soon came to a stop at a series of separated showers, where different miners and other ponies left and entered curtained ones. Will took his own shower and while Don took the one next to it.

He looked back as Mica entered and instantly laughed once before turning serious, "Get the fuck out."

She chuckled heartily and went to her own. After five or so minutes, each came out after getting dressed. The unicorn ended up shaking off all her moisture, letting it hit the two humans who shared frustrated looks. They left the building and proceeded to grab food, then headed back to the miner's quarters, where they finally received the rest they deserved.